I have been waiting and waiting to upload this chapter because I just adore it, and I hope you do to. I'm almost certain all my fellow Lennys will :) I can't count the amount of times I have read this over and changed something about it every time and I'm sure if it was left on my computer any longer I would have changed something else! Anyway I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do :)

I'll Miss You

Once the party for Leonard began to die down and everyone started to leave, Leonard and Penny left for the comfort of Penny's apartment.

Penny had spent most of the night in close proximity to him, barely leaving his side for more than a few minutes, which Leonard massively appreciated. It wasn't just the fact that she was there, but that she held his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. It was the fact that whenever one of the guys said something to him about how things wouldn't be the same without him, she would grab hold of his hand and squeeze it reassuringly. It was the fact that she would place her hand on his back and sweetly ask how he was doing, knowing that the emotion of the evening was beginning to get the better of him. She had been wonderful all night, yet something still bothered him.

Every one of his friends had come to him at some point in the evening and told him how much he meant to them. They had each held up a glass and said a few small words, telling him how proud they were of him, to be safe and that that he would be sorely missed. But Penny hadn't.

Of course he knew that she was going to miss him, she had told him, but only once. That morning when she had been woken up early by Amy, was the only time she had expressed any real emotion over the fact he was leaving, and although he knew there must be a reason behind it, it still hurt him a little that she wouldn't say it to him, knowing how much it would mean to him to hear those words again.

As the night had went on, he noticed how quiet she became. He saw her look at the clock, then towards her apartment and to him, like she was waiting to get him to herself again. Like she was counting down the amount of hours she had left with him. He knew that's what she was doing, because he had done the same thing, and on those moments, he thought she would say it. He thought that she would get everyone's attention and say just a few words about how much she was going to miss her boyfriend, but she never. She wasn't the type to show that kind of emotion in public, he knew that and yet when she didn't do it he was still disappointed.

Penny felt exhausted by the end of the night. It wasn't even late by her standards and yet she found herself withering. She had used all the energy she had trying to comfort Leonard whilst simultaneously trying to keep her own emotions inside. It was hard, incredibly hard. She would see his tears form on different occasions throughout the night and she still wasn't sure how she had managed to keep herself composed at those moments. Penny agreed with absolutely every word each person tonight had said to him, she was proud of him too, she was going to miss him and living here without him was going to be strange. It was going to be hard and she was going to hate every minute of it. She couldn't say it then though, she knew even if she tried to the words wouldn't come out anywhere near comprehendible, it would come out in high pitched squeals amongst tearful sobs.

As soon as they entered her apartment, Penny threw her purse down and sat on the armrest of her couch, because it was the first thing she came to, while Leonard shut the door behind them, took off his blazer and loosened his tie.

Penny sighed as she sat down, dropping her head towards the floor and covering her face with her hands. She sat there, in her own little world, depressed and tired, when he came over to her.

Leonard reached his hands out to hers and pulled them away from her face. He placed his hands on each side of her face and tilted her head upwards so she was looking at him. He offered her a small smile when he saw her glazed eyes and she instantly wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer to her as she rested her head just below his chest. She held tightly onto his body as he put a hand in her hair and the other on the top of her back and they stayed like that, in their warm embrace, for more than a few minutes. This was what she was going to miss most.

Moments later she felt Leonard move his hands back to the side of her face, forcing her to look up at him again.

"Did I tell you that you looked beautiful tonight? I don't think I did." Leonard said quietly as he shook his head and ran his hand through her blonde locks. "But you did… you do."

Penny gave him a little smile as she heard the crack in his voice and her tears became dangerously close to falling. She wanted to say something back, but no words would come out. Nothing she could think of seemed good enough to explain how she felt about him. She tried to find them, those magic words, but nothing would come to mind. And then her attention was diverted, when he reached down and kissed her. She closed her eyes and stood herself up, holding his jaw with one hand as she passionately kissed him back.

She was going to miss him so much. His soft, tender kisses were going to be hard to live without, as were those hands that were currently placed firmly on her hips. Those hands gave her chills, chills that she was going to have to do without for the next four months.

