CHAPTER 10: An Interesting Place to Start

It had been almost two weeks since Steve was discharged from the hospital. In that mean time, Harley was trying to reorganize the mess her life had become since the HYDRA kidnapping. She only realized how bad things really were when Natasha showed up that night for a serious conversation.

"So... it's all out there now?" Harley asked, staring intensively at the mug of coffee in front of her. "Why haven't you told me that before?"

"There was a lot going on, you were worried enough about Rogers and all the kidnapping episode, I didn't want to make you even more paranoid." Natasha answered, a bit worried. "I'm sorry, but I had to do it Harl, you know what was at stake." She gave her a nervous look before continuing. "But hey, I never saw any trace of your name while I was downloading and releasing those files, I'm sure you'll be fine. Besides, if it was that bad, someone would have showed up to take you away by now." Natasha grabbed Harley's hand, trying to keep her calm.

"It's not just about me, Red. It's about you, too!" Harley said, raising her look to Natasha's face. "Pierce mentioned something about my past being off the records, now if it's true or not I don't know, but what about you? What are ya going to do now?" Harley was severely worried about her friend.

"It's not the end of the world, Harl. I blew all of my covers, gotta go find a new one." Natasha shrugged, but Harley could see that deep down she had no clue of what to expect either.

"So, you're gonna leave?" Harley asked, hesitating.

"Yes." Natasha answered, bitter. "I already talked with Steve and Fury at the cemetery earlier today. Now it's time to say goodbye to you, as well." She smirked.

"Oh, come on, Red!" Harley whined. "Why can't ya just stay here in my apartment? No one would look for ya here, and if they do, we'll kick their asses together! Whataya say, huh?" Harley pleaded.

"It's sounds tempting Harl, but no. I need a little time for myself, you know?" Natasha rose up from the chair. "I had to call in a few favors from Kiev this week and that already brought me rough memories."

"Well, if you ever need anything, ya know where to find me." Harley said, giving her a hug.

"Thanks, Harl." Natasha said, returning the hug. "It's just goodbye for a little while, you ain't seen the last of me yet." She winked at Harley before heading out for the door.

"There goes another one. Maybe I'm just meant to be abandoned." Harley thought, returning to her coffee for another night of no sleep.

"You okay, Steve?" Sam asked, entering the room.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Steve answered, putting away the file Natasha gave him the day before.

"You shouldn't be looking at that all the time, it's gonna give you nightmares." Sam advised.

"I have to find him, Sam. He's out there somewhere." Steve covered his face with his hands, trying to avoid the terrible thoughts that appeared in his mind every time he thought about Bucky.

"We will, Cap, don't worry." Sam tapped Steve's back and headed out of the room; clearly, Steve needed more time alone.

Breaking an entering and roaming around unnoticed were one of the many things he was good at, so it wasn't a problem to breach the Museum's security. He walked among the crowd, making sure to hide his metal hand in the jacket's pocket, feeling very uncomfortable as people passed by him laughing and pointing at the displays around the exhibit. He started to regret that stupid idea, but it was too late to back out now, he was there for a reason. After a little while, he finally found it; there was no way that it could be anyone else's face but his on that panel.

Getting a little closer, he read the name on the side of the picture: Bucky Barnes.

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes." That voice echoed in his mind.

Then, lowering his face to the small television under the panel, he saw clips of him and the blonde man he had saved from drowning. His eyes widened at that image as many more were starting to form in his head, each one faster than the previous, leaving him able to let out only a whisper. "Steve."

Harley was back to the similar inactive state she found herself before going to work as a nurse. She haven't heard from Natasha in a month, but she knew Red could manage to take care of herself under any circumstances. Harley decided to do a little bit of gymnastics for distraction, keeping her mind busy with something else. After an hour into exercises, she concluded it was good enough for a day and headed over to the bathroom for a cool shower. Harley barely exited the living room when she heard someone desperately knocking on the door.

"Gee, calm down, I'm going!" Harley yelled, making her way to the little entrance hall. She peeked through the eye-hole and it only took her one second to unlock the door.

