I was pleasantly surprised that some of you knew where I was going with everything in the last chapter. I didn't know I was being so transparent but when I dedicate a whole chapter to a missing twin you're bound to guess right? But alas you have not guessed everything. Enjoy this lovely chapter.
P.S: As I was writing a scene down below I got a sudden flash back of Maria in a bar and Jasper still human. Like I said in the last chapter, it's been a while since I've read the books but if I remember correctly he found Maria and two other vampires somewhere outside right? Maybe I'm thinking of a story I read. If anyone remembers a story like this can you please link me or at least tell me you've read it? It's driving me nuts. I've read so many of these that I just can't remember.
Bella POV
"Yeah dad, I promise the whole weekend. No no don't worry about the turkey, just defrost it for me and I'll make it when I get there okay," Jasper snickered next to Bella as he walked her to her first class of the day. They had kept up this routine for the past month. On a whim he had shown up one day and said, 'I think I'll walk you to school and carry your books.' They had driven and he hadn't carried her books but he had carried her laptop.
"No I don't mind if Ms. Clearwater joins us dad," Bella sighed happily, "I don't mind cooking for her, or her kids, or Billy and Jacob." Bella noticed Jasper's smirk and pushed him lightly to get him to stop.
"Okay Bell's. Now has the Cullen kid given you an answer yet? Is he coming because I think he should if he's not going to spend the holidays with his family, I mean who goes to St. Bart's for Thanksgiving?" Charlie was still talking about how ridiculous St. Bart's was but Bella was looking at Jasper desperately. They had come up with a story about Jasper joining the Cullen's in St. Bart's to avoid the awkward, Jasper can't eat dead turkeys, he'll eat them alive no problem dad, conversation.
Jasper just heaved and nodded at Bella after Charlie could be heard saying, 'Do they even have turkeys in St. Bart's?'
"I think he's coming dad," Bella said happily but totally unaware of how she would explain that Jasper couldn't eat. "Hey, I have a class in five minutes, I'll call you on Wednesday with a list of all the things I need for the dinner okay. Bye dad, I love you."
Bella clicked the end button on her phone and made sure the call had ended before pocketing it in her jacket. Her last phone had been much simpler. She would simply flip it shut and not have to worry about butt dialing the police or talking about how Anthony loved to pester her on her day off while he was still listening because she hadn't pressed the end button hard enough.
"You seem frustrated but happy at the same time," Jasper said opening the door to the building where her class was, "you are such a strange human."
"Explain to me why you can't eat a perfectly delectable turkey again?" Bella smiled at the look of pure exasperation Jasper gave her. They had been over it plenty of times, "Our digestive system only endures the consistency of liquids and the systematic formation of blood."
"But why," Bella urged even though she already knew.
"I don't know why now stop asking or I'll put you in a state of never ending giggles again," instead of laughing at his threat Bella looked at Jasper seriously. Every time they argued; because apparently they did that often now, and the conversation became too serious, Jasper would tickle Bella and send her an enormous amount of excitement. Instead of causing her to have a heart attack, the tickle would carry on and even though he would no longer be touching her she would still feel the effects of the first touch. The act would put a joyous spin on the night but her sides would hurt and she would be short of breath for the remainder of the argument, effectively ending it.
"You are evil," she said and gave him the literal cold shoulder. The weather had varied in the last month. It had snowed and it had rained on and off and today had snowed lightly. It wasn't obnoxiously cold outside or windy. It felt like Christmas somehow even though they were some time away from it.
"I'll eat what ever you serve me," Jasper said as they sat down on a bench near her class. Bella liked this particular feature of her school, inner lazy Bella loved it. "I'll be a disaster afterwards and I'll need to hunt but I'll be good for a few hours."
"But what about the taste?" Bella wouldn't believe it until she saw Jasper chugging down a glass of cider and munching on a leg of turkey.
"Remember when Esme would cook for you when you would come over?" Jasper asked. Bella realized he was keeping a careful watch on her expression to see if mentioning a Cullen would make her mad. Bella nodded but her face remained expectant, "I helped her make your food on certain occasions. I asked her not tell you but I would buy the food and give Esme the recipes I thought you might like based on what you ate at school. I got used to the smell and I even had a bite of eggs once. Emmet thought he could do it as well but he ended up being sick over Esme's petunias."
