A/N: Here is the next chapter. I'm sorry that it's so late, it was just very difficult to write and I'm still not sure I got it the way I want it. Reviews are, as always, welcome- any comments or suggestions are very appreciated.
Elsa was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep and failing. This was due in part to her excitement- after leaving the trolls, Anakin had said that there was a lot he had to think about, so her training would start tomorrow - but not only. There was simply too much going on in her head.
The trolls had announced that they would have to wait at least a month before fixing Anakin's whatever-it-was. That was good, as it ensured that Anakin would have time to train her- one thing off her worry list. That still left plenty.
Elsa didn't want to admit it, but she was afraid, despite what Pabbie had said about fear being her enemy. She was afraid that she would not succeed to control her power even with Anakin's help. Anakin hadn't actually promised that by the time he was done teaching her she would have absolute control over her power. He had said that he would help her and that it wouldn't be easy, but had made no promise as to the result. Even more, he had seemed rather hesitant before agreeing to help her. Was it because he doubted her ability to learn? What if she would never learn control?
Elsa tried to push those thoughts out of her mind. Anakin was a Jedi. If he couldn't do it, no one could.
'That's exactly the problem', a small voice in her head said. 'He's your only chance'. Elsa ignored it. She might not succeed, but she sure as hell (excuse the vulgar word) was going to try.
With that temporarily out of her mind, she could focus on the other things that were dancing around the edges of her mind, refusing to leave her alone.
The trolls had tried to marry her and Anakin. That of itself was strange, but what was even stranger was her reaction to it.
When Elsa had told the trolls that she didn't love Anakin it had felt strangely wrong. Elsa knew that it was foolishness to think that she had fallen in love with Anakin after only a few days of knowing him, but she couldn't shake the feeling off. Maybe it was because the trolls had said that they would be a good match, and she couldn't see the trolls being wrong about anything. Especially if it was within their field of expertise, which, as they had said themselves, was matters of the heart.
Still, it didn't really matter whether the trolls were right or wrong about her and Anakin being good for each other. Anakin was a Jedi and so not allowed to have relationships (as he had tried to tell the trolls), and even if he would be willing to break the rules, he would leave in a month. There could never be anything between them, and Elsa, always the logical person, understood that completely. She had always thought with her head, unlike Anna, who preferred to let her heart make all the important decisions. That was that, and there would be no more thoughts of Anakin in a romantic context. Not that she had ever had those kinds of thoughts, but still. Just in case. If the trolls were right. Which didn't matter anyway. End of story.
There was something else that troubled Elsa in relation to Anakin and the Trolls. Before they had left, Grandpabbie had told Anakin something about him possibly being the Chosen One. Elsa knew that the most important thing was usually said last, but try as she would, she could not make sense of what the old troll had said. There was something about Anakin having to let go of his past, and the entire Galaxy paying the price if he failed, but Elsa couldn't understand what it meant. She supposed that it would only make sense to Anakin, and resolved to ask him what the troll had meant sometime later.
There was one good thing to all of the thoughts that were muddling around in her head- there wasn't any space left for grief over her parents. Elsa felt relief at that fact, then guilt. If it made her happy that she didn't feel the hurt over her parents' demise (the words were still hard to say, even in her mind), did that make her a bad person? She should feel the pain and the sadness, not try to hide from it. It was the least her parents deserved, and if she didn't feel it she would be dishonoring their memory.
She couldn't focus on those thoughts for long, because the weariness of the day finally caught up with her and she felt herself falling asleep. Her last thought was that she would have to face them, eventually. Not now though…
Anakin woke up early in the morning, feeling no better than he had the day before. What the kriff did Grandpabbie mean by facing his past? Why would the Galaxy pay if he failed? And what was it that he knew about the prophecy of the Chosen One?
A few months after becoming Obi-Wan's padawan, after he had understood what the prophecy was about, Anakin had decided that he wasn't the Chosen One, or, rather, that he wasn't going to believe that he was until he got proof. Sure, it felt nice sometimes to indulge himself and pretend that he was special and unique, but there was a price to being special that was far more than the benefits. All those Jedi looking at him, judging, expecting more of him than of any other Youngling despite the fact that they had had years of training and he had been a slave boy only last year. They never said it, but he could see the look in their eyes when they thought: 'this is the legendary Chosen One? He doesn't look like much…'
After deciding for himself that the prophecy was a myth life became slightly easier. Anakin didn't feel the need to prove himself so strongly anymore, though he was under a lot more pressure than the other Padawans. Now, Anakin had all but forgotten about the stupid prophecy, and Grandpabbie had to bring it up again? Would the prophecy keep chasing him everywhere he went?
