I AM SO SORRY. Life's been difficult and there have been things that have needed my attention before thsis story. I hope i still have people wanting to see things resolved and grow, because I enjoy growing as an author.
I know there's not a whole hell of a lot I can say for my absence, but I hope this makes up for that a bit. Read my note at the end of this chapter for more details, and review and enjoy my latest addition.
Fingering the long blood red button up shirt, Joss was positive that last night had been one of the best, if not slightly odd, nights of her life. She sat on the edge of John's bed, staring at her pile of clothes from the graduation yesterday and couldn't help the way her skin tingled in bliss. She could feel the smile spread across her face and did nothing to hide it because she was finally happy. She'd told John she loved him, even after he thought she didn't and finally kissed him with everything she had. She put both of her hands behind her as she leant back slightly, seeing the shirt rise high on her thighs. She remembered this shirt well, it was the same one he'd worn all those moths ago to the first dinner they'd ever had. She smoothed the fabric, looking at the wall as she remembered how they ended things last night.
Sucking her bottom lip into his mouth, John brought Joss flush against him as he maneuvered them so he was standing in front of his couch cushions, her directly in front of him. He broke their kiss slowly and watched her open her eyes, her hands holding his shoulders firmly as he watched her. He smiled at her and slowly removed her hands from him, hating the disappointed look on her face as he sat down in front of her. She cocked her eyebrow in challenge at him, and he just smiled at her as he reached for her left hand, pulling her down so she straddled his lap. He deliberately locked gazes with her as he took both of her hands in his, bringing them between them as he intertwined their fingers. He brought them level to their mouths, holding her eyes playfully as he kissed her fingers, never blinking as he felt more than saw the way he was making her feel. He could see the way her eyes darkened as he finished kissing their hands, untangling their fingers for a moment as he gently held her wrists in each hand, bringing then to his lips. He could feel her rapid breathing as he hovered over her pulse point, his lips ghosting over the sensitive skin there before he placed a slow kiss to each wrist. He watched the way her eyes closed and she relaxed before his very eyes, the action relaxing him because it was a sign of trust. She knew he was able to feel how fast her heart was racing under his lips, and she let him do it anyway.
He released her hands to settle his own on her calves, massaging the muscles tenderly as her eyes opened, her hands making their way around his neck. Her fingers gently sifted through the hair at the nape of his neck and he unexpectedly shivered, earning a soft teasing smile from her.
"Guess I have an effect on you, huh John?" she asked, tilting her head to the side in silent mockery. He smiled at her anyway, leaning forward to nuzzle her neck and ear with his nose as he spoke. He could feel the way she stilled, her blood thrumming just under her skin as he brought his cheek up against hers, his lips purposely teasing her ear with every word.
"I'd like to think I'm a worthy opponent hun" he murmured, his teeth playfully grazing the outer shell of her ear before he pulled it between his teeth, giving her earlobe a playful tug. She giggled and he smiled instinctively, already picturing the way her eyes shut and her dimples appeared behind his closed eyes. He kept his face buried in her neck for another moment before pulling back slightly to look at her again. She sat back on his lap and just looked at him, using her thumb to lightly trace his features as he stared at her. Her thumb traced his bottom lip carefully as his tongue snuck out quickly to catch the tip of her thumb in his mouth, flicking his tongue over her thumb before releasing her finger from his lips. He could see the heat in her stare at she got close to him, her lips almost brushing his, but not quite.
"We need sleep John. This is…" She leveled him with a look that said it all, and he nodded, proud of himself that he could invoke such a passionate response from her, "this can wait for a night when we've had a chance to settle in again. Are you ok with that?"
She looked down, her fingers playing with the top button of his shirt before he hooked a finger under her chin, lifting her face to meet his. He kissed her affectionately, keeping the kiss light and pulled away from her smiling. She beamed back at him and he knew he was done; she was it for him.
"I think sleeping is good, but I think waking up next to you is better. Will you at least stay tonight? I promise I'll be…" he paused at the disbelieving look on her face, and he chose his words carefully, "a gentleman. When we're finally together, it'll be perfect Joss. You deserve that at the very least" he stated lovingly, pushing a few strands of hair behind her ear as he let his finger gently glide against her skin before dropping his hand. She slowly made her way off of his lap, reaching down to grab his hand as she lead them both to his room.
As they made their way into the room, Joss dropped John's hand and stood with her hip against his dresser, watching him as he went into his closet, unbuttoning his shirt as he went to throw it in the basket from what she could see. As he slipped it off of his shoulders, she had to suck in a breath at the expanse of tan skin that was revealed to her. She saw his skin flecked with a few scars and scrapes from work she assumed, and she had the overwhelming urge to trace each and every one. He could feel her stare on his back and for some reason it made him slightly apprehensive. He looked over his shoulder and she smirked, her mouth slowly forming that killer smile that almost made him forget about his promise to be a gentleman. He turned and walked up to her, caging her sides with his hands on his dresser as he leant in to look at her up close, catching the way her breath hitched, as she looked him in the eye.
