One man: Sodapop, made fun of constantly for his mysterious furred nipple.

Freaky nipple syndrome is what he had as a baby.

And of course, the Socs didn't like that. To be precise, the Fluffy Bunny Soc Gang. They stalked and taunted him mercilessly. Day after day, week after week for no apparent reason except his mysterious furred nipple.

Again and again, Sodapop seemed to have no hope...

but then... when things looked their bleakest and he seemed to be out of luck... a mysterious hood appeared to help him.

Mr. Miyagi... I mean... Steve.

Who took him back to his mysterious Greaser house to teach him the ancient ways of... kung fu... I mean... knife fights.

Who was this man?

Does anyone care?

All we know is that his training methods were harsh—really harsh.

And his cooking was bad... really bad. So bad, that it made people spit.

But then, a rival gang issued a cha--

"You hired an announcer?!"

Leah looked sheepishly down at her shoes. "But... he gave me candy..."

Darry scowled. "An announcer? Seriously? You hired an announcer?! And one that talks about Patrick's mysterious furred nipple like it's not even a person?!"

"HEY! I have no furred nipple..." Sodapop stated boldly, stripping off his shirt to reveal...

a mysterious furred nipple.

"Woah... what've I been smoking lately?" The boy wondered allowed, looking forward at the camera as the edges began to turn all weird and misty like...

A for sale sign sat on the table, surrounded by a pineapple, a spatula, and several small My Little Pony dolls.

"Do you have opium?"

The man sitting behind the table wore sunglasses and one of those pimp hats. He checked briefly under the table and then motioned to the items around the For Sale sign.

"How 'bout a spatula... or a pineapple? Ladies love the pineapples!"

"Dude, I have a girlfriend."

The man smirked. "Surrreeee."

"No, really, she's over there." Soda motioned to a girl sitting with her back to them, eating cheese. Her dirty blonde hair fell just past her shoulders. The outfit consisted of a sparkly black dress, complete with silver purse.

The man raised an eyebrow. "She's hot..."

Soda nodded with a grin. "Yup. Lemme just go tell her we'll be a while."

He approached his girlfriend and sat down across from her.

Johnny scowled. "Just get me outta here. Why couldn't you have used Evie?"

"Because Georgekuhamphabetsosolecatatoo knows Evie... besides, I wanted someone... exotic... and alluring."

The younger boy smiled, twisting a lock of his 'hair' around his finger. "Why... thank you."

Georgekuhamphabetsosolecatatoo approached the two with a look of suspicion in his eyes. As he got closer, Soda smiled.

"Hello Georgekuhamphabetsosolecatatoo!"

"Sodapop Patrick Curtis, you had Cade dress up in drag to make me want to sell you old drugs?"

"Actually," Soda began, smirking at his friend, "Cade was already in drag."

"Oh that's it, we are so over." Johnny muttered, standing up and stalking out of the room.

"Back to business."

"Yes."

"So how 'bout that pineapple?"

"No... I just want some opium." Soda said in a quiet and angry voice.

Georgekuhamphabetsosolecatatoo smiled nervously. "Why, it's right here in my hands! Here ya go, friend..." He exclaimed, handing over the bag of opium.

Soda sniffed the bag and grinned. "It's perfect! I'll take it!"

The camera went back into focus and zoomed in on Sodapop rocking in a rocking chair. "Yup... good times a—Jonathan... are you still in drag?"

Johnny stepped out from behind some curtains, still wearing the wig and dress. "Yes."

"Perfect..."

"Wait, what are we doing? Soda! DON'T STICK THAT THERE!"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

What happened? Why is Johnny in drag? AND WHAT DID SODA STICK THERE?!

Not there... sickos...

And I don't own The Karate Kid spoof movie from Youtube ((which was like, hilarious)) and I don't own Sgt. Bilko or The Outsiders