Author's Note: Hello all! As you may recall me saying last chapter, I was going to work on making my author's notes shorter. Well, I might as well start now :)
Oh, and I know there is a lot of swearing this chapter, but c'mon- Huntress has gone through heck, and she was bound to break down sooner or later.
A SPECIAL THANKS TO: shadow929, for being the first reviewer for the last chapter and really cheering up my day :)
Dr. Pepper © someone who is not me- I don't even own a can of it.
NOTE:
No Mary-Sues were harmed in the making of this story. I'm running out of witty things to say here…would this count?
Teh Ultimate Mary-Sue (Parody)!
Or TUM(P)
Chapter Ten: Much Angsting and Melodramatics! (But Then Again, That's This Story in a Nutshell…)
Huntress groaned as she was painfully yanked back into reality. Something was poking her, and it was really getting on her nerves. Obviously, Legolas had decided it was time to go.
"Dam't, go 'way…I w'nah sleeeeeep…"
The poking continued, and Huntress felt a flash of irritation. Couldn't he see that she was tired?
"G'way!"
"We just keep running into each other, don't we?" Huntress's eyes shot open and she sat up quickly- she knew that voice, and it wasn't Legolas.
First thing she noticed was the cold. The breath-taking, slicing cold that cut through her flimsy snow gear easily. Everything was white and swirling, and…stark.
It all came back to her in a rush- she'd fallen off the cliff. Legolas and company were far away from her now, and they probably thought she had perished. And she'd fainted…but then who was in front of her?
Wait…blazingly bright green eyes. Red hair. Black leather in the middle of winter. Flawless skin.
Oh…no.
"Guess who's baack!" Phoenix said in a singsong voice.
---
"We have to find her!"
"Oh really? And how do you propose we do that? Huntress fell down into a seemingly bottomless gorge and presumably skewered herself on a rock! Even if she hadn't, the fall alone would have killed her!"
Legolas and Celeste were currently arguing over whether or not to search for Huntress, while Boromir and Pippin sat by and watched them. Over a day had passed since Huntress had fallen, but yet although the sky had cleared and the storm had passed, the tension was far from gone.
"How long do you think they will take?" Pippin asked, bewildered.
"Your guess is as good as mine." Boromir sighed.
"Legolas, listen to reason! She's dead. Gone. Buried. The Late or Former Huntress. Kicked the bucket. Pushing up daisies (or at least, she would be if this wasn't a frozen wasteland)…she's now an ex-Huntress!"
Pippin sighed. "Why didn't the Authoress just make this a Monty Python spoof, instead of dragging us into it?"
"She was too lazy to walk all the way to the library and take out the Monty Python videos for reference." Boromir replied.
Legolas shook his head. "We break the Fourth Wall more times then should be considered healthy…"
---
We interrupt this story to annoy you and make things generally irritating. Despite the fact that 'We' is merely an 'I' and the above sentence is a blatant rip-off of Monty Python, W- I mean, I have something extremely important to say:
This story is pointless.
Tomatoes and rotten fruit can be directed at the nearest lawyer. Or that axe-murderer over there, but that is not recommended for health reasons.
"My arm! He chopped off my arm!"
I thank you for your time. 'Subtle'? What's that?
---
"I won't tell you anything."
The 'Sue looked up at Huntress with an amused, patronizing look. "Oh really?"
The teenaged girl gave her a determined look. "You can break my bones, my body and my mind, but I'll never talk."
Phoenix smirked. "Oh really?"
"Just try it."
"Oh really?"
"Oh really?" Huntress mimicked in a high, girlish voice. "What are you, some sort of broken record?"
Phoenix placed a can of Dr. Pepper in front of her, and Huntress's eyes widened almost comically.
"SUGAR!" She pounced on it, fiddling with the tab to try and open it as the 'Sue watched smugly.
"If you can't even hold out against a can of soda, I'd hate to see you endure actual torture." Phoenix snickered at her glare.
"Shaddup." Huntress murmured.
---
"What is it with me and scene changes?" The authoress wondered out loud to herself.
---
Opening one swollen eye slowly, Huntress surveyed the colourful tent around her with disgust. It was full and stuffed to the brim with colourful eyesores and tacky junk, the likes of which she hadn't seen since she'd cleaned out her grandmother's attic last Christmas.
Huntress felt a pang of homesickness. I'll probably never see her again- or the rest of my family, for that matter.
It was a sad thing to admit, but in all honesty a ready possibility. Her eyesight went blurry, and for moment Huntress panicked, until she felt a tear fall unto her bound wrists.
Oh, I'm just crying. That's a relief.
Crying she could handle. After all, she seemed to be doing it a lot lately...
"So, how're you doin' my pet?"
Huntress blinked, looking at the Mary-Sue in confusion. When had she come in?
"Only a few minutes ago, didn't you hear the tent flaps rustle?"
What, she could read minds?
"Nope, you have a nasty habit of speaking your thoughts."