"Cap, what's going on?" Harley asked, shocked. Steve looked wrecked and exhausted; it could only mean bad news.

"We need your help, Claire." He said, immediately closing the door behind him.

"Who's we? And with what?" She asked as Steve passed by her, heading for the kitchen. "Hey, wait for me!" She yelled, following him.

"Look, I know this may be a lot on you, and I would never ask something like that if I didn't trust you could manage it." Steve said, sitting on the table.

"Are you gonna tell me what's happening or you're gonna keep this cheap suspense?" She crossed her arms, irritated.

"I found Bucky." He replied, lowering his voice.

"What?" Harley widened her eyes. "Where is he!?"

"He's with me and Sam, only…" Steve paused and stared at Harley for a moment. "He's not looking too good."

"What's wrong with him?" Harley asked, getting more worried after each statement.

"What's not, Claire?" Steve answered, annoyed. "He's a mess, he doesn't eat, he barely even talks, I bet he can't even sleep!" Steve stood up and started walking around the kitchen, clearly agitated. "If you only knew the things they've done to him! I have his file back at Sam's apartment and it's been giving me nightmares since I started reading it!" He covered his face with his hands, breathing heavily.

"Calm down, Steve. The worst it's over. Here, come and sit down." Harley guided him back to the chair. She was fighting the urge to start crying, she couldn't give herself away and let Steve know she witnessed one of the many atrocities committed against Bucky.

"I haven't even told you the worst part yet." Steve said after a failed attempt to calm down. Harley's throat gave a knot. "When we found him he was… he was trying to rip off his arm." Silent tears started to fall from the Captain's eyes. At that point, Harley was also crying.

"Oh my God!" She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to imagine the level of desperation Bucky was at to attempt something like that.

"He needs someone to talk to; someone who knows exactly what to say." Steve said, wiping his tears.

"And you think I'm that person?" Harley asked, a bit scared as Steve nodded silent in response. "What makes you think that I'll be able to help him?"

"Because you were able to comfort me when I was in a bad place. Don't you remember that day at the nursing home?" He kept his eyes on Harley. "Look, I know you went through some terrible things, not only from what you've told me, but also from the way you talked about moving on… I know you can relate to him." Steve said, surprising her.

Harley kept her gaze upon the Captain, not being able to talk. She wanted to help Bucky since the beginning, but how could she? What if she only made things worse? Steve was still waiting for an answer. Harley closed her eyes and sighed. "When can I see him?"

"Hey man. Hello, Claire!" Sam greeted them as Steve led Harley into the apartment.

"Hey, Sam." Harley replied, nervous.

"How's everything?" Steve asked quickly.

"The same, he's still locked up in that room." Sam shrugged, frustrated. "I tried to offer him something to eat but, like always, he told me to leave him alone."

"How long is he here?" Harley asked, hanging her purse by the door.

"Three days." Steve answered.

"So he's without food and shower for three whole days?" She asked, shocked.

"We forced him in the shower on the first day, but after that, he locked himself away. He waits until we're asleep to use the bathroom." Sam answered. "Cap, can I talk to you for a sec?" He made a hand gesture towards Steve.

"Excuse me Claire, I'll be right back." Steve answered, suspicious. Harley nodded, confused.

"What?" Steve asked, following Sam in the kitchen.

"Do you really think this is a good idea?" Sam crossed his arms, keeping his voice down.

"She's here already; I'm not going to send her away." Steve also lowered his voice. "Besides, she knows him; they were both with HYDRA."

"You told me that already, I just can't understand why you think that girl will be able to change anything, he probably won't even remember her." Sam had very little faith after their attempts to help Bucky. "He recognizes you and still won't let you near him."

"She'll help him. I know it." Steve said, putting an end to the discussion and heading back to the leaving room to join Harley again. "Sorry about that. You're ready?"

"I'll have to be at some point." She answered, nervous.

"It'll be fine; if things get out of hand, we'll get there in a second." He started to lead Harley through the hallway. "This way."

