...
...i'm just gonna stop apologizing for my unplanned hiatuses...
enjoy this chapter!
xoxo
9
I Hear Things I Shouldn't Have
I woke up on Mikasa's floor the next morning thinking that it all must have been a dream. There was no way that could have happened. It was too surreal, too much like a vision I would see in my sleep. But just the fact that I was there was proof enough that it had happened. Once my disorientation subsided, I smiled a goofy smile and wanted to laugh. I rolled onto my side and hugged myself, only then noticing that Mikasa and Armin were both awake and staring at me like I was insane.
I had lost any ounce of self-control that had been inside me until that point, and sent a message to Levi at about noon. I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with me later that night—I wouldn't be able to cook anything but ramen, I clarified, but popcorn was good enough for a movie. Surprisingly, it only took him a few hours to message me back. A short message telling me that he and Erwin had an exam to study for, but if I wanted to join, I was welcome at their apartment for dinner. Hanji's turn to cook.
"I wouldn't go if I were you," Mikasa said when I mentioned it to her.
"And just why not?"
"Hanji's a terrifying cook."
"How do you know? Do you even know Hanji?" I gawked.
"We work in the same lab."
Of course you do.
"Well, I'm going, okay?" I said defiantly, crossing my arms. She looked at me just as defiantly.
"All right. I'll go with you."
"What?"
"Armin, you have plans tonight, don't you?" she asked him. He was sitting on the bed, still wrapped in her blankets and writing notes.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Jean, Annie and I are getting dinner."
"That's a weird group," I mumbled under my breath.
"Then it's settled. I'll come with you to Levi's tonight," she said again. "Besides, you're more of a stranger to them than I am."
"You know what, screw you."
She just patted my head, and I swatted her hand away. As always.
We stood in front of their door at seven thirty, even though we had agreed on seven—Mikasa and I had gotten into another argument, only to end with her nearly dragging me by my ear out of the door. I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a thick jacket, while she wore leggings and an oversized sweater. I wondered why she would wear anything that didn't show off her killer figure. Literally killer. I was the one who knocked, albeit anxiously. I hadn't been anxious at first, but I could hear that weird new age music coming from inside. The same music I'd heard when I'd first met Hanji. Loud sounds were erupting, like pots and pans clanging, and I heard a few different voices yelling. I glanced over at Mikasa, who just shrugged and gave me her infamous I-told-you-so look.
"Hey! Long time no see, cutie!" Petra said when she opened the door. "Oh, Mikasa, you're here, too."
"Fuck, Mikasa's here?!" I heard from inside. "Hide the guns."
"Don't worry, I brought my own," Mikasa called back. Hanji responded with their maniacal laugh, and Petra let us inside. As expected, the place was a mess, especially the kitchen. Hanji had spread out an entire infantry of cooking materials, I could see something in the oven, and there was a pot with smoking rising from it on the stove. As if they were compensation, there were bowls of chips and pretzels on the table in the living room.
"Make yourselves comfortable! Sorry it's kind of a mess," Petra said with a smile. "Gosh, you're just as cute as ever, aren't you?"
I laughed nervously as Hanji hopped over, oven mitts on their hands. They had their brown hair tied up into a messy bun, with flour all over their face and a lab coat instead of an apron. I blinked at them, wishing that I had listened to Mikasa. But I avoided her gaze, because I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.
"Brought along your bodyguard, huh?" they chuckled with a wink.
"She's not my bodyguard," I grumbled. As they laughed and joked and Petra apologized on their behalf in cute little giggles, I glanced around the room as inconspicuously as I could. Levi and Erwin were nowhere to be seen. However, I did see someone unfamiliar sitting on the couch. The final mystery roommate, I assumed.
"Yo, Mike! You met Eren yet?" Hanji called. The guy sitting on the couch stood up and shook his head. He was ridiculously tall, and looked at least thirty years old (though he was only 21). He had a grim, somber look about him, but it wasn't unfriendly. Just...kind of strange. He walked over and, before I could even introduce myself, leaned down and smelled my neck.
