This is the last chapter. Hope you've enjoyed the ride!

A Broken Hallelujah

Part Ten

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"Jack was hurt, maybe dying. I had to be with him."

"And how did he react?"

"He was confused, hurt I think, but he was happy to see me." She looked at Jack, and the love in her eyes was obvious. "I happy to see him." She clenched her fists again, frustrated, but Danielle stopped her from correcting herself.

"When did you meet Ms. Carmichael?"

"She came to the hospital. She was mean." Claire remembered the therapist's words, simple sentences when you're stressed, Claire. "She told me she would not let me mess with his head. Then she came to Jack's apartment and said same things. Warned me to stay away from him, I think." She looked at Danielle. "Sometimes my memory isn't totally accurate, but I remember she was unkind."

"And the morning she found you and Jack in bed, asleep? Do you remember that?"

"Yes, very well. She was ugly, yelling at us. We were naked and she said I was the Magdalene, shameless because I hadn't pulled the sheet over my body. She saw my scars, I said they were the difference in our bodies. My ugly, ugly scars." She absently touched one over her temple.

"Does Jack mind your scars?"

She smiled, sweetly. "No."

"Back to what she called you. You understood her meaning?"

"Yes. I was raised Catholic, the church teaches she was a whore."

"And Jack, what did Jack do?"

"He got mad. He got out of bed and yelled at her for insulting me, told her she was fired."

"What did Ms. Carmichael say?"

"Nothing, she left."

"Thank you, Claire." She turned. "Your witness."

Liz Donnelly got up and slowly approached the wounded, vulnerable woman on the stand. "I am truly sorry you've suffered so much, Ms. Kincaid. Now. Would you say you know Jack McCoy as well or better than anyone else, that you can interpret his words and actions accurately?"

Claire looked at Jack. "Yes."

"Think he lived a celibate life for the past five years?"

Danielle held her objection, kicking Jack's ankle with her right foot.

"I have no way to know surely, but he's never lied to me." Her frustration with her language was clear. "He said he did. I believe him."

"But you don't know."

"No."

"You were his assistant, correct?"

"Yes." She shifted on the hard chair, her hips and pelvis were screaming despite the medicine coursing through her blood.

"And he had a sexual relationship with you. Was it consensual, or did he pressure you?"

Claire stared at the beautiful woman standing in front of her. "No pressure. We fell in love."

"Despite the rules about relationships between supervisors and subordinates?"

"We loved each other," she said. "We talked of marriage."

"Marriage. Why?"

Jack nudged Danielle, scribbling 'object damn it' on a pad, but Danielle shook him off.

"People in love get married," Claire answered.

"Was there any other reason to get married?"

Claire understood. "I was pregnant. Lost it because of the wreck."

"I'm sorry." Liz looked at the jury, then back at Claire. "Do you know if you were the first assistant Jack slept with?"

Danielle did object then, and the judge called a sidebar. "Your Honor, you've ruled on this," Danielle said. "Mr. McCoy's sexual history is irrelevant."

Judge March glared at Liz. "You will not get away with sneaking in the back door, counselor. Your cross ends now."

"She's already poisoned the jury's mind," Danielle said. "I ask for sanctions."

"No," the judge said. "Retreat." When the attorneys were back at their tables, the judge faced the jury. "You will disregard Ms. Donnelly's last question. Ms. Kincaid, you're excused."

Claire got up, shaky. She gripped the edge of the box before her reconstructed knee and hip gave way and she fell. Jack rose, but Danielle grabbed his arm, and he sat down. The judge looked at the female court officer standing by the jury room door.

"Officer, help Ms. Kincaid."

Claire was embarrassed beyond words, but accepted the gentle help of the older woman. She took Claire's elbow and carefully walked her out into the hall and onto the same bench. "Are you OK, sweetie?" she asked.

Claire looked up and nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

As the woman returned to the courtroom, Claire stared at the floor, her face flushed and her body screaming. Then she felt someone slide onto the bench next to her. She didn't want to look up, to be the object of pity or a smug 'got what you deserve'. Then a dark hand landed on her leg and she did look up, into the face of Anita Van Buren.

