Sorry for the wait, I've actually taken my time with this chapter its the first one i haven't rushed to get out and I've really enjoyed writing this one. As always let me know what you think and if you have any ideas of where the story should go or what you think would go well just say and i'll do my best to try and include some of them giving the people credit for said ideas of course and happy reading! X
Clarke's whole body was frozen just like in her nightmare only this time it wasn't fear that rooted her to the spot it was the force of the green eyes looking back in to her own, the intensity of them was enough to make her breathing hitch in her chest. She felt as though now would be a good time to back away ... Maybe throw out a stupid joke to break the tension and then leave but she just couldn't ... No ... It wasn't that she couldn't ... she didn't want to. Their faces were mere inches from each other and she watched as Lexa's gaze flitted between her eyes and her lips silently waiting for Clarke to decide whether or not to close the gap between them.
Lexa was desperately trying to stop herself from moving forward even though she had started it she wanted it to be Clarke's decision on what happened next, but she was unable to stop one of her hands from sliding around the blonde's waist however, her hand making contact with the skin underneath the hem of her shirt and was pleasently surprised to feel Clarke shudder and close her eyes at the touch. The Commander's stomach flipped when Clarke's eyes met her own again, the blue seemed darker than she had ever seen them and she licked her lips as her mouth had suddenly become dry and her heart thundered against her ribs when the blonde took a step closer, pushing a stray hair back behind Lexa's ear letting her fingers linger at the nape of her neck before slowly pulling her closer.
Their lips finally met and Lexa couldn't stop the loud moan that escaped her, the hand on Clarke's back tightened it's hold pulling her body closer and the blonde didn't resist, instead she deepened the kiss their lips moving rhythmically against each other and her hands getting lost in Lexa's hair, their breathing became heavier as their lips became more demanding. The fluttering in the Commander's stomach intensified, her desire heightening by the second as she enjoyed the feeling of Clarke's lips against her own, her heart was beating so hard it was all she could hear, she didn't know wether a few minutes passed or an hour and her hand began to drift gently gliding against the smooth skin of the blonde's stomach and began inching it's way up towards her ribs.
Clarke pulled away suddenly and stepped out of reach her breathing still heavy, Lexa swallowed nervously her own breathing was just as shallow, had she done something wrong? ... Pushed it too much ... Was Clarke regretting what had just happened?
"What's wrong?" She asked trying to hide her worries and completely failing.
"Someone was knocking." Clarke replied.
"What?" Lexa questioned, the words not making much sense at this moment.
Clarke raised her eyebrows slightly at the sight of Lexa acting flustered. "Your door, someone's knocking." She explained slowly.
As if to confirm her words another knock sounded across the room, Lexa silently cursed whoever was behind the door for interrupting the moment, her lips were still tingling from the kiss and her hands already ached to be pressed against Clarke again, throwing a glance in the blonde's direction, who was looking everywhere but at her, Lexa called out not quite able to hide her annoyance.
"Enter!"
Titus walked in as quickly as his feet would carry him, his eyes immediatly falling to Clarke not even trying to hide his disapproval at her presence, she noticed the look and countered it with a quirk of her eyebrow, she didn't know what this guys problem was with her and she didn't particularly care but she was not going to let him stare her down, her eyes burned in to his own, only when the Commander cleared her throat pointedly did Titus break eye contact and focus on Heda.
"Is there a problem Titus?"
"... Nothing pressing Heda." He replied softly.
"Then why are you in my room?" Lexa asked curiously.
The truth was Titus was just passing and had noticed Connor standing outside the Commander's room and if he was there that meant Clarke was inside, when he questioned Connor on what buisness the two women had together at this time he was met only by an unconcerned expression from the dark blue eyes and a shrug of his broad shoulders. Lexa's feelings for the sky girl were already stronger than he anticipated and he couldn't let Clarke's influence over Lexa become greater. Searching his mind for a legitimate reason for seeking out the Commander he spoke confidently.
"I needed your approval for the people i have chosen to accompany the Chancellor and sky people to Mount Weather tomorrow."
