Summary: "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.
Pairing: AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!
Warning: Sex. And it's non-consensual. I guess the M-rating is justified after all.
Disclaimer: Like I was creative enough to make up original characters. Why do you think I write fanfiction?
Dedication: For my lovely muse, kotilo – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!
"A friend," Axel echoed and laughed again. "Of course, a friend, my good friend Roxie, who isn't interested in my famous sister or my wealthy family or a quick fuck, nooooooo. Perfect little Roxie just wanted to talk, right? Well, news for you!" He narrowed his eyes again, the taunting sneer on his face vanishing in the blink of an eye. "There is nothing I want to talk about with you."
And then he shut the door.
The door bell didn't sound again.
Family Bonds – Chapter 10
Axel woke up with a headache, cramps in his neck and shoulders, and dry paint all over his hands the next morning. He briefly thought of staying at home, but decided he would give the world a try today.
He couldn't look at the picture sitting in the corner yet.
College was hell for him to sit through, and when he had to change rooms between classes he caught himself searching the crowd of students in the hallways for golden, spiky hair. He didn't see Roxas anywhere though.
At work he tried to forget about everything that had happened, but his own words haunted him until he was on the verge of crying. Why had he been such an asshole? Roxas had only tried to help…
A flash of gold at the front of the store caught his attention, and he quickly looked up only to see Roxas staring at him, hatred and disgust filling his beautiful eyes. He was holding a book in a hand, but he dropped it quickly, leaving the store without a word.
Axel forgot how to breathe for a moment, guilt and shame cutting off his air. But he ignored his boss' question and just picked up the book, placing it back in the shelf and shuffling back to the back of the store to continue working. He wasn't in the mood for customers.
He didn't even want to look at the café when he passed it after work, on his way home, but his eyes were drawn there regardless; he looked through the window front, and of course, there he was again. Roxas was obviously arguing with Sora, gesturing wildly and clearly pissed off, scowling when Sora said something in return. Axel quickly ran away.
A few days later Axel saw Roxas again, this time in college; he wanted to go over and talk to him so badly, but he couldn't. Cursing his foolish pride for keeping him from apologizing, he left again. Back at his apartment he spent hours staring at the painting without seeing anything other than the blond angel protecting the red-haired child.
A strange pattern developed between Axel and Roxas; every time they met Axel would feel the urge to apologize, but when Roxas noticed him his eyes would take on this murderous expression; and Axel would hold back, feeling miffed that Roxas was still so mad at him, and they would part without saying a word to each other. Axel stopped going to Kairi's café, even going as far as making a detour that took him about ten minutes longer to reach his apartment, just because he feared he would see Roxas there, and Roxas seemed to turn around and hurry into another direction every time he noticed Axel in the hallways at college.
But Twilight Town was such a small town, and they couldn't avoid each other forever. Two weeks after their fight Roxas seemed to give up on trying to run away from Axel and settled on ignoring him instead. And more and more often Axel would see Roxas with… other people. There were those friends he had already met once; Hayner, Pence, and Olette, and every time Axel watched them (and he had to watch, he had no choice; he didn't want to, but his damned eyes just wouldn't move anymore whenever he caught a glimpse of Roxas' golden hair), he would see Roxas laugh with them as if nothing had happened. As if Roxas didn't care about the fight he and Axel had had.
Then there was a silver-haired guy; diabolically handsome, athletic and lean and flawless and absolutely gorgeous, so gorgeous every man in his immediate vicinity had to develop a serious inferiority complex. And he was smiling at Roxas all the time, and they were talking a lot, and Axel wanted to strangle the silver-haired bastard until his pretty aqua eyes popped out of his head.
And there was a blonde woman, about Roxas' age, very beautiful and gentle and calm. The way Roxas smiled at her was making Axel's heart ache in a very weird way; that smile, it made his mind make up pictures of Roxas and the woman kissing and holding hands, he could see them at a wedding and dancing, then with adorable blonde and blue-eyed children, because they were looking so perfect with each other. He could just picture them living in a clean little house in the suburbs with their 2.6 children and a dog.
And yet he couldn't stop watching.
He needed to see Roxas smile from time to time, and he knew the blond wouldn't smile at him anymore after what had happened between them. Even though Roxas was smiling at the wrong persons, like Silver-haired Bastard or Blond Sweetheart, it was better than the hateful scowl deforming his gorgeous face every time his eyes grazed Axel. Even though Roxas acted way too friendly with those strangers in Axel's opinion, he couldn't stop watching him through the shelves in the bookstore, or in the hallways at college.
