That Night…

Hazel eyes slowly opened as I awoke to find myself lying on the same couch that I awoke on seemingly hours ago. My mind raced as today's events crossed through my mind, and just thinking about it all caused me to have trouble sleeping. It was only a half an hour since I decided to fully rest for the night. Unfortunately, with my mind racing and the distant sound of screaming zombies I was unable to do just that. Who could sleep when all you can think about is killing the people you used to spend time with all your life? How can one sleep after having bashed in the heads of everyone he once knew like family? Pursing my lips, I turned my head to look around the dark room, looking over the few people that had also decided to get some sleep for the night. It surprised me to know how easily they were able to fall asleep without having to worry so much about everything around them. Maybe they were, but were trying to rest and at least forget about everything around them. That was a good thing, I suppose. They were doing their best to try and put all of this shit out of their mind for the time being. Then again, they were not out there risking their lives to find objects that would help the others find a little hope in these dark times. In fact, they were the people I was risking my life to give hope to, the people we were risking our lives to give hope to. At least they were able to get some rest knowing that help was there; question was…where was our help?

Frowning, my head lowered even more to find Drake lying close to the couch. He was holding onto my hand, which draped over the side in a bit of a comfortable manner. He did not grip it as if letting go would be the last time he ever got the chance to hold onto me, but it was enough to let me know he was there. Sighing, I slowly removed my hand from Drake's before sitting up, running a hand through my dark choppy hair. I did not have enough time to keep myself from looking as if I had gone through the wringer, but with all the frantic running around there was no time. Besides, who had time to worry about hair in a time like this? Glancing downward, my eyes caught sight of Nathan's jacket lying over me, shielding my legs from view and attempting to keep me warm. It may have been nice outside, but inside it felt cold inside, hence the reason why I decided to use his jacket for warmth. I glanced down at Drake's sleeping form before pushing the jacket off me and swinging my legs passed the eleven-year-old's body so as to not wake him. He was a pretty light sleeper, but walking over him as sneakily as a mouse was something I could do without waking him. He was not bad if woken; he was actually pretty calm, but I would rather let him rest after everything he went through. It was probably a lot worse than what I went through, since he was forced to listen to his own mother and father be brutally murdered at the hands of people he may have known.

Clicking my tongue unconsciously, I slowly stood up and stretched until , glancing down at Drake once more before tiptoeing past him and out the door. Maybe going outside for a little will clear my head, I thought as I passed the medical room and turned to walk toward the garage. Despite the fact that those things were out there, hunting down their next meal, it was nice to go outside for a little while and enjoy the safety while it lasted. After tonight, things would never be the same - even if nothing was the same after waking up to hear chilling screams of the dying and the already deceased. After tonight, I would be throwing my life on the line to give these people some form of hope while help was on the way, if it was on the way. Who the Hell knew anymore? Time was no longer on our side; only the realization that it may have been the end of the world as we knew it. It was hard to think about, but it was the truth. And the truth was hard to disguise when you are staring at it with your own two eyes.

Rubbing my arms as a chill swept by me, I entered the garage, spotting the truck that Hank was fixing up. He said something about how it would take him most of today, but he would finish it tomorrow morning when he woke up. He knew we would need it very soon if we were going to help everyone survive, but sleep was something he needed to be at his best. Hell, sleep was what everyone needed right now. Unfortunately for me, that damned being in the sky was not allowing me to have that sleep. In the back of my mind I could hear him laughing on his - or her - throne, toying with my head and playing with my mind. I sneered at the thought as I moved down the few steps. And people claim that God is here to protect us, I thought as I moved passed the front of the truck. Well, if that's true, where the Hell is He?

It was after that thought that a smile formed on my lips. Once again, I recalled a moment from my past that involved Nathan - I suppose his death was taking a harder toll on me than I thought. I recalled the day when I told him that I was not exactly a member of the Roman Catholic Church. In other words, I was not a Catholic like so many others were. The look on his face made me want to laugh out loud, but due to the hour of the night I had to hold it in. Still, it was a little difficult as his face - one of shock, surprise, and horror mixed into one - lingered within my mind.

"You don't believe in God?" He questioned as we walked along the beach. This was years before we started dating, mind you.

Looking at him, I shook my head.

"I never said that I don't believe in Him," I explained.

He tilted his head; he was confused.