However, the prophecy hadn't been the most disturbing thing Pabbie had mentioned. That title would go to the 'the Galaxy will pay for your mistakes' part. Anakin didn't want anyone paying for anything he did, but he had a feeling that Pabbie wouldn't have mentioned it like that if it was possible to avoid. After all, whenever a prediction ended with a 'I fear that ….', it was safe to assume that the predictor's fears would come true. The main rule of prophecies, as Anakin would have put it: 'the worst will always happen, because life sucks.'
Anakin was deeply troubled by Pabbie's words, but he knew that it would not be wise to dwell on them. Another rule of interpreting prophecies: 'they are largely useless, because if you try to change the future you see, you will probably end up causing it yourself. Again, life sucks.' Instead of trying to puzzle out what the old troll had meant (why couldn't someone speak clearly, for once?), it would be better to focus on the lesson he would have with Elsa today.
He had planned it out the night before, but it was always useful to double check yourself. Not that Anakin usually double-checked anything, but there had to be a first time for everything.
Anakin got out of bed and went over to his table to check the notes he had written last night. After making sure that everything was clear, he moved the chair and table out of the way to clear the center of the room and started with his daily saber practice. It was relaxing- most of the saber practice he got nowadays was on the battlefield, and while that had a certain thrill to it, it was nowhere as calming as this.
As he flowed through the exercises, he let himself become one with the force until he could feel every living presence in the castle; including one who was approaching his room. Thus, it was no great surprise when there was a knock on the door and Elsa's voice asked: "Anakin? May I come in?"
Anakin stopped in the middle of the Kata he was doing and replied, "Yes, of course."
The door opened with a slight creak and Elsa walked in, looking like she had gotten a good night's sleep. 'At least one of us did', Anakin thought.
"Did you want anything?" he asked, clipping his lightsaber back to his belt.
"Well," Elsa began, "I was thinking that we could start with the training right now. No time to waste."
"Just give me a second to finish the katas. You can watch if you like."
"I will, thank you."
She did, and for a moment Anakin felt slightly self-conscious of her watching him, but the feeling quickly faded into the Force.
After a few minutes he had completed the katas, not even slightly out of breath, and bowed: "At your service, milady."
"Wow!" was Elsa's eloquent reply. "That was so… I don't have the words. Beautiful. Smooth. Will you teach me how to do that too?"
He laughed. "I'm afraid not. It would take too much time, and there are far more important things I need to teach you."
She nodded, disappointment rolling off her in waves in the Force yet her expression unruffled. "I understand."
"Good. Now, Padawan, we will begin the lesson. Sit down." Anakin said, the words strange on his tongue.
Elsa obeyed, looking slightly confused.
"Close your eyes, and take a deep breath. I am going to- for lack of a better word- scan you with the Force. I have to see where your power comes from. Okay?"
"Okay."
He closed his eyes, too, and stretched out with the Force, towards Elsa's presence. It shone like a beacon in the Force, indicating a strong Force presence, but it was different from those of other Force sensitives. If they were golden lights, she was a blue one.
However, that was not the only difference. The other Force presences Anakin had seen were focused outwards, shining brightly all around them. Elsa's, however, seemed to be closed off, almost as if she were shielding. He probed it gently. There was no response. It was as if Elsa had tried to cut herself off of her power, but had not fully succeeded.
He tried to scan her, as he had said he would. The results were very strange- Anakin could only compare the scan to his Master's, as he had not had reason to scan anyone else, but it seemed as though Elsa's presence was connected to a different place than Obi-Wan's. Her power seemed to be emotion- based, which would explain the outbursts, but didn't offer any good way to control the power. It seemed that, aside from teaching Elsa how to release her emotions into the Force, there wasn't that much Anakin could do. Maybe the best way to do this would be to have Elsa practice her power with him there to make sure it was safe.
"Alright," Anakin said, "Open your eyes."
Elsa did. "What did you find?" she asked.
"Where to begin," Anakin said, and he knew it was true. "We start right now. Are you ready?"
"I'm- yes. I am," Elsa said, but Anakin could feel her lack of confidence- in herself or in his teaching skills, he was not sure.