"Ack!" By instinct I jumped back, cringing. "Wha—?"
"You have an interesting smell," he said.
"Mike likes to smell people," Hanji explained. Mike smiled down at me, and then put his hand out. I shook it with a wavering smile, while Mikasa plopped down on the couch and put a handful of pretzels in her mouth.
"Where's the twerp?" she asked.
"In the bathroom with Commander Handsome," Hanji answered, heading back to the kitchen. Mike and Petra took their seats beside Mikasa, but I was feeling too restless to sit down. Wondering, of course, why Levi was in the bathroom with Erwin (Commander Handsome?). "Petra, why don't you go tell them that Eren and Mikasa are here?"
"Sure thing, darling." Petra hopped up in her little skirt and opened the door to the bathroom.
"What?" I heard Levi ask, in an aggravated tone, from the other side of the door.
"Cutie's here," she said, making me blush.
"Great. Want me to get confetti or something?"
"It's rude to keep guests waiting," Mikasa called, turning on the television.
"Fuck, little Miss Perfect is here, too?" Suddenly Levi's head appeared in the doorway of the bathroom. I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from laughing. He had his hair pinned back with flower hairpins, was wearing a baggy t-shirt rolled up to the sleeves, boxers, fuzzy socks with cats on them, and a flowery pink apron.
"Don't act so happy to see me," Mikasa said.
"Trust me, I won't." As I struggled with the laughter sitting on my lips, Levi noticed me standing there, and narrowed his eyes. "What are you laughing at?"
"N-nothing," I managed. "Nothing at all."
"Levi!" That was Erwin's voice, coming from within the bathroom.
"I'm coming, I'm coming, don't shit yourself."
Petra waltzed over to where I was standing, finally letting the chuckles out.
"What are they doing in there?" I asked.
"Go see for yourself," she smiled.
Still giggling, I walked over to the bathroom and poked my head in. And then, my giggles turned into uncontrollable laughter. Erwin was sitting on the toilet, hands in his lap, eyes closed. Levi was standing over him and spreading wax over his brow area with a popsicle stick, delicately. Then he placed a piece of what looked like normal paper to me over the wax, pressed it down, and ripped it off. Erwin hardly even flinched. When I burst into laughter, Levi turned to face me, his hands still stretching out Erwin's skin, and if looks could kill I would have dropped dead right there.
"Still laughing, brat?"
"I'm sorry," I panted, "but I just—I never expected—!"
"Take heed, Eren," Erwin said with a smile. "It takes work to have eyebrows like these."
"I'll throw this tub of boiling wax at you if you don't get the fuck out," Levi hissed at me. I obeyed without another word—I wouldn't have been able to say anything through the laughter anyway.
"Levi doesn't charge, and he's better than most of the salons around here anyway," Petra winked.
"Dinner's ready!"
Though it seemed Hanji's methods of cooking were as terrifying as Mikasa had warned, the food itself was rather good. They must have had a thing for ravioli, because that's what they made. We squeezed together around a small table. Mikasa on my right, Mike on my left, Levi across from me squeezed between Hanji and Erwin, with Petra beside Erwin. Levi had taken off his apron but still had his hair pinned back, and each time I looked at him anew I had to hold back my laughter. In the back of my mind, I was imagining how it would feel to take them out of his hair myself. How it would feel to run my fingers through his dark tresses.
"Let us say our prayers," Hanji began. They grabbed Levi and Mikasa's hands, and then looked at the rest of us expectantly.
"Stupid shitty glasses," Levi mumbled, slipping his hand into Erwin's. "You better have washed your hands." This was such a bizarre situation, sitting around this table in Levi's apartment holding Mikasa and Mike's hands, holding back laughter and waiting to eat ravioli that Hanji had made. If someone had told me yesterday that this was what my Sunday night would consist of, I would have scoffed.
"To the ravioli gods above," Hanji began, "we pray that you bless this dinner, which we have prepared in your likeness. And to the Sunday night gods, we pray that you tell the Monday morning gods to go easy on us."