"But you just said you're not a Catholic," he said. To that, I nodded. "Doesn't that mean you don't believe in God?"

I shrugged and said, "It could mean that, but in my case…it's probably not true." When his face remained in its confused state, I sighed. "Nathan, I'm Agnostic."

He blinked, the word not registering in his head. However, I could tell he was thinking it over. After a few minutes, though, he sighed in defeat.

"Alright, I give. What the heck is that supposed to be?" He asked, his voice mimicking a child who did not want to think through the information he got.

Smiling, I pat his shoulder.

"In a simple term, it means that I'm someone who doesn't believe that there is a 'God' per say unless there is proof to show it." He stared at me for a moment, trying to piece together, before shrugging. I sighed once again before continuing. "I'm not an atheist, but I can't necessarily say that I believe He's there."

"So…what you're saying," Nathan started, the look in his eyes telling me he was starting to get it, "is that…you don't believe in God, but you think something is…there?"

"In a manner of speaking, I suppose you could say that," I assured him. "It's hard to explain, really. I'm sorry for making you think so much."

"No, no! It's okay!" He said, his smile returning to his face. "It's good to know someone who has a different…'religion,' I suppose it's called." He glanced at me as I shook my head. "Oh…uh…well, then it's a belief! It's good to know someone who believes in something other than my own. Gives me more of a variety as to what others believe."

I nudged him lightly in a playful manner.

"I'm glad your so open minded, Nate," I said to him. "It means a lot that you're like that, and you may be the first."

As the memory faded from my mind, I found myself opening the hatch leading to the upper level of the Lifeguard Tower, feeling the ocean breeze come over me as I lifted the door upward. The scent of the ocean and the sea filled my nostrils as I inhaled deeply. The night was calming, as if everything that was happening…just never happened. It felt as if the reality did not exist, and it had returned to the days where everyone came to escape their lives of the outside world. Reality had not taken the time to give nature the bigger picture. It did not let nature know that the world may have been ending, that zombies roamed the island and feasted on the flesh of other human beings. It was strange to actually see it with my own eyes, but at the same time I felt jealous. I felt jealous to know that nature itself was not registering that everything was going to Hell. In a way, I wanted to feel like that. I wanted to be like nature; I wanted to be in a place where reality does not effect me. A place where all this shit does nothing to me. I wanted to be in a place where I could feel free and not have a single care in the world. Unfortunately, life had played a cruel trick on me, forcing me to face this God forsaken reality as if I could handle the weight of the world as it slammed against my shoulders. Life was a cruel mistress, and that statement was more true than anything I ever heard - occasionally there will be a few that surpass it, but for now, that statement would do the trick.

Climbing up the last few steps, I chose against shutting the door behind me before continuing my way forward. I would come back inside in a little while once I felt tired enough, so keeping it open would be a little more convenient. I recalled Sinamoi saying something about staying up for a little while longer in order to see if he could get into contact with the voice. What he did afterwards was beyond me, since I had come down here to get some rest. Moving past the metal shelves that carried random objects, objects that I did not feel like looking over, I silently tiptoed over to the Lifeguard radio building. Choosing against going inside, I walked passed it and continued moving toward the end that overlooked much of the island. It may not have been the best view in the world, but it was enough to take any tourist's breath away. I felt a smile play against my lips as I slowly moved toward the railing, a gentle breeze brushing against me. The silence was almost ethereal were it not for the occasional cries from the demons still lurking about. Fortunately, it was one thing that I chose against worrying about, knowing that we were safe from whatever tried to come up here.

Raising my hands slightly, I placed them against the freezing cold metal railing, the chill sending a shiver down my spine and back up, before allowing them to slide forward and causing me to move and lean forward as well. I felt myself slowly relax a little with every passing second that I was there as I gazed out into the open. The dim light of the moon's rays gave it a calming glow and helped me clear my mind a little. However, despite the amount of light and its peacefulness that it gave, when I looked down I could faintly spot at least one or two zombies roaming aimlessly on the beach, hunting for its next meal. At one point, I thought one of them looked up and spotted me in the far off distance, but I relaxed again as it looked away and continued moving along the beach, dragging itself forward as if it did not realize the dead weight it was carrying. I assumed that it did not see me, and therefore was going in search of anything, or anyone, to nibble on. Blinking, I looked up at the sky, staring at the moon and stars that sat up there, clueless as to what was going on in our world right now. I frowned, sighed, and leaned down to place my head against my forearms.

