Will lay in bed, thinking about what Paul had said about the spectator. He had promised him that he would give it a shot, and he was going to, but he had been dancing around that promise for a week now. He was nervous. There were so many things that could go wrong. What if she turned him down without giving him a chance to state his case. Or Maybe worse, what if she gave him the job and he couldn't do it, maybe he lost his talent while he had been busy bartending for the past two years. What if he embarrassed himself by completely screwing up his first assignment, Paul would be so disappointed in him.
He groaned inwardly, he knew he was looking for excuses and being a coward.
He picked up the phone and looked at the time. It was only a few minutes after 8am, he went to his contacts and selected Adrienne's cell number. He almost pressed send, but changed his mind, instead he got out of the bed, and went to shower. He would just go see her in person.
Will stood in the shower letting the hot water melt away his tension. He stayed there until the water was barely warm, then he stepped out of the shower, and dried off quickly. Fastening the towel around his waist he brushed his teeth and combed his hair. Then he went to stand in front of the closet…. What did one wear to go and ask their estranged husband's mother for a job? In the end he selected black jeans and a red plaid shirt. He dressed quickly and slid on his shoes. He grabbed his sport coat and was just about to walk out the door, when his phone beeped. It was a text message. Will pulled his phone from his pocket. He hoped it was Paul, he hadn't seen him in a couple days, he guessed he had been busy working on whatever case he was working for Black Patch these days. At least he hoped that's all it was. He was nervous that Paul was having second thoughts after they had that nasty run in with Sonny.
He opened his text messages.
"I need to see you." It was from Sonny.
Will stared at the phone, he knew that Sonny was probably still pissed, and probably wanted to argue some more. He waited, trying to decide if he wanted to get into it right now, or put it off. He had done quite a bit of soul searching this week. He had plenty of time to think about things now that he had moved into his apartment, and since Sonny had been angry at him, he hadn't been dropping by, or calling, texting, always pushing him to remember, it had been very quiet. He hadn't been feeling the pressure that had become the one constant in his life, and it was nice.
"Preferably in private." a second text.
He sighed, he may as well get this over with. "Fine, I am at my apartment." he texted back.
"On my way." the reply was almost immediate.
Will put the phone down. He had came to the conclusion that he was going to file for divorce. Things were getting out of hand and it wasn't fair to let Sonny hope that things were going to change, when he knew they weren't. Maybe once they filed the papers Sonny would start letting go and move on with his life.
It was about thirty minutes later when there was a knock on the door.
Will took a deep breath and went over and opened the door.
"Hey." Will said. "Come on in." he said stepping aside.
Sonny walked into the room. "Hey." he said quietly. "Thanks for letting me come by."
Will just nodded.
Sonny looked around the apartment. There were pictures of Will and Arianna, and a couple of pictures of Arianna alone. He recognized a couple of them as pictures that he had brought to Will, hoping they would help him regain his memory. Clearly he had been chasing a dream since Will came back. Will certainly wasn't putting a lot of effort into remembering, It didn't look like he even cared if he remembered him or not.
"You want some water or a soda or something?" Will asked.
"No thanks." Sonny said. "I am fine."
Will nodded again, but remained silent. He wanted to give Sonny the opportunity to tell him what was on his mind.
Sonny paced the small room, but still didn't say anything.
Will waited another couple of minutes in awkward silence, until he couldn't take it anymore, "So… you wanted to see me." he prompted.
Sonny turned and faced him and pulled in a deep breath. "Did you and Paul have a nice time the other night?" he asked, searching Will's face.
He knew Sonny was still angry, but that wasn't really the direction he saw the conversation going. "That isn't something that we need to talk about." Will said.
"Sure it is." Sonny said. "I think I have the right to know, don't you, since I am your husband."
"Actually no, I don't." Will said. "But I am glad that you brought that up." He said, thinking it would be better to get it over with. "I wanted to tell you that I have made a decision. I am filing for divorce."
Sonny visibly blanched, the color drained from his face. "What?" he said, "No, Will don't, please don't do this, Please don't do this. PLEASE WILL…. Please don't throw this away."
"I'm not throwing anything away, this is the only thing I can do, that makes sense, Whatever we HAD," he said stressing the word. "I can't feel that anymore and I know you are trying so hard, but it just isn't there, and staying together right now wouldn't be fair to you.. or me." Will said.
"Then forget about me, What about our little girl, our little Ari?" Sonny said anguished.
