You'll never know how to make it on your own and you'll never show weakness for letting go.
I guess you're still hurt, if this is over; do you really wanna be alone?
If you're pretending from the start, like this, with a tight grip,
Then my kiss can mend your broken heart, I might miss everything you said to me.
And I can give you broken parts that might fit like this.
And I will give you all my heart, so can we start it all over again?

Chapter Ten – Over Again

Dear Diary,

I haven't wrote in months, but I haven't felt like the same person in months. I feel like I am an outsider of my own body, staring through the pores of my skin. This isn't who I wanted to be. It's not who I am. Who am I? I'm Malina Gilbert – betrayer of all whom I love, sleaze between two best friends, runner with the vampires, horrible friend of a witch, and a terrible twin sister.

I've made all the wrong choices. I've given into the temptations of the darkness around me. I've let the darkness consume me. But the thing is, I'm okay with it.

Damon Salvatore cut into the darkest parts of me, but he swallowed me whole. I'm intrigued by him. His dashing good looks, wicked smile, and venomous personality. He's poisoned me. He's all I ever think about and now he's gone. He left Mystic Falls last night, and I am not okay. I think I am falling in love with him.

I walked out of the house with Elena following behind me quickly. Her pace was slow and sluggish. "So how are you holding up about Stefan?" She kept her eyes glued to the pavement. I sucked in a long breath, the cold air snipping at my nose. "I'm sorry for bring it up."

She shook her head and let her palms hit the side of her thighs, "He knows where I stand in our relationship. I decided to stop asking him questions. He wouldn't give me any answers anyway. How are you about Damon?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, I'm horrible. "Fine, moving forward." I decided to lie, I didn't need her pestering the truth out of me. "I'm not going to let some guy dictate my life."

She grinned, "Good. Exactly what I wanted to hear. I thought you might say you were devastated and had major feelings for him. Yuck," She gagged and made a barf face. I forced a laugh out of myself, but she didn't see through the façade.

I shook my head and we turned the corner and towards the building of our school. I stuffed my hands into my pockets, "No. Of course not."

I stood with Tyler and a couple of his football friends by his locker. He was shoving his books into his locker and I pulled at my ponytail. Matt and Caroline walked by, flirting and laughing. Caroline touched his arm playfully and looked over towards me. She flashed a thankful smile at me and I waved back at her. Tyler followed them down the hallway with his eyes until they ducked into their classroom and he turned to me. He gave me a confused look, "Wait. You know about this?"

I turned to look at him and his friends walked away, leaving us alone. I shrugged my shoulders, "He was there for her the other night. I guess she finally had the balls to tell him how she felt. Well, after I practically had to force the truth out of her."

He raised his eyebrows, "And you're okay with it?"

I turned around completely to face him, "Yes. We had a minor fling, he's my best friend. If Caroline likes him, I'm not going to hold her back from her feelings. She deserves something good in her life." I smiled a little.

He grinned, "Look at that. Optimistic and a smile out of you before 8 a.m.? Someone take a picture, we don't get to see this very often anymore." The bell rang loudly through the building and everyone began to close their lockers and disperse from their friends.

I punched his arm as we began to walk down the hallway to our classrooms, "Shut up, Ty. I'll kick your ass and you know I can."

He shrugged lightly, "You know maybe you used to be able to kick my ass. But I'm a lot stronger now, like five times stronger. Pretty hard to beat now."

I rolled my eyes, "That's what they all say, darling." I winked at him before ducking into my history class. Matt stared at me as I smiled all the way to the desk beside him. "Hey, Matthew."

"What's got you so chipper?" He raised an eyebrow and looked out the door where Tyler was still standing. His back was turned away from us as he waited for his other friends to catch up to him. Matt turned back to me and narrowed his eyes, "Is that smile because of Tyler?"

I smacked his arm, "Even if it was. I wouldn't tell you. But fine, perhaps it is. Sue me," I teased and he placed his chin in his hand. "What?"

He shrugged, "Why the sudden change of heart with Tyler? I thought you were all about Damon?"

