Bucky's fingers gently felt the scar. I couldn't even begin to describe how weird it was to have someone looking at the scar and touching it. I didn't even touch it very often.
"A C-Section? Like from a baby?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yes from a baby."
He looked at me and I could see he had a thousand questions in his head.
"So…you have a child then?" he asked.
This was the hardest part of the story but I knew I couldn't stop now. I had to tell him the rest.
"Yes, well I did have a child. I had a daughter named Mia."
6 Years Ago
Suzie was right there by my side as I tried once again to push. I had been in labor for the past 21 hours and I felt like I was going to die. It was more pain that I had ever experienced in my life. Suzie had been off the clock for hours now but stayed by my side. I couldn't believe that someone could be so nice to a person they didn't know. I had already been pushing for an hour and nothing was happening. Every time I pushed it took more of the energy that I already didn't have. I could see that the doctor was looking worried. Suzie just smiled at me reassuringly and wiped the sweat off of me.
"It's okay pumpkin. You are doing great." She said.
I didn't feel like I was doing great. I could hardly even keep my eyes open and I thought for sure I would never be able to walk again. My body hurt so badly and I could feel the will to press on leaving me with every failed attempt at pushing. The doctor got up and came over to my side.
"Okay Evelyn it seems that your baby is being a little bit stubborn. I don't think pushing is going to work for you. We are going to have to do a C-Section." She said.
I began to panic. Why wasn't the pushing working? Was something wrong? I had never had surgery before in my life. I had no idea what to expect. I also knew the C-Sections made for longer recovery times. I didn't have time for that because I was about to become a single mother. Suzie reached out and gently rubbed my belly.
"It's alright Evy. A C-Section is nothing to worry about. People get them all the time." She said.
I trusted Suzie even though I didn't know her. She had such a loving and gentle soul that I couldn't help but want to be around her. I signed some papers and I was whisked away to another room. Suzie was allowed to stay with me since I didn't have anyone else. They prepped me for surgery and suddenly I couldn't feel my body anymore. I was relieved that the pain was finally gone but I felt panic at not being able to move. I looked up and Suzie was right there above me. I couldn't see what was happening but she was watching. She smiled down at me.
"Won't be long now Evy. You can hold that little girl soon."
I couldn't feel pain but I could feel strange sensations of pulling. I wanted to badly to know what was happening. Finally Suzie smiled down at me and the room was filled with the sounds of tiny cries. Suzie stepped away from me for a moment and then returned with Mia in her arms. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. Tears began to flow from my eyes as I looked at the little life I had created. It was 3:05am and my life had just begun.
"Look at her mommy. She is beautiful. We are just going to let the nurses and doctors check her out and get you all stitched up."
I felt every second that Mia was not in my arms. I longed to hold her. I could see a team of nurses gathered around her and it had me worried. They stitched me up and moved me to a recovery room. I waited for them to bring Mia to me and finally Suzie came around the corner with her. I could tell the minute she walked in the room that something was wrong. She came over to me and set Mia in my arms. I looked at the tiny face and I fell in love. She was absolutely perfect. Suzie sat down next to me and I could feel the sadness rolling off of her.
"Evy, sweetheart I need to tell you something." She said.
I tightened my grip on Mia. I knew something was wrong.
"What? What is wrong with my baby?" I asked with tears already pricking at the corners of my eyes.
She reached out and put her hand on my leg. I could see there were tears in her eyes.
"The doctors noticed something wrong with Mia immediately. It's a heart defect Evy. They said that she won't last very long, maybe a few hours at the most. There is nothing they can do. I'm so sorry pumpkin."
My heart shattered into a thousand pieces as those words sunk into my head. My little girl, the beautiful little girl I held in my arms was going to die.
…
Present Time
I could see Bucky's emotions all over his face as I told him the whole story of Jason and Mia. I told him every detail and I could see his anger, his hope and his heartbreak.
"I got to have her for 2 hours and 17 minutes. I memorized every single inch of her so I could always keep her memory with me. She had my nose and her hair was already dark like mine. Her eyes were a light blueish green but I think they would have turned bright green like her father's. At 6:27am she left this world wrapped in my arms. I buried my daughter and went home alone. I turned to rage and violence and that is how SHIELD found me." I said, finishing my story.
Bucky took his hands and put them on my cheeks. He wiped away the tears that I hadn't even realized had escaped when I spoke.
"Evy, words cannot express how sorry I am for you. I cannot even imagine what that would have been like." He said.
"It's worse than anything I have ever endured. I've been tortured, I've been shot, and I've broken more bones than I can count but that tops it all. I can't even communicate how it feels to spend 9 months creating a life only to have it taken from you only hours after it comes to be. I've never loved anything or anyone as much as I did Mia and I don't think I ever will again."
Bucky pulled me against him and wrapped his arms around me. We were quiet and I could hear the thumping of his heartbeat against my ear. Telling that story never got any easier and I had only ever told it twice. Bucky gently stroked my hair and it actually began to comfort me.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that Evy. I'm so sorry." He whispered.
I could feel his warmth and his caring energy around me. I felt the pain start to drift away as my body grew tired. His fingers continued to comb through my hair and his heartbeat kept steady time in his chest. I could feel sleep taking my over. Telling that story was exhausting and I could feel it taking its toll. My eyes fluttered closed and I felt Bucky kiss my forehead before I fell asleep.