A/N: 04.15.2019

The past few weeks have been HELL! I cannot even begin to explain how stressed they made me! But, none of that now, because one thing that was fun and got me through the mess was writing this!

I really can't wait for you guys to read this!

Enjoy!

Session X: Desperado

"Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? You been out ridin' fences for so long now" ~ Eagles, "Desperado", Desperado, 1973

"Desperado," Faye whispered.

She got lost in the words and melody of the song as it played. She hadn't heard it since her father played it before their ill-fated shuttle flight. She'd only heard the song a few times but, after she got her memory back, she could remember it, clearly. Something about it always felt so haunting, so strange, and, yet, comforting and beautiful at the same time.

She was back in her own room in the port. She didn't feel like staying on the ship for the night. Being inside of the Bebop was making her feel confined and, after her talk with Elektra, she needed to think in a clear space. True, she was in a room, not even near the window, but, at least, she was surrounded by metal in every direction. That thought made her feel a bit more at peace.

She heard a knock on her door.

"Come in," she said, hardly thinking.

She heard the door open and looked to see Spike standing there.

Faye gasped. "Spike."

"Hey," Spike replied. "Uh… can I come in?"

"Sure."

He walked in the room, closing the door behind him.

She was surprised by that action. "This must be important."

"A little," he replied. He decided to rephrase. "Yeah, it is."

She motioned toward the bed, "Have a seat."

He sat down. It was then that he paid attention to the song, recognizing it instantly. "'Desperado'?"

She blinked in surprise. "Yeah. You know it?"

"Yeah. Must've heard it a hundred times, growing up." He chuckled, lightly. "How many songs do you know that I know?"

She shrugged, "How should I know? I didn't even know what I knew until I knew it."

"Well, at least, it proves you have good taste in music."

"That's something, I guess. And, since when do you love music?"

He shrugged, "I just do, that's all. Depends on the music."

"Learning a lot about your past, all of a sudden," she said.

"Crazy, huh?"

"Tell me about it." She stopped the song. "Did you need something?"

He looked around then back at her, "I, uh… wanted to talk to you. About everything. Going on with us, I mean."

She wanted to get excited to hear that but she wouldn't let herself. Yet. "Okay." Then she studied him. His eyes kept shifting. "Wait. Are you nervous?"

The question caught him off-guard. More because he didn't realize he was until she pointed out. He was also surprised that she could see it. He chuckled, softly. "I guess I am."

"That's out of character for you."

"What can I say? All of this is out of character for me." He took a second to figure out how to start this. "When I went after Vicious, when I… almost didn't come back, Jet told me you came after me. By yourself. Why?"

"Because he had a gunshot wound in his leg."

"That's not the only reason and we both know it."

She stared at him, blankly. "Do we?"

This was a moment of truth for them both. How Spike responded would definitely decide the direction this conversation would go and, in a way, the direction the rest of their lives would go.

Spike took a deep breath and answered, "Yeah. We do."

Faye actually felt slight relief at hearing that. However, she quickly became even more fearful at the prospect where this could go. "Fine. So, what are we doing about it?"

"Something," Spike answered. "I mean, shouldn't we? You've been really weird with me lately."

"As oppose to?"

"Usually, you're crass, irritating, and provoke reactions, intentionally."

All true, Faye couldn't deny that.

"Lately? You've been understanding, kind, and helpful. It's really freaking me out."

Faye scoffed. "Forgive me for caring. You almost died. For real, this time."

"Are you saying that you would've reacted any differently if I, suddenly, started being nice to you?" Spike asked. "Even if it was a near death experience?"

"I could say that." Faye exhaled. "But I'd be lying. And, you have, suddenly, started being nicer."

He looked at her, confused.

"'Nice dress'?"

He smirked a bit. "Well. It was."

"That's not the point!" She growled. "Look, we've got a ton of problems heading our way…"

"I know," he interrupted. "So, let's deal with this problem now."

"Am I a problem to you?"

"Am I one to you?"

Faye stopped. She didn't know how to respond to that, right away. "Not exactly."

"Well, you're not a problem for me," he admitted. "Just… a difficulty."

She wanted to take offense to that but she knew he didn't mean in a negative way and it was accurate on her end, as well. "How so?"

Here it was. The deep end. Spike took a breath and eased his way in.

"We've… known each other a while…" he began.

"That's the phrase you're going with?" she interrupted, raising an eyebrow.

"You got a better opener?"

She thought about that. No, she didn't. "You were saying?"

"Well…" Spike took a deep breath, "okay, long story short, something's going here. With us. Maybe it has been longer than we want to admit. But, lately… it… doesn't feel like it's going anywhere. It's definitely not going away."

"No," she admitted. "It's not."

"So… we're here. In this. And… it's looks like we've hit a place that neither of us can really run from."

"Looks that way."

"So. Where do you wanna go from here?"

"Why is it just my decision?"

