Again, I barely have any time to update. Here's the next chapter - hope you enjoy. Only two left. Let me know what you think.

Chapter 10: Sadness

Jack's breathing slowed. Finn and Rachel held his hands tighter.
Jack died at 9:37 p.m. on December 12, 2024.
Rachel looked up at Finn with tears in her eyes. "He's gone."
Finn's lip trembled as he pulled Rachel in close. "We couldn't do it." For quite some time they'd known this day was coming but that didn't make it any easier. Finn and Rachel had lost their son. Ryan, Emma and Sarah had lost their brother.
"Ryan. Emma. Sarah. How are we going to tell them?" Finn sobbed.
"I don't know," Rachel sobbed into Finn's shoulder. "It's not fair. We only had him for five years. I worry we didn't appreciate everything we had with him while we had him. Now he's gone forever. Can you explain why this had to happen, Finn?"
Finn shook his head and wiped his tears.
Rachel continued talking. "That evil disease had to take our little boy."
Finn just pulled Rachel in for a tight hug and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you so much, Rachel."
"Finn, I love you," Rachel said. "I need you now more than ever. How many times during this difficult trial you gave me comfort."
Finn shook his head and kissed the top of Rachel's. "You got me through this."
Finn and Rachel sat quietly at Jack's bedside for about an hour before their son's body was taken to the morgue. They had a very difficult time leaving Jack. The room was packed and their luggage they didn't need was ready to be put in the car, but neither of them could bear to part with their son. After an hour they contacted the hospital staff, who were very sympathetic, then got in the car to drive home to break the news to their kids. They'd planned well ahead of time that they didn't want to tell anyone until they told Ryan, Emma and Sarah in person.
As the car approached the driveway, Rachel noticed all the lights were off. She turned to Finn. "Do you think they're up?" Maybe if they were asleep, that could give them time to prepare for the impossible task of breaking the news.
"If they're asleep, we need to wake them up," Finn said.
"I don't want to do this," Rachel said.
"Neither do I, Rach," Finn said. "Neither do I."
Hand in hand, they walked into the living room to see Ryan, Emma and Sarah, now their only three children, sitting on the couch, as if they'd just been waiting for their parents to get home. At the sight of her children, Rachel grabbed them and began sobbing her eyes out. She pulled Finn in as their parents looked on.
"You don't need to tell us," Ryan sobbed, wrapping his arms around Emma. "We know."
"When did it happen?" Emma asked, putting one arm around her sister and the other around her brother.
"About two hours ago," Finn said quietly. "We couldn't do it... I'm so sorry we did this to you."
All three kids were just crying. Rachel felt her heart shattering. As their parents, she and Finn were supposed to comfort the kids, yet there was nothing they could say or do to make themselves feel better. They spent the next two hours sitting in the living room, alternating between sobbing and sitting quietly with the only three children they still had.
The kids weren't ready for bed until well after midnight. Ryan and Emma both asked for privacy at bedtime. Sarah wanted her parents with her. Finn and Rachel sat with her until she fell asleep. After Sarah fell asleep, Rachel told Finn she wanted to check on the twins. She went into both their rooms, finding them both fast asleep. She couldn't bear to go into Jack's room, but as she headed back to her room, she peeked into Jack's room to see Finn lying on the bed, cuddling with the teddy bear they'd given Jack the day he was born. Rachel went into the room and lay beside Finn on the bed, putting her arms around him. "Awww, Finny," Rachel whispered as her tears fell on his shoulder.
Finn looked around the room. "This is all we have left of him now. Just our memories. We did everything we could. We sacrificed so much- and it's as if it was all for nothing."
"Three months is too little. I can't believe he's gone," Rachel said.
"I know now we're supposed to be thinking about arrangements,"Finn said. "God, Rach, our kids are supposed to be the ones preparing arrangements for us."
Finn went to Jack's table and began looking through the things on it. He held up a piece of paper. "Rach, come look at this."