"That hard?" Anita asked.

"No. My body couldn't take it, can't take it." Tears of frustration and pain spilled out.

"I'm taking you home. I'll let Jack know." She got up and entered the courtroom, slipping up to the bar and whispering to Jack while yet another sidebar went on. "Claire is in agony and I'm going to put her to bed."

"Thank you," he whispered back. "That was so painful to watch."

"Glad I missed it. Later." She returned to Claire and helped her up. They didn't talk until Anita had helped her into a taxi and slid in beside her. After giving the driver Jack's address, she took Claire's hand in both of hers. "How bad is it?"

"Very." Claire squeezed her eyes shut. "It's like being kicked by a horse, over and over. And Liz Donnelly didn't help."

"What did she do?"

"Tried to bring up Jack's history of sleeping with assistants."

Anita held Claire's hand until they reached Jack's building. She helped Claire inside, up the elevator and into the apartment, then said, "How can I help?"

"I hate this," Claire cried. Her legs were about to give out. Anita got her on the couch.

"Where are your most comfortable clothes?"

"Foot of the bed," Claire said, fumbling with her purse.

When Anita came back with sweats and thick socks, Claire was capping her medicine bottle. Anita helped her undress and get into the sweats, then forced her to lie down, putting a few pillows under her head. "Want something to drink?" she asked. Claire nodded. Anita got a couple of sodas from the refrigerator, opened one for Claire, then perched on the edge of the couch and looked down at the younger woman. "God, girl, is this what your life is like?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes it's just unbearable, other times it sucks your very soul out." She sipped the Diet Coke.

Anita grinned impishly. "Then how do you have sex?"

Claire looked at her, then laughed. "Oh God, why does everyone want to know that?" Her laughter was cut off as another spasm hit. When it passed, she said, "There are ways, trust me, and Jack is gentle." She touched Anita's arm. "He's telling me the truth, right? He didn't sleep with her?"

"No, he didn't. I'm certain of that, he couldn't get past losing you." She stroked Claire's head. "Are you doubting him?"

"No, but he was such a horndog, I have to ask."

"Put those doubts away. How long does it take for this medicine to kick in?"

"About forty minutes." She winced.

Anita reached across Claire for an afghan folded along the back of the couch. She stood, shook it out, and covered her friend. Then she eased back onto the edge of the couch. "Are you expecting the worst?"

Claire met Anita's eyes. "She's lying, and I have to count on Danielle's considerable skill to prove a negative." She shrugged a shoulder. "There's no way to prove either way that sex happened." She frowned, damn, she was so tired of screwing up her words. It didn't seem to bother Anita.

"It should be over by tomorrow, it should never have gone to trial. Blame SVU for that, Donnelly is looking to make a name for herself, ever since she took over the legal arm of that gang. Trust Danielle, trust the jury to see the inconsistencies, trust Jack to tell the truth."

"He always has, to me anyway. And then I lied big time to him. Don't know how he forgave me."

"He did, and isn't that what matters?"

Claire nodded. "I really fucked up, Anita. So sorry for that."

Anita took her hand. "You were in a fucked up place, Claire. Who knows what they'd do in a similar situation."

"So you forgive me, too?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

Claire squeezed her hand. "I want a life with Jack."

"Does that include children?"

Claire's smile was sardonic. "Are you asking if I can have kids?"

Anita shrugged. "What do I know? I know your pelvis was broken in what, six places?"

"Something like that. Yes, I can have children, but I can expect it to be difficult, because I can't take the meds while pregnant, and I don't think I can live without them. You have no idea of what it's like to live in chronic pain. Some people just think I'm a junkie."

"Then they're idiots. Just make sure you're using damn good birth control." Anita smiled.

"He's so gentle with me, afraid of breaking me again, hurting me. And he's scared shitless of knocking me up again. Love with glove, in addition to the Pill, going back on them was weird." Responding to Anita's puzzled look, she said "I lived like a nun these past five years. I'd forgotten how the Pill makes subtle changes in the body. And Jack hates condoms." She grinned, and Anita realized her meds were kicking in.