At the mention of Emmet Bella's mask did falter a bit. She missed him the most out of all the Cullen's and his leaving probably hurt her more right after Edward's. Emmet had been like her brother and he had never come back. She shut him out of her thoughts quickly, she didn't need to go down that road, "But that was just a bite of eggs Jasper, this is a Thanksgiving dinner we're talking about."
"What if I help you make it? I'll get used to the smell and I'll hunt before so I won't be eating anything on an empty stomach." Bella nodded but then realized something.
"You can't hunt humans near Forks though," ah the conversation she had been avoiding for a month. She just didn't want any problems on Thanksgiving for herself and Jasper.
"I'll hunt animals. That's what I did when I went to Forks to gather my things from the house," Bella was about to point out that his eyes had remained red but it was as if he could read her mind. "It takes more than a few deer and mountain lions to change the color of a vampires eyes. It could take a year of hunting animals."
"Oh," at the moment Jasper was wearing his blue contact lenses but Bella could see a bit of red where his venom had burned through the contacts already. The red didn't bother her as much as she knew it would have bothered her two years ago. They seemed normal on Jasper. They would have scared her on any other Cullen but Jasper wore them as if they were a tattoo, a part of him. She wasn't sure if she wanted to say all of that aloud because she didn't feel Jasper wanted it or needed it but a part of her wanted him to know that she was alright with it.
"What is it?" Jasper asked, he was watching a few students walk past. They all looked at him almost unwillingly, as if they couldn't help but stare at that strange attractive yet mysterious guy sitting on the bench with the most ordinary girl they had ever seen.
"Do you like it better?" Bella said not being able to help herself, "feeding on humans rather than animals?" Jasper seemed almost as surprised to hear the question as Bella was surprised by herself asking it.
"Um…" he seemed lost for words, "I suppose so. I haven't really given it much thought to be honest, I just do it."
Bella looked away and checked a clock on the wall, she still had plenty of time to waste. The answer had been more brutal than her question in her opinion. She wasn't sure how she felt about innocent humans dying so Jasper could feed.
"Bella," Jasper's voice was so gentle, "I don't know what you think I do but I have the feeling you're assuming the wrong thing. We might have different opinions about death and killing so I wasn't sure if I should tell you what kind of humans I feed on. I think that's why it's taken me this long to talk to you about it."
"What do you mean?"
Jasper was silent again for a while before answering, "When I first met Alice and the Cullen's they explained they fed on animals. Did they ever explain to you what kind of animals they fed on?"
"Well Edward liked mountain lions-"
Jasper smiled and shook his head no, "Not like that, I mean…we fed on dying animals Bella. The only times we fed on healthy animals was when an area had an abundance. They killed other animals in the area and they would destroy the land. We only fed on animals close to death."
"So what? You kill old people?" she knew she sounded ridiculous but that is what he was making it sound like.
Jasper laughed this time and people walking by really did stare. She remembered every time Edward would smile when walking past a group of people, how they would stare at him as if they had never seen anyone so beautiful smile. She used to swoon but because it was Edward she would feel inadequate just being in his presence. Being next to Jasper made her feel privileged compared to the people walking by hearing him laugh. She was in on something amazing and they weren't.
"No," Jasper continued to smile while Bella's stomach did a sort of awkward dance. She didn't know what to think about her little comparison. "I- I guess it's not that funny but I hunt from the bottom of the barrel Bella. The lowest of the low. I'm not God to believe I have the right to chose who lives and who dies and if there is a God, when my times comes I'll be judged accordingly but…" Jasper stopped and gripped the bench, "I have the strength to destroy these scumbags, I'm quick and I'm silent. I have the ability to stop bad things from happening to good people and if killing bad people is the way to do it, then that is what I choose."
Bella took a moment to contemplate what Jasper had said. She was an average height woman, probably more athletic than she used to be in high school. She wasn't exactly a size 0 but she was slender. She almost certainly couldn't throw off a man three times her size if he chose to rape her. If Jasper helped someone like her, if she had ever been or could be someone in that situation then she would be thankful to him. How could she hate him for saving someone's life?