Rachel dot to the table and looked at the paper. "My mommy and daddy are the best. They don't let me get sicker. i love them very much." Jack had written those words on a piece of paper.
"When do you think he made that?" Rachel asked.
"I don't know," Finn said, putting his arms around Rachel. "Let's see what else is here."
They began looking through what was on Jack's table. Tickets from virtually every event they'd been to. Drawings of family and friends. Photos of things he'd liked that he'd printed off the computer. They used to yell at him for using too much ink. Now Rachel knew she would let him use as much ink as he wanted if only that were an option.
"Mom? Dad?" Rachel turned to see Emma standing in the doorway.
"What is it?" Rachel asked. "You look really tired."
"I came to see if you were okay," Emma said. "I'm sure you're really upset."
"Don't worry about us, Emma," Finn said. "It's our job to worry about you."
"I am worried," Emma said. "He was your son."
"Come sit down with us," Finn said. "Tomorrow your mom and I are going to the funeral home to see Jack."
"What will happen?" Rachel turned to see Sarah in the doorway.
Rachel sighed. Her daughter didn't even know how a funeral worked, now she was being forced to learn the hard way. "He's at the funeral home now," Rachel said. "They'll dress him in some nice clothes and put him in a box called a casket. Our family and friends will come see him in the casket and then he'll be buried."
"When will we see him?" Now Ryan was standing in the door.
"We'll work it out when Mom and I talk to the people at the funeral home tomorrow," Finn said. "We'll make sure the five of us get time alone with him."
The three kids were now sitting on the bed with their parents. "Can we go with you to the funeral home to plan?" Ryan asked.
"If you want to, of course," Rachel said. She knew there was no use in telling the kids to go to bed. Despite how tired they looked, there was no way they would get much sleep tonight. Rachel and Finn sat quietly in Jack's room with his brother and sisters until they eventually fell asleep. Finn carried the kids to their rooms after they fell asleep while Rachel went to their room to attempt to rest. While she waited for Finn, she began going through their dresser drawers, looking for things with a connection to Jack. Now anything with ties to Jack would be sacred.
Rachel rarely looked in the top drawer on Finn's side of the dresser where he kept lots of his "guy stuff" but there could be something there.
Finn joined Rachel in going through the drawers. "His hat and blanket from when he was born at the hospital," Finn said, holding up the hat and blanket.
Rachel smiled at the memory of holding Jack when he wore that hat and blanket. Then she made another discovery. "He made us this picture in preschool."
Finn looked at the picture. "We'll have to save this forever, Rach."
Rachel smiled and looked at the picture. "Anything with connections to Jack is to be treasured."
Finn leaned in to kiss Rachel. "You're right." Rachel felt a sharp pain in her stomach, as if something was moving inside her, but decided to ignore it. She was pretty sure she knew what it was, but now definitely wasn't the time to find out for sure. They continued looking through the drawers for nearly an hour.
x
The next day, Rachel and Finn spent the day at the funeral home with their children, parents and siblings, planning the service. The day was long and difficult, but it was only the first of many without Jack and it would only get harder. They would see Jack in two days. Well, the remains of him.
Things weren't much better at home, even though they had their families with them. Christmas was approaching, but there was no cheer whatsoever at the Hudson house. Finn and Rachel had barely eaten or slept since Jack died. Ryan, Emma and Sarah ate and slept in small amounts. Rachel's heart broke for her children. She and Finn had spent most of their time growing up as only children and wanted their own kids to have siblings and be close to them. The four kids had always been such good friends. Other siblings bickered constantly, but the Hudson kids played together non stop and knew all about each other. They were totally in sync. The three kids who remained still had each other, but they'd suffered a cruel loss so few young children could relate to. It's been commonly said that in the dictionary, there are orphans, widowers and widows, but no word for a parent who loses a child. There is also no word for the child who loses a sibling.
Ryan, Emma and Sarah had all cried many times, often out of nowhere, since Finn and Rachel had come home from the hospital the evening of the twelfth. None of them had been themselves at all, but they had rarely been themselves since Jack's diagnosis. It was clear that they missed their brother terribly already. Finn and Rachel missed him too, and they had no idea how to deal with any of it.