Why did this have to happen when it did? It was the worst possible time to even come, and yet it arrives anywayWhat could we have done that could have possibly caused this? There may have been a shit load of problems in the world outside, but here on Banoi it was different. Granted, there was the occasional raskol gangs doing their own illegal shit, but that was it. Other than that, Banoi was considered the most peaceful island in…well, as far as I knew, the world. Were we the ones who had to suffer through all of this because of everyone else's idiotic actions? But why? Why would a peaceful place like Banoi be put through this shit? The inhabitants did nothing wrong, nothing but help those who visited feel welcome and enjoy their stay. I was one of the people who was like that - if they deserved it, of course. Still, the fact remained. It was possible that the being in the sky, as mighty and powerful as he was, decided to play a little game on us, a game that would cost millions their lives. I sneered at the thought. If this is your way of playing a sick joke, I said more to myself but as if I were speaking to the deity itself, then you're nothing more than just a piece of shit…

"I figured you'd be the first one to fall asleep when we got back." I jumped at the sound of the voice as it broke through the silence. I swiftly turned around out of the surprise that someone was there with me, but relaxed when I realized that it was not anything outside. The person seemed to notice that, and laughed. "Trust me. I don't think you'd notice if I was one of them. You didn't last time."

Rolling my eyes, I leaned against the railing.

"Ha ha, you're so hilarious, Logan. Remind me to laugh even harder next time you tell a real joke," I responded, watching as he sauntered over to stand next to me while keeping his arms crossed. "What are doing up, anyway? Aren't you supposed to be sleeping right now?"

He shrugged and said, "Let's just say a little birdie woke me up and told me what you were up to."

"My brother woke you up?" He glanced at me briefly and nodded as I groaned. "Ugh, sorry about that. Probably because he saw me walking off without telling him. He must have gotten worried that something was wrong."

"Well, he may be right about that," he said, leaning against the railing in the same manner that I had done moments ago.

Blinking, I turned around and mimicked his actions.

"What do you mean?" I asked him. "There's nothing wrong with me…well, other than the fact that everything and everyone I used to know has gone to Hell and was sent back to eat our flesh." I could tell he rolled his eyes, but I also knew he had a smile on his face as he did that. "Well, it's true."

"I can tell, but I think there's more to it than what your brother gave off," he said. I looked at him at the same time he looked at me. "That, or he just doesn't know."

"Drake is a smart kid for his age, and a lot more mature than he puts off," I explained. "I'm sure he knows why, but chooses not to tell you."

"Oh? And why's that?"

"Simple: he doesn't trust you."

His brows furrowed questioningly as he asked, "Doesn't trust me? Even after going all that way to save your life for him?"

I shrugged.

"I'm pretty sure he's very grateful you did that," As am I, "but I'm not sure if it'll be enough to fully gain his trust." He paused for a long moment before chuckling. Now, it was my turn to give him a confused look. "What's so funny?"

"If you're right when you say he doesn't trust me," he started, looking over the darkened horizon, "then why is it that he woke me up instead of asking anyone else he knows, like the lifeguard, to find out what was up with you?"

That was the question that threw me off guard, and even got me thinking about. I knew Drake for eleven years, knew just how he acted, and knew it was very hard to earn his trust. I may not know what it was like to try and gain it - it happened more to my friends than anything else - but it was hard to miss when people did things for him only to be told flat out that he still did not trust them. The only people he actually gave it to was myself, my parents, and even Nathan. No one else but those few. Hell, I was surprised when Nathan had gained his trust so easily and after the first few weeks of meeting him. Granted, it was before we started dating, but Drake was very persistent when it came to taking my relationship with him - Nathan - to the next level. Drake was partially the reason why Nathan and I ever became an item, even after he started his relationship with Rita. Now that Nathan and our parents were dead, he was down to one more person to trust. That person was me. However, based on what Logan had told me, it was different. Logan believed that Drake was starting to trust him after just a day possibly because my life was technically saved by him. I highly doubt that, I told myself. Drake would never start trusting anyone within just one day. It was out of character for him; Hell, it was out of character to trust anyone after the first day! That being said, why was Drake asking Logan of all people to find out if I was okay?

