BELLA'S POV

The slash in my wrist was seeping blood. It felt tinged with acid, surrounded by a bracelet of barbed fire. The burning was quickly traveling up my arm. I whimpered- it was the most pain I'd felt in my entire life. I wanted it to end. I wanted to die, and be done with it.

And then, a flash of sharper pain, and my arm began to feel numb. I felt Edward's cool hand gripping my forearm, and his smooth teeth rimming the bite. His lips, like stones against my skin, were puckering, drawing the blood up into his mouth. He'd opened the wound even more, and blood was gushing out. He caught every drop.

My arm was cold, and the burning was entirely gone now, but still he drank. He straightened, trying to pull himself away, but he carried my arm with him, holding it under his chin. His eyes were tortured, and he had put an arm behind him on the floor, trying to drag himself away. Instead, his grip on my arm tightened, and he slurped deeper, violently, trying to stop, trying, trying.

Now, finally, I knew exactly how he'd felt.

Edward's blood was amazing, slicking down my throat deliciously. I wondered detachedly if he could be my singer, as I was his. He was entirely relaxed, not trying to fight. I took advantage of that, pushing him back and burrowing into his neck, suctioning with my mouth. Blood was spilling into my mouth, but I wanted more, more. It poured down my throat, its savory wonder sparking each taste bud it flowed over.

This had to be stronger than what Edward had felt when he'd drank from me a year ago. His blood wasn't tainted with venom, and he hadn't been a parched newborn. I sipped the blood, drawing heavily from the unmoving human. I held it tighter, sucking from its neck for more blood, always more blood.

Alice was screaming. I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. "Alice, don't," Carlisle commanded sharply. "It's the only thing she cares about." His voice was so cold, so cruel, that for a moment, I paused. The human's neck was still at my lips, and I could feel its blood pooling in my mouth, but I had stopped deliberately sipping. "She only wants one thing, and it'll always be that way," Carlisle continued. "An endless bloodbath, always killing, always drinking. It's her idea of paradise." I actually lifted my head from the human's neck, but didn't loosen my grip. "Alice, she isn't human anymore. You have to understand that. She's just another bloodthirsty vampire holding the most important thing in the world: a human to drain. Just a container for blood. You have to understand, she doesn't see him as Edward anymore. He's an inanimate object. A snack bar." He laughed harshly. "A corpse."

"No!" I didn't realize at first that the strangled cry had come from me, nor did I know how I'd gotten from the couch, holding down the human- Edward- to the middle of the living room, gripping Carlisle's sleeve. "No, please, no, Carlisle, he's not, he isn't, he can't be, no, NO!" He looked down at me. I'd sunk to the floor, and I was pleading, hanging onto his pants leg as if the dark khaki could pull me out of the void of misery I'd fallen into. His stare was clinical, uninterested.

"I was wondering if you were going to stop."

"Carlisle," I whispered. "Please. Please, no. It's my fault, all mine, and I- and he's… please." Carlisle's face was expressionless. He said nothing for a long time, and the silence stretched for eternity. I knew what I'd done, could feel it deep in the pit of my stomach, the awful guilt slithering around with the blood I'd desired so much, that roiled within me now.

"He'll live," he said finally. "I might even be able to suck the venom out. Unless you'd like to do it?"

"No!" I shrieked. "Carlisle-"

"I know," he said. His patient kindness had returned, and he pulled me up from the floor into a standing position. "Bella, I'm sorry I hurt you, and I'm sorry that I was trying to. It's actually the same speech I used on Edward, right before he left me to try out a different lifestyle." He sighed. "It worked better on you." Carlisle left me, after patting my shoulder affectionately, to sit next to Edward on the couch. He was still frozen, unmoving. Blood was trickling down his neck. I tried to look away, and found myself staring at his eyes. They met mine, and I realized that his were shining with unshed tears.

"I'm sorry," I mouthed, unable to combine all the horror and hatred I had for myself and for what I'd done into those two words.

"I know," he replied silently. I turned away, feeling nauseous.

"Son," said Carlisle, "it's decision time. You said you wanted to be a vampire again, but you know what the Change feels like this time. Do you want me to let the venom do its work, or do you want me to get it out?"

"Human or vampire…" murmured Edward. I thought it was odd that the burning seemed not to be affecting him, or perhaps he was just good at containing it. I remembered watching him suffer Jane's torture without making a noise.

"You have to choose fast," warned Carlisle, "or your blood will choose for you."

"Human!" I cried suddenly. "He hates being a vampire, keep him human, please," I begged. "And he would be in pain. You have to stop the pain." Carlisle was looking at me funny.

"Human," Edward panted. "I want to stay human."

"Is that what you want, or what she wants?" Carlisle asked.

Edward stared at him, seeming suddenly as if the burning and the blood did not bother him. With absolute clarity, he said, "Honestly, Carlisle, I can't see that there's very much of a difference anymore." Tight-lipped, Carlisle nodded and leaned forward. I backed away, knowing that the smell of his blood was about to hit me again. Holding my breath, I edged toward the back door. I felt Alice grab my elbow.

"Come on, Bella," she whispered. I nodded, letting her lead me outside. I hated that I could still taste his blood on my lips, and that the flavor still filled me with black joy.

"You can't call me that anymore," I said bleakly, hearing the emptiness in my voice. "I'm not her. She was a human who had feelings and who still had the capacity to love, and now she's dead. I'm… I don't even know. I'm a monster. I'm a demon."

"Bella-"

"No! You heard what Carlisle said. I'm evil, soulless, and all I care about and all I'll ever care about is blood. If I could do that to Edward- if I didn't even care if he was dead…" Alice suddenly threw her arms around me and hugged me. "Thanks," I said when she was done.

"No problem," she shrugged, walking me away from the house. "It's a gift. I know the future and I know when someone needs a hug." I laughed as we left the house, inside which Carlisle was returning Edward his newfound humanity.