Chapter 9

EPOV

"That's it!" now I totally understand!

"What's it?" Jake looked really confused but why? Wasn't it so obvious?

"That's it Jake! I'm in love with her!" why was he looking at me like that? "I'm serious!"

JPOV

"What the..!? Edward do I look stupid? How is it possible? A couple of minutes ago you didn't have a clue about what love is! And now you claim that you love her? Oh come on… drop it I'm not going to help you anyway." He came here asking my help to make Bella fall for him only to be the perfect couple and now he says he loves her! I swear that man is driving me crazy! And I'm not gonna let him hurt Bella..again.

"Jake I mean it!"

"Look Edward get over it, Bella's fine with Adrian so forget it and move on to the next Barbie you see and I'm sure you'll forget the matter immediately!" I know it sounded harsh but it wasn't. Edward's actually like this so that would be the normal thing for him to do.

"No, Jake you don't understand! I want her as I've ever wanted anyone else! I think of her everyday! It's not like a stupid crash it's serious this time!"

"Edward I know you, you feel like that because she is not available, because she is with someone else- who by the way is your best friend- and she decided to move on at last! I can see what you think of her and I assure you it's not love at all. You keep saying that you WANT her and this is where you making the mistake. I can tell that you see her in a different way now than you did three years ago but this way isn't love. Maybe it's simple lust or a big crush now that you saw how beautiful she really is but definitely not real love!" I told him all these very quickly and I was breathing heavily. I was sick and tired of him playing around with girls and someone had to tell him about the existence of true feelings. And that someone had to be me.

"And who the hell are you Jacob that you'll tell me how I feel? Do you really know about what you're talking about? Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever been in love? So stop with the preaching and help me okay?" he'd stand up and was yelling at me! How dare he!

"Shut up Edward! Shut the fuck up!" I was so mad now that I was literally screaming as hard as possible, right in front of his face! I was out of control but he made me lose it! "What the hell do you know about me? You dare coming here asking for my help and you don't even know what had happened all this time! What do you know about me? If I was in love? If I am still in love? Maybe some years ago I could understand you but now I can't. You have no right to judge me since you didn't even bother to call me." Only now that I had him before me I realized how much it had hurt to loose a good friend ,because he used to be one.

Anyway I had convinced myself that this friendship was over until an hour ago. He was standing here in front of me totally speechless. It was time for him to shut up andface reality. Maybe I had hurt him but that was the truth and he had to pick up some common sense one day. It took him several minutes to answer.

"Jake, you're right… I don't now anything. I made a big mistake but I thought you could help me. Never mind, sorry… I have to go." And with these words he stood up, walked through the door and out of the house! I was standing there unable to understand what on earth had happened in the last one hour…

EPOV

All the way back home I was unable to think straight but Jake's words had stuck on my mind for good. I was driving fast, very fast, trying to reach home as soon as possible. I hoped Alice was still awake. I didn't know exactly what was bothering me more, that my proud had been hurt or that Jake was actually right.

I didn't bother to park the car in the garage, I just left it there in the front door and ran inside. The house was dark so I assumed Esmee was fast asleep but it was too early for Alice being in bed. I rushed through the door without knocking and found her sitting on her bed doing her hair, her laptop on her lap.

"Edward! What are you doing? Can you knock that darn door for once?" she said irritated.

"Is Bella in love with Adrian?" okay I know I gave myself away but I didn't care, I had to organize my plan! And the first thing I should know was if she was really happy with him. If she was, then I would have to wait till he made one mistake, one small mistake so I could be there for her… ready to help her and of course… make her see how much she really loves me. I wanted her to remember the way she felt for me some years ago. Now we had the chance to be together and I wouldn't let this jerk to be on our way!

"Edward what the heck are you talking about? Do you know what time is it? And most importantly why do you even care?" she looked at me narrowing her eyes… come on Alice I thought you were smart…and yes! I saw it in her eyes, she got it!

"Oh, please! Please, don't tell me…" she was outraged now.

"Yes Alice! But please don't ask more and tell me only this. I swear I'll be good! I won't do anything wrong just tell me!"

"Well…yes I think she is…or at least, that's what's she tells me…sorry…" she frowned, avoiding looking at me. Okay I kind of expecting that so it wasn't so hard, but now I had to do the second question that mattered…

"Alice… am I a jerk?" people had been telling me that all the time the last two days and the time to face it had come…

"What?" was she uncomfortable with the question? Does that mean that she thinks I am? My own sister?

"Alice!" I was pretty speechless!

"No, no listen Edward, you are my brother and I love you but I have to be honest with you, there're times that you behave like a total jerk…like you're not thinking at all and I know that you are damn smart. I'm sorry I know that it's not the best thing to tell you…but…" poor Alice, she was on the verge of tears like that was her fault…

"It's okay Alice…thanks" before she was able to speak I turned around and walked out of the room.

I entered my dark room and locked the door. I didn't want anyone to bother me, I had serious thinking to do. I sat on the window seat, resting my head on the cold glass. I had a splitting headache and the cold was all I needed to clear my head off.