Until that one day he saw something that made his heart shatter into pieces.
He had noticed Roxas enter the bookstore earlier on with Blond Sweetheart, and he couldn't help but follow them to the shelves in the back of the store. He tried to act casual, just glancing at the two of them discussing a book when he passed the shelf, but he knew he was failing horribly when suddenly his eyes met cerulean blue; Roxas had spotted him spying on them, and a gruesome smirk suddenly stretched his full lips.
And then he pulled the girl closer; his hand gently caressed her fair hair, her pale cheek, her slender neck, making her gasp and visibly shiver, and look at him with questioning eyes; and then he kissed her, right on the lips, dropping the book to wrap his arms around her slender waist. His eyes never left Axel's as the redhead kept staring at them.
Axel could feel his heartbeat slowing down at the sight of Roxas' hands on her body, his lips on her mouth; at the surprised gasp he caught the blonde utter, and the unholy mirth dancing in cerulean eyes. And he thought it was wrong, his and Roxas' relationship had never been like that; they had been fuck buddies, not more, he tried to tell himself, friends with benefits, but deep down he knew he didn't want anybody else to kiss his cute little blond, or to touch him like they had touched; he wanted Roxas for himself, he wanted Roxas to smile at him and nobody else, he wanted to wake up next to him, so he could spend hours just watching the blond sleep; and he almost wept, because he would never ever have that, because he had fucked it up so badly.
Mechanically he turned around, heard Blond Sweetheart whisper Roxas' name in wonder, and walked away, trying not to feel so despaired and sick and weak.
He tried to forget about it; tried to tell himself it wasn't important, that he was overreacting, that he should leave Roxas alone, that he had never felt for Roxas this way and was just jealous because he had always been the jealous type. It wasn't important. Okay, so he had fucked it up this time, he would get over it, no problem…
So he found himself wondering why he was standing right outside Roxas' apartment now, pounding on the door and fighting against the urge to break the fucking thing down. Why was it that the thought of Roxas being with someone made him seethe with blind rage? Oh, of course he had always been a rather passionate person, but never before had he lost control like this. There had been women, gorgeous and willing to please, alluring as they could be, whom he had dropped because they had just looked at other men, and it had never been as hard as this.
But when Roxas opened the door, the buttons of his shirt undone halfway, showing his slightly tanned, athletic chest, blue eyes widening at the sight of the distraught redhead, Axel knew why this was so much harder. Because no woman could ever be as right for him, no woman could ever be as goddamned beautiful, sensual, and perfect as this blond guy in front of him.
"Axel, what…" Roxas started, and at the sound of his voice, his sweet voice saying his name, something inside Axel snapped. He lunged at the smaller man, grabbing his shoulders and crushing their lips together in a longing, desperate kiss. He ignored Roxas' surprised reaction, the weak attempts to defend himself against Axel, just shoved him back, into the apartment, kicking the door closed behind himself before he shoved Roxas up against the nearest wall and closed his lips over Roxas' again, never giving the blond a chance to speak.
Roxas tried to break away from the kiss, gasped for air, but Axel just grabbed his chin and turned his head around again while still holding Roxas' shoulder with the other. His mouth found Roxas' again, and he swallowed Roxas' protesting whines easily, taking the chance to let his tongue dart out and get a taste of Roxas' mouth. He felt Roxas shiver, heard and felt him moan, and he tilted his head to change the angle between their connected mouths, pressing harder against Roxas' still unresponsive lips. His hand slid down, over soft, smooth skin, his fingers brushing over a sensitive nipple and lower, and again he felt Roxas shudder beneath his hands.
Both his hands grabbed hold of Roxas' shirt now, ripped it open to expose Roxas' skin to the cool night air, and again he ignored small hands trying to keep him from going further. He bit down onto a pouty lip, drawing another groan, and moved to place harsh kisses along a graceful neck, feeling Roxas' pulse race beneath his skin. He was high, drunk, intoxicated by touching, smelling, tasting Roxas, and he couldn't stop. He grabbed Roxas' hands and pressed them against the wall, feeling a victorious smirk grace his lips as Roxas' head fell back against the wall, exposing his vulnerable throat to his tormentor.