"Amen," Petra and Mike murmured. Mikasa glanced over at me, a smile on her lips, and I nearly lost it again.
Then we ate, and talked, and joked, and it was really, indescribably nice. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a home-cooked meal and, though I didn't know most of the people at the table that well, I felt undeniably welcome and warm and content.
Mike was quiet, giving his opinion (pretty eloquently) on some things and pausing every few moments to smell the food or me or himself. Hanji was by far the most talkative, gushing about their latest experiments or upcoming lectures and, at one point, they even went into a very in-depth description of the importance of taking extremely cold showers to maintain the probiotic system in our bodies. Petra laughed and teased and blushed. Erwin and I took it upon ourselves to indulge Hanji in their eccentricities, and at a certain point I realized that I was generally interested in what they had to say. I'd never been much of a science person, but Hanji made everything sound dramatic and exciting.
Levi and Mikasa were both pretty quiet and stoic, as always, jutting into a conversation only when they found it absolutely necessary.
"What do you think, Levi? Should we get a pet? A weird one, like an iguana or a snake," Hanji asked him. He put his silverware down and looked up at them.
"We already have a weird pet."
"What? We do?"
"Yup. Right here." He grabbed the top of their head and pulled them down, looking straight into their eyes. Petra began to laugh and even Mikasa fought to cover her smirk. Erwin raised his (recently waxed, still kind of red) eyebrows at me. It was satisfying, fascinating, to see these relationships play out.
While I was getting seconds, encouraging Erwin to really heap it on, I caught Levi's gaze. The intensity of it was surprising to me. As if he had been waiting for me to look over, be pierced by that light. That throbbing, queasy feeling appeared in my stomach again—the same one I'd felt when I'd first laid eyes on him. God, I wanted to fuck him. Even if his hair did look ridiculous. And he knew I wanted to fuck him. He was toying with me, I knew he was, but I couldn't avoid this trap. I played right into his hands. Because I think he wanted to fuck me, too.
Under the table, being very careful, I slipped my leg forward. Just until I felt my foot brush against his. He turned away then, to a makeshift conversation with Hanji, but didn't move his leg. I pressed more tightly against it, until I felt him push back. I bit down on my ravioli and looked down at my plate to hide my smile, but there was no hiding the heat in my cheeks. I worried for a second that Mikasa might be able to hear the pounding of my heart, like a drum, right beside her. When I looked back up, I caught Levi's gaze again, and my sense of overwhelming desire was refreshed—a landslide crashing against any sense of rationality left in my not-so-rational-to-begin-with brain.
All I could feel was the pressure of his leg against mine and dream of feeling every part of him.
We helped clean up after dinner, and Levi made tea. After cleaning with extreme diligence. I'd never seen anyone wash dishes with such...intensity. Mikasa turned on the television again, though I knew she didn't like to watch it that much, and moved to the living room with Petra, Mike, and Erwin. While I stayed back and dried the dishes as Hanji tried to put together some impromptu dessert.
"I have Oreos?"
"I like Oreos."
"Oreos it is, then."
As they walked past me, without warning, they grabbed at my hair and pulled out a few strands. I cried out, stumbling back and nearly tripping on my feet as I felt the sting in my scalp.
"What the—?"
"Yes! I have your DNA now. Thank you, I'll get back to you with the results," they said, smiling widely at the piece of hair they had just ripped from my head.
"Results of what now?"
"Don't bother," Levi groaned. "You won't understand a word they say anyway."
After that everybody kind of went and did their own thing. Petra wanted to go to bed early, so she retreated to her room. Levi and Erwin said they still had work to finish, so they pulled out their laptops and sat on the couches and typed away. Hanji and Mikasa talked about the most recent experiments of the lab they were working in, and Mike was very involved in drinking his tea. I sat on the couch, cross-legged, looking at the images on the screen but not really watching. Eating Oreos. (We were all eating them except for Mikasa and Levi—it seemed they shared a contempt for sweets.) Fighting the urge to reach over and put my hand on Levi's thigh.
