Snip #9

"So here we are." The Director spoke up, her voice flat and flavorless as she placed a folder she had been holding onto the table. "Simon Tama."

"Here." I said, raising a hand.

She ignored me, instead choosing to look downwards as she opened the folder and extracting from it a few pieces of paper. Arranging what appeared to be reports and photographs into some cryptic pattern on her desk took a moment, and once it was to her satisfaction she looked up.

"Mr. Simon Tama." The Director said with the same flat voice, the tone clearly insincere considering the smile of absolutely childish glee appearing on her face, neatly hidden behind steepled fingers.

"That's me."

"Jog my memory a little. We have met before, correct? Two years ago, almost to the day?"

"Well, I don't know about the day..."

"I seem to recall a conversation we had. About superpowers and trigger events?"

I raised an eyebrow. I tried to recall the previous meeting as well as I could, a moment in time made fuzzy by the two years in between.

"Yeah. I think so."

"You were quite adamant you did not have any powers then, I believe. That you were not a cape."

"Yup."

"What about now? Are you a cape?" She asked, looking intently at me.

Well, I thought it best to answer truthfully, given the tone of her voice and the direction of her questions.

"No, Madam Director. I don't think I'm a cape."

"Really?" The reply came back with a bit more emotion than before, as the Director began to stare at me with narrowed eyes.

I could not think of anything to say other than, "Nope. Not a cape. For starters, I don't even have a costume. And…"

"There's no way you're that dense, Mr. Simon Tama." The fat lady said with words now filled with barely restrained emotion. "You're lying. You have triggered. You have powers. And you have been keeping it from us."

"I don't know what you're thinking, but I definitely don't have powers."

Whatever answer Piggot wanted from me, I do not think this was it. I could also feel the two capes beside me looking at each other out of the corner of my eyes at my answer.

"You really don't think you have powers." The emotion behind her words was noticeable now. Flat out disbelief, with a tinge of anger.

"Well, yes."

"Really." She asked, her voice returning to the flat monotone from earlier.

"Really. Duh."

"Then would you care to explain this?"

She flipped one of the papers around and pushed it forward. I leaned forward with my arm out, but she snatched it from my reach before I got a hold of it.

She started reading the contents, the flat monotone of simple recital similar to the conversational tone from earlier. "Two hundred and one E88 members, Thirty three Merchants and affiliated hanger-ons, A hundred and twenty six ABB members, and thirty nine assorted others."

"Excuse me?" I asked. "What's that?"

"That is a list of nearly four hundred gang members, gophers, riff-raff and assorted hanger-ons of villains who had been arrested or given themselves up to clinics and hospitals in the hours between two to four AM, over the past week."

There was a silence in the air as the news sunk in.

I raised a hand.

"What has that got to do with this meeting?" I asked.

"Every single one of them said a bald person in a gray hoodie and yellow sweatpants had taken them down. The very same clothing you are wearing right now." Piggot declared with finality.

"I…"

"And don't think for a moment you can deny that." Piggot continued. "We know it was you. And if that was not enough, I was just informed that Armsmaster has a reliable witness who can say it was you doing this."

I lowered my hands as I thought on this new information. They weren't kids out for a little bit of nocturnal fun? No wonder those guys on the street were THAT hostile when I approached them.

I thought on it for a bit more.

And I raised my hand again.

"What has that got to do with me having powers?" I asked.

"What?" Piggot exclaimed, whatever composure she had crumbling. The emotions behind Piggot's words were flipped from before as she replied; it was now flat out anger, with a tinge of disbelief.

Still, I bulled onwards. "I did go through a hard training regime, just so I can take down parahumans, without powers. I'm surprised I took down that many bad people, but honestly? Not quite that surprised."

"Training… regime?!" That mix of disbelief and anger was back.

"You know, I can even teach you how I did it. You guys just might…"

The slamming palms on the table startled me. Unfortunately, the intimidation effect, or at least I thought it was intimidation, was somewhat lost as the overly fat lady staggered onto her feet. She leaned forward over her desk, looking down onto the lone member of her captive audience.

"Stop FUCKING with me, Simon!"

"I'm not. Honest." I even smiled to get my point across… but it seemed to have the opposite effect.

I don't think that's a healthy shade for a person's face to have, honestly.

"You're telling me, to my face, that one of the highest rated brutes in the city doesn't even think he has powers?"

"What's a brute? Who's that 'he' you're talking about?"

