THE LOVE I HAD

~REMAKE~

CHAPTER 10

-THE BURIED LOVE-

...

They were planning on going out again and I was about to be left alone in the house.

Kyouya-san did asked me whether I want to go out with them or not but whenever I sense the wrath in my sister's silent; as always, I halt my steps and turn my backs from them.

"No. Thank you. I just ate." was all I said to him and smiled when I didn't have a single bite of food since yesterday.

I knew Natsu already sensing my overwhelming feelings I had for her husband. She was furious now.

And I had to lie.

I heard him just 'hn' me. I can never see his expression when he said that. I wonder if he saw through my lies.

"Kyouya, let's eat out today alright?"Natsu was begging him with intimate tone like she always does. I only shrugged away and made my way into the house with my hands approaching the wall and made my way with the aid of furniture in the house.

I know she was more beautiful than me even though we are twins, but she still had everything that I lack. People always said that twins are identical and the same but the fact is we are still different in some way. And maybe it was the truth when they say, the elder sister gave her everything for the other twin to live and survive in the new world while the eldest almost sacrificed her life whilst in the womb.

And that other twin might be me. She was the finest and I get all the deformities from both of us..

Every time I heard and looked at her perfection, I grew in jealousy but it ceased right away since I hate holding grudge.

Natsu was still begging her husband but it seems like Kyouya- san was reluctant to leave the house now. And somehow, my lips formed a small smile.

He really does care for me.

"Herbivore.. We will go out now. Don't damage everything in the house, okay?" He said strict as always, while I was showing him my back.

Within his harsh words, his voice slips his concerns for me. But, the fact is, he still loves Natsu more than me..

And my smiles wore out.

I wouldn't know whether he was sad or feeling guilty or feeling angry when I rejected the offer. I can't see his face expression. But I think I knew what he was feeling right now.

He might feel worse and guilty just like my feelings when I refused his offer.

But, why would he go if he felt the same way that I am?

Because we are one. He and I were actually one. But it was connected through Natsu. Should I say…Natsu is the hindrance?

'No,'

I was thankful because she was the reason why I can still feel him near me though I can't see him with my eyes. But it was just fine when I can still hear his soft, low and romantic, husky clear voice whenever he spokes to me; whenever he called for me.

Whenever he just walked passed by me before he walked straight to kiss Natsu behind my back… I felt sorry for myself. And sad..

But, it's alright.

It's because I love him. And I will always do.

I don't care if I am feeling gravely sad and over bearing like this.

It's because I love him, that I can still hanging on. It's like I'm gripping on a tightrope before falling down into the dark abyss.

I have nothing more to lose if I can feel him near me.

That's all I wished, but…

Is that all I really wanted? Up until now, I haven't been thinking about what I want. I just want Natsu and Kyouya-san to be happy ever after.

But is it alright? Just like that? I kept asking myself but still found no answer…

…

I've been bored. It's been five hours and they still haven't come back.

I sneaked into the master bedroom, it was their room, where they were having their happy moments and other things which would never happen with me.

The room was full with his fragrance and Natsu's. Forget about Natsu scent. It was all about Kyouya Hibari.

I took my steps towards his cupboard where his shirts were held nicely. I accidentally stumbled over the cupboard and fell seated inside the cupboard while I'm walking and the next thing I noticed that it was his scent.

The cupboard was full with his scents and colognes.

His ironed clothes, his scents, his everything, keep provoking my mind. I can't stops thinking about him.

I'm going to be crazy just having these crazy thought of him.

I just can't stop it.

The feeling is blooming rapidly inside my heart.

How much have I wanted to get him closed to me; to take his scent with me... I want to feel his warm embrace around me.

So, I pulled all his clothes into my embrace as a replacement of his warmth on me.

But it always flies with the thought. It never will happen in reality…to me. And so, I let go.

I should stop thinking like this.

Then, I walked to his study room which just a few steps away from the master bedroom; I accidentally touched his properties on the table which was sorted out neatly. Hence, instead of going away, I thought wickedly of using his properties.

I grinned and sat on his chair and pull out a pen from the box and tried to scratch something.

I chuckled slightly as memories of my school days appearing in the gray of my mind...

