TRIGGER WARNING
TRIGGER WARNING
TRIGGER WARNING
dark subject matter ahead for the next two chapters. If you are easily triggered by mentions of depression, or things relating, DO NOT READ.
Dreamwithinadream262 with the 10th, chapter of the beloved Death, Universe traveling, and the host club?! *Fireworks explode in the background* Yeah, so how's school for my epic readers? I hope it's good! Anyways~~~ I hope you enjoy this chapter. Reviewing, constructive criticism, suggestions and….fanart, is very welcome, empathsis on fanart…please?
A brief mention to Sandafairy, Kaitana08, angellovsyaoi, Wrath of Selene, Otaku-neku, and Twisted Schemer, for favoriting and following my story, and myself. Thank you all. There are many others who followed and favorite-d, but honestly I've lost count in the last few months, so even if unnamed, I still appreciate the support.
I'm not going to reply to comments at the moment, there are too many :D
The song for this chapter is Fate by Our Last Night. The acoustic version of this song fits better for this chapter.
I dreamwithinadream262 do not own Ouran High school Host Club or any other songs, books, movies, anime, manga, or poems motioned in this fan fiction
WARNING: This chapter is very short however is done so for a reason
Immense feels
Recap
I stumbled and fell to the…wooden floor?
I shook my head, much like a dog, and blinked a couple of times. My head slowly raised up, surveying the new surrounding's. I could smell hot chocolate, and I saw a grey throw rug. The room I was in was painted a light blue. Two couches were placed in the corner just across from a large television. I knew exactly where I was.
I was Aura's house. At this notion my brain short circuited. So far the only things I'd seen were all bad. Being here wasn't a good sign. I feared what I might witness. I feared for Aura's sake.
Am I meant to be something?
Is this the song I'm supposed to sing?
These questions need answers
My hesitant steps made no sound on the wooden floors as I walked, slash glided across them. My footfalls were as light as a feather, yet it was as if there were no footfalls whatsoever. I really was an apparition.
I strode past the large television, that at one point in time illuminated Auras, and my own face as we watched movies, television shows, and even the news when important. The room had a chill running through it, like it was ten degrees lower than it should've been. The pile of movie cases casually thrown to the side, the last ever time Aura and I occupied this room had a light layer of dust covering them. I even spotted a pile of crumpled sheets on the side of the room where it was carpeted. I turned way from it, pushing my bangs in front of my eyes. I had been the last individual to use those, and even now they hadn't been picked up.
The room wasn't abandoned, for I could still smell the scent of ait freshener over the overwhelming hot chocolate smell, and the shelves on the far side of the room had been organized, the couch pillows recently fluffed. Everywhere else it had been newly cleansed, however the remnants of my last visit were like artifacts sitting in one place. Frowning in dismay I got the idea, and it saddened me. They couldn't let go as much as I couldn't let go… It was like everybody else. I hadn't meant for this to happen. I didn't.
All of this, bringing me to the past…? Witnessing my funeral, watching Aura hear the terrible news, looking back to my parents on that particular day…what did it all mean? And in all of the madness of seeing Clark, and Kane yet again… why was I suddenly at Auras house. As I had thought before… I feared for Aura.
I couldn't just sit here, waiting for what was going to happen. I knew something terrible even was in store, but there was that small, miniscule possibility that something good could happen. I highly doubted it; however I strongly hoped that it was.
Starting my ascent up the carpeted stairs, my steps full of apprehension; I took another deep breath in order to go on.
14, what would I find up there?
13, why am I here?
12, will something bad happen?
11, this is my entire fault.
10, I don't want Aura to be sad…
9, Should I turn back?
8, what does this all mean?
7, I need answers.
6, please, I hope everything's all right.
5, Will I be hurt?
4, what is happening..?
3, oh my goodness
2….
…..1, There's no turning back now.
I was now at the top the steps.
Was my life already scripted?
Fighting still cannot change the words
These questions need answers
Are we alone? Are we in control?
Can we chose to play a different role?
Can we change the grave
That was dug for us?
Or is this the only path to take
(A.N Brooke is in Aura's room okay?)
Aura, sitting there, right in front of me. I had so many emotions, joy, happiness, but I knew better than this. She looked so…broken…incomplete. I hated it, with so much passion. Being a friend meant you were supposed to bring somebody happiness…and now look what I'd done. All of my responsibilities as a friend…I was such a failure. I would've gaped, but in some sick sense I was almost use to the feeling of shock.