Penny moved her hand from his jaw, up to his thick brown hair and as she ran her fingers through the soft curls she thought about how much she was going to miss that too. Her free hand moved slowly up his arm, to his shoulder, down his chest and round to his back, squeezing each muscle lightly as she came to it and then she broke away breathlessly from his lips as she thought about how she was going to miss all that too.

It was only when she opened her eyes she realized those tears had fallen. It was then that she felt the tightness in her chest and she sobbed as she put her forehead to his and closed her eyes.

"I… I can't do this." She cried as she shook her head slightly and interlocked her fingers behind his neck, holding his head in place against hers. "I can't Leonard, I can't do it."

"Oh Penny, don't cry. You will be fine." Leonard said softly, feeling his own tears well up at the sound of hers.

Leonard felt her shake her head against him. "No I won't Leonard, I need you… I… I don't want you to go." Penny wrapped her arms around his neck and rested the side of her head against the side of his. "I don't want to miss you again…" She croaked into his ear. "It's… it's too hard. I want you here." Penny's sobs became worse and before she knew it tears were flowing freely from her eyes. Her wall had broken down and just as she had thought, the flow of tears that was released were unstoppable. "You can't leave me Leonard, you can't." Penny pulled her head away from his and looked him in the eyes as she sniffed through her tears. "What if Sheldon was right, what if something happens to you?"

"Honey nothing is going to hap-", he began but was cut off almost instantly.

"It could. You're accident prone Leonard... What if you fall in the sea? You're not a good swimmer." Penny shook her head and spoke quickly, on the verge of becoming hysterical. Every single irrational thought she had had about him leaving was coming spilling out of her and she couldn't stop it. She moved her hands from around his neck and rested them on his shoulders. "Remember… remember when we went to the beach and you would only let yourself go so far into the water that you could still touch the bottom?" Penny shook her head, as her heart raced, looking genuinely scared. "You won't be able to touch the bottom in the sea if you fall in. Then what? You might drown Leonard. Or… or something in the water might get you. Like… Like sharks! Oh my God… what if a shark gets you?" Her voice was becoming high pitched between her sobs and she was speaking so fast at times that Leonard just didn't have the chance to step in and tell her how crazy she was being.

"What if something falls on you?" She said as she stared at him with fear in her eyes.

"Nothing is going to-"

"It might Leonard. Remember that time you hurt your ankle because that motorcycle fell on you?" Penny put her hands to either side of his head, "What if some big heavy piece of… of ship… equipment falls on you? What if the ship breaks down? What if you hit an iceberg like on Titanic?" Penny then gasped and put her hand to her mouth as she stepped back and looked at him. "What if you meet someone?" She squealed, "What if… What if you go on this stupid ship and meet a girl and-"

Leonard immediately stepped over to her and held her firmly by the arms, stopping her from saying what she was about to. "Penny, stop. None of that is going to happen."

"You don't know that." She squealed as she looked down at the floor and shook her head. "Not for certain."

Leonard let his mouth curl into a small smile and quietly said, "You sound like Sheldon." He reached a hand out to her chin and tilted her face up to look at him. "Okay, maybe I don't know that a big piece of equipment isn't going to fall on me, or that I won't fall in the sea. Those things could happen, but even if they do there will be medics and people there to help me if something goes wrong." Penny stared into his eyes as he spoke, the tears still flowing freely and instead of actually listening to each word he was saying to calm her irrational fears, all she could think of was how much she was going to miss that face, his voice… those eyes.

"It is highly unlikely that I will be eaten by a shark." He continued, unaware of what she was thinking. "I'm going to the North Sea honey. It's too cold in that water for the type of sharks that would actually be harmful to me if I did fall in. And there are no icebergs in the North Sea either, so there is no chance of us hitting one." Leonard moved in closer to her, placing his nose lightly on hers as he held her face in his hands. "And there is no chance of anything happening between me and some other girl."

Penny heard that last part loud and clear. She knew every other fear she had was irrational and silly, so she didn't really need him to tell her it wouldn't happen, but that one… that was something she had worried about. A lot can happen in four months, and although she trusted him, although every fibre of her being told her that he would never cheat on her, she still had a niggling doubt.