"Elsa, it's going to be fine. You don't have to be worried. We'll just start slow, okay?"
She took a deep breath, then nodded. "Yes. I'm fine."
"Great. Now, try and calm yourself completely. I'll help through the Fore."
His Padawan breathed in and out, slowly, and gradually he felt her fear disappear. Curious as to what she had done to calm herself so quickly, Anakin probed her Force presence. He did not like what he saw.
"Elsa, what are you doing?"
Elsa looked at him in confusion: "What you told me to do. I'm calming myself."
"No, you're not. You're taking all of your anxiety and stuffing it deep into your mind, like into a storage compartment."
"Storage compartment?"
"Never mind. The point is, you're building a wall around the emotions instead of releasing them. Ignoring and concealing them instead of actually calming yourself, like you're going deal with them later. Only you don't "
"Isn't that the same thing?"
"Not at all, Padawan."
"But my parents always told me to conceal, don't feel. I-"
"Elsa, what you're doing is a temporary solution. Eventually, you will have no space left for any more emotions and all of the things that you stuffed in there will burst out, so to say. Trust me- you do not want that."
Elsa hesitated, then said: "But what we're talking about is metaphorical. How can the space end if it's all in my mind?"
"I have two things to say to that: the first, it's not exactly metaphorical. It's the way I see it through the Force, and the way you will see it, as well, once we're done. Eventually, your emotions will become too much to hide or too strong to control, and it will result in an outburst that will only be bigger the longer you delay it. That's what I mean when I say 'the space will end'. And the second is that if you agree to me training you, that means you will listen to what I say and not question anything, even if it seems useless or strange. You'll have to trust me, okay? If I am to be your Master then you have to do what I tell you to, because I know what I'm doing and otherwise we might as well not do this at all. Agreed?"
This time the pause was longer: "Yes, Master."
"Good. Any more questions?"
Anakin didn't really like to do this to Elsa (well okay, maybe it did feel slightly nice to be the one doing the training for once), but if he hadn't made sure that she was clear on the matter they couldn't continue. The whole idea was that Elsa had to trust Anakin to train her the way he saw fit. If she kept questioning everything he said and offering her opinion on everything this would never work.
"How should I calm myself then?" Elsa asked, sounding slightly annoyed.
The truth was that Anakin wasn't a hundred percent sure. He had planned on teaching her to access the Force and to release her feelings into it, but it was clear that that would have to wait- Anakin hadn't counted on Elsa having so many negative emotions bottled up inside her. If she touched the Force with all that fear this it would make her extremely vulnerable to the dark side, and the first lesson every Youngling learned was don't mess with the dark side.
"How about you tell me what exactly is troubling you at the moment," he found himself saying, then immediately wondering where the words had come from. Talking about your emotions wasn't exactly the Jedi way to deal with them. Then again, Elsa wasn't exactly a Jedi either, and talking couldn't really hurt.
Elsa took in a deep breath. "What should I talk about?" she asked.
"Anything. Everything. Tell me what you're feeling, and maybe you'll feel better at the end." At the very least, he would understand her better and hopefully know what to do next.
"Alright. Well, I'm not exactly sure where to begin, I've never really talked about any of this before…"
Anakin waited patiently while she collected her thoughts and continued.
"I'm- the truth is I'm rather afraid. My parents taught me how to conceal my powers, but I could never really control them. At first I thought that maybe with time I would succeed, but... I was wrong. My power, my curse, it's growing stronger and I can control it less and less. Now, my parents are gone, and I am alone to deal with all this. I have no idea what to do. You are my only hope.
"It scares me- I've only known you for a few days, yet I must trust you to help me and teach me in a few months what my parents could not in a few years. I don't have any other options, and I keep thinking: what if this won't work? What if the day of my coronation comes and I still have no idea how to control the ice? I can't put all those people in danger like that, but I don't really have a choice.
"I remember how my sister and I used to have so much fun playing with my power, how close we were. Then, everything changed, and now I can't understand how I could ever have put her at risk like that. It used to feel terrible when she would knock on my door and try to get me to come out. With time, it became easier to say no, but sometimes I worry that she feels like I don't care about her when I'm doing all this to protect her.
"And my parents. They're not here anymore, and right now I'm trying to keep busy and not think about it. It's hard, but I manage- what with you and everything, but Anna doesn't have anyone to talk to. I can only imagine what it feels like for her now, and it's terrible that I can't do anything."
