Chapter 10: Emotional Overload
Ziva begged Tony to allow her to help him out. She seemed desperate for him to stay at her apartment. Tony's apartment would have to be subleased due to it being not handicapped accessible. Ziva begged and begged some more. So much that even Gibbs was suggesting with a stern look that told Tony he didn't have much of a choice. So their first night in the apartment, Ziva was nervous about how to approach the subject of Tony's paralysis.
What could he do on his own? What could he not? What boundaries may be crossed unintentionally was the biggest problem to Ziva. She didn't want Tony to feel he was helpless. However, if he needed help, she longed to be that person to assist him.
"So…" Ziva breathed out nervously. "I see you have your seat on wheels going well."
"It's called a wheelchair, Ziva." Tony spun around in his wheelchair. "You seem nervous."
"I am." Ziva blew out air pushing her hair from her face. "I have been to visit you every day since you're accident almost a month ago. However, you won't allow me to attend your physically therapy classes." Ziva sat down on her sofa. "I don't know your extent of needing me."
"Oh." Tony stared with a semi-grin. "I can crap by myself if that is what you're worried about."
"No. I mean of course not. I mean…."
"Ha. Ziva David is nervous." Tony taunted. "Okay, I'm not even sure how independent I am. I was at a facility that had a lot of things to help me out. Not to mention, most of the people that I saw were facing the same as me."
"I bought a shower thingy." Ziva noted happily.
"A shower thingy?" Tony frowned. "That could translate into many things. Some of which are inappropriate for me to say."
Ziva rolled her eyes. "It is a plastic chair that you sit in while you shower."
Tony shook his head. "Well, I showered before leaving the hospital. Therefore, that isn't something you have to worry about tonight. Unless, you're just trying to see me naked, Zeeevah."
"I shall ignore that, Tony. Only because I have plans that you might enjoy tonight." Ziva smiled proudly.
"Really?" Tony wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Ziva shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You will never change, Tony." Ziva then walked towards the kitchen. "I think you shall be surprised."
Tony sat in his wheelchair watching Ziva leave. He then sunk exhausted in his chair. Ziva had no idea how much he had changed. His confident self was gone. He wasn't sure if he was able to be anything like the old Tony. Especially when it came to women. That scared him more then he wanted to face. However, he feared living with Ziva would make him face that reality on a daily basis. This was not a good idea for him. But he'd do whatever made her happy. He'd do this for her.
"Do you need help getting into the room that has the television?" Ziva smiled as she came out of the kitchen carrying popcorn.
"No." Tony followed behind her. "I thought you didn't have a television."
"I thought I may not be American without one." Ziva sat down the popcorn on the table. She then went back to get a couple of drinks. She yelled from the kitchen. "Can you get on the sofa by yourself?"
Tony was already getting frustrated with Ziva was asking about him being able to do this and do that. But he just answered her in his usual upbeat manner. "Think so."
He had worked out his arms so much that his upper body strength was remarkable. Ziva stood in the door watching him in awe. His arms flexed as he pulled himself on to the sofa. Ziva wondered how gorgeous Tony's upper body had became with his workouts. She scolded herself mentally for her thoughts before walking in to join him.
"I hope you like this." Ziva plopped down beside him. "I don't mean this offensively. I …" Ziva began to second guess herself for the idea. "Maybe we should just watch Magnum P.I. I brought your dvds from your apartment."
"Ziva." Tony grabbed her hand. "I won't be offended. Whatever it is? Is it Body Heat?" Another tease just like the old Tony. He wasn't sure how long he could pull off pretending all was well. He'd give it his best shot though.
"Fine." Ziva leaned back into the couch. She was very tense. Her shoulders were stiff. Her body seemed even stiffer.
Tony wasn't doing so great with her tension as he was tense himself. He turned his gaze from her to the television.
The screen began to play Ziva's choice for their television viewing. She swallowed nervously waiting for Tony's reaction. Good or bad.
Tony blinked then leaned forward. He then began to laugh. "Ironside! You found Ironside on DVD!"
Ziva bit her lip. "Do you like?"
"Heck yes!" Tony wanted to hug her. He was actually excited.