Blinking, I slowly looked out at the horizon. After another moment, I felt his green eyes fall upon me again. It was after another few moments that I exhaled.

"I…I honestly don't know…" I muttered truthfully. "He's never really the type to trust anyone so easily."

"He trusts you, doesn't he?"

I gave him a look.

"I'm his sister, for starters. Secondly, I've known him for eleven years. And thirdly, I saved his life from those…" I looked down at the beach, "those fucking things down there!" Sighing again in an attempt to calm my slowly riling nerves, I closed my eyes. "It's just…it's just weird."

"Maybe it's 'cause of everything that going on," Logan suggested. "I mean, I have start trusting people I barely even know with my life."

"Trust me, Logan, we're in the same predicament as you are," I muttered. It became silent between us, but it was not as awkward as I thought. Instead, it was much more…calming. As if everything that happened last night was but a memory from many years ago. It was after that long silence that I sighed again. "I don't get it…"

"What don't you get?" He asked.

I kept looking out at the horizon before lowering my head.

"Why did all of this have to happen here?" I questioned. "I mean…there's nothing wrong with this place at all. I should know; I've lived here for twenty-five years." I shrugged and want on to say, "Sure, there's the occasional gang causing trouble, but…other than that…this place is nothing but Paradise."

Logan went silent for a moment, trying to figure out what to say to my words, but instead looked out at everything again.

"I'm not really sure how to answer that," he responded truthfully. "If I had an answer, Hell...I'd give it to you straight."

I smiled at his words.

"I appreciate the thought," I told him, "even if the truth hurts, I still would like to know."

Before the silence could set in once more, I noticed through my peripheral vision that Logan was looking at me again.

"Hey, I've got a question now that I'm here talkin' to you."

I looked at him and muttered, "Shoot."

"Back when we were coming back here, after you got that stuff for the Doc," I inwardly chuckled at the nickname he gave to Jack, "you said something that threw me off a little."

Thinking that I knew what he was talking about, I glanced at him.

"You're nickname is still Mr. Porter," I teased with a smirk. "You can't change my mind no matter how hard you try."

At that, he chuckled, recalling the moment I gave him that name in the first place.

"Naw, it's not that, Mrs. Incredible," he responded in a mock fashion, earning a nudge from me before going on. "It was on the way back. You said that you'd rather not be remembered as something you're not." He paused as I tensed. "What did you mean by that?"

I remained silent as I slowly began shrinking away. Somewhere in the back of my mind I just knew I would regret saying those words. Unfortunately, I was not thinking straight and they just…came out. I did not think anything of nor did I think he would ask about it, but now that he was I did not know how to answer him. In reality, it was more on a personal level, but I did not want to keep Logan wondering, let alone worrying about it. Still, it did not matter to him. Why should he care about a silly little comment that I made? What does it matter to him what went on in my past? It was not as if he could change it. Hazel eyes fell lower. What the Hell am I thinking? I asked myself, mentally slapping myself in the face. That's just being plain rude. It was not as if he caused everything that happened in the first place. If he was curious, I could tell him a little bit. Maybe I could even have a little fun with it, granted that I keep myself under control and not get all emotional about it, That the was the only thing that would really screw me over. I may not have been the emotional kind of person over the little things, but when it came to big past events, it was something I would get a little teary-eyed over. Nevertheless, it still would be interesting to see how far I could go without breaking down. I sound like a cruel person who doesn't even care about what happened… I thought, but at least it's better than moping about it, I suppose.

Satisfied with my solution, I looked at him before smirking.

"What do you think it means?" I questioned teasingly, standing up straight but keeping my hands on the railing

Logan paused in thought for a moment, trying to figure out the answer while playing along with my ruse.

"Maybe you're not as incredible as I'm making you out to be?" He asked.

I placed a finger on my chin, mocking a thoughtful expression, before shrugging.

"I guess you could put it that way," I teased, "but you'll have to keep guessing."

He chuckled and turned to face me.

"Why the sudden change?" He asked. "For a second there, you were all quiet. Now you're makin' me guess? What gives?"

I shrugged and also turned to face him as well.

"Well, it is personal information that I'll be giving to you," I started to explain. "That being said, I thought it would be nice to have fun messing with your head a little."

He shook his head as I laughed.