Elsa paused. Anakin chose that moment to speak:
"Elsa, you can talk to Anna. I can be there if you like, or you could have a door between you. It doesn't have to be like this. And about your coronation," he smiled, "Have you ever though that you could simply abdicate?"
"I- what do you mean?" Elsa asked.
"You think that if you don't succeed to control your power, you'll be forced to put a lot of people at risk during the crowning ceremony and in your time as monarch. But there is another option- if you see that it's too much for you and that it's too risky, you can always say that you don't want the throne and pass it over to Anna. The abdication ceremony doesn't have to be public, right?"
Elsa opened her mouth, then closed it again. "I've never thought about it", she admitted. "It could fix- well, everything." Then she frowned. "There is, however, one major flaw in that idea."
"And that is?"
"It would require Anna becoming Queen and ruling the kingdom."
"What's wrong with that?"
"Anna can't rule a kingdom! She's irresponsible, she's not ready for it and she has no idea how to be a Queen."
Anakin chuckled. "Give her some time. I'm sure that by the time she's your age she'll be perfectly ready. Besides, I was just suggesting a backup plan. You don't have to feel like everything is riding on this month we have together. There are always other options, okay?"
Elsa looked at Anakin and smiled. "Thank you," she said. "It really helps, what you said. I was feeling that this was my last chance, and, well, it's nice to know that it's not."
"Glad I could help. That's what I'm here for, no?" Anakin said. In truth, he was glad. He could feel some of the tension seeping out of Elsa through the Force, and it would make everything that much easier. Why had the Jedi never thought of talking their issues out? He was really onto something here.
Elsa nodded. "Yeah, I guess it is."
"And another thing", Anakin added: "What did you mean when you referred to your powers as a curse?"
"They are a curse. I can't live a normal life, I can't get close to anyone without hurting them. It's awful."
"No. They're not a curse, they're a gift. Think about it: who else do you know that can create ice and snow?"
"No-one, but-"
"Exactly. You have to accept that your powers are part of you, not try to block them. I'm going to teach you to control them, not remove them, and for that you have to acknowledge them first. They can be something wonderful, and I don't think you know the full extent powers yourself."
"Alright. I'll try."
"Great! Then we can proceed to the next part of the lesson."
"Which is…"
"Your power itself. I've thought about it, and I've realized that I'm going to have to teach you two things: how to release your emotions into the Force and how to control the ice itself. I don't want to start with the first one just yet, because right now it could be dangerous. The second one is, ironically, safer. I'll be here to make sure nothing goes wrong. Also, if you realize where your power comes from it might be easier for you to identify your connection to the Force later- if you even have a regular connection. If not, you'll have to access the Force through your power instead."
"You know, I have no idea whatsoever what you just said right now."
"You remember what I told you about the Force, right?"
"Yes."
"Well, I think your power is a version of Force sensitivity. You might also have a normal connection, but if not, you should still be able to release your emotions through your power, seeing as its emotion based."
"I won't pretend I understood all of that."
"You don't have to. All you have to do is create some ice, okay?"
Elsa's face scrunched up in concentration. For a moment it seemed like there was ice appearing at her fingertips, but a minute passed, then two, and nothing happened. Elsa lowered her hands.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I've spent so long trying to suppress the ice that I'm not sure I can even summon it at will anymore."
"Try again," Anakin said. This time, he looked at Elsa's Force presence. When she lowered her hands in defeat again, he said: "You're not trying. I could feel the power building at your fingertips, but you used your shields to suppress it. Don't try to keep it in, let it go. Try again."
So Elsa tried again, and again. None of the attempts worked, and Anakin thought he knew why.
"Imagine the feeling you got when you last had an outburst", he said finally. It was not the best way to do this, as he wanted Elsa to be able to access her power while in a peaceful state, but he didn't really see any other option.
Elsa did, and this time, a wisp of blue smoke appeared before fading into nothingness.
"Good," Anakin encouraged. "Now focus on the feeling the power itself gives you rather than the emotions you felt during your outburst."
This time, there was actual ice forming at her fingertips. It began to snow lightly in the room. Anakin stopped the snow with a small wave of Force power.
"That's enough for today, I think," he said. "You've made a lot of progress. It's understandable that you're having trouble with creating ice after you tried to suppress it for so long. We'll continue tomorrow."
"Thank you, Anakin," Elsa said. "I really don't know what I would have done without you."
"At your service, milady," Anakin bowed. "Good day."