He was also helping her by keeping her safe from Victoria. Someone she definitely could not fight. He had left and had admitted his mistake. She had fully forgiven him because he needn't had stayed after the night he warned her about the strange scent outside her apartment. That would have been enough. But he was here when before she had been alone.
Sure she was stronger, independent and a little wiser but she had still been alone and defenseless in a city full of the bottom of the barrel people and somewhere, hiding and counting the minutes before her final strike was Victoria. Or at least someone equally as dangerous.
"I understand," Bella said trying to emit as much confidence so Jasper could feel it.
"I'm glad you do," he reached for her hand and held it gently. A second later Bella felt a blast of appreciation. She smiled and before she knew what she was doing she was kissing Jasper on the cheek.
"Um," Bella said pulling back quickly but not quick enough to hide her blush, "I should get to class, bye…" she waved one last time at Jasper who had stayed sitting down looking shocked.
Jasper
Jasper had hunted twice in the past week to prepare himself for Thanksgiving with Bella and her family. He had offered to get food for her multiple times as well so he could become immune to the smell but Bella was putting up a fight about the money he was spending on her. He stopped asking her and started bringing it to her. He had expected this but all the while it made him happy to see her flustered over something so trivial.
Today he was shopping at Wal-Mart, of all places for a television he could give Bella as an early Christmas present. He knew she wouldn't want something extravagant and he agreed because the neighborhood she lived in was sketchy enough as it is. He chose a small flat screen TV and proceeded to walk to the cash register with it under his arm.
There was a line but Jasper's throat did not even tingle. He missed this, feeling like he could walk among humans and not have the urge to suck them all dry.
His phone vibrated in his jeans alerting him of a call, "Hello," Jasper said after looking at the caller id and seeing that it was Jenkins.
"Mr. Whitlock, I was calling to inform you that Ms. Cullen has faxed over your divorce papers this morning, your divorce is confirmed-"
Jasper cut off Jenkins before he could finish, "And you thought this was important enough to call me?" He knew he was being an asshole but this had always been the way things were with Jenkins. He needed to be afraid of him, for his own protection.
"Umm..no of course not Mr. Whitlock, the reason I called is because Ms. Cullen also sent you a letter through snail mail. I wasn't sure if you wanted the envelope or not, you asked me to not be in contact with them anymore-"
"Send it to my apartment Jenkins. If in the future they send you anything send it back. You work for me." Jasper clicked the end button on his phone and shoved it back in his jeans. There was a weird pull in his stomach like when he had been alive and scared. He paid for the television and some wrapping he had picked up that he thought Bella might like. Now that he was on a new diet he figured they could have a few laughs about it.
The last thing he felt like doing now was laughing. It was official even though vampire marriage had been over to him, it was official for Alice. She had been the one that insisted on getting married, he had been okay with just being together. Despite the way he had grown up as a human the vampire had wanted to remain unattached. So why was he feeling this way? Like a part of him had died along with the fax.
Back in his apartment with gift in hand Jasper walked outside and started the journey of a few blocks from his place to Bella's. It was a nice day today even though it had snowed lightly earlier. The clouds were a good cover for him.
This was the first time Jasper was going to see Bella after she kissed him on the cheek. He could feel her surprise when she did it and her embarrassment afterwards. She didn't do things like that but then again, Bella was doing a lot of things she had never done before. She wore heels and short shorts. Her corsets were getting tighter and smaller as the days went by. She was actually looking more and more appealing to the night crowd because she came home happier about her tips.
On days when her outfits were almost too scandalous for anyone on the street Jasper would sit at the club and watch her. He chose these nights specifically because he knew how men worked. They would see Bella bend over the table to pass out their shots and they, in their drunkenness would get a little too rowdy. Sometimes the table was a group of five to ten men, all frat guys or otherwise business men twice her size.
One might throw her an innuendo and she would ignore it. Another would lean forward to check out her cleavage and she would bend down quickly and then stand straight. She was such a tease and of course that was her problem. Because men didn't like that kind of stuff. Once or twice one of the men would stand up and try to coarse her onto the dance floor or touch her inappropriately.
These were the hardest times for Jasper. He had left dents at the usual table he sat watching because he had to restrain himself an extra second or two. Because Bella wouldn't stand for that. She would knee them or slap them across the face for crossing the line even though she had instigated their progress. The men would be escorted out and then she would turn and wink at Jasper right before going to the employee offices and tallying her success.