It was wonderful, funny and intoxicating; the feeling of doing something awkward for your love ones. It was a long distance memory. If I can't reach him by spoken words, I still could reach him through my writings.

'You're my Nuvola...'

That was the one thing I haven't sent him.

The pencil later, fell off my hand, as my heart begin to stir. The gust of wind shut the door close with a loud bump and I was startled again. My hands accidentally flicked away the glass which has always been there and suddenly the table turned into a mess.

I quickly dried it out using my clothes desperately and tried my best to put it back to its' usual places, but it was impossible since I didn't even know the actual places. It was my first time coming inside his study room and touching his belongings without his permission.

Suddenly I heard the door was widely opened again, and the back of my spine shivered.

"What were you doing inside my study?"

The voice was stern and protective. Oh, they are back from dinner.

I quickly, crumpled the piece of paper I used to scratch and write inside my palm. My hands are trembling. I tried to hide it and stood in front of the table agitatedly.

"Don't you hear? I said, what were you doing inside my study?" His voice was in high pitch this time.

He was angry…

I stammered and my limbs are trembling. "I-I – I didn't do anything. I swear. I swear Hibari-san. I didn't."

I didn't know what to do and I also didn't know where he was…and I didn't know that I faced the wall until a pair of cold hands nudges his hands around my shoulders and turned my body to face with him.

I can feel myself redden when he closed our distance…and feel his warm breath against my bangs..

'Don't do this Kyouya san…or I'll break again…'

I was too scared to say anything. I don't know if the water or ink had messed up his work or anything.

"I'm sorry…" is all I can mutter. "I'm sorry Hibari-san.." I looked down. I knew he was angry.

My feet were stiffened and it won't move and my stomach was squeezing tightly. Why was he silent after he yelled at me?

Why? It was killing me.

Suddenly, I feel a pair of thumb was circling my cheeks, wiping out my tears...gently. I didn't realize I had been crying over those memories when I was sitting until he touched my cheeks.

He wiped it, but the tears pouring more as I blink my eyes.

"Why were you inside my study?" He was still on with his question even when his hands were on my cheeks, but this time his voice was gentler. Why was he curious to know?

I am curious to know..

"It's nothing.." I distance myself from him, a few steps back. His warm hands immediately fell off from my arms.

The silent followed again…and it was the nerve-wrecking moment.

"What is that inside your palm?" I was surprised that he notice the paper crumpled in my palm. And so, my instinct brought my hands to my back.

He can't read it. It was supposed to be mine. And mine only.

Suddenly I heard a drape sounds of his shoes, fast and few seconds later, his hands was already on my palms, forcing me to opened it. His strength forced my hands to give in and I opened my palm.

The crumpled paper was in his possession now... Oh, god! I should have shred it it to pieces before he grab it! It's my mistakes.

I heard the sound of paper being opened, and at that time, I took my time to leave his study room.

I ran away frantically not knowing where should I go. I have forgotten the number of steps I should have taken.

I'm lost…

Suddenly an arm grabs my wrist and forcefully yanked me. The thought of Natsu going to slap me and pushed me out of stairs just like before, ghostly-whirling inside my mind like - I'm going to really die this time. I am going to die - but I never thought that someone pulled me into an embrace. This fragrance…

It was Kyouya…

"K-Kyouya san?" I incidentally stuttered. I was surprised by his action. Why would he embrace me? He shouldn't have done this.

"Are you idiot?" He suddenly whispered in my ears after a point of silent.

I didn't know what the answer should be.

"You almost fall from the stairs. Why would you run like that? You should be careful."

He was angry but at the same time his voice was filled with worry. He was worried about me. It never crossed my mind that he would care, because I'm just a nuisance.

But, it was not. He was being kind to me…too kind perhaps.

I supposed, I should have made him hates me more. We are supposed to keep our distance clear...

I tried to push him when I feel his lips smiling beside my neck while his hand was caressing my hairs and ghostly moving down to my neck that it makes me whined and tried to get away.

Oh..this is bad…the back of my eyes is burning hot again…

The tears unintentionally streaking down my cheeks and dampen his shoulder. I missed him so much..and I want him so much..

How long does it take to make him hold me like this?

