A/N: You better not shout, you better not cry! You better not pout I'm telling you why… Because if you do, Soul will appear infront of you in a tutu saying that he is in love with Excalibur. O.o

Warning: May be little hints of anti-Twilight! No offense to Twilight fans D=

Pairings: Hmmm I guess nothing today D= It's gonna be full out humor!

Disclaimer: If only Santa would give me Soul Eater for Christmas… *sniff*

A Happy Soul-Eating Christmas

The little cozy apartment was filled with joy. How cheesy, let me rephrase that: it was filled with mostly joy. It was also filled with furniture, a burnt fruitcake (Why, thank you Black Star), and memories of that one Christmas where Soul ate too many symmetrical Christmas cookies at Kid's house, got high, and killed the TV. The house looked incredibly warm and comfortable, and out the window you could see billions of snowflakes covering the ground. Actually, make that nine-hundred ninety-nine million, nine-hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine-hundred ninety nine snowflakes (FYI, that's 999,999,999). Black Star already ate the first snowflake that year.

Maka was up on her tippy toes trying to hang an ornament onto the tall tree. She cursed herself for being too short and went to the kitchen table to get a chair. On that same kitchen table, a small red radio was turned on and lit up the almost silent apartment.

Maka hummed to the tune playing on the radio.

"You better not shout. You better not cry. You better not pout I'm telling you why…"

Maka finally was able to get the ornament onto the tree and gazed at it proudly. Then, she looked at the rest of the empty tree and her face fell. She sighed and turned to the lazy white-haired boy sprawled on the couch looking for a new motorcycle in a catalog.

"Soul, you know, you could help me," she complained.

"And you could have developed better," the words spilled out of his mouth before he could catch it. He quickly looked up at his blonde partner and freaked out. "Oh shi-"

"MAKA CHOP!"

Soul rubbed his head, still conscious, which was actually pretty surprising. "Dang, that was lighter! I probably just lost five IQ points this time!" he said appreciatively.

"It's almost Christmas," she smiled lightly. "I'm trying to be nicer."

Soul began looking at his catalog again and Maka reached for another ornament. Her humming broke into song.

"He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake."

Soul smirked. "His name is Edward Cullen, so get ready to get raped."

Maka giggled and continued hanging up ornaments. "Now I know why you don't get presents from Santa every year."

Soul rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like you do."

Maka looked at him surprised as she hangs a little candy cane on the edge of a branch. "Of course I do! What, you don't believe in Santa?"

Soul boringly flipped the page. "Nope."

Maka gasped. "Really?! But he's real!"

At first, Soul thought she was joking, but when he saw her face, he realized she was dead serious. "Maka, seriously? A fat guy is lifted by friggin flying reindeer and goes to every house in the world before midnight? Isn't that, like, not enough time? And also, I'm pretty sure we don't have a chimney."

Maka crossed her arms, her right hand holding a Shinigami-sama ornament. "Well, it's not the same time everywhere in the world, so he has 24-hours to fly around, and he has elves, you dork."

"Maka! Didn't you ever catch your parents putting Christmas presents under the tree?"

Maka shook her head. "No, because they never did! Honestly, Soul, you must be the only person in Death City that doesn't believe in Santa Claus!"

Soul rolled his eyes. "Sure, Maka, like everyone in Death City believes in Santa Claus…"

"No! Seriously!" Maka quickly ran over to the kitchen to grab the phone and dialed a number. "Hi, Black Star? Oh, sorry." Maka quickly hung up before dialing again.

"Wrong number?"

"Sh-shut up!" Maka put the phone to her ear, turning red from embarrassment. "Black Star? Hi! Yeah," Maka sighed in relief, then suddenly her expression changed into a bit annoyed. "No, Black Star, you don't look good in pink. Anywho, do you believe in Santa Claus?" Maka paused for a moment, then she smiled and looked at Soul. "See! Black Star believes in Santa Claus!"

Soul raises his eyebrow. "Are you trying to convince me something with Black Star?"

Maka frowned. "Oh yeah, I forgot." Maka paused for a minute to listen. Then she became flustered. "No no no! I don't mean it like that! Sorry… Can I speak to Tsubaki?"

--

Tsubaki's eyes widened. "WHAT?! Soul doesn't believe in Santa?"

Black Star did a believable imitation.

"I just said that, Black Star," Tsubaki said before listening in again. "No!" Tsubaki paced around the room frantically while Black Star hung upside down on a bar. "But Santa's totally real!"

--

"I know! But Soul is so… Ugh!" Maka rolled her eyes.

Soul was now pretty sure he was the sanest person in Death City.

--

Once every year, Kid has his biggest OCD spasm ever; on Christmas decoration day.

Of course, he doesn't do it all by himself… He has Liz and Patty… Actually he technically does it by himself. Liz just works on the mistletoe hiding places for the party and Patty… Well… Patty doesn't do anything.

That is, she doesn't help with the decoration. Or does she? Would supervising count? Who knows?

