A/N(start): Here's your long awaited chappy!
I have just added another picture link to the Picture Page! If you were having trouble viewing the 1st batch of pictures, I've added www(dot) in front of the i241 bit; earthseas-Tehanu said that was how she made them work.
This new picture I added is a SUPERB banner that another reader did for my story! IT IS SOOO GOOD!!!! You just HAVE to see it!!!! It is computer-generated but still…it is just brilliant!!!
Ok, onto the story…
Chapter 8:
"Don't hide, look at me"
Struggling to bring back her usual indifference to awkward situations, Jacq slowly lifted her head and met his eyes with hers.
They are so beautiful and tempting, you make me want to kiss you again, Jacq……
Self-conscious and disbelieving, Jacq did not know what to think anymore.
"W-why did you kiss me just now sensei…? Doesn't your heart only contain Ryouichi?! If so, don't play with me like this! I will not brook any disappointment!! …We have both hurt one another in our own different ways, but after that kiss you just gave me…I don't wanna fool around anymore…. Tell me what you meant by it!"
Tilting his head slightly to one side, Umeda contemplated over Jacq's words…. He doesn't trust me. He thinks I'm just playing with him as usual…I don't blame him…I usually do love playing with bishounens. However, this time, it's not like that……!!
"Jacq…I understand your suspicions and I know I'm the type that usually fools around with love. But you don't know how I've been struggling to hide my blooming attraction towards you recently…. I hardly know myself anymore…I say these sissy things and get these weak feelings inside…. It seems that facing your coldness hurts me…yet not facing it just kills me even more! I really don't know what to do, now that you've made me truly love again…and if you do not accept my love…you will justly murder me…!!"
Swooping down on her, Umeda kissed her again with more passion than the last. This time, Jacq couldn't help but kiss him back with equal if not more ardour. If your words are true Hokuto…then you have made me so happy! I am yours…if you really want me…
When he stopped, he asked,
"Oh, one question that's been bugging me…. What's going on between you and Nakatsu? You have no idea how it has been tormenting me…."
Chuckles "Oh, come on Ume – I mean, Hokuto…you should know me too well to know that I would love nothing better than to torture you as much as I can. Therefore, don't expect me to answer the question."
Shakes his head with a smile "That's what I love about you Jacq. I just love your brutality, cruelty, coldness, contempt and evilness! It puts me under the guillotine and yet I can't deny how it rouses so much suppressed love within me…You really have a way with me…you see through me like cellophane, and I'm not afraid to admit it! I love you so much Jacq!!"
Supporting the small of her back with his right hand, Umeda pulled her close. With his other hand, he caught the nape of her neck and tucked her head within the arc beneath his chin. Stroking her hair, Umeda tenderly kissed her locks and took in her scent.
Overcome by love and happiness, Jacq embraced him back with all her heart. Breathing in his cologne from his chest and running her hands along his back, her thoughts halted and her mind stilled. It was at this moment of carelessness, Jacq let loose her aura…
-----P-----
Umeda froze in his caress. With his level of intuition, there was no way he could not have noticed. He pulled back and stared at her with utter bewilderedness. He looked shocked and lost for words. There was denial and fear in his eyes. His intuition told him one thing, but his mind was confused and believed another… H-how could this be?!
Jacq stood rooted to the spot, shocked by her instant of weakness and stupidity. How did I…how did I slip just then? …Is love really such a powerful and fearful thing…? I-I didn't mean for you to find out yet…. What must you think of me!!? …I'm not prepared yet for your reactions and questions…please try to understand!!
"W-would you please not look at me like that Hokuto? I-I don't know what to say to you…. All I know is that I love you…and have loved you for a long time. Th-the only way I could make you love me back was by looking and behaving like a guy…I don't want to lose you like this Hokuto…would you at least try to understand my motives? My intentions were good… but I know my method of approach was irrational and hurtful…. All I wanted was you, and on an act of desperation, this was the selfish measure I took…I –"
"Don't!! Don't say anymore! I don't want to hear another word!! Y-you have tricked me…that is the hideous truth! I didn't think you were this cruel Jacq…I thought you had a good heart beneath that brutal mask of yours…sigh but I guess I was wrong.
