9/19/14

Chapter 10: Her Sexuality

The palms of his hands gripped the steering wheel with force. The expensive material of the synthetic leather wasn't behaving as it was supposed to be doing. It burned under his touch. His hands grew clammy. He wanted to glance over and peek at her left wrist, which was probably bruising dark by now. He thought that he had gotten his feeling under control after Naraku's little news. And yet, here he was taking out his anger on his car as soon as he shoved the woman he liked into the passenger seat.

The woman I liked, huh… He chuckled quietly within his throat. She wouldn't hear it because the windows were rolled down, the noises from the tires filled in between their uncomfortable silence. She wouldn't see the bastard look on his face when he sneered to himself because she was too busy looking out on the street. She was probably wiping her eyes, while hiding her face from his view.

He had thought he could handle this newly found information, but he was wrong. The moment he saw her pretty face gazing up at his elder brother with such intense feelings, he lost it. There was love. There was anger… And he resented being attracted to Kagome.

The last thing Inuyasha ever wanted to do, even if he had to die, was to play with Sesshoumaru's left-over toy.

The car came to a stop in front of the shrine. The pearly moon hung high on top of them, bathing the serene atmosphere in a beautiful and warm hue. The sight of her home made his stomach churned… all previous plans went down the drain. Tonight was supposed turn out perfect. Not like this.

"I'm sorry for ruining our day," Kagome meekly said as she stood a few yards away from the stone steps.

"It's fine. Truth was bound to be out anyway," Inuyasha commented, his ruff voice disheartened.

She was quiet, so he continued, "How long have you known my brother?"

"Almost four years. We dated for two years."

"You know, I was going to ask you out tonight. I was planning to kiss you when I drop you off," he confessed, more to himself than to her. Her emotion was really hard to read right now, but he could care less. He just wanted to share a piece of his mind. And his wounded ego got better of him. Inuyasha had always been a proud creature.

"And to think that I wanted to fuck you…" he admitted bitterly.

She stared at his frowning eyes in complete silence. "Say it again," her soft voice egged on.

He faltered. "What? You're cute and sweet, any guy would want to sleep with you," he elaborated and exhaled with a light laugh, totally butt-hurt with his shitty reward after all the effort he put in to get to know her.

Inuyasha had thought that this woman was perfect.

Seconds passed, he looked down at her to see her shining red eyes. Was she going to cry again? He saw her trembling fist rising, and he contemplated his options. He could either block it or let her hit him in the face.

But Inuyasha didn't have to do anything, because after a slowly torturous blink and an intake of breath, her long eyelashes fluttered up, Kagome had already retracted her hand.

"Ah… sorry. I absolutely have no right," she smiled awkwardly, shaking her head.

"Thank you for the ride. You were a great friend, Inuyasha," her voice unexpectedly became somewhat cheerful as she gathered her jacket closer to her slim form.

He watched as she arranged her long wavy hair to cover her ears and pulled the black woolen hoodie up.

"I'm sorry for the trouble again," she bowed lowly. "Good night."

He watched her turned and started her journey up the stairs. The feeling was not foreign. After all, it wasn't the first time Inuyasha resenting things. Life was full of mishaps, right? And yet, it wasn't until his car engine roaring loudly at high speed on the main street that he began to regret not seeing Kagome safely to her door steps. His guts felt sickened and he was disgusted with everything.

...

She heard the rumbling of his BMW fading out into the distance. Though, his solid presence still resonated within her consciousness. His words… remained ingrained deeply in her brain.

Nearing the top of the staircase, Kagome collapsed onto the steps. Her bottom hit the cold cement unceremoniously as she covered her face with trembling hands. Silent streaks of tears began to pour uncontrollably as the sound of her sobs grew in volume. Tremors wracked through her small body protecting her from the chill. She was shaking now and her heart crushed into a million more pieces.