"W-What are you… annnh… do-… doing?" Roxas moaned, and to punish him Axel bit down on his naked shoulder, savoring the strangled cry that fell from parted, swollen lips. He licked the bite mark to soothe the pain, and he felt Roxas' resistance grow weaker and weaker.
He didn't answer, thinking it was rather obvious what he was doing. Instead he pressed his whole body against Roxas', groaning at the temporary release the friction on his lower anatomy caused, smirking again when he felt Roxas tense up at the touch, his hands closing tightly around Axel's. He could hear and feel Roxas panting against his ear, and the sound and feel of it was breathtaking.
"No relationship," he growled, and he felt Roxas freeze, his breathing stopping for a second. "No commitments. This is just about sex, right? We have a deal, Roxas, and I want to take you up on your offer now."
He continued to kiss his way down Roxas' throat, his hands leaving Roxas' to trail over his small body, but he hurried to grab Roxas' hands again when he suddenly felt them on his shoulders, pushing weakly. He held both hands securely against the wall over Roxas' head with one of his own, grabbing Roxas' hair with the other and forcing him into another long, deep, and probably quite painful kiss, crushing Roxas between himself and the wall again to keep the smaller man from fighting against him.
"Stop struggling," he breathed huskily, his shivering lips brushing over Roxas' skin and down, over his jaw and throat to suck at his pulse point briefly. "We have a deal."
"No, we haven't," Roxas hissed, but couldn't hold back a moan when Axel's hand started to roam his naked torso again. His shirt had been all but ripped off his body at some point. "S-stop it…"
"I don't think so…" Axel replied in a low whisper, now letting go of Roxas' hands again to let both his trembling hands slide up and down Roxas' sides, or to rub those rosy nipples with his thumbs, still suckling and biting a special point on Roxas' neck that made the small blond squirm and writhe.
"I don't… I-I don't w-want… that…" Roxas groaned, but instead of pushing, his hands now closed around Axel's hair, his head tilting to the side to grant Axel better access to his sensitive throat and his hips grinding tentatively against Axel's. Axel smirked when he felt Roxas' rather obvious arousal pressing against his own through their pants.
He snapped his own hips forward harshly, pressing them hard against Roxas', who let out a choked cry.
"You sure want it, you dirty little slut," he growled and repeated the motion, but this time Roxas made no sound, just a sharp intake of breath was heard. "You can't wait to get some. You can't wait to have my dick up your ass…"
"Get away from me," he heard Roxas hiss, his voice still shaking, but not only out of arousal anymore; pure venom dripped from the spat out words. But he couldn't, and Roxas' half-hearted attempts at shoving him off didn't convince him that the blond had really meant his words. No, his body was talking an entirely different language; his skin was flushed, his angry eyes glazed over with lust and his breath coming in ragged gasps and pants.
"Don't think so," he rasped out again before he captured Roxas' lips in another kiss. He chuckled when Roxas tried to bite him and pulled away again, but this time he pulled Roxas with him, and Roxas barely resisted; they stumbled into the bedroom, and Axel shoved Roxas down onto the bed. Roxas tried to get up again, but Axel was already over him, pressing him down into the mattress with one hand on his chest; he leaned down and gave one lovely pink nipple an experimental lick, for which he was rewarded with a heated moan.
They'd had sex only twice so far, and Roxas had been the more active partner both times. This time Axel was determined to find every spot on Roxas' body that would make the small blond squirm.
Feeling Roxas relax beneath him, he let his free hand wander down an unclothed chest, loving how Roxas' abs jerked as he brushed over them ever so lightly. It didn't take him long to rip the button of Roxas' jeans open, and without bothering to wait for the blond to realize what he was doing, he shoved his hand down his pants and boxers to grab the quite apparent erection waiting there.
Roxas' eyes widened impossibly, and he gasped for air, his face taking on a delicious shade of red quickly. His slim hips jerked up into Axel's hand, and Axel moved it slowly, feeling the soft skin, like velvet, and feeling the heat in his hand and unable to hold back a small groan at the sight of Roxas' flushed face. If that wasn't the most arousing sight he had ever seen…
"S-Stop it," Roxas whined, but in spite of his words he raised his arms over his head, arching his back to offer more of himself to Axel with a quiet moan. His incredible eyes slid shut, his face was a mask of pleasure and shame. His hands buried themselves in his honey-colored hair, his lean chest was heaving.
