"What are you doing here, Hogan?"
Hogan always made a bet with himself over what Klink would say first. He had just won tonight's wager; he hoped it was a good sign.
"I'm here to represent the interests of my men, sir," he said.
"Your men," replied Klink, "are in serious trouble." He looked very pleased with himself. "Attempting to escape carries severe penalties, as you are well aware."
The Kommandant took his place at the desk; for a moment, his back was turned, and Hogan took the opportunity to send a silent query to LeBeau, who gave a tiny negative head-shake. No pick-up, then, and no code book; one less thing to worry about.
Klink, sitting very upright, regarded the two offenders with a pitying expression.
"How did you escape the compound?" he asked. Right on cue, thought Hogan. He had just won his second bet.
LeBeau stood very straight, gazing into the distance. Carter just looked slightly puzzled, as if he'd been asked where his dinosaur was.
"Kommandant," said Hogan, "you can't expect these men to answer that."
"Silence, Hogan!"
"I'm just saying, you wouldn't want them to tell tales on the guards, would you? I mean, anyone can forget to lock a gate..."
"Hogan....!" The Kommandant rose, and walked round the desk. He stopped in front of LeBeau. "Well, cockroach?"
LeBeau didn't even blink. "I have nothing to say," he replied, with his eyes fixed at the level of Klink's armpit. The temperamental little Frenchman was in death-before-dishonour mode; he could maintain this ice-cold demeanour all night and beyond, if he had to. Klink knew this, and moved on to the easier target.
"Sergeant Carter?"
Carter's brow wrinkled. "Yes, Kommandant?"
"Sergeant Carter, I am asking you how you got out of the compound."
The bemused look deepened. "You mean today, sir?"
"Yes, today." The familiar frustrated whine was manifesting.
Carter pondered for a few seconds. "You know," he said at length, "there was so much going on, I've forgotten."
Hogan, standing behind Klink, gave him a small nod of approval. The Germans almost always assumed that Carter was the weak link, but when he chose to play dumb, there was nobody who could be dumber. Klink's irritation was rising, and the higher it rose, the more the situation slipped out of his control.
He changed tack. "Were you meeting anyone outside?"
"You mean today, sir?" said Carter again.
"Yes, yes, today!"
"Like who, sir?"
"Anyone!"
"I don't think I know anyone round here. LeBeau, do you know anyone round here?" LeBeau gave him the most beautiful dirty look; for a second Hogan thought he meant it. He decided to muddy the waters a little.
"Kommandant, I resent that question," he said angrily. "You're accusing these men of clandestine behaviour."
"Hogan, I will not tell you again...!"
"Well, I'm sorry, sir, but I can't stand by while you make these wild accusations. My men may have their faults, but they'd never go sneaking round meeting people behind your back. It wouldn't be respectful."
It was lucky that Klink was looking at him. LeBeau's face twitched uncontrollably, and Carter went red with suppressed laughter. Even the guards standing behind them exchanged expressive glances.
Klink glared at him. "Hogan," he said, "I advise you to tread carefully. I am this close to sending these men to the cooler for the duration of the war. One more word and I may send you there with them." That was an empty threat, but he might well lock up the pair for a few days. Under the circumstances, not a desirable result. Hogan prepared to backpedal.
There was a rap at the door, and two of the guards burst in with scant regard for protocol. "Herr Kommandant!" one of them bellowed. Everyone winced. It was a small office.
"Yes, Schaeffer, what is it?" said Klink, in a pained voice.
"We have found a place where the wire has been cut, Herr Kommandant," said Schaeffer, still too loudly. "And we found these." He held up a set of wire cutters.
"That was quick," observed Hogan appreciatively. He recognised the cutters. Newkirk had acquired them from the Germans some time before. Shame to lose them, but at least there would be no awkward questions about how the wire was cut. They could always get a new set, when things settled down.
Klink regarded them suspiciously, then turned on Carter, ignoring LeBeau. "Where did you get these wire cutters?" he demanded.
"They look like yours, Kommandant," said Hogan, trying as always to be helpful.
"Thank you, Hogan. You have not heard the last of this. Thirty days in the cooler for these two men."
"Oh, come on, sir, have a heart," protested Hogan.
"Anything more from you, Hogan, and it will be sixty days. Take them away."
Hogan gave his men an apologetic look, and wondered if all parents felt like this when their children reached the stubborn age.