About an hour and a half later, Mikasa stood up.
"Eren. You have to go study. I can only help you tonight because I'm busy this whole week, remember?"
"Ugh, you're right."
"Have an exam this week?" Erwin asked as I stood from my seat.
"Yeah. Econ on Wednesday."
"Good luck. You'll be fine."
"Yeah, right, thanks."
I thanked them for the dinner, perhaps a little too profusely, while Mikasa waited patiently at the door. Hanji made us promise to come back again soon (so they could give me my results and have me try their spaghetti, apparently), Erwin told me I was welcome at the frat house anytime, and Levi gave me a wave of his hand. Not even having to ask to know that I was going to text him sooner rather than later. He must have known how unsatisfied I was feeling, what with the way he had been looking at me all night.
I know you want me.
Just come out and say it.
I've made myself clear, haven't I?
Just as we were exiting the building, I reached into my pocket to grab my phone, only to find it empty.
"Wait, Mikasa, I think I left my phone up there," I said, frantically patting myself down.
"Could you not have your head up your ass for once?"
"No need to get snarky with me. Just hold on, all right? I'll be back in a sec."
She crossed her arms and leaned against the door, eyes on my back as I scurried back up the stairs. This was just like me, to forget the one thing that I desperately needed. Out of breath, I hurried down the hall to their apartment—but just as I was about to knock, I heard them on the other side. Speaking in extremely loud voices.
"Levi, just listen to me—"
"No, you listen to me."
It was Erwin and Levi.
"How many times do you think we can do this? Huh? How many times before I get sick of it and bury my head in the sand?"
"We don't have a choice at this point. You know that as well as I do," Erwin said. I knew I should've knocked on the door, shouldn't have eavesdropped, but I had never heard that kind of tone in Levi's voice before. Angry, frustrated. My curiosity was raging.
"I don't have enough years of my life left to waste on your bullshit," I heard Levi say.
"Sacrifices are always going to be necessary. I thought you understood that."
"I do understand that. Better than anybody. But this..."
"Levi."
"What?!"
"Do you trust me?"
There was an uncomfortable pause, and I realized that I was holding my breath and sweating bullets. I had no idea what they were talking about, but it sounded way over my head. Something that must have been more serious than anything I could imagine being in his life at this point. I suddenly remembered that time, when I had come to drop off the book and bumped into Erwin. He had had such a serious expression on his face—maybe that had something to do with what they were talking about now.
"Of course I do. You know I do," Levi finally said. Their voices had softened, and I had to press my ear to the door to hear. I was so intrigued that I couldn't even feel guilty.
"Then keep trusting me. I know what I'm doing."
"Fine. All right. Whatever."
"Good. But, listen, there's something else I want to talk to you about."
"Hm? And just what's that?"
"About Eren. I understand where you're coming from, but I think you should—"
As soon as I heard my name, a switch flipped on in my brain, and I felt my heart drop. All of my normal functions just stopped and, even though I hadn't really meant to, I started knocking on the door. Interrupting anything that I might have heard pertaining to myself. I took a deep breath to clear my head and wiped the stray beads of sweat on my temples. I waited for what felt like a century before Levi opened the door. He had let his hair down.
"Back already?"
"Uh, yeah, I forgot my phone," I said.
"Is it this one?" Erwin called from behind him.
"Yeah, that's the one." He tossed me my phone. Levi moved his head slightly to make way for it, and I just barely caught it. My fingers were trembling. "Thanks. Well...g-good night."
"Hey, Eren."
"Yeah?" I stopped in my tracks at the sound of my name on Levi's lips. He was leaning against the doorway, arms crossed, sexy as fuck. Erwin had disappeared from my field of vision.
"If you need help studying for your exam, come over on Tuesday. Since little Miss Perfect is busy."
"What? You mean it?"
"Why not? I'm not bad at econ."
"That would be amazing! Seriously!"
"All right. See you Tuesday, then."
And then he closed the door and I was left wondering what he and Erwin were going to say about me behind it.