With the help of Ally and Beth, Ryan, Emma and Sarah had put together photo collages for display at the funeral home. Finn and Rachel had also selected some of Jack's favorite items to be displayed at visitations, and a few extra special favorites to go in the casket. As they left the funeral home the night before the visitation, Finn said to the director, "Make sure it's an extra special service. Since there won't be a graduation, wedding or baby, this is it."
Rachel felt tears in her eyes. Jack never would get to celebrate those milestones.
"Absolutely," the director said. "Finn, I am so sorry you and Jack won't get to share those times as father and son."
Rachel put her arms around Finn as they left. The next day they would be seeing Jack's body. Their family and friends would be coming to see them. Rachel was nervous about their family and friends seeing them tomorrow, and any of her students who might come. They shouldn't have to see her as such a wreck.
x
"It doesn't even really look like him," Ryan said. "It looks like a statue or something of him." It was the next day, the 16th, the day of the visitations. Finn, Rachel, Ryan, Emma and Sarah had arrived an hour early to get time alone with Jack. Seeing him in the casket was near impossible. He was dressed in dress pants, a knitted vest, and a nice collared shirt. Jack's father and brother were in black suits, while his mother and sister were in black dresses.
"I know," Finn said, hugging Ryan. "It's so weird seeing him like this."
Rachel sighed. Comforting the kids was so had always been great at comforting others, but even he was having difficulty.
The hour alone with Jack passed quickly as their family and friends began to file in. The first people to come in were Sam and Quinn with their own children. "Rachel," Quinn whispered, hugging Rachel tightly. "Oh my God."
"I can't believe this is happening," Rachel sobbed on Quinn's shoulder.
"This even makes me question God," Quinn said. "I'm so sorry, Rach. I can't believe God did this to Jack you and Finn and Emma and Ryan and Sarah."
"You're my best friend," Rachel choked. During the early years of high school she never thought she would say that, but Glee changed everything.
Quinn hugged Rachel. "You're mine, too. I don't need to tell you, but if there's anything I can do, let me know." She moved to talk to Finn while Sam came to talk to Rachel. "I'm so sorry," Sam said. "Things like this shouldn't happen."
"No, they really shouldn't," Rachel said, crying quietly.
"You and Finn take care of each other," Sam said. "He called me at 4 a.m. sobbing."
Rachel's heart shattered. "We will. We will."
The line moved a while before Santana and Rachel were face to face. Immediately, Santana pulled Rachel in for a big hug. "I'm sorry it didn't work, Rachel. I feel terrible."
"This isn't your fault," Rachel said.
"You and Finn need your son," Santana said. "How are the other kids?"
Rachel shrugged. "As you can expect. I think they're still in shock, honestly."
"I did what I could," Santana said.
"And we're very grateful to you, Santana," Rachel said. "Thank you."
The line continued moving and someone Rachel had never expected to see was there. "Sue Sylvester?"
The former cheerleading coach from McKinley, who bullied the glee club while Finn and Rachel were in high school and then left after her sister's sudden death at the end of their junior year, was indeed by Rachel. She took Rachel's hand. "Hi Rachel. I know we never knew each other in a positive way when you were at McKinley, but when I saw the death notice in the newspaper, I had to come give you and Finn my condolences. I know what it's like to lose someone."
"Thank you," Rachel said.
A few people later came someone else Rachel never thought to see. "Jesse?" Finn gasped.
"Hi Finn. Hi Rachel," Jesse said. "I'm so sorry."
"Thank you Jesse," Finn said.
Jesse St. James, Rachel's high school ex-boyfriend who had been cruel to Finn, was now a big Broadway star.
"Your kids seem wonderful," Jesse said. "I'm sorry."
"Thanks," Rachel said. Maybe Jesse wasn't all bad.
After four hours, visitations ended. They'd been near impossible to get through, but the funeral tomorrow would be even harder.