"It's not, Faye. I'm asking."

Faye studied him. He seemed so sincere, so serious. But she wasn't sure if it was just an act, a kneejerk reaction to the past couple of days, or how he really felt. Plus, she knew how she felt but she wasn't sure if the rewards outweighed the risk. She was terrified that they didn't.

"Maybe it… could go somewhere," she admitted. "But that doesn't mean we should do anything about it!" she declared before she realized it.

He was actually surprised by that. But, even more, a little hurt. "What?"

She decided to stick to her guns on this. He came this far. That was enough. She would make it be enough in her heart, at least. Eventually. "You heard me." She steeled herself. "Look… I appreciate that you came here and talking to me but… there's no way we can actually do this." She shook her head, "There's just no way."

He stood up, perplexed. "Why?"

"Because we can't!" Faye cried out. She did her best to fight back her tears. She knew she was throwing away this chance to actually be with Spike. But she was convinced it wouldn't work anyway. Well, she wasn't convinced but she wasn't sure of anything, at this point. She went with what she knew: keep everyone at arm's length, even if it was the one person she was in love with. Even if it hurt like hell.

"We can't do this," Faye declared. "We can't act like things between us can just… be okay! Look at who we are! Who we've always been toward each other, how we act toward each other! And we got our own screwed up pasts! Me with everything I've lost. You with Julia!" She stopped. "How we can make anything work with all of that? We can't just… just… be in love!"

She said it. Both of them were taken aback by hearing that.

"We can't," Faye continued. "We can't kiss like a normal couple. Go… out on date." She looked away then whispered, "Make love to each other." She looked back at him, "We've been through too much for that."

Spike stared at her for a while. She brought up some good points, but he found that he didn't quite agree. "Have we?" he asked. "Have we really had so much go between us that we can't even… try?"

"Yes! Have you seen us?! We're a mess! We can't change who we are!"

"Who said that we had to?"

"Something would have to change, Spike! For this to work, something would! Something about us would have to change! But nothing ever will!"

Spike sighed and said, quietly, "Maybe… some things can."

"They won't and we both know it!" Faye argued.

"Then why are you still here, Faye? Why'd you stick around? Why not just run and stay away? Why'd you come back? Why'd you save me?" He looked at the door to her room. "Why'd you say we could talk when I walked in?" He looked back at her and admitted, "Because… like me… even if we don't know how to accept it, let alone say it… some part of us… wants to try."

She stared at him. He sounded sincere and it was starting to rip Faye apart because she wanted, so desperately, to believe it.

She wiped her eyes. "This is too much, Spike. I can't." She turned her back to him. "We can't."

He bowed his head, rubbed his face, and considered giving this up.

"Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy, she'll beat you if she's able, you know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet" ~ Eagles, "Desperado", Desperado, 1973

But he couldn't give up.

Something wouldn't let him.

He wouldn't let him.

Spike had come too far with this. He didn't want to leave without something coming from this. He needed to see this through and have a final resolution.

He thought of a surefire way to get one.

Spike sat back down on her bed. "You said that you were mad at me while I was asleep. That you vented about everything you were feeling."

"Yeah, so?" Faye asked, confused.

"So… say it now. Where I can hear you."

Faye shook her head, "You really don't wanna hear that."

Spike stared at her. "Yes, I do. You need it. And I deserve it."

"Hell, yeah, you do," Faye said.

"Then do it."

Faye stared at him silence for a while, considering his request. It was a risky move for both of them. She didn't know what their feelings would be toward each other if she unleashed this. If she said everything, it would hurt him. Maybe it would even hurt her to admit it all again. But she did want to say it all.

"Don't push me, Spike," she warned. "If you tell me to say this… all I've been feeling… all I felt since that day, because of that day… I'll say it. I won't hold back."

"I want to hear it, Faye," he declared.

He was serious. He wanted to hear all of this. Faye knew he meant it. She would give it to him.

After all, he asked for it.

"I hated you," Faye began.

Spike looked down but didn't lower his head. He didn't deserve to. He looked back at her as she continued.

"I mean… I was worried about you and wanted you to live but, God, I hated you! I hated you for choosing someone who was dead over us. Over me. We could've ran. Ran away and said screw them." Faye started pacing, "Screw the Red Dragons, screw Vicious, screw the whole damn mess! We could've gone anywhere else and stayed away from Mars for the rest of our lives!" She rubbed her face and turned to face him, "You go on and on about seeing if you were really alive! About living in a dream! But what about me?! I'm alive, Spike! Why didn't I matter enough to you to confirm that you were alive?! I know I'm alive! And I know that all of this, this crap-filled life, is not a dream! I know it because I live it! You should've known that, too! Instead of running for a life that was dead and gone! There was nothing there for you, Spike! Nothing of that life was worth going back for and you did it anyway! You did that to Jet and to me and I hated you for it! You arrogant, self-centered son of a bitch!"