"Whatcha looking at?" she asked, leaning back to sit on the edge of the dresser as he continued to stare, a smirk on his face.
"Just the future Joss" he replied, quickly moving his arms as he dove into a drawer for clothes, leaving her to wonder just how serious he was. She let it go in favor of staring at the muscles in his back flexing as he dug through drawers of clothes. She smiled as she reached out and swept her fingertips over a small scar on his ribcage, laughing lowly as he stood still for a moment before returning to the task at hand. He came up with a pair of pants for himself and shorts and a shirt for her, but she had already moved towards his closet, looking at the numerous shirts he had hanging up. He watched as she reached up and pulled a red shirt off of a hanger, smiling as she grabbed the sleeve and touched the buttons.
"Find something you like?" he asked rhetorically, watching as she placed the shirt over her shoulders, her back to him. She buttoned the first button to hold it in place as she slipped the dress off of her shoulders and let it drop to the floor. His mouth dropped open as she finished button the shirt, her back still to him as he watched her pick up her dress and place it over the chair in the corner. She came up to him and he had the almost painful urge to take his shirt back off of her, but just watched as she took her finger and placed it under his chin, closing his mouth slightly.
"You'll catch flies that way" she whispered, laughing as she walked over to sit on the edge of his bed, watching as he changed into a pair of pajama pants before sitting on the opposite side of the bed, his back to hers as he laid down with his hands behind his head. She looked over and laid down carefully, turning her body towards him as her right arm rested over his chest, her left hand going under her head as she placed it on his shoulder. She smiled into his chest as he wrapped his arm around her, his breath evening out as she drifted off the sleep, her fingers intertwining with his just before she slipped into unconsciousness.
Shaking her head, she smiled and got up off the bed, grabbing the shorts he'd offered her last night and slipped them on, unaware of whether or not Amelia would be awake already. She made her way into the kitchen silently, hearing voices behind the door as she approached. She stayed silent as she listened for a minute, trying to make out John's low rumble against Mia's high, hurried speech as she cracked the door slightly to peak inside.
"I though we talked about this Mija…" he said warningly as he flipped pancakes.
"But Daddy! She's my mommy, because I said so!" she huffed, slumping down in her chair at the counter behind him pouting. She sighed loudly again and he ignored her. She huffed once again and dropped her head on her arms, moaning before shooting her head up to look at him, her eyes scared almost.
"Daddy, don't you love Joss?"
John stopped pouring the batter and turned to look at Amelia, the look on her face breaking his heart. She thought he'd changed his mind, when it was the exact opposite. He sighed and wiped his hands on the towel he'd thrown over his shoulder, his bare chest contrasting with the white of the towel. His pajama pants were a dark blue, while Amelia sat in footsy pajamas with antlers all over. They were a purple color and she had to smile at the Mia's dedication to all things moose related.
"Honey, I love Joss very much. But you need to ask her if you can call her mommy ok?" he asked tiredly, watching the way her eyes returned to their normal blue, no longer dark with emotions. She looked down at her feet under the counter, and he watched the way her feet fidgeted while she chewed on her bottom lip. It was adorable, if only because she picked up the lip biting from Joss.
"But what if she doesn't wanna be my mommy…" she murmured, but Joss could hear her loud and clear. Just as John was about to go and talk to Amelia, Joss backed out and walked into the kitchen, pretending that she had just gotten up. Mia immediately perked up and John turned to her, his eyes dark blue as he watched the way her frame was swallowed by his shirt. It was intimate, her bare skin against the fabric of one of his favorite shirts. She smiled at him but went toward Amelia first, hugging the little girl as she stood on her chair. Joss laughed as the little girl held on for dear life, before sitting back down and blurting out her question.
"Joss, you wanna be my mommy?" she asked timidly, chewing on her lips again as her fingers wrapped together in a bundle of nerves. Joss gently untangled her finger and took her hands in her own, all too aware of John watching them, abandoning the food all together.
"Sweetheart, I'd love to be your mommy. You know I'll always be here for you" she said, tearing up as Amelia smiled brilliantly, much like her father when he's ecstatic.
"Yay!" she said, jumping up again to grab Joss in a crushing hug, her little tears making their way to her neck. Joss pulled back to see Amelia crying, but her eyes were wide and happy. Wiping the falling tears away, she had to hold her own in as she spoke.
"Sweetie, why are you crying?"
"I have a mommy, like everybody else" she explained, and a tear made it's way down Joss' cheek. She couldn't imagine ever wanting anything else in that moment, but just as Amelia sat down to the plate of food John placed in front of her, she felt arms wrap around her from behind. She sighed and sunk into his body, loving the way he wrapped around her, making her feel protected and adored by him. She tilted her head back against his chest, her hair tickling his neck as his hands tightened around her waist. He leaned his chin against the side of her head, sighing in her ear as they watched Mia eat her pancakes.