After Steve headed back to the living room, Harley stood in front of the door for what seemed like an eternity. It felt weird that Bucky was so close now. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and knocked on the door.

No answer. She knocked again, harder this time, hoping he would at least tell her to piss off; Harley needed to hear his voice so she could believe a hundred percent that he was behind that door.

"I already said I'm not hungry!" The sound of that hostile muffled voice made Harley smile for a bit, before composing herself to the present situation.

"I'm not here with dinner plans." Harley spoke, close to the door. Everything went quiet after that.

"Whoever you are, just leave me alone." There it was again: rejection. Something she still didn't know how to manage very well.

"Nobody wants to be alone." Harley said the first thing that popped in her mind.

He banged hard against the door, making her jump. That wasn't such a clever approach, she would have to do better so they could at least talk like civilized people.

Harley leaned against the door again. "I understand that you're scared; it's normal, believe me. I know what you're going through, it's not easy to let go of our nature and accept the damage we've caused to other people, but that it's the first step to…" Harley was interrupted by the sound of the door being unlocked. She wasn't sure if that was an invitation, but she was willing to take the risk. Taking another deep breath, she grabbed the doorknob and opened the door slowly.

The room was really dark, all the windows were closed and she noticed a bunch of clothing and objects on the ground; the only mirror on the wall was shattered. She cautiously entered the room, closing the door behind her.

"Are you alone?" The voice came from a corner.

"Just you and me." Harley answered, feeling nervous.

"Who are you?" Bucky asked, still not moving from the wall; it was very hard to see his face. Harley noticed, however, that he was wearing a coat, keeping his metal arm hidden and his hands inside the pockets.

Harley hesitated before answering him. When they had a brief discussion at the facilities' cafeteria, she said her name was Harley; but Steve and Sam had no idea of her secret. She would have to lie.

"My name is Claire. I'm a friend of Steve, and from what I've heard, so are you." She smiled briefly, keeping her voice calm.

"Friends don't try to kill each other." He answered, bitter.

"You know that it wasn't you, James." Harley had thought hard about how to call him; Bucky seemed a bit too intimate. "Look, I'm here to help you. I'm someone you can talk to about everything, trust me. I know you'll get through this."

There was no answer, but Harley detected his movement as he started to get close to her. She thought about backing up, but she didn't want him to think she was scared of him.

"You should leave." Bucky said, getting inches from Harley's face. It was too dark to notice specific details, but he was still looking just as she remembered.

"Why did you invite me in, then?" She asked, keeping her eyes on his.

He kept silent, staring at her, none of them daring to break the eye contact. After a while, he merely answered. "I don't know."

He held the door open just enough so she could pass. After giving him a weak smile, Harley finally looked away, making her way back to the corridor.

Bucky closed the door behind him and leaned against it, slipping to the ground. There was a reason why he had let the girl in, but it seemed very misplaced. He felt he knew her before, but if he did, that memory was buried somewhere inaccessible in his mind.

Bucky was almost positive about it, especially by the way she talked to him; she didn't treat him like a complete stranger and barely moved when he approached her. Besides, she wasn't there for nothing, Steve probably trusted her enough to call for help. He just wished he could have really seen her face. Even inches away from her, it was still pretty dark to make a full recognition. Not thinking twice about it, Bucky was already on his feet, heading out of the room hoping she hadn't left the apartment yet.

Harley stepped out of the room, a slight sign of victory filling her up. Although it wasn't much, the fact he let her in and actually spoke to her, face to face, was already a good start. She stayed in front of the room for a little bit, but there was no sound coming from it. Harley decided to head back to the living room to report to Steve what had just happened.

"Hey guys." She said, leaning against the door. Steve and Sam both looked at her, anxious look on their faces.

"How was it? Is everything okay?" Steve stood up from the couch as Sam turned off the television.

"It was fine. Actually, it went better than I thought." Harley said, couldn't helping but smile.

"What did he say?" Sam asked, nervous.

