A/N: I know I lost a few people in that last chapter - disagreements on who was more right than wrong, whether it was too much.. hey, that is okay. It's not for everybody, but it's part of this story. A bit like life really :)
Onward we go
T
Puzzle Pieces, Ch 10
"Jane Clementine Rizzoli!"
Jane winced. Her mother was a force of nature, the way she could make her voice reverberate through every corner of a house, regardless how big that house might be. Or where she was in relation to it.
Jane pulled herself upright, rolling away from the bedside table with the carefully folded note she had just read-
Jane,
Early call. Medication in top drawer next to cutlery. Yoghurt in the fridge.
M.
She was too stiff and sore after her previous evening's mishap to move anywhere useful so had just ended up with her elbow propped up on the pillow, waiting for the door to fling open and the owner of that pair of lungs to come stalking in.
Which she did, barely a second later, eyes blazing, and she whirled purposefully around, squaring her shoulders and pressing her hands to her hips.
"Can you please explain to me," She began, "Why Maura is telling me on her way out the door this morning that when you ask me to take you home, to-DAY, that it might not be a good idea?!"
Jane squeezed her eyes shut and bunched her shoulders. "Because-"
"And Why," Angela cut her off, drawing out the end of her 'Why' to a final flourish of inflection, "She has that look in her eyes. That look Jane! I know that look." She narrowed her eyes and Jane now found herself on the receiving end of a finger jabbing the air in her direction. "You two have been fighting."
This time, Jane's shoulders dropped and she fell a small way down to the pillows, releasing a sigh.
"We weren't fighting, Ma." She said, "Maura did nothing wrong. I was just… a jerk."
She'd known it the moment Maura had walked out that door, but had been too angry and too stubborn to do anything, and that was the worst part.
"Jane Rizzoli BY the Father what did you do?"
"Ughhh.." Jane buried her face in the pillow, but a moment later it was snatched away.
"Oh no you don't." Her mother warned. "Rizzolis don't wallow."
"Maaa…"
"And they don't whine!"
"Alright alright!" With a show of surrender Jane pulled herself back up the bed, staring at the sheets for a moment. She sighed, running a hand roughly over her face. "But.. I think I've made a really big mistake this time." She bit the corner of her lip and shook her head. "Damn," She added. "Big."
"Oh honey…" Angela's voice softened, and she slowly lowered herself to the far side of the bed, leaning her hand close to where Jane was lying. "Tell me."
So Jane did. She relayed the entire night, every detail she could remember; Jack, Maura and Jack, the walk, Angus, and finally, her vitriolic explosion. By the time she finished, a frown had formed on Angela's face and she was staring distantly at the bed covers.
"See?" Jane whispered. "Colossal, giant, jerk."
Silence descended softly onto the room, which lasted just long enough for Jane to wonder how it was possible two Rizzolis could be in such close proximity on mute, before Angela finally broke it.
"You know Janie, when you were in the hospital.." She started, softly, "When you and Frankie- and you had-" her voice started shaking. Unable to form the words, the exact, factual words, she just pressed on "-and killed that dirty cop.. we were all so worried for you."
"Ma," Jane shifted uncomfortably, "You've told me this-" And it was true, Jane could recall exactly the number of times and different ways she had.
Everyone had.
Come to think of it, the only person who hadn't shared their version of the same set of events had been Maura. And Jane loved that about her.
Angela shook her head, shushing her. "Not this part I haven't." She continued on. "When I got to that emergency ward, my goodness Jane, I could barely think – two of my kids, my kids, so close to death…"
"Hey ma, it's okay you know," Jane reached down and squeezed her hand. "We're both still here."
Angela waved her off. "I remember seeing a woman just near the entrance, sitting on the edge of a row of seats in those gowns the doctors wear, you know?" She turned to her and Jane nodded. "She was hunched over, staring at her hands-" Angela pressed her lips together, then released them. "-and only when I got closer I realised there was blood, all over them."
"I mistook her for one of your surgeons and panicked because of the look on her face, so I started running to her, ready to demand answers." A pause, "But you know who it was?"
Her mother had been right, she hadn't heard this part. Jane closed her eyes, nodding.
Oh God...
"They had given her a spare set of doctor's gowns to cover the blood all over her dress. She had refused to go home to shower, until she knew you were out of surgery. And then she came straight back, and refused to go home again, until she knew you were stable."
Jane opened her eyes again to find tears shining in the two looking back at her.
"She had fought so hard to keep you alive Jane, before the ambulance got to you." She shrugged. "And then you got out of hospital, and pushed all of us away."