"Uh-uh, we are not turning this conversation into Damon." He sharpened his eyes on mine and I sighed heavily, "He left town last night." I spazzed my hand out in front of me before trying to calm down and folding my arms in front of me on the desk. "I'm not letting him tie me down. Tyler makes me laugh and feel good. I want to see where things go."

He nodded, "You've both changed now. Do you really believe you'll be able to let things go back to normal?"

"Don't rain on my parade, you have your little blonde Barbie around your finger. My turn to fix my relationships."

I ran up to where Tyler and Matt were playing basketball together on the court outside. I wrapped my hands around Tyler's eyes and he turned around to look at me, "What are we talking about over here, fellas?"

I took the basketball out of Tyler's hands and he shook his head as I began to dribble. "Talking about Donovan's little crush on Caroline. They are about to become we-people." Matt stared at him in confusion, "We-people?"

Tyler switched courts with Matt and I tossed him the ball. "Yeah, we can't make to the party. We'll never miss a game." I joined in and we both tilted our heads to the side to look at each other, "We don't like the color red." He started laughing and slumped his arm around my shoulders.

Matt threw the ball and it went in easily, "We hung out like twice." He stared at us, arm in arm, and jerked his head to the side. "What's going on with the two of you?"

I looked up at Tyler, "We already were we-people. It's always going to be a thing."

Matt shook his head handing me the ball, "Not what I meant."

I passed Tyler the ball, "Tyler. Since Matt is hovering us, I have a question for you. Would you neglect to go on a date tonight at the Grill, let's say 7 o'clock?"

He walked over to me, "Is this actually you asking or because Matt is pestering you?"

I glared at him, "Me. You dip-shit!"

He bounced the ball off of the top of my head and I sucked in a breath. "Keep calling me names and I might have to decline your offer." I crossed my arms, "Of course, Mali."

Matt scoffed, "I feel like I just witnessed my parents getting back together." Tyler chucked the ball at Matt, but he caught it easily. "Just saying. We should probably get ready for the Career Fair soon, though."

I bit my lip, "About that. I don't think I'm going this year. I already know what I want to be."

Tyler scratched the back of his neck, "Yeah. I have no idea, so I'll definitely be going with you Matt."

I nudged Matt's arm, "You still wanna be an astronaut? So you can eat outer space food."

He shook his head, "I was eight when I told you that."

Tyler joined in, "Mali, do you still want to become Hannah Montana? I remember all those horrible dance moves you used to impersonate. And the singing, I'll never be able to forget the singing." He shook his head at the thought.

"Shut up, I was a great singer and dancer!" I sighed, "You know what. I'm going to go with you then we can just go to the Grill right after."

Matt laughed as he took a backwards step, "You know. Now I think I'm understanding this whole we-people thing."

I spotted Tyler from down the hallway so I made my way over to him as quietly as possible. I walked behind Tyler and trailed my hands down his back. He turned around and pulled me into a hug, "Hey." He scanned me with his eyes, "You look great."

I smiled, "So do you."

We walked over to the art section and started skimming through them. I noticed one with his name on it and slammed my hand on it, stopping him. "I forgot you took art as an elective this year. This is really good, Ty."

He ran his fingers along it. "Thank you."

I walked to another table and he stayed behind, continuing to flip through the pictures. I watched as Jeremy walked over to him and kept a keen eye on the encounter from a distance. Jeremy said something that pissed Tyler off and he stormed away. I groaned and walked over to Jeremy, "What did you say to him?"

He stared at the drawing that he did, "I didn't know he drew. Wait, why are you defending him? Please don't tell me you're getting back with the jerk."

I folded my arms, "Even if I was, it's none of your business, Jer." I walked away from him and caught up with Tyler, "Hey! Wait up!"

He slowed down and wiped his mouth, "I'm trying to be nice to him. I am, but it's so hard."

I placed my hand on his shoulder, "He's a punk. I know, but he's been doing a lot better. He's changing his life around. He's doing homework, going to school, not drinking or doing drugs. He even started sketching again. I'm proud of him."