"I wanted to fuck you," They all wanted to fuck her. What was she? Did Hojo think like that too? She didn't care if they often looked at her like enchanted puppies, begging for her affection. Was that all a farce they put up to pretend that they were not emotionless pigs, that they actually liked her?

She felt disgusted. She felt violated. She could see them imagining the intimate things she had done with another guy. She remembered those times when their flesh would melt into each other. They would share the same air, become sweaty and hot as their skins charge one another. They would moan with each other in absolute bliss with their eyes half lidded. In those moments, there was nothing in the world but them belonging together. They would often look at each other and repeating words of endearment.

Kagome remembered the countless times she would say she love him whenever they touched that not-so-innocent way. Sometimes he would say the same thing back, but most of the time he just kissed her affectionately. Sesshoumaru was definitely a man of few words.

She remembered imagining that they would get married and have kids together. She had been confident that he would propose to her with a beautiful ring, over an expensive dinner, at an elegant restaurant.

How foolish…

She was pretty, well-mannered with a doctorate degree. So why did they all treat her like this? The humiliation and her pride was one thing, but the constant pain in her chest was an entirely different matter. Don't they have hearts too? She devoted herself to him, or rather them,with everything she got, just so they could stomp on it when she was not new and shiny anymore.

Rewinding the earlier events, she remembered just now how good he and that woman looked on that balcony. His flawlessly masculine facial features, along with those immaculately tailored suits… It never crossed her mind until now, that Sesshoumaru was more fitting to be the devious and manipulative type. Ah… that smug and confident look on his face.

The phone in her purse buzzed and she fished it out. "I'm sorry for earlier. I shouldn't have said that to you. Let me know when you get in the house safely," from Inuyasha.

Kagome breathed out a wavering snort and in pure anger… she childishly swung her arm over her head with a scowl on her face. The device landed somewhere in the dark bushes on the side of the stairs. Playing nice now?

Wiping all remnants of tears off her face and checking her make up with the pocket mirror; she rose sluggishly to her feet and continued her journey up across the shrine yard, towards her home...

Kagome should have known better. Her playground was everything colorful, silly, funky and cute. And dressing up, acting like a classy lady was definitely not one of those things. And those guys… would never be her playmates.

A marriage proposal in a candle-lit restaurant over wine and roses… would be too corny for her anyway.

...

He was a senior in college. For the first time in Sesshomaru's life, he felt humiliated and ashamed of his clumsiness. He had gone to take a shower, leaving his key and his phone locked up in his dorm room. And here he was, topless with a towel around his waist, waiting in the lounge as his neighbor went downstairs to request for spare key on his behalf. He sat watching his feet idly, until a funny feminine voice interrupted his musing.

After hearing a long string of appraising cooing of "wow" his head snapped up at the intruder.

"Oh… Hey!" the girl flirted. And he realized that he was quite a spectacle at the moment, clad only in a towel, six packs and all.

She looked pretty pleasant to the eyes, he noticed. The pastel green hair at the end of her side swept tail complimented her unruly bangs really well. She looked mischievous and way too playful…. Not his type.

The girl pressed the down button on the elevator while speaking, "If the fire alarm goes off now, you would be super famous and then known as 'that' towel boy." She added a raised brow and a suggestive grin for special effects.

He instantly knew what she was referring to. She was talking about those girl who came down during the evacuation dressed only in a towel, because the supposedly fire thrill happened when they were taking a shower. Liking her sense of humor and charmed by the soft lilting voice, Sesshoumaru was delighted that she might not be an airhead after all.

"Then I can get all the ladies," he decided to go along with a light laugh. It should humor the girl. Then he continued, "Sorry I look weird, my neighbor went down and beg them for the replica key right now."

"It's fine. I was just teasing," she smiled gently.

Oddly dazzled at the sight, Sesshoumaru found out that this eye candy and punk-like girl was in fact, highly capable of acting graceful as well. "I'm Sesshoumaru. Nice to meet you," he introduced himself, feeling extremely adventurous in expanding his social circle.