"So mommy, how'd you sleep?" he murmured, laughing as she elbowed him in the stomach. He felt her laugh as she turned in his arms, looking up at him through her eyelashes. She gave him a soft look as she got up on her toes to kiss the underside of his chin, pulling away when his head dipped down to chase her lips. She grinned and turned to look at Amelia over her shoulder, watching as the little girl eat and tune them out.
"I slept just fine thank you. Mommy's going to take some getting used to," she mumbled, shaking her head as she looked back at John. His eyes were bright as he suppressed a smile, and she just tipped her head to the side playfully as he leaned down to kiss her. She immediately smiled into the kiss, feeling his smile as her hands came up to cradle him face. Her smile widened as he nipped at her lower lip playfully, and she had to pull away before letting out a throaty laugh. He watched the way her eyes shut and her mouth form a beautiful smile and he couldn't breathe. She was perfect and perfect for him, and he was finally beginning to understand that she wasn't a person to hide from but rather someone he could count on to be there through everything.
"You know what I realized?" he asked, studying the way her face stayed unguarded when she looked at him again, curious of what he had to say.
"That I really am as amazing as I seem" she retorted, giggling as he grazed his nose against hers affectionately, capturing her lips for a quick kiss.
"I knew that Joss. What I now know is that you're it" he said, lowering his voice as her eyes widened in comprehension, "You're it for me, and for Amelia. I just want you to know that…when the time comes…I'll ask you a question and I'll need an answer" he finished, closing his eyes briefly before finding hers again.
John looked at Joss, and felt the way her hands gripped his sides tighter slightly before she just stood in his arms motionless. He was well aware of the pressure he was putting on her so soon, but she wasn't one to back down from something she held close to her heart.
"John…" she whispered, but he interrupted her before she had a chance to speak.
"Joss, I'm done pretending like you aren't what I want in my future. You know I love you, and I never want you to question that. I'm not saying I'll ask you today, tomorrow, or next week, but I will when we're ready. I need you to know that I'm all in this, and I want you to be sure you're all in this too so no one gets hurt" he admitted, his eyes dropping before meeting hers again.
"I don't want to be in love with you if you aren't in love with me Joss, but if you are, I want this to be a forever thing. I just want to know if that's why you want us to end up" Joss looked up at him and pulled him closer to her, John's bare chest against her own. She could hear her heart hammering in her chest, and it comforted her to know that his was just as erratic and rapid. She leaned her head against his chest, right below his chin as she took a deep breath.
"John, I know we're going somewhere. I know I want to see Amelia graduate elementary school, hell even high school and college! I want to be around to grow old with you, celebrate birthdays and Christmas' with you. I want the rest of my life to include you and Amelia. I don't think I could see a future without you," She breathed out hurriedly, shutting her eyes tightly as he sighed in relief, smiling wider to the point where he thought his face might actually freeze that way.
"Daddy, mommy can I have mas?" Amelia interrupted, lifting her plate and shaking it back and forth, proving that it was in fact empty. John and Joss whipped their heads around to stare at her, laughing at the obvious displeasure she felt at being out of food. Joss looked over at John and he let go of her slowly, trailing his fingers down her sides as he turned away from her towards the stove. They were quiet while John made more pancakes, and just as he flipped the first ones, Joss got close and placed her hand on his right side. He looked over his left shoulder to look at her face before turning back to the food as she leaned her body against his back. She placed her head against his shoulder blade and kissed the side of his neck, feeling his pulse jump under lips as she sighed against his skin.
"Yes" she whispered in his ear, pulling away slightly as he looked at her confused.
"John, I'm saying yes. Whenever you want to ask me, know that my answer is yes. My answer will always be yes to you" she muttered, kissing his ear before he quickly turned away from the stove, hoisting her up and into his arms. She squealed as he lifter her into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck as he swung her around the kitchen. He could faintly hear Amelia laughing and yelling in the background as they spun. He finally put her down on her feet as they swayed dangerously, the biggest smile on their faces. He knew she was different, and he knew that she was his one shot at forever. How they got here was anything but normal, but they wouldn't have it any other way. Now all they had to do was get to forever.
Like? I hope so, it took forever to get right. I hate to say this, but that's the end of it. I can make one more chapter for an epilogue, but it hurts to say that this is almost completely wrapped up. It's my best story yet! I'm so proud of this story and I hoped I've made a difference in one person and how they view something, or just that it was something they looked forward to when there wasn't much else. I know it sounds dumb, but this was for all of my readers and reviewers and I appreciate each and every one of you. Please let me know any final thoughts you may have for an epilogue and prompts for future fics. Thanks again, and please don't ever be a stranger.