I thought I was the guilty one playing with your feelings…but it seems that you had me in your palm the whole time…! You were the one manipulating me…. Don't expect me to have any sympathy for you!!!"
With that, he stormed for the staircase leading down from the roof and without even taking a single backward glance at Jacq, he slammed the door and disappeared down the stairs.
-----P-----
Jacq was paralysed and suddenly felt that all life was sucked out of everything. The pain compressed upon her like thin vacuum and she'd hardly any energy left neither to stand nor to speak. I hurt him…I've hurt him so badly…! I'm so brutal…yet I cannot change that. Will his love for me endure? Will his love make him forgive me?
I will not beg for his forgiveness …I have too much pride to do that. Either he comes for me or I will suffer alone until he says he no longer loves me…. However, I don't know if I'll be able to recover if he withdraws his love from me…I have done too much, gone too far…I really don't think I'll be able to bear the disappointment!!
Just then, the bell rang for afternoon classes. Dragging her leaden feet along the concrete roof, she opened the door to the staircase and went down to class.
-----P-----
"Why??!! Why, Jacq??!!!" Umeda paced his office with mad eyes and almost clawed at his hair as he remembered all the things Jacq said or did. He now realised that everything she did might have been planned and all the words she said, practised…. He felt a fool and yet the love he had for her still stayed despite everything…
I was a complete ass to love him – her!! How did he – she go past my detection?! His – her…oh god!! I'm so confused!!! There is just no way I can love her! It's impossible. My body rejects women……and yet…my mind cannot reject her!! I don't understand myself anymore! What am I to think? What am I supposed to do?!!!
Sweeping his arm angrily across his desk, he pushed all his paperwork onto the floor and slammed his palms down with a loud thud. Clenching his fists in frustration, Umeda gritted his teeth so tightly that his jaws became numb. He was furious yet confused…he simply did not know what to do…!
-----P-----
"Jacq? Are you alright? After lunch you couldn't even read aloud a simple passage that the teacher gave you…. What's wrong?" Taiki's concern comforted Jacq, but it did nothing to ease her pain…
"Taiki…Hok – I mean, Umeda sensei…he…he found out that I'm a girl…"
"What?!! How? Did our training fail? Is he that sensitive?"
"No, under your instructions this would never have happened…. It was my fault…I…. Well, he kissed me today on the rooftop of one of the buildings, and my head became dizzy with so much love and happiness…in a moment of empty mindedness…I slipped…"
"You slipped……I never expected love to have such a big effect on your disguise…but it's too late to be saying that now…. So how did he react?"
"He…he was infuriated with how I tricked and lied to him…He seemed so bitter Taiki…I really don't think he'll ever forgive me…"
Suddenly, all of Jacq's calm sedateness left her and silent tears crept from her usually cold dark blue eyes. No longer could she hide her heartache, and in front of Taiki, she exposed her inner sufferings that had been suppressed until now…
"J-Jacq! P-please don't cry…. Y-you hardly ever cry! Is the pain so overwhelming? Sigh I wish I could do something to help…considering that I was the one who agreed and even helped you to come to the school as a boy…I really shou –"
"N-no, …i-it's ok…. It's not your f-fault…sniff it really isn't. I-I just need some time to recover and think about my situation…but thank you so much for everything…If it weren't for you…I-I don't think I would have lasted s-so long in front of Umeda. So I thank you Taiki…"
Walking together the rest of the way to the dorms, they were both gravely silent. Fortunately, Nakatsu had soccer practise after school on Fridays, otherwise Jacq would have had to suppress her feelings for much longer than she would have liked to endure.
-----P-----
With his paperwork still scattered across his office floor, Umeda sat with an expression of deep thought and yet struggle. He seemed to be trying to decide something…yet could not come to a conclusion.
Suddenly he stood up and stayed very still.