Axel ignored his weak protest and quickly grabbed hold of Roxas' jeans and boxers, pulling them down his thin legs and carelessly throwing them away.
"Don't… please…" Roxas whispered, eyes still closed, and he tried to hide himself from Axel's eyes, trying to curl up on his bed. Axel crawled over him again, still fully clothed, forced Roxas' knees apart and settled between his bent legs. He took one wrist to hold it down while his other hand briefly touched Roxas' face. It startled him to feel wetness on those flushed cheeks, but he wouldn't let that stop him. He knew Roxas wanted it, he knew he needed it, and he wouldn't stop now, not now…
He rocked his still clothed erection against Roxas', and this time Roxas cried out loudly, keeping his eyes closed. He raised his free arm to cover his eyes with it, biting his lip, turning his head to the side when Axel tried to kiss him again.
Axel frowned, but still pressed a gentle kiss onto Roxas' wet cheek, tasting salt. His hand moved down again, long fingers closing around engorged flesh and pumping slowly, once, twice, three times… Roxas met each movement with a weak thrust of hips, a gasp, a strangled sound… Axel refused to recognize those sounds as helpless sobs. He knew Roxas was enjoying it, dammit! He held the proof of it in his hand!
But he needed more, and soon… Desire was pulsing though his veins, and with every touch, every whimper from Roxas' rosy lips it grew until it felt unbearable. He didn't even bother to shed his clothes, just ripped his pants open and shoved them down enough to free his throbbing erection, pressing flesh against hot, stiff flesh and making Roxas cry out again when he closed his hand around both arousals and started to pump again. He groaned and cursed loudly, starting to rock against Roxas and feeling the blond reiterate the movement.
He let go of Roxas' wrist to support his own weight, so he wouldn't crush the smaller man, and he secretly hoped Roxas would come to his senses and help him a little down there, but Roxas just laid his other arm over his eyes as well, still trying to keep his voice down and holding back the pleasured gasps that fell from his mouth from time to time. Axel gazed down at his face, taking in the wet trail of tears and the way he was still biting his lip, but he couldn't stop the fast, jerky movements of his hand, felt sticky liquid gather on the tip of his arousal as well as on Roxas', moistening the smooth, velvety skin.
"Roxas…" he groaned the other's name, but Roxas just turned his head to the side again. It almost hurt when Axel let go of their joint members, but he never ceased the rocking of his hips against Roxas'; they rubbed against each other in the most sinful way, slick and disgusting and wet and right, Roxas' quivering thighs squeezing Axel's waist as the smaller one wrapped his legs around Axel's body.
Axel almost faltered, but then reached out again, to the drawer of the nightstand next to the bed, searching for the lube he knew Roxas was hiding there. He pulled the small tube out of the drawer, flicking the lid open with one hand.
Roxas lowered his arms a little, suddenly freezing.
"No…" he gasped, trying to reach for the tube of lotion. "Not that! No!"
Axel held the lube out of the smaller man's reach, but was forced to drop it as Roxas seriously started to struggle against him. Axel tried to calm him down again, tried it by kissing down the whole length of Roxas' throat, by giving one of his sensitive nipples a good suck, but no avail; Roxas' hands closed in his hair and pulled, forcing Axel away from his small body.
He wouldn't have that.
With a feral growl Axel grabbed both of Roxas' hands, pushed him back again, then grabbed his hips and turned the smaller man around, onto his stomach, pressing up against him from behind, twisting one arm onto his back until Roxas cried out in pain. His free hand groped over the pillow and the headboard, with no possibility to actually touch Axel. Satisfied with his secure hold on the blond Axel reached for the lube, squirting a good amount of it onto his free hand, the other one still holding Roxas'.
He let his slick fingers wander over Roxas' exposed behind, feeling the hot flesh jerk away from his touch. Without a warning he inserted one, then two fingers into Roxas' tight opening, trying to ignore the pained note in Roxas' voice when he screamed.
"Stop acting like a virgin, Roxas, it doesn't suit you," he hissed, closing his eyes at the unbelievably tight warmth around his fast moving fingers. Just to think of replacing them with his hard, throbbing member made the ache in his loins increase tenfold.
He didn't know if he had prepared Roxas properly, nor did he really care when he pulled his fingers out, fisting his member to slick it with the remaining lube. He heard Roxas' voice, he knew Roxas was pleading him not to do it, but the words were so far away; he grabbed Roxas' hip and pulled harshly, his fingers digging into the sensitive flesh. He forced Roxas to his knees, kneeling behind him, still holding Roxas' torso down with one hand twisting an arm.