My hand was hesitating to move on to his back. Should I hold him back? What if Natsu saw this?

She undoubtedly will be angry as hell. But who cares.. It was once in a life time. It was always hers, but at this time, at this second, he is mine.

He was mine…

And I held him back with my tears perking endlessly. I doubt he can't feel my trembling hands around his body. I knew he does. He felt it.

But I guess, he just ignores it and continue hugging me tenderly since I was crying. I felt secured and loved. For a moment, I think I can see him. I can see his figure…and his face…

A few seconds later, his hands fell down and he let me go slowly…his warmth slowly sipping out of me...

"Tsuna! There you are! We tried to search for you everywhere. Luckily, Kyouya found you!" Natsu cried out cheerfully as if she is really was glad that she found me. She circled her hands around my arms and we walked together side by side.

"Are you okay, Tsuna?" She asked worriedly, probably looking at my already dried face.

For a moment, I was thankful that he let go of me before Natsu saw us. I never wanted to betray her just like what she did to me.

"I'm fine…Where are we going?" I asked blankly.

"Now, Let's eat!" Natsu said cheerfully and lead me down the stairs carefully while I was still trying to understand. I can sense Kyoya-san presence behind me walking slowly. Step by steps. I stared at the unknown questioningly. 'Didn't they just had their dinner just now?'

"We bought the things for dinner and we will make a barbeque tonight!"

"Let's eat together." Kyouya-san said keeping his strictness but soft tone while following us from behind.

And a smiled curled on my lips…They cared for me…Kyouya-san cares for me.

...

XXX

...

"Waa! This was EXTREME!" And the man laughed loudly…

The BBQ was somewhat happening when Kyouya-san brought his never want to be - friend over to the house. And his friend brought his other friends to the house. That was Ryohei nii-san.

And the house was somewhat turning into a funfair with hot and spicy BBQ that night whereas, Natsu called her friends over and the place turning merrier...

I was completely blank that they were plotting a feast that night. I never could tell that both Kyouya-san and Natsu was trying to cheer me up.

And I was becoming selfish for thinking that they hate me. I didn't even noticed when my heart is turning too sensitive like an old woman when I'm just in my twenties.

I want to cry again…I slid my palm on my face trying to wipe away those tears…

'What's wrong with me?'

Why my heart did feels…painful…?

It ached…and I can't breathe…my lungs felt stuck…and it's heavy…

This was the biggest happiest day in my life since I got blind…but it still feels empty…and I want to cry…

Maybe It's 's not the same anymore…

I'm happy..but it's not the same… I can't see their faces. Their new face…

And I also can't see his smiles…

…

The night was loud that it can be heard from the other block.

Kyouya-san rarely talks when we were gathering. I just heard him grunts and sighed when the others were loud.

I wonder what he looks like in his work attire while he was so tired to create this extravagant BBQ. And I know…he also hates gathering… It must be toxicating to see him in his condition right now; such a hardworking and wonderful man.

I wonder what he felt during this entire racket…with Ryohei nii-san loud voice and Kusakabe-san whimpering about the works and his wife was trying to take him for a tour for all her friends again… he must be feeling irritated at all of them and just cursing silently under his breath.

I found myself smiles at the thought before feeling lonely all by myself again.

They were all happy while I just sit here silently…and alone; without any friends. Natsu gave me the orange juice, but it had finished for a while…and I'm getting thirsty back…

Kyouko-chan and friends hug me tightly as if they had known me forever even though we just met for the first time that day. I didn't know if they really cared or truly empathy with me…but I really don't need their sympathy…

They hug me and kissed me on the cheek before they gone home.

And their wetness lips still lingers on my cheek…and this weird feeling are growing inside me..

Did I felt treasured…?

Hence, I decided to walk on my legs again to shook off this feeling and part of that was because my stomach was hurling for foods...again…

I took my steps carefully but as the titled clumsiness rewarded, I still stumbled on the pavements and my knees hurt…sorely.

"Are you okay?" A voice came from beside me.

"I-I'm okay…I'm alright." It was him again. Why would I only meet him in my most embarrassing moments? I would stammer and really anxious when Kyouya-san was around me, and my cheek blushed faintly through the night…

I had thrown this sinful feeling away, but why? Why was it growing again?

