Tris POV

My first impression of Fours apartment was bland. It had the necessities, a bed, a dresser, small kitchen, and two doors that I assume lead to a bathroom and a closet. He also has a simple black desk. Definitely not what I expected from the famous Four.

We sat down on his bed to do our homework since there was barely room for one at Fours poor excuse of a desk. Luckily for us we didn't get mush homework today so it only takes us about a half hour to complete our assignments. We started out by completing our boring math assignment on quadratics. Ugh! We've literally been learning the same three topics on repeat this year in math. Of course, though, Four is still struggling with this basic concept. After reteaching his majesty this concept, we moved on to our reading assignment for English and the map project for history.

The homework was completed and I had nothing to do, so I put in my headphones. I figured since the group wasn't meeting up again for an hour and a half, I would take some time to relax before my first day of training. I had just gotten comfortable when I feel a soft bundle hit me in the side of the head.

"What the hell!?" I screamed at Four. If you haven't caught on, I don't like to be disturbed once I enter my own little bubble.

"Get changed. I'm your trainer for today and we're gonna get an early start," replied Four in his obnoxious monotone.

Great. So much for some relaxing me time. Now I get to do learn how to be violent instead. Grudgingly, I walk through the door Four points to, which luckily ends up being the bathroom. If I was pissed about having to change, then I was burning when I saw what I had to wear. I had on these extremely tight, dark red exercise leggings and a black sports bra. No shirt. I tried to get a shirt from Four, but my efforts proved to be futile. I have to walk out like this with my hideous body exposed to all of these strangers who are totally going to judge me.

I will never be able to make it here because I'm too small. I'm too weak. I'm not brave. I'm not pretty. I'm not smart. I'm not wanted. I'm not needed. I have absolutely no reason to be here and they will be able to see that. All of them will se the little piece of shit I am. How fucked up I am.

I can't believe I let myself believe that I could actually have a chance of having friends. Of belonging somewhere. I always fool myself into thinking that I've excepted that I'm nothing and that I'm ok with that when I'm really not. When secretly I hold on to the hope that I will find somewhere I belong. I give up I really do. I know I'm all anti-suicide, but at the same time, I'm a fake in every way shape and form. Time has been so cruel to me. I've been through so much shit for 16 years it isn't even funny.

I used to be a semi-normal happy girl. I had a great life with a whole family. My life seemed perfect, at least from the outside. What people couldn't see was how my best friend and I played fucked up childhood games. While most kids played house or princesses, we played being tortured and publicly humiliated. Fun right!

Well that fun lasted for two years before she moved away. Bye my only friend. The only person I could talk too. That's when I started gong downhill. I couldn't make new friends and that caused me to take an honest look at myself. That one glance was enough to terrify me. I started to see everything that was wrong with me. Physically and emotionally. It only got worse from there until I reached where I am today, the lowest of the low. Contemplating suicide, my old never do this and my new reality. I just can't handle this anymore.

I'm sorry world. I'm sorry I couldn't fulfill what you had planned for me. I'm sorry for being such a fuck up. I'm sorry for being so weak. I'm sorry for not being good enough. Please forgive me.

Then I grabbed Fours razor from the shower and made two deep slashes. One on each wrist. I saw the blood running out and I thought my final thought.

I'm sorry world. You know I had already failed you. And I apologize to whomever's future I just ruined.

Four POV

I had though the day had been going pretty well. I had some difficulty with the math homework, but Tris managed to explain it to me. After that the rest of our assignments were easy and quick.

Since Tris is an initiate, she needs to train as much as possible so I grabbed the clothes Christina had left me for Tris. Tris had her headphones in so I just threw the clothes at her and hoped for the best. That's definitely not what I got. Tris wasn't too happy about having clothes chucked at her head but still went into the bathroom to change.

A minute later she's screaming at me for a shirt. After informing her that I have no shirt for her everything goes silent. Eventually I hear what sounds like crying coming from the bathroom, but I choose to let her have her privacy and pretend I didn't hear anything. I was about to put my head phones in when I heard a loud crash from the bathroom.

Immediately I was banging on the door, but there was no response so I just barged in. What I saw is still engrained in my brain today. There on the floor was Tris lying in a pool of her own blood.

Shit.