"Don't worry. I'm not as dumb as you think I am." He said. "I'll figure it out sooner or later."

I laughed and shook my head as well.

"We'll see about that. Mr. Porter."

My hand fell to my lips to muffle the laughter that came out. I did not want to wake anyone, but the look he gave me was just to much. I could tell he still did not like the childish name I gave to him, but I could not help but say it at least one more time to satisfy myself for the day. After my fit of laughter, I looked up at him, smiling the entire time, while leaning against the railing with my hip. Silence fell between us as we stared at one another, a silence that was rather relaxing and soothing even if it was for a moment. The annoyed expression in his eyes had vanished by now, and he was just looking at me with unreadable green eyes. Smile fading only slightly, I returned the gaze, though mine was probably a bit more readable than his, He probably thought I had something on my mind and was thinking about it; I probably would agree. At the moment, something seemed to snap inside me. Not the bad kind of snap where I went on a "punching the first person I saw" spree, but the kind of snap that was…familiar. I was not sure as to where I had felt that snap or spark or whatever, and thinking about it probably gave me a look of annoyance similar to the one Logan gave me before. Thinking about things for too long gave me a headache, and I could already feel one coming on. What is it that I was feeling, I still could not put into words to form an answer. It was bugging me greatly, and after another several seconds, the headache was much more prominent. Unable to find an answer to the mystery, I went with the next best thing and just got the Hell out of it.

Shutting my eyes, I stood up straight and faced forward, opening my eyes again to look out at the horizon. Unfortunately, he did not want to let what just happened - whatever happened - slide so easily.

"What are you thinking?" He asked, mirroring my actions before leaning against the railing again. "I'm trying to figure it out, but I can't say for sure."

I did not say anything for a moment, trying to figure out what happened, before realizing his question. Biting my lower lip lightly, I turned my eyes in his direction, but did not look at him.

"Just…thinking about everything that's happened so far," I fibbed. "With what happened last night and what's going on today, it's hard to take it all in, you know?" By now, I started to realize my lie was becoming a little more true, but I did not say anything about that. "Granted, last night's events aren't that…well, prominent, but it's still lingering in the back of my mind."

Logan stared at me for a long moment before looking back out at everything.

"Yeah…uh, about that…" He started. Before I could turn my head to look at him, he went on. "Sorry about that."

Surprised, I looked at him, hazel eyes widening. He was…apologizing to me? I was shocked to hear him say that. After what happened, I was sure he would not even consider apologizing. Not that I wanted it, since it was due to the fact that he was drunk out of his mind and nothing exactly thinking clearly (or so I thought). To hear him apologize to me threw me off a bit. Still, it felt…okay to hear him say that. Even though it looked a little out of character for him, I appreciated the thought of him at least trying to say it. That being said, I felt a small smile spread across my lips, a look of appreciation filling my face. However, it soon disappeared as I recalled the snap that took place afterwards, when I punched him in the face and said some…pretty regretful things to him. Things that were out of line.

"No," I muttered, my head lowering. He looked at me as I went on. "I should be the one apologizing."

"You weren't the one who came onto me, remember?" He told me. "It was me who came on to you."

"Yeah, I know that." I glanced at him. "But what I did afterwards…"

It took him a short moment to figure out what exactly I meant by that. When it clicked, he chuckled.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot about how you socked me in the face." He said more to himself, earning a look from me. "Gotta tell ya. You got a pretty good arm there."

I shrugged, not really feeling better by the comment.

"Yeah, but…" I started. "It's what I said that's bothering me, too." I sighed. "If you're having trouble remembering that, it's when I said if you ever did something like that to me or anyone else I would ruin you like you ruined your career."

It took a moment for Logan to respond, but his words were something I did not expect.

"You're gettin' all upset about that? Damn, woman, you worry too much."

I stood up straight and turned to face him, eyes widening once again.

"Seriously?! You're not upset about that?" I questioned in disbelief. Fortunately, my voice was still low to avoid any unneeded attention.

"'Course not. Why should I be?"

"Because I brought something up that was really personal to you! I figured you'd start ranting on me the second I brought it up!"

He chuckled in response.

"Now that'd be holding a grudge," he told me, draping an arm over my shoulders similar to last night. "I don't often do that, especially when I deserved it."