"It's going to be all right," Anita said. "He'll walk away from this, and Adam won't fire him."

"Hope not. But his reputation is shredded. Damn her."

Anita stayed with her until Jack got home at four. He appeared relaxed, kissing Claire's forehead before turning to Anita. "Thank you for taking care of her."

Anita glanced down at a sleeping Claire. "How hard was it?"

"The questions weren't too difficult, but the stress coupled with that chair did a number on her.

"How do you think it's going?"

He sighed, stripping his tie and unbuttoning his collar. "Danielle's kicking ass and taking names, but it still comes down to who the jury is going to believe. I take the stand tomorrow, and I don't want her," he touched Claire lightly, "anywhere near that courtroom. She can't take the stress."

"Tell the truth, I think the jury will believe you."

"I watched them while Claire testified, you could see the sympathy on their faces. If they accept that she believes in me, then I think they'll believe in me. I hope so, anyway."

"I don't think you'll keep her away, Jack. And it would be good for the jury to see her there."

He flashed that crooked grin. "The Romeo and Juliet syndrome? Don't separate the great lovers again lest tragedy ensue?"

"Something like that."

He hung his coat in the closet, and Anita took her cue to leave. "Call me if you need anything."

"I will, thank you."

When Anita left, Jack changed into jeans and an old oxford shirt, then made a drink. Claire was awake when he sank into his old armchair.

"Hey pal," she said.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

"Starting to hurt again."

He immediately got up for her medicine and gave her a couple of pills. She eased up higher on the pillows and looked at him. "We're going to win this."

"I think so," he said. "I testify tomorrow." He tilted his head. "Can you handle that, or would you prefer to stay home?"

"I'll be there," she said. "I have to be. I left you once, I'll never do it again."

"Claire, this isn't your fault."

She massaged her hip as she said, "Yes, it is. If I hadn't decided to be dead, you'd never have been vulnerable to crap like this."

"It's Abbie, the way she's wired. When the truth comes out, and it will when the baby's born, she's looking at some major jail time."

"Good."

He smiled, then got up and eased down on the couch with her, cradling her against his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head, inhaled her scent, and thought, dreams do come true sometimes. He refused to believe he'd be convicted, if for no other reason than he couldn't imagine being separated from Claire again. He never wanted to let go again.

--xx--

He took the stand. He looked at Claire, in the front row of the gallery, before he faced Danielle. Danielle smiled at him, then went to work.

"Ever sleep with Abbie Carmichael, Jack?"

"No."

"Ever want to?"

"No."

"You don't find her attractive?"

He shrugged. "She's attractive enough, but I am not, have never been, sexually attracted to her. She's too coarse, too rough, for me."

"In other words, she's not Claire." Danielle turned to look at Claire. "How did you feel when you heard Claire was dead?"

"I was shattered. I tried to bury myself in work, in drink, but it didn't help. I missed her more than words can say."

"Did you date?"

"I went out on a few dates, but that's all they were - dinner or a movie - and never twice with the same woman. I guess I dated four women during those years."

"Did you consider after work drinks or dinners with Abbie dates?"

"No."

"How did you feel about Abbie?"

"That she was young, eager to learn, a dependable colleague. I trusted her enough to enlist her help when the pain of losing Claire became too much."

"You gave her the key to your apartment and a pre-arranged signal as to when to use it, correct?"

"Yes."

"But you never gave her any reason to believe you were interested in her romantically?"

"No, absolutely not."

Danielle turned to look at Claire again, then at the jury before facing Jack. "And then you were shot, and woke up to find Claire Kincaid sitting by your bed. What did you think?"

"That I was hallucinating from the drugs. Then I was confused, then angry, and then I realized I'd been given a gift."

"You were able to forgive her for letting you think she was dead?"

"Yes. I love her, and that's what matters."

"Jack, tell us about the morning Abbie burst into your apartment."

He frowned and looked at Abbie. "I, we, were asleep. I'd turned the phones off, I was on medical leave and needed rest. And then suddenly Abbie's in my bedroom, freaking out because Claire was in my bed. She used a well-known euphemism for whore in reference to Claire, and I popped a screw. I got out of bed and grabbed her shoulders and told her to get out of my apartment and the office, she was fired."