"You should ask when you want something herbivore…" He said deadpan and I was stunned and still trying to ease my rapid heartbeat.

He suddenly pulled my hands and put something on my palms.

"Here, I guess you're hungry." I just blinked at him...not knowing what to say. What can I say? I didn't even know what was he giving me.

He sighs boredom, the heaviest since I ever hear, and I can hear the rustling sound of his pants as he stood beside me...

I thought he would just leave me, but no. He pulled my hand and helped me to stand to bring me somewhere I feel hotter. The fragrance of the BBQ snug into my nose continuously stimulating my stomach even more...

How did he know that I want to make my BBQ myself…? Even Natsu had forgotten about me when she had her friends.

I turned to look at him with my un-reactive brown eyes; feeling grateful, if he can realize it.

"Don't look at me like that…Tsunayoshi." He retorted silently, repressing his gentle voice.

I was surprised that he called me by my name…and I looked down again, feeling warm..

His warm palms suddenly were brushing against my hands and help me choose the fruits and the meat I want…

"This is chicken, and this is beef, and that side is fruits…which one would you like the most?"

I can feel his breath against my neck when he speak as he held my hands…and it's tempting to have his warm and sweating body brushing against mine. His perfume was still there even though he had been dwelling with the BBQ since hours ago…

It is blocking my senses.

My hands just followed whatever he made me do… Fillet the meats and the fruits… Grilling it..or whatever he does… He just leads me and I just followed…

Unconsciously, my brown eyes were on him while our hands were working together to grilled the chicken. I didn't know if I was caught staring at him.

I can't see him and I wished I could…

My subconscious mind told me to touch him…

I really want to touch him…to feel him…so that…

I can remember him…

The next thing I know, I realized he grip my hands tightly and forced me to eat. "Eat."

What am I thinking…?

"Thank you.." I fidgeted and smiled at myself and eat the foods I grilled by myself…with Kyouya-san…

I am happy…. I am truly happy at that moment…

It feels like he was my husband. Not Natsu's.

He took his seat beside me after he help me plopped on my seat…and I wonder why the place was so clear. Has everybody gone home?

"Where was Natsu?"

"We're the only here... Natsu had to send her friend's home since their car was broken suddenly…" He said lazily and sighed again.

I smiled silently… He sighed a lot tonight. He surely was tired as hell and wished he could sleep on rooftop tonight where nobody could disturb his peace.

The silent grew between us, and the sounds of the flickering flame were the only thing accompanied us.

My heart was throbbing faster than it already was. And my hands were colder than before. I wonder if he heard my heart beat.

I'm eating to my heart content to ignore my heart throbbing, and he was still silent. I didn't even know what he was doing.

"Do you want some H-Hibari-san?" and I shove that chicken I was eating to his mouth.

"I'm full. Seeing you eat already makes me full." He repeats.

Suddenly, he wipes my lips with his thumb. I guessed it was the sauce and I bowed down frantically ashamed of myself.

"Thank you." My cheek was turning pink again.

He snorted a bit, "Did you forget something, Tsunayoshi?"

"What is?"

Impregnable silent followed the sparks of the charcoal, that's making my heart jump out of it's cage.

"Happy birthday..."

My eyes widen as he whispered wishes in my ear. He did remember! Her ears immediately turned red.

"Ah, thanks. Hibari-san. H-how did you know?"

"Hn," he smiled, " - how can I not know if Natsu has been persistent to make a hastily-short notice party for her birthday."

"Oh...I am not surprised. It's Natsu after all." I laughed awkwardly. Years have gone and it already reach the day I turned 20. I haven't really count on the days and dates.

Why do I feel there was some tension growing between us?

I'm feeling confused. What did he want?"

The flickering sounds of the fire charcoal makes me startle a bit. I am afraid if it will burn my skin.

"Tell me Tsunayoshi…why do I feel like I have been waiting for you all this time?"

My heart suddenly stopped beating. "W-what?"

He called me by my name, and my lung was stuck again...

I was speechless…

What did he mean…?

And I don't know what to do...

What should I do…?

XXX

A/N: A bit of arrangement here and there...