Chapter 10

An hour later Meredith was freaking out, Abby had briefly woken up and saw the mess. Meredith had calmed her down and told her there was nothing to worry about. But now Meredith was sitting in the living watching Abby asleep on the couch. Every little noise she head she panicked. She felt awful about being so mean to Derek, he was only trying to help and she had been a total bitch to him. Abby was his daughter of course he would be worried about her staying in a house that had just been broken into. But she had to go and assume he wanted to stay for her and she overreacted. Why couldn't she act like a normal person when it came to Derek? She heard another creak from upstairs and before she could think she hit speed dial on her phone for the seventh time that night, calling Derek's cellphone. The difference this time was that she actually let it ring, the other times she hung up before it could connect.

It was at that moment Derek lying on his bed, fully clothed staring at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep, he knew it was pointless trying to. Then his phone rang just for a split second, as soon as he saw the caller ID, his mind was made up. Meredith was still awake and she had called him. He knew that she didn't want to call him, she probably hadn't meant for the phone to ring. But she was scared and whether she admitted it or not she wanted him. So he grabbed his jacket and keys and left the trailer.

Derek quietly let himself into Meredith's house using the spare key that he knew was hidden outside. He immediately noticed that almost every light in the house was on, he had been right Meredith was terrified.

"Meredith are you up?" he said softly not wanting to wake them if they were asleep.

"Derek?" said Meredith appearing from behind the living room door where she had been crouched, clutching her cell phone and a rolling pin.

"Yeah I just came to check on you," said Derek gently taking the rolling pin from.

"I'm sorry," said Meredith feeling like she wanted to cry. She was just so relieved to see him, he had just shown up even though she hadn't asked him to, in fact she had actually thrown him out just a few hours earlier. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," said Derek leading her into the living room. He sat her on an armchair and knelt in front of her. "Why are you sorry?"

"I yelled at you for no reason," said Meredith. "I threw you out, you were only trying to help and I…I did what I always so. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to I just can't…"

"It's okay," said Derek pulling her towards his so that her head rested on his shoulder. "Just calm down, it's all okay."

"It's not," said Meredith taking deep breaths. "I pushed you away again, like I always do and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm just sc…"

"What?"

"Nothing it doesn't matter."

"Meredith," said Derek pulling back so that she had to look at him. "Please just tell me. I always feel like I don't really understand you. Just tell me why you react that way."

"I don't want to get attached again," said Meredith burrowing her head back in his shoulder.

"Attached? You don't want to get attached to me?"

"Yes," said Meredith stubbornly. She knew he thought she was being ridiculous, but she did have a point. "I don't want to get used to you being around when I'm scared or when I need you because there will be a time when you can't or you don't want to be around and then what?"

"I'll always be around when you need me," Derek murmured as he stroked her hair. "You should know that."

"But you'll get married and have a wife and kids and…"

"Hey that works both ways," said Derek softly. "When you get married…"

"Get married?" Meredith laughed. "I don't think that's anything we have to worry about for a long, long time."

"Why not?"

"I'm not looking."

"Isn't that when you usually meet someone?" Derek asked.

"Not me," said Meredith. "I'm not even interested in Luke and he's perfect for me. He's sweet, kind, good with kids, he's a doctor too and he is in love with me but…"

"He's in love with you?" Derek asked not being able to stop himself.

"Yeah," sighed Meredith. "Told me yesterday, he wanted to give us a real try…but I couldn't I just couldn't. I don't love Luke I never did he was always second be…"

"I didn't like him anyway."

"Yeah I'll say you didn't like him," Meredith snorted. "You flew into a jealous rage…"

"I don't get jealous."

"Sure you don't," Meredith smiled. "Don't you remember Finn? Whenever any man shows an interest in me, you get mad at me and act like a prick."

"Maybe I get a little jealous," Derek admitted.

"Uh huh," said Meredith. "Just a little?"

"Alright a lot," he admitted then he whispered. "But don't tell anyone."

"Okay."

"Come on lets get you up to bed, you must be exhausted," said Derek.

"Okay," she whispered. "But Abby?"

"I'll get her," said Derek walking over and picking Abby up. "Come on, upstairs."

"Derek will you stay tonight?" Meredith asked timidly. "If you have other stuff to do I understand…"

"Of course I'm staying," said Derek.

"Thank you," said Meredith. "You really don't have to do things like this anymore."

"I care about you, always will."

"We were really in love once weren't we?" Meredith asked casually as lay down on her bed. Abby was sleeping in the middle of the bed, Meredith didn't want to leave her alone that night, she wanted her close by.

"Yeah we were," said Derek pulling Meredith back to her feet so that she was standing right in front of him. "We loved each other, and we were happy albeit briefly."

"It gets kind of hard to remember the good times when everyone keeps telling me about the bad," said Meredith. "But I really loved you, I loved you right up until I left for Boston, even if I had a hard time showing it."

"Did it just stop when you left then?" asked Derek looking Meredith right in the eye.

"No," she said simply. "At least we can tell Abby that her parents really loved each other, once."

"Yeah once," said Derek sadly.