"How was her job performance?"

"Adequate. She had more than her share of screw-ups, and she was not good at interviewing witnesses and suspects. I hadn't fired her before because I thought she'd learn, smooth those rough edges, but she wasn't. Invading my house, my most personal life, was the last straw. I admit I should have handled it better, in a professional manner in the office, but I was angry. She understood only too well what Claire meant to me, I'd talked of her often enough. So she knew what she was doing and saying when she called Claire names, made fun of the scars on Claire's body. And I lost my temper. But I never, ever had sex with Abbie Carmichael, and that baby certainly isn't mine." He kept his tone calm and reassuring, but his eyes were on Claire, drawing strength from her.

"Thank you, Jack. No more questions." Danielle walked to her chair as Liz Donnelly rose.

She approached Jack and looked at him for a second. "You're a very powerful man in legal circles, Mr. McCoy. Why shouldn't we believe you'd use that to your advantage with a young, rough around the edges, impressionable woman?"

"Because I want my partner to be willing." He kept his gaze focused on Claire. Liz followed the direction of his eyes and smiled, then turned back to Jack.

"Like the woman sitting in the gallery," she said. "But that woman was dead, and one must assume you're a normal male with normal sexual urges. Who scratched that itch during those five years when you thought your great love was in the ground?"

"No one."

"I'm impressed. You were able to resist putting the moves on a lovely young woman who worked so closely with you that you gave her the key to your apartment."

"Objection, Your Honor, is there a question in there?"

The judge eyed Liz and frowned. "Ask a question or move on, Ms. Donnelly."

"So you never once put your hands on Ms. Carmichael, no friendly hugs, pecks on the cheek, that sort of thing?"

"No."

Liz was growing frustrated. She changed tacks. "You admit you mishandled Ms. Carmichael's firing. Could you describe your exact actions, apparel, conditions at the time."

He frowned at the woman who'd once shared his bed when they both joined the DA's office, twenty some years ago. "I was awakened from a sound sleep. I was holding Claire, the sheets were tangled around us. Abbie let loose with her insults and invective, and I saw Claire, with those scars, and I lost my temper. I got up and grabbed her. I've testified as to what I said."

"Were you wearing pajamas?"

"No."

"So you had no problem displaying your naked body to this young woman. Perhaps she'd seen it before?"

"Your Honor," Danielle said.

"Withdrawn." Liz turned. "I'm finished with this witness."

Both sides rested, closing arguments would be the next morning. Liz left first, Abbie in her wake, and Jack noted she did not look happy. He stood with Claire as Danielle closed her briefcase, and the three of them walked out. Danielle suggested coffee, so they walked to a shop near the courthouse.

"I think Liz is waking up," Jack said. "She looked really pissed when she left." He took Claire's hand under the table, interlacing their fingers.

"I'm not surprised," Danielle said. "She knew it wasn't much of a case to begin with, I'm surprised she got the go-ahead to prosecute. Each time you mentioned Abbie making cruel remarks about Claire's scars, the jury seemed to frown as one." She looked at Claire. "Are you doing OK? You look like you're hurting."

"I am. It's not bad enough to hit the meds yet."

"I have a feeling Liz is tearing into Abbie right now, trying to get to the truth, and Olivia Benson is probably in for it, too, since she's the one Abbie contacted and pushed for prosecution." Danielle sipped her coffee. "I wonder if this will even go to the jury."

"God, I hope not," Claire said. "There's always risk with juries."

"You were damned convincing on the stand, Jack." Danielle finished her coffee. "You two just take it easy today, I'm going to write a devastating closing." She looked at Claire. "I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to make you a major player in that argument, emphasize how your scarred body brought out the knight in shining armor here." She nodded her head at Jack. "And I'm not going easy on your deception."

"Fair enough," Claire said. "I deserve it."