He groaned loudly when he finally sheathed his member in Roxas' tight, lube-slicked heat, and not even the pained, choked cry Roxas uttered into his pillow could keep him from feeling the utter bliss of being inside Roxas.
He let go of Roxas' arm to hold his hips with both hands, moving without giving Roxas the time to adjust, hips jerking forward, skin slapping against skin, and he didn't care about the pained whimpers coming from the writhing blond, because this felt so good, so slick and warm and wet and easy, it couldn't possibly be painful for Roxas.
And yet Roxas still tried to struggle weakly, but Axel gripped his hips tighter, increased the speed of his thrusts, going deeper, trying to feel more, more of Roxas… And suddenly Roxas cried out, but this cry was different, and this time Roxas actually met his thrust, if only very cautiously.
"You… like that… don't you," Axel grunted, and immediately Roxas' voice stilled. "This… is what you… wanted, right?"
"No!" Roxas hissed, but another moan made his statement very unbelievable, and his body continued to rock against Axel' in such a sensual way.
"Admit it," Axel gasped, one of his hands moving to fist around Roxas' weeping erection, thumb brushing over the slick tip and drawing another moan from the blond. He started to pump Roxas in time with his forceful thrusts. "You… wanted… this!"
"Annnnh… aaaah, no, I… gnnnaAH! NO!"
"Stop… lying!" Axel groaned. Oh God, if Roxas kept moaning like this he wouldn't last long… His hand was already slick with precum, the whole room reeked of sex, and the feeling of Roxas' heat around him was driving him insane. Oh, he was close, so close, so fucking close to the edge…
And then a shaking hand closed around his own, forced him to speed up his sinful pleasuring, and Roxas' moans turned into small, strangled sobs as he bucked back against Axel and forward into their joint hands even harder, wilder than before, until he came with an erotic cry, his entire frame freezing for a moment before he resumed, weaker than before, their hands now slick with cum and lube, stiff flesh in Axel's hand pulsating with every thrust as he rode out his orgasm.
To hear Roxas' beautiful voice cry out in such pleasure, to feel Roxas touch himself, to see him throw his head back as he cried out was enough to drive Axel over the edge as well, and just a few thrusts later he let himself go, Roxas' name on his lips as his hot seed filled the other man.
Axel slowly pulled out and collapsed, sitting on his legs and watching Roxas flopping down onto his pillow, and he laid his head back and closed his eyes, feeling utterly content and pleased with himself.
They stayed like this for a moment, both breathing heavily, Axel sitting on the bed and Roxas lying before him. Axel took his sweet time admiring Roxas' naked body, every curve and angle of his lean back, his cute ass, thin legs… and then Roxas turned to the side and curled up, shivering hands running up and down his own arms, as if he was feeling cold.
"Are you cold?" Axel asked dumbly, immediately blushing after the words had left his mouth. Roxas didn't answer, just kept rubbing his arms, staring out of the window. Slowly Axel rose from the bed, pulling up his pants and buttoning them up again, nervously straightening his shirt and jacket before he leaned down to look at Roxas again.
He wanted to reach out and touch Roxas, but he froze when blue eyes turned to look at him. They were as cold as ice.
"Don't touch me," Roxas whispered, and Axel's hand stopped midway between them.
Axel didn't understand why Roxas was looking at him like this. But he knew this look was feeling painful for him; so full of hatred and disgust, just like the past weeks… He hated it, he hated that look…
Roxas sat up slowly, and Axel stepped back a little. He saw Roxas wince and pause for a moment before he dared to sit, and saw him close his eyes briefly; then those beautiful eyes opened again, and they were not looking at him anymore.
"I can't believe you just did that," Roxas hissed, both of his hands fisting in his sheets and eyes closing as he grimaced when he moved. "Get out."
Axel didn't move; he was frozen in shock at hearing the words, couldn't decipher their meaning.
"Get out," Roxas repeated. "Get the fuck out of my apartment."
"But…" Axel started, but quieted down quickly when Roxas glared at him. How could such beautiful eyes be so cold?
"I can't believe you!" Roxas repeated, slowly swinging his legs over the edge of his bed and standing up, gasping in pain and pausing for a moment as he did. "Get out!"