"I'm Kagome. And me too! I live on the fourth floor. And I came up here to nag my cousin over some stuff," Kagome made a face as she chatted eagerly. "Oh, you know Bankotsu?"

"A little, we're floor-mate. We have different major I think," He replied, his interest fueled by Kagome's overly animated form.

The elevator came too quickly though. It opened as soon as it dinged. Sesshoumaru watched with mild disappointment as Kagome stepped into the box. She waved at him and bit him good luck. Perhaps, when they meet next time, she would not be too quick to run away because he would be better dressed. They lived in the same building after all.

He woke up with his head pounding painfully as his ear faintly caught the sound of a toaster dinging from the offending sound still echoed in his head. When he began to register in his surrounding, he realized that this wasn't his house. He needed water and pain medication, but there was nothing on the nightstand except for alcohol bottles.

It was late in the morning and nobody was home. He sat on the stool in the kitchen with a glass of water and a pill, all traces of hunger gone. He recounted last night event and a wave sickening feelings hit his brain. His thoughts were a mess resulted from his fumbling effort to make himself feel better. He immediately got into his car, couldn't wait to escape his brother's place.

For the first time in his life, Sesshoumaru understood the pain of enduring an agonizing suspension. Traffic seemed to last way longer than usual. It made him wants to get out and break into a sprint. If he didn't do something, he would forever remain stuck in this madness and confusion. It wasn't long before he came barging into in his own work room.

His laptop stared back at him mockingly with as it loaded, lagging for what seemed like an eternity. He was pretty damn sure his laptop was still running with top speed the day before. So, what had gone wrong now? He frowned.

His back still tensed although he just managed to navigate to his email a few seconds after. Clicking the compose icon, his palms began to sweat profusely as they hovered above the white keyboard. And then a rush of clicking sound was heard as his fingers attacked those keys.

"Kagome, I'm really sorry for what happened last night. I didn't mean for you to meet them like that. She came with me as Inuyasha's guest and nothing else. I'm really confused and troubled right now. Can we meet for lunch?"

And you looked amazing last night… And I think I miss you… And I'm sorry I hurt you again… I want to see you…His thoughts rambled on and on. Bits and pieces were irrelevant to each other. But he wouldn't dare to share that last bit of information with her yet. Not when things between them were such as muddy was a swamp…

Just what was he doing? His fingers froze midair as his spine collided with the backrest heavily. The poor chair rattled in protest.

Sesshoumaru heaved in a suffering breath. His tiring face burrowed tightly into his hands. He wanted to cry out his frustration. His chest squeezed painfully as the gravity of the situation sank in. The panic still resonated somewhere remotely in his nerves, but the adrenaline already started to decrease.

Taking a long quizzical look at a picture of her, hidden and forgotten behind the heap of paperwork, he felt somewhat calmer then…

But that was when his hope began to slowly chip away as well.

Shutting his office door with loud snap, Sesshoumaru headed toward his bathroom… Getting cleaned up was the first thing he should have gotten started then, not sitting there writing an apology, with a hangover hammering down his head.

On the matte ebony desk, the laptop screen remained alighted. And his little note was tucked away safely in his draft box.

AN:

I hope that wasn't too confusing. I was trying to portray Sesshoumaru in "fight and flight" mode. I am an armature writer and this was an experiment. I want to concentrate on what was going on with him, not what we think he would think and feel. Get it? Let me know if I did badly. Also, Kagome's character is kind of getting out of hand as well. Tell me if you think she is developing signs of bipolar.

Yup, and it's short. Don't scold me. I'm sorry for the suspense. I will update more often now. I know that this is going very slowly and that there's nothing important yet, except for 10 chapters of silly romantic dramas. Forgive me. It will actually has more to the plot soon.

News: I got a tumblr full of gay sport cuties. Message me if interested in connecting.

Thank you and review!