Either way, Patty was just rocking her head side to side as the radio played Christmas songs. Liz, who was hanging mistletoe over a door hummed along. Kid tapped his foot to the rhythm and measured the distance from the wall to the Christmas wreath.

"Kyahaha!" Patty laughed. "That's the jingle bell… That's the jingle bell rock-ing around the Christmas tree on a happy- birthday to you!" Patty clapped her hands and Liz facepalmed.

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset…

"Ah!" Liz looked down in her pocket and winced at the tune. "I really need to change that ringtone." She lifted her head to the off tune girl. "Patty! Can you get my phone out of my pocket for me?" Liz tried to accurately place the mistletoe directly above. "Patty!" She was so ignored. Liz sighed, "Kid? Please?"

Kid smiled, "Sure." As he got closer to Liz, he started humming to the tune. Then, he started jumping and breaking into song. "She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts. She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers-"

"KID!" Liz smacked him in the head.

"Right," he coughed passively and reached for her phone… In her back pocket.

"WAH!" Liz dropped the mistletoe and the nail, which left a scratch on the floor. While Kid mourned, Liz groaned. "FORGET IT!" She picked up the phone (whoever was calling her must've really wanted to talk to her.) "Hullo?"

"KYAHAHAHA!" Black Star's voice traveled through and Liz had to hold the phone a good distance away from her ear. "LIZ! YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT!"

Huh, go figure. "What?"

"Soul doesn't believe in Santa!" Black Star snickered. "And you know what happens to non-believers."

Liz smirked. "In fact, I do."

--

"A week 'til Christmas and we still have to go to school," Soul complained loudly.

Maka sighed. "Get over it, Soul; you can't do anything about it."

"Well, I was gonna ditch until someone decided to be all good and crap and dragged me here!"

Maka looked offended. "I am not dragging you!"

Soul stared at her in disbelief. "Seriously?" Sure enough, Maka had Soul by the hood of his hoodie and was literally pulling the sitting scythe to school; Soul, on the other hand, was more worried that his jeans would be worn out and eventually tear, therefore, causing a huge ass rip.

Imagine if everyone saw those unicorn boxers that Maka bought him last year.

When they approached they're usual gang, they saw Black Star snickering on his cell phone. "Is your refrigerador running? Well, you better go catch it!"

So fail, Black Star. So fail.

--

Soul walked down the hallway, alone, going to get himself a soda. When he noticed something odd: everyone kept giving him strange looks, then walking off as if they've never seen him. Then, he saw a huge poster on top of the vending machine:

SOUL EATER EVANS DOESN'T BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUSE!

(Picture of Santa with a huge X)

P.S. BLACK STAR WUZ HERE! (But the R was backwards.)

When he whipped around to take a look at everyone, they snickered and some wise guy decided to shout "SHUN THE NONBELIEVER! SHUN!!! SHUNNNN!!!"

This was gonna be a long day.

-Christmas Eve 11:59 PM-

"You guys are idiots!" Soul said. "Santa isn't real!"

"Maka Chop!"

"I'm sorry."

"Good, now shut up."

Kid smiled, standing on top of a (symmetrical) podium. "Tonight, we will be awaiting Santa! Onliy ten more seconds!"

Everyone eagerly got up and glanced at the huge chimney. "TEN!"

Soul facepalmed. "I will laugh if Santa shows up."

"MAKA CHOP!"

"SEVEN!"

"OH EM GEEE!" Tsubaki hyperventilated and was immediately given a glass of water.

It's official: Death City is crazy.

"FIVE!"

"Do you think Santa wants my autograph?"

"No, Black Star."

Black Star looked crestfallen. "Oh…"

"THREE!"

"TWO!"

"ONE!"

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Black Star leaped up into the air.

"…"

Everyone stared at the chimney, as if expecting it to get up and do tricks. But nothing happened.

"What?" Maka's eyes clouded over. "But…"

"HA! I TOLD YOU LOSERS!" Soul laughed. Then, a light knock was heard on the door.

Everyone just stared blankly at it. The knock came again.

STAREEEE

KA BAM! A big fat man with a white beard and a red suit came in.

"OH EM GEE!!!" someone squealed. "IT'S SANTA!" Soul turned around toward the source of the squeal.

Stupid Black Star, now someone has to wake him up with smelling salts, again.

It's a good thing Soul's been wearing the same socks for two weeks.

While everyone frantically went forward to greet the jolly old man, Kid panicked.

"NO! THOSE DOORS WERE CUSTOM MADE AND PERFECTLY SYMMETRICAL!" Kid glanced in horror at the broken door. "NOW I'LL HAVE TO HAVE ALL THE DOORS IN THE HOUSE REMADE!"

Liz whistled. "Dayum, that's a lot of doors."

"EXACTLY!" Kid said, on the verge of passing out.

Santa glared at him. "Well, I knocked twice and nobody answered, what was I supposed to do?!"

"Uh… knock again?" Maka suggested. She turned and started prodding Soul with a fragment of broken glass from the door's little window. Soul was still in shock, so he was frozen.