He walked over to another table and we started looking through pamphlets. "So any plans for college now?"

I shrugged, "I don't think Yale will be an option anymore. My grades were spiraling. I think Whitmore might be a good option. It's not too far and it's a good school."

He nodded, "Yeah. Yale just doesn't seem right anymore. Neither does becoming a doctor. I don't know what I want to do."

"How did our lives get so off track in only a few months? We had everything planned out."

He laughed when I said we again. "We-people. We are constant we-people. Even when I don't try to, I say it accidentally."

Mr. Saltzman walked over to our table and I looked up and smiled, "Nice to see you, Ric."

He grinned back, "How are you, Malina?"

I looked over at Tyler, "I'm good. Happy not to be sitting in history." I scrunched my face up. "Not that I don't enjoy your class, Mr. Saltzman. I'm going to stop talking." I snapped my mouth shut and he laughed lightly. Tyler placed his hand on my back, "This is my boy-I mean, my friend. This is Tyler Lockwood," I corrected myself quickly.

He shook Tyler's hand, "Complicated past, I'm guessing?"

Tyler shook his head, "You don't know the half of it." He whispered in my ear, "I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

He walked away from us and towards the bathrooms and I looked up at Alaric. He stared at the pamphlet in my hand, "You want to go to Whitmore?"

I looked up at him, "Originally Yale. But I let my grades slip up after my parents passing then the first few months haven't been my finest moments."

He nodded, "What do you want to be?"

"A writer," I answered quickly. I've always wanted to be a write. Well, I mean I guess after my whole Hannah Montana stage. It was something Elena and I shared with our mother. A writer's bond. She would take us to the library for hours after school. Buy us all sorts of books, notepads, anything we needed. That's why I started my journal. I turned my attention back to Alaric, "I just really like writing. Fiction is my favorite, the supernatural world and everything."

He grinned, "That's why I love being a history teacher. I love the raw history of towns. This town has a lot more than the ones I've been to before. I'm looking forward to learning about it all."

I heard lockers slamming and turned my head to see the Mayor rushing over to two boys fighting against the lockers. Surely enough, Tyler and Jeremy. Alaric ran over to them to help pull them apart. I followed, "Jeremy! Tyler! Stop it!"

They got pulled apart and Alaric pushed Jeremy against the lockers on the other side of the hall. Alaric pressed Jeremy's chest, "Alight, walk it off, tough guy."

The Mayor had Tyler in his grip and looked over to Jeremy, "You two. Follow me," He pushed Tyler in front of him towards the closest exit. Jeremy sighed before following him, but I tried to grab him arm to stop him.

I went to follow them, but Alaric held me back, "Excuse me, Mayor." Tyler turned around to look over at me I narrowed my eyes on his and placed my hands on my hips. "Where are you taking them?"

Mayor furrowed his eyebrows together, "I'm gonna talk to them. All fights should end in a handshake. Don't you think?" Alaric looked over at me and I motioned to walk off to the side. "The Mayor is Tyler's father. He's really harsh on him. I don't think we should leave them alone."

Alaric nodded, "I won't let anything happen to either of them."

We followed them outside, "So let's settle it. Fight," Mr. Lockwood demanded and I rushed behind Alaric. Tyler shook his head, "No dad."

"Yeah, it's not going to happen," Jeremy joined in.

Tyler went to walk away from them, but his dad grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "I said fight!" He pushed him into Jeremy as hard as he could and they both stumbled.

I ran forward, "Tyler!"

"Whoa, what's going on out here?" Alaric asked and Jeremy helped Tyler catch his balance. Tyler stepped away from him and signaled for me to stay back with his eyes. Mayor Lockwood turned to face him, "Just letting these two kids work it out." He noticed me beside Alaric and chuckled, Malina. Should've known it was you." Alaric stepped forward but the Mayor barked, "We're good here. Go back inside."

Ric shook his head, "I don't wanna go back inside. What I want is an answer to my question. What's going on out here?"