"Not much, nothing relevant." Harley shrugged. "He did let me get inside of the room, thought, but…" She stopped talking after noticing Steve and Sam's shocked expressions. When she realized they were not looking at her, she turned around immediately.

She also widened her eyes when she saw the man standing behind her. He was looking at her intensively, studying every part of her face. Harley didn't move. Now, in a properly illuminated environment, she could see his hair was longer and he needed to shave.

"Bucky, is everything alright?" Steve asked, hesitating.

"I got hungry." Bucky replied, still looking at Harley.

"Well, come on then, the kitchen is this way." Steve said, approaching him very cautiously. He was probably trying to avoid an episode.

Bucky followed Steve, finally breaking the eye contact. Harley was still recomposing herself from the unpredicted situation when Sam made his way to her.

"You okay, Claire?" He started to guide her towards the couch. "Here, sit down."

"Thanks Sam, but I think I should be going home. I'm just gonna say goodbye to the boys over there." Harley said, grabbing her purse and heading to the kitchen. She stopped by the door before entering, making sure that Sam wasn't watching, and pulled a little notebook from her purse. She made a quick annotation then ripped off the page, entering the kitchen with the paper hidden in her hand.

Bucky was sitting at the table while Steve was making a sandwich on the counter. They both turned their heads to the door as she appeared.

"Well, I'm leaving." She smiled briefly, looking from one man to the other. Bucky kept his eyes on her the entire time while the Captain was still busy with the food.

"You don't want to stay for dinner?" Steve pointed at the sandwich.

Harley let out a laugh. "As tempting as it sounds, Cap, I think I'll pass. But enjoy it, you two." She said, looking at Bucky. He wasn't smiling, but his expression was softer. She took this opportunity to leave the little note on the counter without Steve noticing it. Harley hoped Bucky did.

"If you're sure about it." Steve shrugged, smiling.

"Yes, I am, but thank you anyway. Good night!" Harley was about to leave the door when Steve called her again, causing her to look back at him.

"No, Claire. Thank you." He said.

"Anytime, Cap." Harley smiled, walking towards the entrance door where Sam was already standing. "Good night Sam, take care! If you need anything, just call me." Harley said, giving him a hug.

"I'm sure we will need to." He had a tough look on his face.

"What's wrong?" Harley asked, lowering her voice.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm really blown away by the fact he is actually out of that room, sitting at the table and eating, but we can't fool ourselves. He's still way too unstable." Sam said, looking towards the kitchen.

"I know that, we still have a lot of work ahead of us. But this is a great start, don'tcha think?" Harley tapped his shoulder.

"I gotta admit that at first I wasn't really sure about all this but after today, I have faith in you, girl." Sam smiled, sincere.

"I'm flattered to hear that." Harley bowed, playful. "Okay, now get that door open for me, will ya? I need my bed!"

Sam laughed and unlocked the door, waving at Harley as she made her way to her car.

Bucky finished his sandwich after only a few bites, his mind working non-stop after seeing the girl's face up close.

"Do you want me to make another?" Steve asked, pulling Bucky away from his reveries.

"No, I'm going back to the room." Bucky stood up, lowering his head as he passed by Steve and not even looking at Sam when he crossed the living room. His excuse to leave the bedroom by pretending to be hungry was already pointless since the girl left. All he wanted was his dark room, where he could be alone to think about all the unexpected things that happened that day.

He entered the bedroom, closing the door and locking it quickly. Laying on the bed, Bucky shut his eyes, concentrating hard on each detail of her face. She wasn't like any woman he had seen before, at least not like the few he remembered seeing. The most intriguing feature about her, however, were those eyes; they were so blue and penetrating. He was sure he had seen those eyes filled with tears before. After some more failed attempts to remember, Bucky decided to call it a day, welcoming perhaps his first night of sleep in weeks.

"Still doubting about Claire's chances?" Steve asked, sitting on the couch beside Sam.

"It was tough enough admitting it to her; let's just say we're even." Sam laughed, not looking away from the television.

"No, but serious, I feel very optimistic." Steve had a peaceful expression on his face. "I mean, I know we still have a lot to work on, but the fact he is talking and eating makes me feel more relaxed. I was starting to think we would have to call a doctor or something."