"I gave you that responsibility because i trusted you to pick the right people Titus, you don't need to seek my approval." Lexa countered knowing he was being untruthful.
Titus's eyes flicked back to Clarke momentarily before he spoke again. "Can i speak with you openly Heda?"
"You may."
" ... In private so if you could excuse us Wanheda?"
"My name is Clarke ... Not ...that ... ok?" The blonde said through gritted teeth.
Titus considered the young girl before him, noting the anger that filled her eyes at the name he called her. "You do not like your new nickname?" He sneered.
"Don't call me by mine and i won't have to call you by yours." Clarke shrugged trying to act as though she hardly cared, Titus seemed to enjoy pissing her off and she didn't want to give him any more ammuntion to do that.
"I have no nickname." He frowned confusedly.
Lexa stepped forward and faced towards Titus drawing their attention away from eachother. "Clarke stays ... Whatever you have to say you can say in front of her."
Titus was about to protest against this when Clarke poked her head from behind Lexa's back and mouthed the word 'Baldilocks' with a huge grin. His face turned an angry shade of red but she spoke aloud before he could respond.
"No it's fine I'll go ..."
Lexa spun round to face her, she didn't want her to leave without them at least speaking first, she wanted them to discuss where they go from here ... Not act like it didn't happen at all... She couldn't stand that in fact. "No ... I mean you don't have to ... I thought we could talk ..."
"I'm kind of tired." Clarke lied.
Lexa's fingers had been so close to the burn Nia had branded into her skin and Clarke hadn't even cared at the time, all she had focused on was how good Lexa's lips had felt against her own but now the thought of it worried her ... How would Lexa react to it? ... With anger? ... Disgust? ... Pity? That she really couldn't stand the thought of and she couldn't promise herself that they wouldn't be in the same position as soon as they were left alone again.
"Goodnight Heda." Clarke said respectfully before making her way out of the room.
"Goodnight Clarke." Lexa replied softly, resisting the urge to stop her from leaving but at the same time knowing she had to give her space.
Clarke closed the door behind her and immediatly leaned against it releasing a shaky breath, she was so caught up in the memory of what happened she didn't even notice her body guard watching her carefully, his blue eyes studied her face, his arms hanging at his side they were just a tad too muscled to be able to cross comfortably, he ran a hand through his short dark hair hoping the movement would gain her attention ... And it did.
"You still here?" She teased trying to hide her surprise.
"Sure am ... I'm your shadow ... Maybe that can be my new nickname." He suggested with a smile.
Clarke scoffed. "Shadow is too cool a nickname for someone so ..."
"So? ... What?"
"Short." Clarke grinned, Connor was even shorter that her but she had a suspicion he was fast and he was definitely strong.
"Is that an insult? ... Because i'm fine with my height."
"What height?" Clarke joked as she walked back towards her room.
"Funny Sky girl." He grinned as he followed her.
Lexa walked to the window of her room waiting for Titus to speak she had an idea of what he was going to say.
"You must distance yourself from her Heda, no good will come of this. She has done nothing but make you look weak in front of your people."
Lexa remained silent, her focus on the night sky, Clarke's comment about the stars on the night they got her back from Nia made her smile happily at the memory ... The banter they shared on the journey back before Clarke had fallen asleep against her ... The way she constantly made her smile with her quick wit and sarcasm ... She made her happy ... Happier than she had been in a long time ... And the kiss! ... The kiss had been heaven ... She wanted nothing more than to experience that everyday for the rest of her life and if people thought she was weak because of happiness then she would show them it hadn't weakened her in the slightest, if anything she felt stronger ... Like she would be able to take on the world as long as Clarke was there to come back to.
"She is rude and intolerable, not to mention ungrateful. The sooner you send her home back to her people the better, there are more suitable women that will be more than happy to warm your bed-"
"Enough!" Lexa snapped at the crude comment, turning sharply toward him, anger clear on her face. "It is not like that and you know it! You think i do all i have done just to get her in to my bed?!"
"I meant no disrespect Heda." Titus mumbled bowing his head.