Jack released her hand and put his arm around her shoulders. "Stop. It's in the past, we can't change it, we just move forward. If I can let it go, then everybody else should too. To me, it's a miracle, a dream even, and I keep worrying I'll wake up and the bed will be empty, this will all be some weird dream."

Danielle stood. "Back to the office. I'll be in touch if I hear anything."

"Thank you, Danielle," Jack said. He stood and helped Claire up. They hailed cabs, and Jack and Claire went back to the apartment.

She got a Diet Coke and washed a couple of pills down, then walked into the bedroom. She was undressing when Jack came in behind her. He put his hands on her bare shoulders. He turned her around and kissed her. Her arms went around his waist. He broke the kiss, and used his thumbs to brush hair away from her face.

"I love you," he said. "If the worst happens, I want you to know I love you and I don't hold you remotely responsible."

Her legs buckled, and he caught her, easing her onto the bed. He pulled her into his arms, kissing her again. "Jack," she whispered. "I never stopped loving you. I swear I thought I was doing what was best for everybody."

"I know." One hand reached around and unhooked her bra, then he worked the straps down her arms. He looked at her, clad in just panties, and smiled. "You're still so beautiful. I know you're in pain…"

"I'm willing," she said, smiling slyly.

He sat up and practically ripped his expensive clothes off. He was clearly willing, too. His hands caressed her, ran over the curves he'd known so well, as his mouth closed over a nipple. He eased between her legs. "Tell me if I hurt you," he whispered, his gaze locked into hers. She nodded, and he moved, filling her, then he kissed her again, their bodies pressed together. Keeping his weight on his forearms, he made slow love to her. He brought her to multiple orgasms before he let go. When he eased off of her, rolling on his back, he held her tightly against his shoulder. Then he felt her go rigid.

He lifted his head and looked at her. "What?"

"You didn't use a condom."

"Oh. You're on the pill, it's nothing to worry about. Besides, I wanted to really feel you." He smiled. "Would it be so terrible if we had an accident?"

She sat up. "It might. It would mean living in terrible pain, as I couldn't take my meds." She shivered, and he got up, grabbing her robe from the hook on the door. He put it around her, and she slipped her arms into it and tied it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't consider that. I wanted you…"

She touched his cheek. "Like you said, I'm on the pill. I'm not going to worry about it." She smiled. "How strange to be talking of this again. I spent five years never having to consider a calendar."

His eyes darkened for a moment, and she thought of the five years he spent mourning, and her heart nearly broke. "Jack," she said, "I am so sorry for those years."

He pulled her gently down and kissed her. "I believe in redemption and grace, Claire. We both suffered, but in the end, we've found redemption, found the grace of forgiveness. Let it go."

The phone rang, and he disentangled himself from Claire, rolling over to get it. "McCoy," he said.

"Jack, Danielle. I was right. Donnelly figured it out, and she's dropping the charges. She asks you to forgive her, she wants to meet with you."

"When?"

"In an hour, at Kerrigan's. What do I tell her, and please don't say go to hell."

He laughed. "Tell her I believe in redemption and grace, and I'll see her in an hour." He hung up and told Claire.

"Damn," she said. "That's great, but what's going to happen to Carmichael?"

"We can only hope they let her go away quietly. She knows what she's done, she's been exposed, and what good can come from locking her up?"

"Nothing," Claire said. "I guess we could call this a broken hallelujah. For all the good news, there's a broken, disturbed woman paying for it. I think I can empathize."

He kissed her. "It's over."

"What do you think tipped Donnelly?"

He smiled. "She and I were lovers over twenty years ago. I think when I said I wanted my partner willing while I was looking at you, she remembered that's exactly what I want. And she knew, she realized it came from Abbie's jealousy and Texas mean position on revenge. My best guess anyway."

"Want me to go with you?"

"If you want to." He got up and began dressing. "You're right, this whole thing, from the moment I opened my eyes and saw you, until right now, is truly a broken hallelujah. All I want is a whole one."

She got up and put her arms around him. "So that's what we'll have from now on. Whatever else comes, we're together again, and what can we say to that but hallelujah?"

He kissed her. "And amen."

Amen - so be it.

-Fin-