"Yeah I would love to see that. He almost broke your arms the first night; imagine what he could do to a doctor." Sam cringed at the thought.

"Well, he was scared, it's understandable. And, to be fair, I also broke his arm at the carrier." Steve looked down, ashamed. "I really hoped I wouldn't have to hurt him."

"Come on Cap, that's history now. The important thing is that he's here, and if it gets out of hand, we can manage it." Sam tapped on Steve's shoulder before standing up. "Well, good night Cap." He headed towards the room while Steve accommodated himself on the couch.

"Who are you?"

"What are you so afraid of?"

"All that trouble just to get a few minutes alone with me?"

"My name's Harley, by the way."

"You are afraid to find out that the world is a bigger place than you think."

"Wipe him?"

Bucky woke up soaked in sweat, trembling and breathing heavily. Those were the usual responses to his current nightmares, but this time it was different. He saw her; he heard her voice and now he was certain they've met before. Bucky needed to see her again; he had questions that claimed for answers. Without wasting time, he removed the wet shirt and simply put a jacket on top of his naked chest and put a cap on his head. There was a problem, though; he had no idea where the girl lived and he sure as hell wasn't going to ask Steve about it. Bucky wanted to keep this as secret as possible, if Sam or Steve even dreamed that he was planning on going out, it would be a complete mess.

Bucky remembered about the little piece of paper he grabbed from the counter while making his way back to the room. She left it there for him to see it, but with the wave of information working on his brain, he ended up forgetting about it. He searched the pockets of the jacket and finally found it. Unfolding the note, he couldn't believe his eyes as he read the message: "I'm sure you'll need this sooner or later." There was her home address, just what he needed. Bucky couldn't help but smile at his luck at that point, he just hoped it would last.

He unlocked the door, avoiding making noise the best he could and headed out for the living room. It was all going well so far until he saw Steve asleep on the couch. Bucky would have to move quickly if he didn't want Steve noticing his presence. Walking very slowly, Bucky was able to go around the couch without alarm; once near the entrance door, he grabbed the keys from the counter and headed out for the outside, the little note still secure in his hand.

The banging on the door was constant and it got louder after each time. Harley jumped out of bed, alarmed, looking at the clock: 1:43am. Only a few possibilities of whom might be at her door this late crossed her mind, but she grabbed her baseball bat from under the bed either way; she couldn't risk her safety. Harley put on her robe and made her way to the front door.

Peeking through the eye-hole, she saw a big figure standing on the outside, looking impatient. She opened the door immediately.

"You got my note, huh?" Harley asked, smiling.

"Can we talk?" Bucky asked, tense.

"Sure, it must be important for you to be here at almost 2 in the morning." Harley replied, stepping out of the way so he could enter the apartment.

Bucky walked to the couch, but didn't sat down. Instead, he looked at her with a rather hostile expression. "What's that for?" He pointed at her hand.

"Oh, this!" Harley forgot about the bat, putting it aside in a quick move. "Precaution, ya know?" She smirked.

Bucky kept his expression. "Why didn't you tell me we've met before?"

Harley widened her eyes, perplexed; she thought after that shock wave on his brain he wouldn't remember her anytime soon. "Well, because I figured you wouldn't remember me. I was trying to avoid getting you even more confused." She said, slowly approaching the other side of the couch where he was standing.

"I'm confused enough as it is." He looked down. "And why did you lie to me?"

"What do you mean?" Harley started to get nervous.

"You said your name was Claire, but I'm sure I've heard you introducing yourself by another name before." He looked up at her, intimidating. "How can you help me if you're not being honest with me? How can I trust you?"

"Okay, listen." She said, raising her hands. "I'll tell you everything you want to know, just… give me a minute." Harley sat down on the couch, gathering the strength to tell him the ugly truth.

"I'm all ears." Bucky said, sitting beside her.