This was not the same girl I had watched movies with, fangirling over any hot male character we'd seen. This was not the same girl whom poured hot chocolate all over me, nor was it the same girl who'd accused me of having a 'phone fetish.' No, her eyes that once shone with such endearment, determination and held such ambition were dull. They were as if someone had dimmed all the light in her world, thick pools of despair encompassing your body, pulling you in. Her hair was greasy, thick strands of blond clumped together, sticking at odd angles. Nails dirty from grit and room in disarray, sheets rumbled in an erratic pattern, and garbage littered throughout the floor, she was an absolute complete mess. The destruction happening all around Aura was shown in such a tangible way. She's stopped taking care of herself, the turmoil and disparity evident in her appearance, her posture, expression…everything.
My fault…
All my fault…
The sight was more than heartbreaking, if I even had any more heart left to break.
Maybe you'd think I'm crazy to blame myself for my death, but wasn't it true? I could've fought harder, or maybe kicked one of them in the balls? I'm being completely serious. I should've been suspicious when I found the unlocked door, something. Everybody else was suffering thanks to my incompetence. All of my actions had an affect, like a line of dominos falling in sequence. The small actions I'd taken like ripples in a wave, spread out bigger and bigger, swallowing everything in its path. I guess this is what I had been afraid of all along, even before this all.
Even before any of the events happening in this ordeal I'd always been apprehensive in my relations towards others. I didn't want friends, because of the fear that one day the bonds I'd created with others would become severed, and what I'd build would crumble. In that way of thinking I never associated with others, seldom speaking and even more rarely involving myself in social situations. Aura was the first person to break down my walls, and provide peace to my anxious facing thoughts and worries. When she opened me up, I got to experience a whole new world, and even grow to trust many people. I'd finally gotten what I wanted, almost rid of my previous worries. So close to carefree…
But now I know that everything leading up to this was a mistake. Because I had gotten close to them… it was me who had hurt them. It was because I loved them so much, loved Aura so much (as a sister), they couldn't move forward. All I'd succeeded in doing was slowing everybody's lives down. A huge burden weighed upon them, all I wanted to do was rid them of it, to rid Aura of it. She should've never known me, then she wouldn't have had to suffer like this. So…much…fucking…pain…
So what else could I do in a situation as such? I couldn't talk to Aura, or reassure her in any way. Nobody could hear me, my words would be meaningless…only one-sided. How would I reassure her anyways "Hey I'm dead, don't be sad okay….?" Even if she could hear me, all I'd do is make everything worse, if that was even possible.
I sat down on the edge of Aura's bed.
Aura wasn't doing anything. She was still as stone, and impassive, apathetic look adorning her every feature, with music blasting through her ears, putting her into a trance. Her position was in the middle of the sea of kicked up blankets, almost like a fort of sorts. In one hand she held her iPod which had the volume up to a higher volume, as it was connected to a speaker, and the other arm fell limply to her side; the long sleeves almost hiding her hands. Aura's gaze was directed straight up at her ceiling.
She didn't even blink.
I couldn't even imagine what she was thinking at that moment. I wanted to turn away from her, to pretend that my best friend wasn't suffering, to try to believe everything was okay. But naturally, it was far from it.
"Aura, dinner's ready!" A voice I could distinguish as Auras mother called timidly from outside her door. I cringed, it was another change caused by me. That timid voice, soft, as if attempting not to break something….
Aura's eyes glazed over to the door, contemplating the proposition, but she made no attempt to move whatsoever.
"Aura… I know this is hard for you…" She started to say, "It's hard for me too but you have to eat. You have to come out of your room. This isn't healthy" Aura's mother pleaded through the door.
I looked back to my friend. Her eyes had softened, narrowing momentarily while averting their attention towards the door. A few tense moments of silence passed of absolute stillness, before Aura simply turned over on her side and closed her eyes.
A long sigh was heard from outside the door.
"I'm leaving the food outside your door, please eat. You need your strength. You know I care about you right?" And with that the sound of footsteps receding became softer and softer.
I stole another glance at Aura. It did appear she was looking a bit pale and gaunt as well…perhaps she had lost some weight…
Again, all because of me.
Are we meant to fall in love?
Are we supposed to find the one?
These questions need answers
Are there choices around me
Or am I stuck on a one way road?
These questions need answers
Another 30 minutes passed of complete silence, excluding the music emitting from the speakers until Aura did something unexpected. As soon a another song started blaring from her speakers, her eyes shot open and she got up suddenly, surprising me greatly.
"We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore.
The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places.
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too.
For when he died, he took a part of you."
I knew those lyrics, and they stirred something in me, like a warning. But I was confused. I didn't understand. I knew the lyrics, but at the moment couldn't place the song name. What was it again?