But Maka had no idea that his arm spouted blood like a fountain.

Santa glared at Maka furiously. "Look you little b-," When he noticed the others staring at him innocently, he coughed. "Erm, I meant, ho ho ho!"

Maka gasped. "What'd you call me?!"

Santa facepalmed. "Look, losers, I came here for only one reason…"

Black Star looked at Santa with a questioning look. "To rape us all?"

"…"

Black Star leaned against Kid's symmetrical walls as if he said something quite obvious. "What? Doesn't it make sense? 'He knows when you are sleeping?' and 'He knows when you're awake?'"

Much to Kid's distress, Tsubaki started banging her head against the wall and caused some pictures to become slightly crooked.

"No," the creepy old man looked at Soul. "Soul Eater Evans…"

Soul snapped back from his trance and gulped. "Yeah?"

Santa reached into his large green bag.

(Black Star grinned and crossed his arms. "There's a body in there, I know it.")

"OH EM GEE!" Soul freaked out like a little girl. "A PRESENT FOR ME?"

Santa pulled out a box neatly wrapped in green paper and tied with bright red ribbon and handed it to Soul. Then, he pulled out another present. "Uh… Who the hell is Maka… FORGET THIS!" He threw the bag at Soul. "SEE YA SUCKERS! I'VE GOT AN INNOCENT LITTLE GIRL TO RA- I MEAN HELP!"

The deranged old man ran out toward the entrance, stepped on the mourning Kid, crushed the door with his fatness, ran over a couple reindeers, and headed off toward Spirit's "hide-out."

Suddenly, an elephant stampede headed toward Soul, who had the huge bag of gifts right in front of him. Luckily, everyone pushed him onto the couch behind him when trying to retrieve their presents.

Maka glanced happily at her big red box and Black Star took a seat on the couch next to Soul and started shaking the red box to see what was inside. Then, they heard the sound of glass breaking… And that was the end of Black Star's present.

Tsubaki looked at her little goodie bag of a present, then smiled, knowing that the thought counted (yeah right, she thinks it's expensive jewlery).

Kid was temporarily dead, but Liz and Patty will revive him later. For now, his present was safe in the bag. Or, it was safe until Patty became impatient looking for her present and crushed it. But in the end, she found her's, it was a circular and when she tapped it, it had a hollow feeling

"Onee-chan!" Patty smiled. "I wonder what it is!"

"Yeah," Liz rolled her eyes and opened her own small rectangular box to reveal a beautiful heart necklace. "Oh my god, THANK YOU SANTA!"

Patty tore the paper off her own circular present. "WOW! Onee-chan! It's a ball with a giraffe!" Patty giggled nonstop, then bounced the ball off the wall. Liz sighed as the red ball rebounded off the wall and hit the Shinigami picture on the opposite wall. This was gonna give Kid hell.

Tsubaki pulled on the ribbon string and peered through the opening. "Oh my god! It's so beautiful!" She pulled out the set of camelia hair accessories.

Black Star opened his present and realized that he broke only a little part of the gift, which was actually a huge glass star that had his name embedded into it. Except, now it said "lack tar."

Maka carefully peeled the tape off of her rather large box and peered inside. "Holy Shinigami! It's the whole encyclopedia set of all Kishin battles since 500 B.C.!" It was as if Santa was begging for Soul to be killed. Actually, he probably was. "Soul! Loo-!" Maka noticed Soul's expression. "Oh! Don't worry! I won't hit you… That hard…" The last part was muttered undetectably.

"No… Not that," Soul shoved the box toward Maka. Everyone leaned over her shoulder to take a look.

"…"

"…'

"GAHAHAAHA!" Black Star burst out laughing. "YOU GOT COAL!" Everyone followed his laughter and Soul was forced to just sit there.

"Awww…" Maka put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, I'll share my present with you.'

"Thanks, but no thanks," Soul looked down at his knees. "But I've been a good boy all year! WHY?!"

Sniff.

Maka's eyes widened. "Soul?! Are you crying?!"

"No…" Sniff. "It's allergy season…"

"No, it's not."

"GTFO!"

Black Star looked up. "What does that mean?"

Maka rolled her eyes. "It means I love you."

"Oh, okay," Black Star turned toward Tsubaki. "Tsubaki! GTFO!"

Tsubaki looked astonished, "O-okay then…" She started walking out of the room with Liz and Patty, who started giving Black Star sour looks.

Black Star stared blankly. "What?"

Poor guy.

--

A/N: Okay, it wasn't my best chapter ever… I'm sorry. *gets on knees* I BEG FO YO FORGIVENESSES!!! But either way, Merry Christmas! I think my cousin got me a hair straightener for Christmas. Because I've been wanting a straightener and my cousin said "You will really really like my present."

Okay, time for the usual threat: REVIEW OR SANTA WILL GIVE YOU COAL!!!

Soul: *sniff* I wanted a new motorcycle…

Maka: Get over it… Wimp