"I have the whole series. Eight seasons. I found them with the help of McGee." Ziva grinned proudly. "I thought that being…." Ziva stopped her words.
"Being in a wheelchair and an ex-cop, I could relate." Tony sounded elated. And for once since his accident, he wasn't faking his emotions.
"Yes." Ziva snapped her fingers. "That is it exactly. I am glad you like. The only problem I have with it is that the main character used his brains to solve cases. I am not sure you have that in you." She teased.
"Funny." Tony grabbed Ziva by the arm. He wrestled her with is upper body before he pinned her down on the couch. "Are you letting me win because you feel sorry for me?"
"Maybe." Ziva giggled. She then breathed out as she went to push Tony off. She noticed his taunt abs through his tight t-shirt. She swallowed as lust began to build in her.
Tony noticed the sultry look in Ziva's eyes. He had seen it before with his partner. However, he and she had chose to ignore the looks they gave one another. This time, Tony decided that no one knew the future. Why waste it on not trying? Or was it Ziva who decided? Because both moved in until their lips seared together.
Tony twisted Ziva's dark chocolate locks into his fingers. He felt Ziva's tongue playing on his lips begging for entrance into his mouth. Tony allowed her to play with the kiss as she pleased. Before they both knew it, Tony had Ziva's body down into the cushion on the sofa.
Her hand went up Tony's shirt to touch his bare chest. Tony could hear Ziva moan out as her fingers scraped down his sculpted chest. His own hand decided to take a chance by unbuttoning her shirt.
Tony tried to move himself closer to her. He knew what this was leading to. Then he realized that his body wasn't reacting as it should be.
He pulled away. He pushed off her quickly. With the push of his arms from her body, came a series of foul words from his mouth. Tony pulled himself quickly off the sofa and onto the wheel chair. He turned from Ziva.
Ziva pushed her hair from her face. She straightened her shirt. She tried to think of what went wrong. Did she offend him? Did he not want her?
She glanced over at Tony. His shoulder's were shaking. Ziva knew immediately that he was sobbing silently.
"Tony?"
"Please, Ziva. Don't." Tony tried to wheel away from her. "This was a bad idea."
"Tony, please." Ziva grabbed the handle to his wheelchair. "What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing." Tony tried to hide his shame. His voice raised in anger and frustration. "Nothing. Just leave me alone. Quit trying to fix this!"
"I'm not." Ziva went to the front of Tony. "I'm not"
"You didn't ask about my knee." Tony shook his head trying to explain.
"I don't understand." Ziva got on her knees in front of Tony. "Please tell me."
"The time we went undercover." Tony looked up at her. His pride was already gone. Why bother trying to hide his glistening eyes from the tears that had fallen. "I can't be a man for you, Ziva." His words were in a low whisper. "My body didn't react to you. You. The woman I've desired since the day I first saw you."
Ziva ran her finger across Tony's cheek caressing away a tear falling. "The doctor said that the brain is more important when it comes to that." She giggled nervously. Tony just stared at her.
Ziva then moved his arms so they were spread apart. She climbed into his lap. Tony didn't object. He allowed it as he just watched her.
"Can we just begin slow? Why must it be about sex?" She leaned her head on Tony's shoulder.
"Tony Dinozzo here." Tony sighed out. "Remember?"
"Perhaps, it is time for Tony Dinozzo to grow up. Maybe it is time that we both allow ourselves to feel those emotions we've hidden. I don't need the physical at this time, Tony." Ziva snuggled deeper into Tony's neck. "I just want the emotional. It is difficult enough. Is it not?"
"Don't feel sorry for me. I don't need this." Tony whispered lowly.
Ziva began to sob into Tony's neck. "I thought I lost you. That was the worst thing I've ever faced. And though you may not need this…" Ziva tried to catch her breath between sobs. "Perhaps, I do."
Author's Note: I know this is very angsty. However, I am trying to make this realistic giving the situation. I hope I give this situation justice. I appreciate the feedback that I'm getting. I was very impressed with the personal story of some. Makes me want to do this right. Just stick in there...have to have the storm before the calm.