Quickly Aura turned to the speaker and started turning up the music to an almost unbearable degree. As soon as she had accomplished that, an almost maniacal looking smirk came upon her face. I knew by that expression, that I did not like where this was going, whatever was happening. Seeing Aura of all people wear that dark expression was even more scary than watching her apathetic form.
Something in her eyes had changed, there was a drive, a fire in them…but for what reason exactly…?
She swiftly took long strides over towards her desk, stumbling as she neared it, causing a string of curses to emit from her mouth. Briskly opening the large draw, with a loud 'Fwoom!'resounding from it, almost frantically her hands went sorting throughout the mess inside. Jumping at the sound, with definite concern over my friends state, I walked up behind her, confused, attempting to figure out what was happening.
Her hands were shaking with…anger...? anticipation…? Fear…? Madness..? I couldn't tell, I couldn't quite place it. The air had become stuffy…an ominous feeling accompanying it.
Her hands finally seemed to grasp an object, no wait, two, to be I couldn't see well in the dark, the only shapes I could make out were plain silhouettes.
"No time for farewells, no chances for goodbyes.
No explanations, no fucking reasons why.
I watched it eat you up, pieces falling on the floor.
We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore."
The loud speakers blared in response to her actions.
"If only sorrow could build a staircase, our tears could show the way.
I would climb my way to heaven, and bring him back home again.
Don't give up hope, my friend, this is not the end.
We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore.
The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places.
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too.
For when he died, he took a part of you."
The song…my eyebrowws creased, and my alertness went up. What was it trying to ell me? What was the song's name? Why is any of this relevant. My head spun, trying to grasp one logical thought that would lead me to some kind of realization of what was going on.
I just stared at Aura, trying to figure everything out. My head had started to hurt, like a thundering hurricane was splitting through my skull. What was I missing? There was something not right. Something NOT RIGHT.
Grasping my head, and pulling my knees up to my chest, I tried to make the pain subside. I was completely disoriented, and for me this wasn't a rare sensation. But for some reason, this time around the feeling had increased tenfold. A message, something subliminal just within my reach. The name of the song, I had to figure it out. This was vital, I knew it. I don't know why, or how, but this simple fact was driving me insane!
I listened attention to the lyrics, almost pulling my hair out, I recited the next few lines.
"Death is only a chapter, so let's rip out the pages of yesterday.
Death is only a horizon. And I'm ready for the sun, I'm ready for the sun, to set."
THIS IS SUICIDE SEASON!
Suicide…season….?
The sirens in my head went off. As if in slow motion, my eyes opened, and my head curtly swiveled up in the direction of my best friend.
And that's the moment, when all I had feared for came true. I saw Aura swallowing the first of many pills.
~oOo~
Auras POV
Sometimes, I just ponder.
I reminisce; about what has occurred, the events in my life, strung together forming the person I am now. Nostalgia, a familiar friend of mine, appearing in every sight, smell, touch. I think to myself, the possibilities, what could've been, what should've been, and what is now. But it's too late to change anything. What's happened has already past, and every second ticking by, will never come back, never to be savored. Nothing will change, and every event in my life is just a catalyst, to an impending death.
But still I ponder what life would've turned out to be with just one minute difference. Like leaving a door open one day, or closed. Choosing apple flavored juice instead of grape. What kind of impact could it have in the long run? And with big decisions, maybe I could've saved myself some trouble…or gained so much more.
But I'd never know would I?
Sometimes, I remember. I remember the days where anger meant not getting your favorite color of construction paper. Where sadness extended to intervals of a simple hour, forgotten easily with the prospect of something new. Confusion was a math problem, pain was splinter, and nostalgia was non-existent.
I remember how easy, exciting, and simple everything was.
Ignorance, made us naïve, but it was a blessing. To not know was better than being aware, of how fragile our lives had become. Struggles were subliminal.
But life isn't perfect, and that illusion of "okay" shattered.
Dad left, mom worked hard and Brooke was taken from me.
I'll be gone too, because there's no point anymore. I'll welcome the end with no struggle, because it would've happened anyways, I only wish I could've saved her.
This is selfish of me, I'm aware, and nothing good will be done once I'm gone. Mother will be left alone, and Brooke's memory will disappear. We humans- I- I'm just a selfish person aren't I?
Goodbye.
Okay so after a few months of deliberation, i finally know where I am going with this story! Sorry to scare you with that absence of updates. This chapter was extremely hard to write...but it has been done. Sorry Aura, sorry Brooke.
Review please?