Spike was amazed to see tears forming in her eyes. He knew he hurt her. He didn't realize how much.

Faye was breathing hard. All of it that came out in a more uncontrollable rage than she meant for it to. She took a deep breath and calmed down. She regarded Spike for a long while before admitting, "But… honestly? I get it."

He sat up straighter at hearing that.

She looked away. "After all, who the hell am I to talk? I ran. A lot. Because I was afraid. Of having friends, of counting on people. Counting on people since I woke up was always a horrible idea. But I counted on all of you. I still do. Then… I started to remember my old life. And I ran again. Hoping… praying… something of that life was left." She scoffed. "I couldn't leave the past behind any more than you could. Until… until I had nowhere left to go." She walked over to the bed and sat down next to him. "My old life… it's all gone. You. Jet. The ship. It's all I had left. All I have left. That's why… I was so mad. I hated you… because you're one of the few things I have left. And one of the few people I could ever count on." She pressed her hands to her face, steadying herself. She lowered her hands, gazing straight-ahead.

Spike took a deep breath. He never expected, in all the time he'd known her, to have a conversation like this with her. At first, he didn't know she was capable of feelings all of this, especially with him. But, at the same time, he wanted to hear it and was glad she told him. "I wasn't trying to hurt you, Faye."

Faye nodded, "I know. It didn't stop me from being pissed as all hell at you."

He scoffed. "Yeah, guess I can't blame you for that. I do have that effect on people."

"Yeah, you do."

He smirked but then it faded. "Are you still mad?"

"Not as much anymore." She stared into his eyes, "You want honesty? Fine. Here's honesty. As honest as I can possibly be. I… on some level… could… maybe… be… in… love… with you." She let out a huge breath, feeling like she just survived a gunfight. Then she quietly said it. What she wanted to say.

She gazed into his eyes, "I love you, Spike. That's the truth."

Spike stared at her, amazed. He didn't think she'd ever say it, plainly, like that.

"I want this. I want you. I want… what we could have." Faye took a second to breathe. "You and me. I want it to work. I never thought I would admit it but I do. But you have to want that, too. I know we're about to go through hell, but we can iron out the details later. But… just let know that there will be a 'later'. Tell me. If this is what you want, just tell me. Then, I'll know that and I can deal with everything else as it comes. Just tell me that you want me, you want this, and we can work it all out, whenever we have to."

He thought about everything she just said. He was silent for a while, almost too afraid to answer her. He realized that was the honesty she just gave him. It was only right to give it back. "What if I do? What if I want to try? And it terrifies the living hell out of me that that's what I want."

"Then, tell me that. I can handle more than you think, Spike. Just tell me. And don't lie to me or, especially, to yourself."

Being honest with himself. Faye had a way of phrasing things Spike wasn't expecting. It was more than the shock that these words were coming from Faye.

"So, what's it gonna be, cowboy?" she asked. "Do you want this?" She shrugged, slightly, "Do you want me?"

"You better let somebody love you, before it's too late" ~ Eagles, "Desperado", Desperado, 1973

He stared at her in silence for a few moments. Here it was. The moment he was dreading since he woke up and realized Faye was watching over him. But, now that it was staring him in the face, it didn't seem so bad.

He moved closer and leaned in.

He didn't get a hint of Faye stopping him.

She had no intention of doing so.

Spike completed his journey and pressed his lips to hers.

For two people who spent most of their time antagonizing each other, a kiss like this shouldn't have been possible. Faye was honestly shocked that Spike had it in him and vice versa. But they were both a long way from complaining. The kiss deepened and became locked in an embrace for several minutes.

Just for a moment, everything else fell away. They knew that the pain and fear would come back when the kiss ended but this one kiss made it all feel worth it.

After their kiss, they stared at each other for a while. This one unfamiliar territory and they didn't know what would happen next. But, they would go through it together. That made it easier to deal with.

"I want this to work, Faye," Spike whispered. "I want you. That's the truth. I just have a lot going on. And I'm really screwed up person."

"Yeah, I know," Faye replied, "but so am I."

"But… it'll be really hard with Vega in the picture. But… once it's done… we can work this out."

"Okay," she replied. "That's all I need."

"Even if I didn't say it back?" he asked, somewhat nervously.

"Right now, we need to worry about other stuff. I heard all I need to, for now." She smiled. "I can wait for everything else."

"Faye."

She looked at him, curiously.

"Thank you."

She smiled. "You're welcome."

Not Too Late, Space Cowboy…

A/N: What did you guys think? I know I have a smile on my face.

Next Session:

Spike and Faye let Jet and Elektra know what they have decided. The Bebop crew move their focus back to Kelvin and how he fits in with the Red Dragons. Meanwhile, after their confrontation with Spike, Vega, Kaito, and Hagen discuss how to proceed in dealing with Spike and how to handle an upcoming meeting with the Europa syndicate.

Next Session ~ Waiting Game