"Who do you think you're talking to? Do I look like a student?"

Alaric shook his head, "No. You look like a full grown alpha-male douche bag." Tyler's lips pursed to hold back a chuckle and mine and Jeremy's jaw dropped simultaneously. Jeremy let out a light laugh.

The Mayor stepped forward, "You don't talk to me like that. I could have your job like this," He snapped his fingers together. Mr. Saltzman started laughing to himself, "Oh, you do that. Then it will be you and me in this parking lot, working things out. You cool with that?" He pulled his eyebrows together.

"Just watch yourself."

Alaric nodded his head condescendingly, "Okay."

Mayor turned towards Tyler telling him to start walking towards the car, but I spoke up. "Tyler, we still have our date. I hope you don't mind if I keep him out past curfew, Mayor." I batted my eyelashes and he rolled his eyes before storming away. I touched Tyler's face lightly, "Hey. Are you okay?"

He turned to Alaric, "Thank you. No one has ever stood up to him like that before. It was," He let out a small sigh, "Pretty cool."

Alaric nodded, "I don't like bullies." He turned towards Jeremy, "I'll walk you back inside, buddy." They disappeared and I turned back to Tyler. I spun in front of him, "Are you sure you're okay?"

He rolled his eyes, "For the millionth time, yes."

I fixed the front of his jacket and smoothed it out. "I know he's a dick. But tonight was worse. Has he been like this a lot recently?"

He took a step away from me, "I don't need your pity, Malina. So if that's what this is going to be, maybe we should just end it here."

I ran my hand through my hair, "That's not what this is Tyler. I care about you." I touched his jaw with my fingers but he pulled away, "What's wrong?"

"I think you should go," I tried to make him look at me. He pulled away angrily and shouted in my face, "Just go!"

I jumped back from the power in his voice and winced. He stared at me coldly and I took a deep breath, "Guess the tables have turned. Now who's shutting who out?"

I stumbled backwards and walked away, on my way back into the building I passed Jeremy who was coming outside. He gave me a small smile and started to walk in Tyler's direction. I walked over to Aunt Jenna who was talking to Alaric. I tugged on her arm, "I hate to bother you. But could I have the car, I need to go home."

She pulled me to the side, "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, "I had a fight with Tyler. It's a long story, but I promise I will explain everything to you tomorrow. I really just wanna go home and sleep." My voice was shaking and I didn't know where it was coming from. My fight with Tyler, or was what happened last night still affecting me?

She handed me the car keys and rubbed my arm, "Be safe. I'll ask Alaric for a ride home."

I started the car and blew out a long breath. I need to get my mind off of things. Not only did I lose Damon, but Tyler. I lost everyone I cared about in a matter of three days. I started engine and drove down the street. I didn't know where I was driving to, but I couldn't go home. I didn't want to go home.

I turned down a street, moving in the direction of the cemetery. I picked up speed on an empty road, leaving a trail of dust from the dirt. A few street lamps lit the road up, but it was one of the darker roads. Lithium from Nirvana came on the radio so I turned it up completely, drowning out the world.

"I like you, I'm not gonna crack!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, shouting the lyrics out of the open windows and into the night sky. "I miss you, I'm not gonna crack. I love you, I'm not gonna crack. I killed you, I'm not gonna crack."

I pressed on the accelerator harder and harder, drowning away everything that's happened around me. I looked up for a millisecond at the full moon as it grew closer to the car. I turned my attention back to the road, but it was too late. A man was standing directly in my way, completely still. I tried to swerve out of the way, but I lost control of the SUV and it flipped over. I could feel the metal crushing around me and the car repeatedly rolled until it came to a complete stop. I hung upside down and could feel blood dripping from the side of my head.

I didn't know where I hit my head, but my vision began to get blurry. Everything began to fade out and I was losing consciousness. Whenever I planned how I would die, it was never like this. I realized something. I didn't want to die, I needed to survive.

I felt two arms wrap around my body until I fell out of consciousness.

Author's Note:

Bum bum bum. Leave your reviews and thank you very much for reading! :)