"Yes you did ... Maybe not to me ... But to Clarke." Lexa swallowed her anger and let out a sigh. "She's special ... And no matter what you think of her you will not convince me otherwise ... No matter how hard you try so i suggest you stop ... Unless you want to make me angry."
Titus decided to try a different approach, he had seen the way the stall owners daughter had watched Clarke earlier in the day, her desire for the blonde was obvious and maybe he could twist it to his advantage. "Maybe she is special, you are certainly not the only one who thinks this way."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"The young girl ... Jade?"
"What about her?" Lexa asked sharply.
"They seemed close earlier today when Wanheda was speaking to her." Titus replied. "Laughing together ... Lingering looks ... She obviously desires her."
Lexa's thoughts started to run away with her, did Clarke feel the same? ... Had Jade already won her heart? ... Is that why she left in such a hurry and was avoiding eye contact?
"Heda please listen to me-"
"I said enough!" Lexa yelled.
"As you wish." Titus swallowed nervously at the look on her face and bowed again.
"Leave." She demanded waving her hand dismissively.
When she heard the door close softly she began pacing the room, trying to think things through in her head but instead of calming her it had the opposite effect. She needed answers and she needed them now ... This was not going to wait until morning ... She needed to speak with Clarke now.
Turning on her heel she left her room making her way down the hallway towards Clarke's room, she saw Connor standing outside it his back against the wall and he quickly straightened up when he saw her approaching.
"Heda." He acknowledged her with a respectful bow.
"Go get some sleep Connor, i'll take over tonight. Make sure your well rested to continue your duties in the morning."
"As you wish."
"Wait! ... What exactly did Clarke do today?"
If Connor found the question weird his face did not show it and he answered without hesitation. "When she left her room she went to the food stall and got someting to eat, spoke with the vendor for a while and then spent the rest of the day with the young boy ...Nathaniel ... Speaking to him and watching him play football."
"Did she see Jade at any other time?"
"She joined us to watch her brother play football but it was later in the day ... Why? Is she a problem?"
"What did you make of her?"
"You'll have to be more specific Heda." He answered curiously.
"What's her attitude toward Clarke?"
Connor licked his lips nervously, now he knew what she meant but he would not lie to his Commander. "She seems ... Taken with her."
Lexa's body stiffened at the confirmation. "I see ... And do you think Clarke ..." She let the question hang in the air.
"I think you would have to ask Clarke that ... But in my opinion Sky girl seems oblivious to it Commander." He answered with a slight smile, he had heard the moan that had come from the Commander's room earlier and had a good idea what was happening before Titus turned up.
Relief flooded through her at his words and she hoped he was right. She dismissed him with a nod of her head and watched him walk away. Taking a deep breath to prepare herself for the conversation she was about to have, trying to plan it out in her head ... Playin out different scenario's. After standing outside for fifteen minutes she decided to just take the plunge and opened the door forgetting to knock beforehand.
Clarke was getting changed when she heard the door open, her hand reaching out towards her top that laid on the bed as she whirled round at the noise, Lexa entered and stopped in her tracks at the sight of Clarke in just a bra and underwear but before she could apologise her eyes were drawn to the angry red mark below her ribs even with all the bruising it stood out vividly. The blonde pulled the top infront of her hurridly hiding it from view.
"It's polite to knock you know." Clarke snapped hoping that Lexa hadn't noticed anything but when the green eyes met hers she knew that it was too late.
"What is that?" Lexa asked in a dangerously low voice.
"Just some bruises and stuff ... It's no big deal." Her explanation died out as Lexa walked purposefully towards her and grabbed the top but Clarke held on tightly. "Stop it."
"Clarke ... Let me see ... Please."
"I told you it's nothing."
"Then you'll have no problem letting me have a look will you." Lexa countered.
Clarke's eyes closed in defeat, she didnt want anyone to see this but especially not Lexa. The top was gently taken from her hand and she refused to open her eyes ... She did not want to see the reaction.
Lexa bent down slightly to get a better view, the word 'Wanheda' was burned in to the skin, already scarring and was definitely going to be there for the rest of Clarke's life. "Why did she carve this word in to you?" She asked slightly confused.