Shaking with anger, she shouted, "You… you…"

I think it was too much for her, as she bodily slumped forward onto her desk.

She really should take anger management classes or something.

It took five minutes of intervention by Assault, whispering calm words into Piggot's ear and easing her back onto her seat before the meeting could continue… or was she Battery? They were always introduced together, so I could not tell which was which.

Anyway, she was the one with circuitry on her costume.

The restarting of the meeting did not seem to be starting off well, with how Piggot shoved Assault's concerned hand aside as she stared daggers at me.

"Mr. Tama, you just said you…"

"Director Piggot?" Assault interrupted, her concern written on her face. "I don't think we should continue. Your health…"

"Go back. Stand there." Piggot's voice was fierce, demanding. "This meeting will continue."

Without waiting for the hero's eventual compliance Piggot continued through clenched teeth, "You have a… training regime. An actual, honest to god, training plan. One that's somehow good enough to prepare a person against parahumans?!"

"Yup" I replied.

"This, this I have to hear. Go on."

"OK, here I go. The deciding factor of the success of this hard training plan is if you can see it through to the end, without any breaks in between. There were several times I almost gave up, but by perseverance alone, I have become… unexpectedly strong."

There was silence in the room. A deep silence. I had their full, undivided attention, although it would help if Piggot wasn't trying to stare a hole into me.

I stood up, my pose as straight as I could make it. This secret to my plan must be given with the dignity it deserved. With the sternest voice I could muster, I shouted.

"One hundred push-ups, one hundred sit-ups, one hundred squats and a ten kilometers run. Every Single Day!

"At first, it'll be tough as hell, and you will start thinking that taking a day off isn't a big deal. I am ashamed to say I did, early on. Don't. In order to become a strong hero-to-be, I didn't stop even when my whole body was in pain, and I was spitting blood. Even when my legs felt heavy and refused to move, I kept on doing squats. Even when my arms started making strange cracking sounds, I continued doing push-ups."

I looked around. Good, they were astonished, their mouths wide open in shock… Piggot was even shaking in excitement at the obvious value of this truth, looking like she was about to jump onto her feet once again, erupting into thanks. The key to success was such a simple thing to grasp after all, right there under the nose of everyone, but it was also such a hard thing to understand and obtain.

"And after one and a half years of training, I noticed two changes about myself."

And now, for the dramatic finish.

"I had lost all my hair."

Not that one. I had to say that because, you know, full disclosure and all. They had to know what they were about to get into... but I digress.

The OTHER clincher.

"And I had become strong."

There was a deep silence in the room once more. You could hear pins dropping from the next room. I know I could hear the footsteps from outside at the least.

"In short, train so hard that you think you'll die or lose your mind. That is the only way there is..."

Battery choked.

I restarted, "…the only there is to be…"

Battery coughed. And choked. And coughed some more.

"…strong." I finished as I turned to look at him. Was he all right?

No… Yes, he was all right. No, he was not actually coughing.

With one hand over his face, Battery was struggling to keep his laughter from escaping. And he was failing badly. Large peals of laughter rang out all over the room as he surrendered to involuntary laughter and collapsed onto a nearby wall.

"Assault?" a loud suppressed whisper escaped out of the mouth of his partner. After a short aside glance at the director, she continued whispering, "Get yourself together, Assault."

Wait, 'Assault'? Oops, I mixed up the partners.

The armored hero did not stop his laughter despite the warning, struggling from lack of breath with tears appearing from below his helmet, even as he continued to weakly lean against the wall.

"Assault, get yourself under control!" the other cape hissed as she moved across the room.

"He, is he for *snort* for real? Oh my… my sides…"

"Are we quite done here?" A frosty sentence cut off the cape.

I turned my attention back to the front. Piggot was… apocalyptic would be a good word. She was glaring at me yet again with a frown that did not seem to be possible on a human face, and that unhealthy hue had returned to her skin. Her hands were shaking so much they were performing a drum roll on her desk.

"Erm… yes?" I said.

"Then GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE YOU FUCKING FUCK!"

I exited the office as fast as I could, chased by the laughter from Assault as well as language not out of place from the proverbial sailor from the Pig. Slamming the door bought some reprieve, although the swearing was so loud I could still clearly hear the screeching from beyond the door.

I gave the PRT staff outside the office a weak smile, even as I internally fumed.

Well, excuse me! I told you my life secret, and this is how you treat me?