This same vixen had blushed and hurried away after kissing him on the cheek. Jasper smiled as he walked up to her apartment prepared to give her the television. He could clearly hear her getting ready inside. He gave her another minute before knocking.
"Coming!" He heard a few things fall in her apartment and then heard her running to the door, "Hi! Hurry in, it's cold." Bella grabbed Jasper by the arm and pulled him in quickly. She didn't even notice the big present in his hands.
Bella's apartment had a broken AC so she kept a small plug in heater that Jasper thought was much too dangerous for someone like Bella but she had insisted on keeping it. I rather risk it than die of bite frost! She had said when he had suggested she get rid of it. This had been the one other time he had brought up the topic of her just moving in with him but this had led to an argument and the first time Jasper had to stop it with tickling.
"I can't find my wallet, could you help me?" Bella was running around her apartment like a chicken with it's head cut off while Jasper stood confused in a corner holding her small television. He placed it on her desk and sniffed around. Her wallet had also been a topic of discussion. Jacob had given it to her after her graduation and it smelled of dead animal and werewolf. It wasn't hard to find in the jumble mess that was Bella's apartment at the moment.
"Under your covers by the pillows," Jasper sat down in her chair and watched her dig for it.
"Oh thank god!" Bella significantly calmed after that. She was wearing one of her old outfits tonight but Jasper decided he wanted to come with her anyway. The news about the divorce being final had dampened his spirits. He needed a pick me up.
Bella went into the bathroom to put on make up and came out a few minutes later looking ravishing. Not that she hadn't gone in there looking like that already. Her smoked out eyes shifted towards Jasper for a moment and she smiled, then she saw the present next to him on the desk and her smile faltered.
"What is that?" she asked moving closer to it.
"It's for you, happy early Christmas," Jasper took the box and held it up for Bella to open. "Just pull the ribbon and make sure not to slice your hand open."
"Would it-" Jasper shook his head no.
"I promise I'm okay, just open it." Bella nodded and even though he said he was fine she still opened the present carefully. Once the wrappings were on the floor she looked up and her eyes opened wide for a minute before looking at him.
"I was kidding Jasper, you didn't have to get me one." Bella's emotions though were ecstatic. She was clearly happy about the television but she was being modest.
"Lying to an empath, tut tut Bella." Jasper helped her get the television out of the box while she continued to get ready for work. By the time she was done he had it set up for her. "You get the basic channels which are what you wanted. I don't think I should teach you how to steal cable but if you want I could."
Bella laughed and took the remote from him, "This is fine, this is better than fine. Thanks Jasper." They flipped through the ten channels she had and then headed out for the night. Her happiness surrounded them the whole ride to the club. He thought she would put up more of a fight because he knew she was still hard-pressed against receiving gifts. But maybe she didn't count Christmas.
As Bella worked that night Jasper people watched. As usual there were college students, less than usual but still there were some. The normal crowd of suits at the VIP tables and the couples on the dance floor. Bella definitely worked in one of the more upscale clubs of the city. Sometimes he wondered why she had even applied here. He had thought of asking her but he hadn't figured out a way to make the question sound casual instead of inquisitive.
If the family could see her now, Jasper chuckled. He swirled his glass of brandy and the smell attacked his senses. One of the few things that didn't disgust him after so many years of being a vampire was brandy. He remembered scourging the bars of San Antonio for potential changes and upon entering each one he would be smacked with the smell of delicious brandy. His inner human would scowl at the petty humans who were able to drink it. Later with the Cullen's he found that the smell distracted him from the scent of humans. It worked perfectly here where there were so many of them. Even though he had hunted twice already and had been fine at Wal-Mart, the news about the divorce had somehow made him thirsty again.
This usually happened when he traveled long distances or when he was angry. But he wasn't angry. He wasn't exactly sure what he was.
