CHAPTER TEN – "Never simple, never easy"

"What happened, Ziva?" He asked, concern clear in his voice, despite his attempt to conceal it.

She hadn't been acting like the Ziva he knew all day. The Ziva he knew didn't cry. She didn't show emotion, because it made her feel vulnerable.

But Ziva was different now. He still wasn't used to the new Ziva.

"I wanted to surprise him…" she began, and with those five words he already knew how this story would end.

Daniel had left that morning, warning her that he would be working late. There was nothing unusual about it. But when her afternoon became unexpectedly empty, she had wanted to see him, maybe grab a coffee. After the last week, she had wanted to make sure they were okay. She had pulled up outside his office only to see him leaving, and promptly followed him. She had assumed that he had finished early, and was coming home to surprise her. Her heart dropped the moment he turned left, instead of right, missing the right turn that would have brought him home, to her. She almost stopped following him; turned around and went home, thinking he was seeing a client. But something made her continue. Jamie was with Tony, after all. He was having fun. She had nowhere to be, which was a rare occurrence. It almost felt like trailing a suspect, except this wasn't a suspect, this was her husband, her husband who had done nothing to make her doubt him.

Until he pulled up at the motel. Five years ago she would have known exactly what to expect when following him into the lobby of the upmarket hotel. But now she was unsure; she wanted to believe the best, that he was meeting a client. She had drummed it in to her head with such determination that she almost believed it.

But that ideal was taken away swiftly when he didn't greet the tall blonde woman with a handshake. His hands snaked around her waist, pulling her close, kissing her more tenderly than he had ever kissed Ziva. Right in the middle of a hotel lobby, as if he didn't even care if he got caught. She tried to leave, but her feet seemed glued to the floor. He looked up and saw her, unable to move, unable to speak. When he advanced toward her, she couldn't help it, it was almost instinct. Instinct that she had buried for the last five years, but instinct none the less. She took his finger and twisted it, reducing him to a mess on the floor, and didn't even say a word before turning on her heel and leaving.

"I cannot believe that I didn't figure it out sooner," she sighed, shaking her head and avoiding Tony's gaze. How was it that she was so blind when it came to relationships?

"This wasn't just a one-time thing?" Tony asked, remembering the kiss they had shared.

"No. It has been going on for three years," she replied, and Tony's eyes widened.

It was such a cliché, using the "working late" excuse to cover an affair. He couldn't believe that it had been going on for so long, and that Ziva hadn't known. The old Ziva would have known just by looking him in the eye. She always used to know when men were lying. But this Ziva had spent the last five years focused on Jamie, and nothing else. That much was obvious. She hadn't spent the time focused on her marriage, looking for cracks or lies; she had spent it raising her son, and in the process she had let her guard down.

Tony wondered whether she was upset at Daniel for cheating, or upset at herself for not realising it sooner.

"I'm sorry, Ziva," Tony told her sincerely, taking her hand in his.

"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I lied, that I told you I knew Daniel was Jamie's father when I didn't. I'm sorry I thought he would be a better father than you."

"He's still a good father," he reminded her softly, and she laughed sarcastically.

"When he's here."

He didn't know how to respond to that – he had realised that he clearly didn't know as much about their relationship as he thought he did.

"Would you have ever told me that there was a possibility that I was Jamie's father, if I hadn't asked?" He asked after a few minutes of silence, trying not to let it show how much the answer meant to him.

"No," she responded honestly. "But only because I don't want Jamie to be affected by all of this. He doesn't deserve it."

Tony just nodded. "I guess I can understand that," he admitted. Without anger tainting his thoughts, he could see the motivations behind each of her actions. It didn't mean he agreed with them, but he could see why she had done what she had done.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted back then," he blurted out and she just frowned in confusion.

"After we slept together, when I found out you were pregnant… Pretty much that whole year," he sighed. "I was so afraid that you would choose him, that I ended up making the decision easy for you."

"It's okay, Tony," she told him, but he just continued.

"I'm sorry that I treated you like some one night stand."

"It's okay," she repeated, this time placing a hand on his arm in an effort to prevent him from giving an unnecessary explanation.

"No it's not," he argued softly. Somehow he had gone from angry at her to angry at himself. "Do you even remember what happened?"

She laughed. "Of course I remember," she said, as if it was ridiculous to think that she had forgotten, when she was acting as if it were no big deal.

She woke as soon as she sensed movement, opening her eyes to see Tony standing beside her bed, dressing slowly, with his back to her.

"You are stealing my move," She teased lightly, remembering the last time this had happened – the first time this had happened – when she had slipped out of his apartment before he could wake up.

A nervous smile was present on his face when he turned around to face her. She lay on her stomach, her hair fanned out across the pillow, the sheet resting across her waist.

He knew as soon as he looked her in the eye he wouldn't be able to just leave. She almost seemed vulnerable, as if he could see into her soul if he tried hard enough, and he swore he had never seen her look more beautiful.

"Sorry," he apologised, a goofy grin spreading across his face, still nervous.

But then her phone flashed on the nightstand, and he moved to hand it to her instinctually, unable to stop himself from seeing who the message was from. Daniel. Reality had invaded his imaginary world – the one where Ziva wasn't cheating on her boyfriend with him.