Immediately, Jane frowned and shook her head. "But ma, that's what I've always-"
"Done," Angela finished the sentence for her with a casual wave of her hand. "Yes I know." She said. "You chose to be alone. You choose it all the time. But she's never stopped fighting for you. And this time- I thought she'd actually won." Meeting a confused expression on Jane's face Angela pressed on. "Jane, you're relaxed, you're calm, you're pleasant in the mornings. Except maybe this morning-"
"Oh, God, Ma – give me a break!" Exasperated, Jane flopped back down onto the bed and blew the hair off her face with a puff of her cheeks. She stared at the ceiling for a beat, then flung her forearm over her eyes. "So what you're saying is I'm an even bigger jerk than I thought…"
"Asshole, yes."
Jane reached across and slapped her mother gently. "MA!"
"And she's forgiven you, you know…" Angela pursed her lips "I can tell. She's already forgiven you. Goodness knows, she probably blames herself instead"
Jane's eyes widened. "For what!? What has she possibly got to blame herself for?"
"Not being able to do enough.-" This time she regarded her even more seriously. "But you have to be careful Jane. You keep pushing like that, and one day she is going to stop fighting. And I worry about that day."
"You know Maura would be fine," Jane sighed. "She doesn't need me."
"I wasn't worrying for her, sweetie."
Jane just stared, as realisation slowly dawned on her. "Oh…" She said quietly.
Angela stared pointedly at her. "More importantly, Jane Rizzoli, is what are you going to do about it?"
Taking a deep breath, Jane exhaled noisily through her nose and ran a hand through her thick hair. She turned back to her mother.
"Any chance you're free to help me with some shopping?"
It was after 10pm when Maura finally made it back to Beacon Hill. It had been, for all intents and purposes, a terrible day. Two more bodies, which meant two more families who had not only just found out their daughter, sister, girlfriend, niece had been taken from them in the most awful way, but to whom Maura had had to explain why she couldn't release the bodies… because now the count was at four, and they weren't releasing anything.
She stopped for a moment at her front door. The conversation from the previous night still lingered in her thoughts, tugging at the back of her mind most of the day. She knew Jane hadn't left – she had run into Angela some time after lunch at the café, who had mentioned she'd first flat out declined, then threatened Jane with the prospect of moving in for four days if she went back home.
Maura sighed and pressed her key into the door. Her body was too weary, and mind too overworked to give the topic any justice tonight.
Maura pushed the door open, stepping over the threshold and dropping her keys on the small inner table where she always did.
The first impression to her over-taxed brain was that her couch had grown hands and feet, until she took a few more steps inside, and realised the feet were clad in very Jane socks.
Which was confirmed when the hand suddenly disappeared from over the back of the couch and wild hair, a crumpled BPD t-shirt and pair of tracksuit pants shuffled their way toward her. She'd obviously been asleep, as she blinked the light into her eyes, attempting to get her bearings while simultaneously raising her hands towards Maura.
"Maura, before you say anything, I just need to- just let me-" Jane stammered over her words, then with a growl of frustration threw her eyes upward and then back in her direction. "I'm so sorry" She finally blurted, "For last night, I was so- just- I was just a colossal… giant... asshole."
Maura opened her mouth to reply, to say something profound, or thoughtful, or responsive.
"That's superfluous."
Not so profound.
Jane blinked.
"Superfli-what?"
"Superfluous. Colossal or giant. They have the same meaning. It is superfluous. Like saying 'very unique'."
"Oh."
Maura's eyes wandered over the kitchen island, across to the oven. "It smells amazing in here. Did you cook?" She asked, one eyebrow slightly raised.
Jane nodded, fidgeting slightly. "I made apology lasagne-"
"Apology lasagne-"?
"it's my Nonna's recipe, but, I got hungry about an hour ago and when I cut myself a slice the two dozen white doves escaped, so, it's just ordinary lasagne now." She looked up at Maura under hooded eyes, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Then suddenly a recollection came to her and her face brightened. "I made salad!"
"Wow, you have been busy.."
A moment too long and she noticed Jane's enthusiasm was waning, and Maura took a deep breath, acutely aware she wasn't responding in the way Jane had hoped she would.
"I can't wait to try it but I'm a little past eating tonight. I'm just going to take a shower and head to bed." Sliding past her she paused a moment to add, the truth.
"I'm glad you stayed, Jane."
She had made it as far as the steps when her name called her back.
"I really am sorry Maur." The murmured words floated easily across the space between them.
Maura smiled.
"I know. And-" She added "-that apology lasagne and I have a lunch date tomorrow."