Clarke didn't answer instead she just shrugged her shoulders at the question. Lexa gently cupped her face forcing Clarke to look at her. "I know how Nia works, she would of told you while she was doing this ... So what did she say?"
Clarke did not want to have this conversation but the pleading look Lexa was giving her was too hard to ignore. " ... She said ... By the time she was finished with me the only way anyone would be able to identify my body was if my name was burned in to it ... But i would never be remembered as Clarke ... I would be remembered as Wanheda ... A murderer of men, women ... And children." Clarke finshed in a whisper.
Lexa's grip on the shirt tightened as she tried to hold in the anger that coursed through her at the words and at the expression on Clarke's face making it clear that the blonde believed every word that Nia had said. She would pay the Ice Queen a visit tomorrow and show her just how unacceptable this was.
"Clarke ... Look at me." The Commander pleaded, she waited until Clarke's eyes slowly raised upwards.
"It was just her opinion ... I don't care." The blonde mumbled unconvincingly.
"You do though and that just confirms the point i'm about to make. Nia has tried playing on your fears that your some sort of monster-"
"They were children Lexa." Clarke interrupted. "I killed children ... I am a monster." She finished turning away abruptly and distancing herself.
Lexa followed immediatly and grabbed the blonde's shoulders making her face her again. "You are not a monster ... Not even close, a monster does not torture themselves daily for the decisions they made ... A monster does not become tormented by their actions in their dreams ... Monsters do not regret Clarke ... They purposefully set out to hurt people and they enjoy it ... Nia is the monster not you."
Clarke's eyes filled with tears at the Commander's words and she took in a shakey breath as Lexa's hands moved to either side of her face and gently caressed her cheeks. "You need to stop blaming yourself for this, you tried to find other ways to solve the problems at Mount Weather and that was your last option and you took it to save your people. ... Your friends and your family ... And countless other lives. The title Wanheda does not mean your a monster Clarke ... Think of it as death tried taking away everything you hold dear and you refused to let it... You took action against it ... Hence Commander of death." Lexa finished simply.
Clarke nodded but remained silent not sure she would be able to say anything at the moment anyway, Lexa's words had struck a cord somewhere ...
"What you actually are is a kind ... Loyal ... Extremely beautiful woman." Lexa continued softly. "Who has had to deal with a lot in a short amount of time ... Had responsibility and leadership thrust upon her with no warning and dealt with it amazingly ... Maybe you should focus on that instead."
"I ... Thank you." Clarke whispered.
"Your welcome." Lexa smiled her eyes suddenly taking in the half dressed figure in front of her, clearing her throat she dropped her hands to her side. "You should finish getting dressed and get some sleep ... We have a lot to go through in the morning."
"Sleep?" Clarke questioned confused that that's what was on Lexa's mind when it was the last thing on hers.
"Yes Clarke ... Sleep ... The thing you do when your tired." she teased.
Rolling her eyes at the comment Clarke pulled on the shorts and took the top from Lexa's hand pulling it over her head before climbing beneath the furs on the bed and getting comfortable, noticing Lexa still standing there she raised her eyebrows in silent question.
"I'm protecting you tonight ... I sent Connor to rest."
"Soooo your just going to stand there and watch me sleep?"
"I will most likely read ... Maybe a book on the universe ... Take steps to ensure i lose no more slices of cake in the future." She shrugged making Clarke chuckle.
"Sore loser." Clarke said disguising it as a cough making Lexa narrow her eyes. "Maybe you should take lessons from me tomorrow ... Could teach you a thing or two ... Now I'm not saying you'll be as good as me but ... You have potential i guess."
"Is that right?" Lexa grinned. "And what would wonderful things would i be taught exactly?"
"How to win a bet for one." Clarke teased.
Lexa frowned playfully. "Go to sleep Clarke ... Or do you need to be taught how to do that?"
"Nope ... That i'm an expert at." Clarke smiled turning to her side using her arm as a pillow. "Can do it with my eyes closed."