Huntress sighed. "Look, you've had your fun roughing me up, now why don't you just kill me?"
The 'Sue smirked; her 'emereld orbbs' flashing in the dim light. "'Cuz I want info."
Frankly, Huntress was beyond caring. The last few days (or was it a week?) hadn't been very kind to her, and she was pretty ticked off.
"You know where they are, so why don't you just tell me already?" The 'Sue hissed, her demeanour changing from smug to aggressive faster then you could say 'Mary-Sue'. Any evil villain would be proud.
Huntress tensed. Before all this, she had fancied herself as an unshakable person. She could watch gory, R-rated movies without flinching; she could make it through a Legolas/Aragorn/Frodo threesome without even batting an eyelash; she could walk through her sister's room and not even acknowledge the growling, shuddering pile of dirty clothes that had been there for years. But no matter how 'fearless' she had once thought of herself, it seems like it didn't count for anything here. She was scared stiff, and she knew it.
I'm not going to last long in Moria.
Oh well. She hadn't exactly lived her life to its fullest, but it could be worse. She could die in that inevitable car accident just moments after she got her license.
"Like, are you going to spend the rest of this chapter having an epiphany? Answer me, dammit!"
Something inside her just snapped. She was bloody well sick of this! Having to deal without chocolate or proper restrooms, being stuck in another world without television (or even books!) and traipsing across this god-forsaken country with a bunch of people who didn't trust her and would probably be better off without her. Frankly, the only thing that stopped her from breaking down into an all-out sobfest was the fact that she would be watching, and Huntress would be dammed before she cried in front of Phoenix.
"Fuck off." Huntress snarled, only to receive a punch in the face. Her head snapped back suddenly, and her neck jerked at an uncomfortable angle.
"I want answers. Now."
The games were over. Huntress was walking a thin line, and it was probably only a matter of time before Phoenix grew a brain cell and either killed her or used her as bait. She was trapped, and Huntress knew it. Nobody could save her now, except…
Legolas…Legolas will help me, won't he?
He had resisted the 'Sue before, and as far as they knew, he was the only one among them who could again. They weren't close, or even really friends, but he sort of trusted her. Besides, this was the age of chivalry, right? Somehow, she knew he would help her.
He had to.
And so she clung to that hope, even as a strange look crossed the 'Sues face and Huntress was forced to her feet.
---
"HUNTRESS!"
"IT IS NO USE LEGOLAS, WE WOULD BE BETTER OFF TRYING TO SEARCH FOR HER THEN SHOUTING HER NAME AIMLESSLY!"
At Boromir's words, Legolas looked back at the frost-bitten, weather ravaged group. Another blizzard had once again rolled in, and they were back to where they had started.
"WE CAN NOT JUST LEAVE HER!" He shouted back.
"I DO NOT LIKE THIS ANYMORE THEN YOU DO, BUT WE HAVE TO EITHER MOVE ON OR SCALE THE CLIFF! WHICH WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO?"
With some trepidation, Legolas looked down at the abyss, barely able to see and hear above the swirling snow and howling wind. No one could survive that fall. And then he made his decision.
Because there are just some things you can't joke about, and death was one of them.
---
And since the beginning author's notes were short, I will now proceed to bore you with extremely long ending notes, which you can ignore if you don't care. Ta.
Okay, first of all- this story will probably not be updated weekly or even biweekly from now on. Exams, tests, weird schedules and other such junk is keeping me from writing. I'll still post, it'll just take anywhere from three weeks to a month to update again after that :) Sorry, schoolwork comes first. Oh well, at least I'm doing well in that- got an A+ in History. ego swells O'course, Math and Art aren't so hot, but I'm working on that.
Yet another thing- I happened to (by some miracle) get more plot bunnies, so this (and TLHI and AFNFI) isn't the last foray I'll be taking into the fanfic community. Of course, there will be the humorish side to them, but I'm aiming for a more 'discreet' type of comedy, since I really need to work on writing that. It'll be a quite bit more serious than this or TLHI though. These are mostly for a few anime-ish fandoms, although I might start an HP fic or two.
Of course, I have three other Narnia fanfics to finish before then, so it may take awhile, but I'll try my best- I'll be writing like mad during the summer, I can assure you lol :)
Sharigan Master- There are flaws, but thankfully not extremely bad ones :)
Almenel-Miriel- Green eyes rock. -nods-
Amisara- Even if you decided to stop reading the story, I'm glad you decided to leave a review :) (Just would like to mention it is being revised now) As I said in my PM (in case you didn't get it), you can use that phrase if you give me credit and mention which story it came from.
glwbender90- Nice to see you around again! -hands glwbender90 loads of chocolate chip cookies-
Elven Dragon Rider- Go right ahead! I love people who add me to their C2s, especially if they ask first! ;D
shadow929- W00t! You reviewed again! I've happy to have gotten another faithful slave- er, reviewer ;D