"Roxas…" Axel tried to calm him down again, stepping forward again… but he was thrown back when suddenly Roxas' fist connected with his face. He cried out in surprise and pain, stumbling back and slamming against the wall, almost knocking over a chair in his wake. His hand shot up to touch his hurting face as he stared at Roxas, his mouth falling open. Roxas was still standing at the bed, his small body shaking and his hands balled into tight fists.
"I can't believe you're still here!" Roxas yelled again, paling beyond white, his face a grimace of anguish and pure rage. "Get out of here! Get out!"
Axel straightened again, but made no move to go away. Instead he gingerly touched his sore cheek and nose, looking down at his hand surprised when he felt sticky liquid beneath his fingertips. He gasped at the dark red covering them when he pulled them away from his face.
He wanted to say something about it, but he never had a chance to do so as Roxas punched him again.
His head was jerked around as white pain exploded inside his head, and with a gasp Axel stumbled a few feet before he could hold onto a dresser to steady himself. He blinked a few times to get rid of the black and red dots dancing before his eyes, and he tasted something warm, salty, strangely metallic on his tongue. Licking his lip he felt no broken skin, but he seemed to have bitten his tongue, and the taste of blood was sickening.
"You come here and rape me, in my own home, in my own bed," he heard Roxas' voice through all the blood rushing in his ears, and he instinctively took another step, away from the voice. It sounded deadly calm. With emphasis on deadly.
"I plead you to stop, and you don't listen and just go on, and when you're done you don't even have the decency to go away and leave me alone," Roxas continued, his voice growing louder again. Axel gasped as he was shoved forward, through the door to the living room. He was still a bit dazed by the first two blows, so he just stumbled forward a few steps before he stopped again, trying to turn around once more.
"You rape me and don't even feel sorry for it," Roxas suddenly yelled on top of his lungs, and Axel barely managed to dodge another punch to his face, falling to the floor when he tripped, but scrambling to his feet again quickly. "You rape me and keep telling me I like it! You asshole! Get out of here!"
"I didn't mean…" Axel tried to protest, and this time Roxas' flat hand connected with his cheek, once more cutting off his words rather effectively. It didn't hurt as much as the punches before, and yet it felt so much worse. So… final.
"Go to hell," Roxas said in a low voice, and when Axel stepped back, he could feel the front door in his back. He looked up.
There was Roxas, in all his naked glory, his face flushed and his body trembling. Suddenly Axel noticed so many small, but important details; angry red marks of his own hands on Roxas' hips, trails of cum drying on the inside of his thighs, a dark spot on his formerly flawless neck, a bite mark on his shoulder.
His eyes were… cold. Like dead. Broken. Not teary, no. Just… lifeless, in a way Axel had never seen before.
He turned around and ripped the door open, almost tripping again in his haste to get away from Roxas and his cold, dead eyes. He heard the door being slammed shut again behind him, and he raced down the stairs, away from him, away from Roxas, darting outside, out of the building, and he gasped for air, forcing the sweet night air down his lungs; he fell to his knees, then sat down on the cold ground, and suddenly his eyes were glued to his hand.
His eyes widened in shock as he took in the filth still clinging to his skin; cum and lube creating a sticky mess, and with a strangled scream he tried to wipe it on the ground, now also soiling it with dirt.
'I didn't rape him!' he thought desperately. 'He wanted it! He wanted me! He enjoyed it, he came, he…'
'… he pleaded me to stop…'
Axel froze, breathing heavily, staring at the ground without actually seeing anything.
He had just done something really hurtful and cruel and dumb.
He suddenly felt sick, doubling over as he tried not to throw up here on the pavement, where every moment someone could come and see him, and he felt disgusted and cold and weak, unable to keep his body from trembling. He just sat there and held his soiled hand as far away from himself as possible, his other hand pressing against his mouth as he tried to get rid of the bitter taste of shame and guilt. He spat onto the ground, noticed the blood mingling with salvia and tried not to gag at the sight.
He didn't know how long he sat there, staring at his hand and being eaten alive by disgust and self-hate, but sometime later he found himself looking up to a window that he knew belonged to Roxas' apartment. It was all dark. No light. Roxas was sitting alone in the dark now. Hurt and violated. Because of him. He had been the one who had hurt Roxas.