Leonard felt Penny pull back slightly and she opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off quickly, knowing that she was going to argue against that statement. "It won't happen." He said firmly.

Penny continued to look at him for a few more seconds, and then nodded slowly. She knew he wouldn't, she really was being silly. But she was still scared, scared of being without him, and scared of missing him. Penny wrapped her arms around his neck, as the lump in her throat worsened again and more tears fell from her eyes. "I'm scared Leonard." She sobbed as she looked in his eyes. "I'm scared of being without you every day... and the fact that I'm scared of that scares me even more." She let out a tearful sigh before burying her head in his shoulder, staining his white shirt with her tears, and moved her hands under his arms to wrap around his back. "Why does this have to happen now? Just when everything is going so, so well between us, you get taken away. I can't do it… It's not fair." Penny pulled away from his shoulder and looked through her tears into his eyes and sighed, "I love you… I love you so much, I really do. Please... please don't forget that when you're away."

Leonard smiled and wiped the tears from her cheek with his thumb, as his own tears began to fall. "I won't forget it." He said with a croak. "I love you too."

Leonard's heart was breaking for her, but he couldn't help but feel a little joyous. He shouldn't be, but he couldn't help it. It was like the time when he realized she was insecure about their relationship. He didn't like to see her upset, but the fact that she was upset because she was afraid of being without him made him incredibly happy. She loved him so much that she didn't want to go these months without him. She was scared of being without him, just like he was scared of being without her.

Penny gave him a sad smile as she continued to let all her pent up tears fall and she moved a hand from his back, up to his neck to play with some strands of his hair. "And you have to Skype, or call me. Every. Single. Day." Leonard nodded and she placed her forehead on his again. "And… and you have to be careful. I want you back here in one piece." Leonard let out a soft chuckle, "I'm serious." She said as she moved her other hand up to meet the one around his neck.

Leonard smiled again and nodded, "I will." He said softly.

Penny took a deep, shaky breath as she tried to calm the tears that were still falling, and buried her head into his shoulder again. She was truly exhausted. The adrenaline from crying so hard and the huge struggle before it to keep those tears at bay had taken everything out of her. She closed her eyes and felt herself almost fall asleep on his shoulder, as they both stood in the middle of her apartment.

"Penny," Leonard said softly as he heard her soft, quiet sniffles. "Penny, honey come on, let's go to bed."

Penny lifted her head from his shoulder and stood there in defiance. She didn't want to go to bed. She didn't want to sleep because after she fell asleep it would be morning, and he would be leaving. Maybe if she could defy sleep, morning wouldn't come. It was stupid, she knew that and yet she still stood there, fighting against the sleep that she so needed.

Eventually though, her eyes became heavy again and she let herself be led to her bedroom. She wearily got changed and cleaned her teeth, before curling up under the covers with him. She rested her head on his chest and listened as that soothing sound of his heart beating against her ear, brought her ever so slowly to the verge of sleep. She fought it for a short while, still under the silly impression that if she didn't fall asleep morning wouldn't come.

She tilted her head upwards, and saw him staring at the ceiling. He wasn't sleeping either. She touched his cheek, bringing his attention down to her so she could talk to him. But then she saw the hurt and sadness in his eyes, and she wondered if her outburst tonight had brought that on. She stroked his cheek with the back of her fingers as she searched her brain for the words she had intended to say to him, but the words were lost in her conscious. Instead she let out a sad sigh, frustrated with her own weak memory and found comfort in the nook of his neck, taking in his manly scent on each breath; she was going to miss that too.

I love you. I love you. She said in her head as she began to trace tired patterns on his chest. She wondered for a second why it had taken her so long to tell him that in the first place. She wondered why it had taken her so long to become comfortable enough to say it freely. Then she wondered why she was thinking it and not saying it now.

"I love you." She said quietly, but she got no words in return.

He had fallen asleep as soon as she had started moving her fingers across his chest. The gentle touch sending him off to his dreams.

"I love you." She said again into his neck, although she knew he wouldn't reply. She kissed him gently on his neck, before finally giving in and letting herself fall asleep with him, wishing that morning didn't have to come.