First and foremost there was Bella, who came as a complete surprise into my world and then there was me, the school president, the most famous and wanted guy not only in L.A but also here in the middle of nowhere. But according to everyone-including my sister- I am a total asshole. And this is the time to face reality and start from the beginning.

Three hours had passed and I was still there sitting by the window, fully dressed and having no intention to move. And it was then that her face appeared in my mind. Oh God, was she beautiful. Her pretty face, her smile, her warm eyes… But an old memory came to my mind too. And it was not beautiful at all.

First it was the last day I saw her before I left three years ago, the same day she confessed me her love for me…but now I was watching this from a whole different perspective. All the words I said to her, every insult, I could actually 'see' them in my mind. And that wasn't good. If I was her I would have definitely thrown me a punch! But she didn't do it, she was standing there facing me patiently, proudly, accepting every word I told her, all the humiliation because… because she loved me.

What a fool had I been! Damn me! Jake was right I don't deserve her, I've hurt her so much! That memory was followed by another, the scene between me and Bella this morning in the parking lot. I was feeling so sure for my self that I didn't bother to think if she still wanted to be with me.

Actually what made my behaviour even worse was that I'd already seen her with Adrian. I knew that they were together but not even that was enough to stop me. The truth was that I believed she was with him to make me jealous or to fill the gap my absence left! I couldn't think that for more so I closed my eyes tight and tried as hard as I could to empty my mind.

I was walking alone in a dark forest, I didn't know if it was day or night. I had no choice but to keep walking and find the way out of this wet, scary forest. Somewhere inside me I knew that must be the forest near my house here in Forks but I couldn't be completely sure so I kept going until I saw it.

It was my house indeed. But it was strange, it had an odd appearance and it was giving me the impression of an old empty shell, like nobody was living there. As I entered it I realized that my family wasn't there, I was alone. I searched the whole house but I found no sign of them, nothing that proved anyone else was living there, but me. Because all my personal stuff were there untouched. How strange.

As I was wandering around the house I walked in front of a gigantic mirror with sculptured frame, one Esmee had put in the big hall. I thought I saw someone in it, someone who wasn't me. I turned around quickly but nobody was there, I was alone. I looked again at the mirror and I was horrified by what I saw!

I didn't realized it at first but the person I saw earlier it was me! But it didn't look like me at all! My face was the scariest thing I've ever seen. It was full of deep scars and blood and my characteristics had been alienated! I couldn't recognize my one face! I was a beast! The person in the mirror smiled at me, a full wide smile that made my hurt stop and sent chills down my spine! I stepped back and fell on the floor something that made him laugh with a cold terrifying laugh.

"Don't run Edward. You can't get away from your own self…from your own soul…"

I was screaming and covering my eyes!

I opened my eyes and sat up so quickly that I lost my balance and I had to sit down again. I was breathing so heavily and my heart was pounding so loud I could hear it.

What a nightmare. I watched the damn movie of Dorian Gray last week on television. A really bad idea. I am not that bad of course but with all the things that happened yesterday I must've been influenced by that stupid movie. As soon as I started to calm down I noticed that it was early in the morning and I heard footsteps and noises around the house, so obviously the others had waken up too.

I got up and stretched, my whole body was in pain because I spent all night sleeping on the window seat. I was in dire need of coffee right now, but I wanted all the others to leave first, I wasn't on the mood for questions. I was ready to have a shower when I heard someone knocking on my door. I knew it was Alice but I didn't want to talk so I pretended I didn't hear. But she was as stubborn as I was so when she realized I was avoiding her she started knocking so hard that even a deaf man would have heard it.

"What?" I opened the door determined to end with the situation quickly. She was surprised but she kept a straight face.

"Good morning to you too, Edward. You're not ready yet? We'll be late for school."

"I'm not coming Alice, I'm ditching school today so don't wait for me." I was about to close the door but she put her hand on the frame preventing me for doing it.

"Listen Edward if it is about last night…what I said… I'm sorry." What was she talking about? She helped me understand many things.

"No, Alice there's no need from you to apologize, really. You where honest and I appreciate that so stop worrying about it. I just wanna stay home today okay? Go now if you don't wanna be late. See you later." She eyed me suspiciously but didn't say more.

I spent the rest of the day in my room drinking a big amount of coffee and thinking. The truth was I had tons of problems to solve and first I had to change my attitude. And that was the hardest of all.

I was about to see things on a different way. I would start being honest and down to earth, caring for others and most importantly, stop judging people by their good looks. If I wanted to be a better person and of course make Bella love me-ore even like me- again I had to work hard, to do my best.

Finally I was sure for one thing only. I was gonna make it, Jacob helping me or not.

Hey guys this is the next chapter! We have to teenage boys fighting and and Edward determined to cheange and win Bella's friendship back!Back does people change?We'll see about that ;) Sorry it took me so long to update but I was out of town for the holidays! Sorry again! Oh don't forget to show me some love! xx