Oh God, he needed to apologize, he had made everything worse, apologize, apologize, he couldn't lose Roxas like this, he…
"Bloody hell, dude," a quiet voice suddenly spoke up next to him. Startled out of his dark thoughts Axel looked up, only to meet aquamarine colored eyes.
Just his luck. Silver-haired Bastard. Probably here to see Roxas. Staring at him, again looking fucking perfect with his long hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, silver bangs falling into his gorgeous eyes.
"What happened to your face, man?" Silver-haired Bastard asked sympathetically. And damn, his voice matched his looks. Dark and mysterious, and sexy to boot, with a hint of an accent. His accent reminded Axel a bit of Kairi. An islander, even though he didn't seem to fit the image of tanned, carefree people spending their lives at the beach.
"I deserved that," Axel muttered, gingerly touching his cheek. Only now he noticed that his eye was swelling shut a little, and the whole left side of his face felt rather hot and hurt like a bitch.
"I see," Silver-haired Bastard replied, seeming not convinced at all. "Listen, I live right here, I could give you some ice for your face or something."
Axel perked up at this; Silver-haired Bastard lived here? What, he wasn't here to…
"You didn't want to see Roxas?" he heard himself ask, and now his voice sounded odd; choked and desperate and… hopeful?
"Roxas?" Silver-haired Bastard blinked confused. "No, I… Wait a sec." Pretty aquamarine eyes narrowed slightly. "You're that Axel guy he talked about all the time. That… that friend of his from the café. What are you doing here?"
Axel overheard the question and jumped up, ignoring the weird look the other man was giving him. He briefly thought of grabbing the other's coat, but decided against it.
"You… don't happen to own a key to Roxas' apartment, do you?" he asked, feeling pretty desperate and stupid as soon as the question had left his mouth. Why should…
"Actually, I do have a key," Silver-haired Bastard said. "Give me a good reason why I should give it to you of all people, after all you did. Roxas is pretty mad at you, you know."
Axel didn't know what to say at first; to tell the truth he felt quite irritated that Silver-haired Bastard not only owned a key, but also seemed to know about him and Roxas.
"Because I have to get back into his apartment," he finally whispered, unable to come up with the good reason Riku had demanded. His mind was just too messed up to think of anything right now. "Because I did something pretty stupid and… need to apologize… Please…" Without giving it a thought he fell to his knees again, this time really reaching out to grab Silver-haired Bastard's expensive looking coat, careful only to touch it with his clean hand. "Please, I just… need to apologize, then I'll leave…"
"Wow, calm down," Silver-haired Bastard said and took a small step back. "Alright, I'll let you in." He paused for a second before he added, "Because Roxas is awfully fond of you, even if he doesn't want to admit it. But… if you hurt him, I'll hunt you down and kill you anyway." His eyes hardened, and Axel didn't doubt one second that this guy could kill him. "Nobody hurts my closest friend's cousin."
"Maybe you should just go ahead and kill me then," Axel muttered, slowly rising to his feet again and looking down to the ground. "Because I already did hurt him."
"Is that why your face looks like hell?" Silver-haired Bastard asked. Axel nodded. "Did you two… have a fight?" He nodded again, winced, almost choked on a pained sob. Not just a fight. But he nodded anyway, because that was the only explanation he could offer at the moment. Silver-haired Bastard would never help him if he knew what he had done to Roxas… "And you still want to go back? To apologize? After being bashed like that by the little guy?"
"I deserved it," Axel insisted stubbornly. "But I have to apologize. I have to."
"I see," Silver-haired Bastard mumbled and sighed. "Well. Roxas was very upset last time you two had a fight… At least you are trying to apologize this time." He searched his pockets and pulled out some keys, unclipping one of them and holding it out for Axel to take.
"Thanks," Axel breathed, no longer trusting his voice as he took the key.
"Name's Riku," Silver-haired Bastard introduced himself, nodding at the door. "And now go before I change my mind. And you better do this right."
Axel nodded and turned around, feeling his heartbeat speed up only a little. He didn't dare to hope Roxas would just forgive him, but he had to at least try to apologize… He couldn't leave Roxas alone after…
…he had raped him…
… everything he had done; fate seemed to give him the opportunity to make things right, and he couldn't let it just go by.
Quick Note: I hope everyone had a nice Christmas and New Year - A late Merry Christmas and Late Happy New Year to y'all, anyway.
That's all for now, really - I just want to get this updated as quick as possible. Just to show that I'm not dead. Yet. =___=
Thanks for the reviews!