"Ari is going to have both of us, she is, she is gonna have both of us. She is just not going to have us together." Will said. "I'm sorry Sonny, I hurt you once and I won't do that again, I am trying to be honest with you."
"Okay then let's be honest…. How would you know what's there or not? Do you realize that you have barely let me touch you since you have been back, everytime I hug you or touch you in anyway I feel you tense up. You basically cringe when I try to kiss you." Sonny said. "Do you know how gut wrenching it was for me, seeing you with Paul, the way he kissed you, and the way you responded to him. It ripped my heart out to see you cling to him like you couldn't bear to let him go?" he was almost in tears.
"I'm sorry you had to see that." Will said. "It wasn't wasn't our intention to hurt you."
"I should have known actually that I wasn't going to like where things were headed the other night." Sonny confessed. "I should have gotten out of there while I could, but for some reason I just couldn't couldn't make myself move, even though I knew what was fixing to happen, I had to see it for myself."
Will gaped at him, trying to understand what Sonny was saying. "Wait, were you following us?" he asked suspiciously. Anger began to take hold of him.
"What? No!" Sonny said. "God Will, I am not some lunatic stalker, I am your husband."
"Then what were you doing there?" Will asked, not willing to just believe him blindly.
"Not that it's any of your business, but I couldn't sleep, so I was out for a walk." Sonny said. "And I saw the two of you when you pulled him into the shadows. So I waited to see what you were doing."
"There is plenty of room to walk on the grounds of the Kiriakis mansion, what were you doing across town in the park?" Will asked, still skeptical.
Sonny ignored the question, "Why don't you let me touch you like that?" he asked instead. "Would it really be so terrible? I am your husband, we are in love."
"Were…" Will said. "We were in love. Even though we obviously had our problems I am sure that I loved you very much, but everything about us feels strange to me now, I don't know another way to tell you that I don't feel anything when I look at you. I am sorry if that hurts you Sonny, but I can't just force myself to feel something."
"Will…." Sonny whispered sadly, walking toward him, he stopped when they were toe to toe. "Please just give me a chance, let me show you how good it can be between us." he whispered. He framed Will's face with his hands and searched his eyes. Sonny licked his lips and Will knew what was coming next. Sonny was going to kiss him. His first instinct was to throw his hands up and back away, but he willed himself to remain still, he could make one little concession for Sonny.
Sonny's lips covered his, and Will stood still, forcing himself to give Sonny the chance he was begging for. He did his best to open his mind to the feelings that Sonny used to bring to him. He parted his lips allowing him entrance, and Sonny immediately deepened the kiss. Will closed his eyes, giving himself over to the sensations. There was no denying that it was a nice kiss, Sonny definitely had some skill, but there were no fireworks. The way that he used to feel whenever he was in the same room with Sonny, that spark of excitement whenever Sonny was near him, the desire that licked through his veins like wildfire whenever Sonny touched him was disturbingly absent. Sonny sighed into his mouth and pulled him closer, his arms going around Will holding him as close as possible. Will's arms hung awkwardly at his sides, and yet he remained still.
The whole kiss only lasted a couple of minutes. Sonny realized that Will wasn't responding and broke the kiss. He looked into his eyes again, looking for a memory or a spark. "Don't you feel it Will?" he asked frustrated. "Can't you feel the attraction between us?" he pleaded, his eyes bore into Will's, begging him to agree. "You have to feel something, right, anything at all."
Will shook his head. "I'm sorry Sonny." he said. "I know this is hard for you."
"Will, give it a chance. Please. I know you don't remember, and that I have been a little intense about you getting your memories back… but I don't mean to be, I'm sorry…. Please just try to give us a chance, you may find out that it doesn't matter if you remember or not..." He said before pulling Will to him, crushing his lips under his again. He forced Will's lips open and explored his mouth. His fingers came up and worked at the buttons on Will's shirt, releasing them one by one, until he could part the material. He flattened his hands on Will's chest marvelling at the way he felt. Clearly all those months of living those crates of alcohol had been good to him. He leaned back and gazed into Will's eyes. Will covered Sonny's hands on his chest and pulled them away.
"I'm sorry, I can't do this with you. It would be just sex for me, and I don't think that is what you are looking for." Will said.
Sonny dropped his arms, and stepped back, completely breaking the contact between them. "That's it then? You want out?"
Will shoved his hand through his hair. "I'm just telling you that I can't do this anymore, One of us has to do the right thing for both of us, I am filing for divorce." he said again.