"Hey," he heard Bella in front of him and he realized he hadn't even felt her come near. He had been looking at his brandy and wondering why he, who was an empath didn't know how to feel about his divorce. She was looking worryingly at him. For a second he thought something was wrong with her and he sat up but then he realized her worry was being aimed at him. She was worried about him. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, are you done for the night?" Bella smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. She nodded and took his hand so she could guide them through the crowd. Jasper left his brandy on the table and from the corner of his eye he saw Michael go and retrieve it. He knew he wasn't helping his case if he came nearly every night, ordered a brandy and didn't drink it but he never told Bella and she said herself that she wouldn't worry about it.
Michael could make his own assumptions about him, assumptions were better than truth in this case.
Bella drove in silence to her apartment but she would look over at Jasper periodically. When she pulled up to her apartment she turned off her car and said, "I'm finished with classes, we should do something tonight."
"It's nearly 2 am," Jasper looked at her and tried to feel her emotions but again she was doing something weird and he could only feel the blurred out edges of her emotions.
"Let's watch a movie," Bella said jumping slightly in her seat, "there are something's that are going to spoil in your refrigerator soon, I could make myself dinner and you can choose a movie."
"What is this about?" Jasper had to bribe her to go to his apartment and now she was willingly suggesting they go?
"Well there's obviously something wrong Jasper, I can feel it…" for a second he thought he had been projecting, "when ever mom was sad about a break up she would get the same look. I would make popcorn, pull out all the blankets and we would sit and watch some sappy chick flick."
Jasper smiled and ran his hand through his hair. She could read him as clearly as a giant billboard sign.
"Jenkins called me today," he wasn't sure why he was telling her. The front of her apartment seemed to be the ideal location for all of their deep conversations, "Alice signed the divorce papers."
Bella was silent and he heard her heart beat speed up for a second, "But you said you rather be alone-"
"I know," he interrupted her and she backed away slightly. Jasper sighed and reached for her hand, he held it tightly, "I know I said that…but being married meant something to Alice. Despite us not being mated, I still loved her. And she loved me enough to marry me. When she stepped away from me when I needed her, that was my divorce. When she signed those papers, that was hers."
Jasper turned to Bella for a moment and tried to gauge what she was feeling but her emotions were conflicting. Her face wasn't betraying the train of feelings going through her. He was always surprised how after working a long night her makeup wouldn't smug and the only indication that she had worked long hours was the natural blush of exertion. He had to admit she looked beautiful when she was trying to figure out what to feel.
He didn't know why he was so concerned for her reaction. But maybe if she reacted he would know how to feel.
"This is what you expected Jasper," she said finally. "Maybe not what you wanted but don't you think this is better? Doing it this way rather than meeting your mate one day and having to end things with Alice that way."
"But then I would have had a good excuse," he said looking down at their clasped hands. "I wouldn't have to have left her because she didn't love me anymore."
"I don't know why she did what she did Jasper, but she loved you." His now red eyes met hers and this time he could feel sincerity flowing between them. "It's a girl thing. I could see it, everyone could."
"But then why did she step back?" He kept saying that even though Bella didn't know what he had done for Alice to do that. "Why did she neglect me when I needed her the most?" His voice was getting hard, an attempt to not show his true feelings.
"I don't know Jasper," she admitted quietly. She held his hand with both of hers now, "I could have foreseen the family leaving if I had truly tried back then. I knew Edward wasn't for me even when I thought I could never love anyone more. But not once did I question the love I could see when Alice spoke to you. You would always stand back from me because you were afraid of hurting me. But she stood with you not because she could stop you but because she could feel your confliction. Edward left me Jasper when I needed him to stay. Maybe it was just time for Alice to let go. Maybe it was easier to do it now than later when you did find your mate."
"That's cowardly," he said letting some of the sadness go.
"Love isn't perfect, it's cruel and deceiving. But for the while that's it's good, it's really really good." Jasper saw Bella smile and he couldn't help but join her.
Jasper felt much lighter after that. He couldn't be sure why Alice rejected him but maybe he could convince himself that it was because it was time.
He took the keys out of the ignition and said, "Let's go get you a night bag, you're staying the night."
Instead of arguing with him he heard Bella squeak, "Okay!" She raced him as best as she could in her heels to her door. When he met her at her door step she stepped close to him and hugged him. "It's going to be okay Jasper."
"I know Bells." She pulled away and kissed him again on the cheek. This time she only blushed but didn't run away.
Excuse any spelling mistakes. I didn't read through it so I hope it's not too terrible. Please review!