She noticed the look in his eyes immediately, and felt guilty for having put him in this position.

"Sorry," she apologised, and he just shrugged, buttoning his shirt.

"It's fine," he said, his voice now cold, his nerves having disappeared. "I'll see you at work," he told her, before turning and leaving without a second glance.

He couldn't help himself. He teased her as he always did at work, although a little harsher than usual. McGee had even commented on it, but she had just taken it, remaining quiet as if she felt she deserved it. They wrapped the case that afternoon, and the metro cop who had been working with them on the case and simultaneously flirting with him all week was leaving. He had ignored her advances until that day. After his reality-check that morning, he made a point of flirting with her throughout the day, at least when Ziva was present. He walked with her out of the bullpen, kissing her soundly before guiding her into the elevator. He knew Ziva had seen – he wouldn't have done it if he hadn't thought she was watching – but he just strode into the bullpen, taking a seat at his desk as if nothing had happened. It was empty now, except for Ziva and himself, and when he finally looked across the bullpen to meet her gaze, he hadn't expected to see the hurt flashing so clearly in her eyes. She always hid her emotions. It almost made him feel guilty, but then he remembered that she would be going home to Daniel that night, and the guilt faded, only to be replaced with jealousy.

"Knowing that you were going to just go back to Daniel, I felt so embarrassed about telling you that I loved you," he said softly, his face having reddened with the memory. She just laughed in response, and he looked up in confusion.

"Would it make you feel better if you knew that I hadn't believed you when you said it?" She asked, while he was still wondering why this was so funny.

"You didn't believe me?" He asked incredulously, and she shrugged.

"I figured you just said it in the moment, I didn't think you really meant it, that you would still mean it in the morning," she shrugged, and he rolled his eyes. All the time he had spent agonising over it slipping out and she hadn't believed him.

"I meant it," he said, paraphrasing the many other less kind statements he could have said – the ones with insults like you're an idiot preceding.

"I still do," he admitted, and her eyes narrowed, and he knew she didn't believe him this time either. "I do," he repeated. "Even when I hate you I love you," he told her, and she smiled.

"That's really nice, Tony," she said sarcastically, and if anything, he was thankful that she was smiling again.

With him, even when he was being sincere, it was guarded. Maybe that was why she had trouble believing him.

"Jamie and I had fun today," he started, knowing Jamie would keep the smile on her face.

"I bet he spent the whole afternoon on the swings," she smiled knowingly, and he nodded.

"Yep. Gave my arms a good workout."

The smile died on her face, though and he couldn't help but wonder why.

"He could be Daniel's son," she reminded him, and he just shot her a confused look. "You're getting attached to the idea that he's yours," she explained, and he knew she was right. He had spent the last week thinking about what would happen if Jamie were his son – he hadn't even contemplated what would happen if he were Daniel's.

"I'll still love him," he told her without hesitation. "I loved him before I thought he could be my son."

"Maybe we should find out," she said half-heartedly, although she wasn't sure she could face the truth. If Jamie was Daniel's son, Tony would be heartbroken, regardless of what he was telling himself, and she would be left to decide whether she should try to figure out some sort of custody arrangement with Daniel, or go back to pretending that they were one big happy family. And if he was Tony's… She still had to deal with Daniel. Jamie knew him as his father. She couldn't change that. It made no difference. Whether it was Daniel or Tony, she had chosen Daniel, and that affected everything. Tony couldn't be Jamie's father, he already had one. What would she tell Daniel? How would he react?

"I, actually, already sent samples to Abby," Tony confessed slowly, guiltily.

"You what?" She asked in disbelief. She couldn't stop herself from panicking. "I can't do this, Tony. I can't know,"

"Sure you can," he told her. He hadn't expected her to stress out about it. To be honest, he hadn't really thought about her reaction, other than her initial reservations about finding out the truth.

"You don't understand. It doesn't make a difference. Jamie knows Daniel as his father. You can't change that. You can't do that to him."

"I have to know, Ziva."

"Why? Because if he isn't yours you don't want him? He's just a kid, Tony. He loves you. You can't just leave, it'll break his heart."

"I wouldn't just leave. I just… Don't you think I deserve to know? If I have a son?"

"You can't tell him, Tony," she stated, and he turned to her, anger flooding his eyes.

"Can't tell who? Jamie or Daniel?" He asked, and she just stared back at him, refusing to give him an answer.

"You can't just go back to the way things were with Daniel; you can't just pretend you don't know that he's cheating on you!"

He was yelling now, and her empty stare turned into a glare.

"Stop screaming. You will wake Jamie," she told him steadily.

It was if they had flipped a switch. He was back to being angry at her, and all she wanted to do was flip it back.

Their silence was eventually interrupted by his phone, and he looked down at the caller ID.

"It's Abby," he said, his heart suddenly beating at double the pace it was before. "I told her to call me when she got the results."

"Don't answer it Tony. I don't want to know," she told him resolutely, staring at him with a look that he was sure the old Ziva would have been proud of.

He answered it anyway.

A/N:

1. I apologise for the cliff hanger, I'll update ASAP! ( Reviews are motivating :P )

2. To Special Agent Tee-vah, who got last chapter's title :D

3. Bit of a short chapter, but the next one is in the works, and is shaping up to be very long and quite dramatic.

Thanks for reading!