"Claire Hogue it's just a cover, sort of like a secret identity. My real name is Harleen Francis Quinzel, but everyone knew me by Harley." She took a deep breath before continuing. "Before I moved here and got mixed up in all this mess, I was in a bad place. And it wasn't just something trivial, it was really bad. I got involved with the wrong person and that led me to a dark path, which I thought I would never get out from." Tears threatened to form in her eyes, but she wiped them away before they could fall. "I've done horrible things, some that you can't even imagine. I killed people with a smile on my face to please a man who I thought loved me and cared about me. I was wrong; I fell into his madness so deep that I even had to be institutionalized a few of times." There was no point in fighting the tears anymore; they would come every time she'd talk about those years.

Bucky remained silent, but his expression was now of shock, even if he was trying to disguise it.

"It was very hard for me not to care about him, especially because I was his doctor at the time. After countless conversations, some of them off the records, he came up with a name he said always brought a smile to his face; and that's when I became Harley Quinn, the punching bag of a psychotic murdering clown." She could barely see at that point from the waterfalls flowing from her eyes. "That's why I lied; it's why I'm lying since the beginning. If Steve finds out about my past, he will never look at me again and… he won't let me get near you, either." Harley looked down, sounding a bit ashamed.

Bucky was paralyzed; he couldn't believe in what she just told him. If it was true, that she caused that much damage to so many people, even killed for someone else, that meant they had a lot more in common than he thought. Bucky hesitated before taking her hand in his, causing Harley to look at him, surprised. He wasn't used to this kind of interaction, but he couldn't stand watching her crying like that.

Harley gave him a weak smile, though the tears were still running free across her face. She noticed his left hand, shoved inside the jacket's pocket. "You don't need to hide it from me, ya know?" She said, still looking at the lump inside the pocket.

"I can't stand looking at it." He admitted, his voice failing, still holding Harley's hand.

"Steve told me what you tried to do." She said, her voice had a reproachful tone.

"I'm sure he did." Bucky said, aggressive, letting go of her hand.

"Getting yourself mutilated it's not going to make things any better!" Harley raised her voice.

"It's easy for you to say!" He got up, opening his arms, the metal hand now visible. "You don't have to look at yourself every day and see the reminder of the monster you really are!"

"You are not a monster, James!" She got up as well. "You are a confused man who were unfortunate enough to fall in the hands of a Nazi organization! What they turned you into it's not who you really are, we both know that!"

"Who am I, then?" Bucky asked, desperate.

"We will find the answer to that question together, I promise you." Harley tried to take his hand again, but he turned his back on her and went towards the window. He leaned against it, looking down, trying to easy his breathing.

"Where is he now?" He asked, still not looking at her.

"Who?" Harley asked, confused.

"The man you were with." He replied, bitter. "How do you know he won't try to find you?" Bucky turned around to face her, looking bothered.

"I know he won't because I killed him." Harley answered, cold. She expected Bucky to say something, but he looked at her confused, waiting for an explanation. "It came down to a point where it was either him or me. I couldn't just leave him, if I did, I'd be the one dead; he was not a man who would take a 'no' for an answer." She took a deep breath. "So I took the opportunity that I had and decided it was time to put an end to that madness, and so I did." Her expression became rigid, and for the first time Bucky saw her as an intimidating person.

"What was his name?" He asked, absorbed by her story.

"It doesn't matter anymore." Harley answered, putting an end to the discussion. "So, will you let me help you?" She asked, getting closer to him.

"If I don't cause you another meltdown, I guess we can take the risk." He said, feeling playful all of a sudden.

Harley chuckled, returning to the composed and innocent woman Bucky saw her as. She reached out for his hand and this time he allowed her to grab it. They kept staring at each other for a while before Bucky broke the awkward silence.

"I should go, better get back before Steve finds out I ran off." Bucky stepped away from her, heading for the door. "And don't worry; your secret is safe with me." He said with a brief smile before heading out of the apartment, closing the door behind him.

Harley stood there still, staring at the door. She couldn't help but smile at the way things were happening. Harley didn't know what to expect from now on, but of one thing she was certain: this was surely an interesting place to start.