"Right! I'll do it! I have to start somewhere…and if this is the first step, then…so be it!! Perhaps if I do this…I'll be able to make a decision about Jacq easier…it must be done!!"
Picking up his coat, Umeda hurried out of his office, locked the door with a shaky hand and made a call to Ryouichi.
-----P-----
"So what's wrong darling? Why were you so eager to invite me out tonight? Or did you just want to see me, my love?"
"…Would you stop calling me 'love' and 'darling'? I-I'm sick of hearing your untruthful endearments, lies and your insincerity." I must do this…I need to settle this… go on, do it!!
Ryouichi paused on a mid-puff of his cigarette and slowly turned to face Umeda.
"What was that you said? I don't think I heard you clearly…"
Ryouichi's arrogant sarcasm suddenly lit a fire of anger and confidence within Umeda, and the bitterness that was hidden for years poured out like the water from a bursting dam.
"You heard perfectly what I said! Stop what you're doing! Stop being a selfish narcissist; quit playing with my feelings for your enjoyment, your greed and also to fill up your black hole of an ego! I finally see no point in maintaining this poisonous connection between us, with the toxins only flowing one way and with me having to suffer for it!!!
I'm speaking so fast and yet I know exactly what I'm talking about! At last I had the courage to say this straight to your face and without feeling the slightest fear!! I'm sorry Ryouichi…but I'm finally finished with you!!!"
Ryouichi sat speechless in response to what he had just heard. He could not believe that Umeda had so much bottled up inside him. For some strange reason, he did not feel hurt, he was too cruel to know the meaning of that word. He was usually the one doing the hurting and compared to what he has done before, what Umeda just said was nothing!
Chuckles "So tell me, who changed you so much? Is it another one of those fake bishounen lovers at your school? I'd really love to meet this o –"
"Don't you dare talk about someone you don't know as if they were trash! You're the real trash Ryouichi! I loved you for so long…yet all you ever did was ignored and played with my feelings! I've done what I came here to do tonight, and so if you would be so kind…delete my cell number from your phone and never contact me unless if you've got an emergency! Good night!"
Leaving Ryouichi sitting at the bar with a slightly open mouth and a raised eyebrow, Umeda stepped out into the cool night air and suddenly felt so light. Now all that's left is Jacq's problem…I still can't quite forgive her yet but at least one thing is out of the way…I'm finally free of this awkward relationship!
-----P-----
Hokuto…Hokuto…can you hear my heart calling for you? Where are you?
Tormented by her distress, Jacq could not stay in her room with a talkative Nakatsu, and slipped out without a word when he went to use the bathroom.
Presently strolling along the streets, lit only by the cold phantasmal street lamps, Jacq felt calm yet more lonely and empty than ever before. She felt guilty and had almost lost all hope that Umeda would ever understand and forgive her for all that she did to him.
Amidst her worries, her sixth sense dulled, and she did not notice three guys following her in stealth. By the time she felt that something was wrong, it was already too late…
"Hey pretty face!"
"What are you doing hanging out on the streets this late?"
"Wanna join us for some fun tonight?"
Darting her eyes in all directions, Jacq came to the horrifying realisation that she was surrounded by those teenage boys she heard about in the school newsletters. It had said that they did not care what gender their victims were. All that mattered was that by morning, their prey had been played and messed with as much as possible…she was going to meet the same fate……
Before she could even utter one word of protest, she was dragged into a dark alley and struggled in vain as her hands and feet became bound on various pipes and poles. She sat with her arms and legs apart, and gave one last long cry of terror before they taped her mouth.
-----P-----
Making his way back to the school, Umeda suddenly felt very uncomfortable. It was as if he could feel something bad was going to happen or was happening. He looked around him and felt uneasy as the darkness and silence crushed him. He wanted to get back to his room as soon as possible and quickened his steps along the faintly lit pavement.
Then he heard it.