Sonny's eyes hardened. "Fine, go ahead I know you are doing this so you can be with Paul." he said. "Don't let me stand in your way." he said before slamming out of the apartment.
Will sat on the bed once he was gone, he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. He had been thinking that he needed to come clean with everyone about his memory, but if things were this complicated when he had amnesia, how much worse would it get when people found out he had his memory back. It was a scary thought for him, and something he wasn't prepared to deal with.
He thought briefly about going to see Adrienne but discarded the idea pretty quickly. She probably would not be very receptive to the idea now, especially not if Sonny was telling her about the divorce. She had never really thought he was good enough for her son, but this wasn't going to win him any brownie points.
He picked up his phone, found Marlena's name and sent her a text asking where she was. He needed to talk to someone, and besides Paul she was the only one he wanted to talk to 99% of the time.
When she responded back that she was at home, he texted her back that he was coming over to talk, and then left his apartment.
Once he was there he didn't even bother to knock, after all he had lived there up until a couple of weeks ago, so he didn't see the point, he just opened the door and strode into the apartment. He found Marlena in the living room, doing some paperwork.
Hey Grandma." he said.
Marlena looked up in surprise, "WOW…." She teased, "That was… Will what's wrong?" she asked, seeing right away that he was in an agitated state. She stood up, clearly worried, her hand went to her throat.
"I just told Sonny, I am filing for divorce." he said without preamble.
"Oh." she said. "Honey, are you sure?"
"Ummhmm." Will said. "It isn't fair to keep him hanging on hoping I will change my mind, I won't." he said drawing his bottom lip between his teeth and gnawing on it. "I don't want to be with him anymore."
"Can I ask, why today? What happened that made you decide you want to file now?" she asked.
Will shrugged and continued to chew on his lip.
"Uh huh, nope." she said, calling him on his bull. "That is not going to work, not with me, I know you, young man."
"I want to be with Paul." Will said. "And being with him would be cheating on Sonny all over again. I don't want to be that person."
"I see." she said, taking her glasses off and dropping them onto the papers in front of her on the coffee table. "I know you said you are attracted to Paul, we talked about that. Did something happen with Paul?" Will shook his head.
"Okay then" she said."How did Sonny take it?" she asked.
"Not good." Will admitted, "He knows that I want to be with Paul, he's pretty hurt."
"Sonny loves you very much." Marlena said. "Of course he is hurting."
"I'm not trying to hurt him grandma." He said. "I hate that this is hurting him, but what am I supposed to do? Paul is all that I can think about, he is the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I don't think that would be happening if I was in love with Sonny, do you?" he asked.
"What I think, is that no one can tell you what you feel." she said. "And I also think that it isn't any of anyone's business, what happens between you and Sonny, or you and Paul for that matter."
"So you don't think this makes me a bad person?" he asked.
"Will... my precious boy, I am never going to think you are a bad person." she said. "It is impossible, and I will support you always, no matter what."
"Thanks Grandma." he said.
"Now tell me about Paul." she said. "I know how you feel, but how does he feel?"
"I'm not sure." Will said… "We went out the other night and and it was great. He is soo easy to talk to."
"Well that's a start." she said.
"Yep, things were great until we ran into Sonny." Will continued. "He was so angry, and bitter, and that's when I started thinking about all of this."
"And what does Paul think about all of this? She asked. "The divorce?"
"I haven't told him yet." Will answered. "You are the first person I have told besides Sonny."
"So how do you feel now that you have told Sonny?" she asked.
Will looked at her funny, "Are you shrinking me grandma?" he asked, a teasing grin playing on his lips.
She chuckled, "I prefer to call it, trying to help you work through your feelings." she said.
"Honestly, I feel relieved." he said. "Like I can finally breathe, but…"
She waited for him to go on. But he remained silent. "But…" she prompted.
"Also a little guilty." Will said.
"Guilty?" she asked. "Why do you feel guilty?"
"I don't know, I guess because I couldn't have the feelings for him that he wanted me to. Also because I seem to have those and more for Paul. " he answered.
"Well, we can't always control human nature." she said. "Sometimes things are out of our control. You simply can not make yourself feel something that you don't, you can pretend it's there, but then resentment and anger find their way in, and in the end, all parties involved will be miserable."
"I don't want that." Will said.
"I know you don't." Marlena said. "Just trust that you did the right thing."
"Thanks Grandma." he said hugging her.
"Come on." Marlena said. "I was just about to make myself some tea, you can join me." she said leading him into the kitchen.