"So…you admit to fucking up…again?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and ignoring the fact that his arm was there. When he nodded, I shook my head. "Something's awfully wrong with you."

"Hey, I've gotta big heart," he said with a smirk, earning a light pat to his chest.

"Keep telling yourself that," I responded, unconsciously moving closer to him (probably due to his arm still residing on my shoulders).

Shaking his head, I felt his arm move to my lower back, causing me to tense up only slightly.

"Come on," he said. I looked up at him. "Let's head inside and sleep. We've got a long day tomorrow."

With a small smile and a single nod, his arm disappeared as he stared making his way back the way he - or the both of us - came. I watched him walk away from me for a moment before turning my head to look out at the horizon once again. Another light breeze brushed against me, oddly sending a shiver down my spine. As the happened, another shriek sounded in the distance. It sent another shiver down my spine, yet I did not move from my spot. Instead, my mind suddenly started to race with different thoughts.

I still felt a little surprised to know that I was standing there, injuries bandaged up and on the process of healing, watching over my brother who had nothing but the clothes on his back and his elder sister to look over him. I could have been six feet under the damn ground by now - or a fucking zombie roaming around the island - but instead I was alive and on my way to a full recovery. It was weird…knowing I could have died and left everything behind without so much as a care, whether it was already gone or still there. The being in the sky was probably moping in his seat, grumbling about how he was unable to get his hands on me today. In fact, it scared me to know that little fact, even if it was a little far-fetched, among other things such as Drake. I was scared of actually leaving Drake behind to fend for himself. He was so young to be in a place like this; he did not deserve any of it. Not only that, but when I thought about it, this was probably my last chance at fixing the mistakes I made. Sure, it may have been a little too late for that, but maybe through Drake it would be enough to consciously fix everything. It would give me the satisfaction of letting them know I was sorry. Not getting the chance to do that was the biggest regret I will ever have to live with, but maybe I could redeem myself this one last time before moving forward with my life.

"Abigail!" I jumped before turning around, noticing Logan standing there waiting for me. "You waitin' for the sunrise? 'Cause that ain't comin' for the next…" He looked at his watch, "six hours or so."

I said nothing in response to his words - no smartass retort or anything - as I slowly turned around to look at him, gazing into his green eyes blankly with my own hazel hues, as my mind started racing just like before. It was him, I told myself; he was one of the reasons why I survived getting my main artery torn out and bleeding to death on the beach. We may have met on a very good note, but he saved my fucking life. Even I did not do the same for him - I left him to die on the stairwell while escaping from the infected Rita for Godsakes! Who the Hell does that? Whether I was trying to save my own life or not, there could have been something else behind her ready to skin him alive. Still, despite all of that, he was able to save my life. It may have been on instinct, but nevertheless he did it. As I mentioned, we may not have started on a very good note, but maybe that could change. Besides, I owed him my life two times over. He was able to give me a chance to get Drake off the island and give him a better live outside of this Hellhole. I did not think 'Thank you' could suffice my unyielding gratitude for what he did for me. Still, I had to let him know how much it meant.

Silently, I slowly walked toward him, my eyes never leaving him. He continued to watch me, curious as to what I was thinking about at the moment, yet I said nothing. I was hoping I was not creeping him out; I would rather avoid doing that. It was no surprise that he could not figure out what I was thinking, and that much I was thankful for. Stopping in front of him, I simply looked up at him, taking note that I was at least a half a head shorter than he was - maybe even shorter than that. I continued to remain silent, wondering if what I was going to do next was even…appropriate. Yet, I was unable to control my actions nor was I able to hold it back. Inhaling, I suddenly threw my arms around his neck, pulling him into an embrace. I had to stand on my toes a bit to make it a little more comfortable for the both of us, but I held onto him as if there was no tomorrow. It threw him off a bit, surprised that I would do such a thing, but he did not try to push me away. Instead, he stood there for a long moment, trying to register what was happening, before relaxing and placing his own hands on my hips. Before he had a chance to ask what the hug was for, I decided to speak up.

"Thank you, Logan," I muttered, leaning my head onto his shoulder. "Thank you for giving me a second chance to clear my conscience…even if it is a little to late to heal my regrets."

Without another word, I felt his arms wrap around me and complete the embrace. For how long we stayed like that I did not know, but all I could remember was wearing a real, genuine smile for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.