A long cry of fear and alarm echoed in his ears as he neared the school. It seemed to come from nowhere and yet reached him like a torrent that hit him in all directions. It sounded familiar…but he couldn't quite make out who it was. Following the sound as quickly and as accurately as he could, he stumbled upon an almost pitched-black alley between two old buildings. Looking closer and squinting his eyes in the weak light, he suddenly saw four shadows of teenagers…one of which was…
"JACQ??!!!!"
He had got there not a moment too soon. They had stripped off her uniform and were just about to discover the vest underneath her singlet. He saw the expression on her petrified face and guessed what had happened instantly.
Umeda froze for but a second and then with a surge of madness, he ran towards the three boys and began opening wounds in a fierce fight.
Blood brightened their shirts and smeared across the walls as Umeda took his turn with the boys, one at a time. By the time the last one had fled, Umeda's hands were covered in blood and many gashes had appeared on his face where one of them had cut with a knife. Picking up the knife from the ground, Umeda used it to break her free and then swiftly removed the tape from her mouth.
Rubbing her wrists and ankles for her, Umeda seemed more concerned about her state of mind than his own wounds. Jacq's voice disappeared and the only thing she managed to do which showed her gratitude was the on-rush of her rare tears. Finally finding her voice…
"H-Hokuto…how did you find me? Did you really feel my fear or did you hear my cry?"
"Both."
Staring into his eyes, Jacq wanted to believe that he had forgiven her…but she was still too proud to ask for it. Oh stop it! Just ask him Jacqueline! Did he not just save your life?!
"D-do you…I mean…are you still mad about what happened on the rooftop Hok –"
"If I was, would I have bothered to save you just now?! …I have my dignity as well Jacq…but my love for you is too strong…I can't seem to hate you despite what you have done to me…. You have no idea how confused I am…I wonder if I'm still gay…. But, to answer your deep-down question…yes, I have forgiven you."
More tears streamed down her cheeks but now they were ones of joy. Without warning, she wrapped her arms around his neck and between her sobs she managed to say,
"I-I'm so sorry Hokuto…I'm sorry to have hurt you so…. It's just that I loved you too much and since I knew you hated women…this was the only way I could think of…. I regret acting so recklessly and continuously being brutal an –"
Shutting her up with a firm and forceful kiss…it felt as if he was trying to let out all of his frustration and confusion. Jacq could feel the emotions behind the kiss as she tasted blood in his mouth from the fight. Pulling back, she suggested that they head back to school. Smiling down at her, Umeda suddenly picked her up, with her arms still around his neck.
"No Hokuto!! You're hurt! I can walk! Please don't hurt yourself more than you already are…"
He would not listen. Despite his aching pains, he carried her back to school, up the stairs to the second floor of the registration building and into his room right by his office. Carefully placing her onto his bed, he went into the bathroom to attend his wounds. Jacq saw him flinch in pain and immediately followed him to be of assistance.
They looked at each other…then burst into laughter for their own foolishness in so many things.
-----P-----
Chuckles "It's ok Hokuto! I can tuck myself in! I'm not a ten-year-old anymore!"
Umeda stood, looking down upon her as she lay on his bed. So vulnerable…so tempting…. All of a sudden, both of them became nervous. Their hearts thumped against the wall of their chest like the unpredictable sea against the rocks. Jacq experienced a strange fear similar to that time when she felt like a lamb in the mercy of a wolf; but this time, this fear was mixed with love and anticipation. For Umeda, this was the first time he became so close with a woman… and his body felt stiff and had not its usual suaveness like he had with men.
In spite of this…they loved each other for who they are inside…it should not matter what gender they are…so long as their love was pure…everything will come naturally…
"J-Jacq…do you want me?"
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A/N(end): Right now I'm actually feeling a little giddy and fearful about what you thought of that last bit…. Tell me pleeeeease how I did with this chapter's ending (and the beginning & middle too if you can manage), because I want to know if I made a good job there on the cliff-hanger…hehe!
Look forward to the next chappy! I work hard to write for you in spite of my exam pressures…so please review! (btw, my 1st lot of exams are over for now…so that's why I could write. They will start again in November so bear with me…!)