Stars, Sand, and Cosmic Glue
The month drew on with everyone on high alert. We were sitting on pins and needles after the enemy had come so close to invading sovereign Osean territory. But ten days went by without any action from the enemy. Then another five. We were called down from high alert for the first time since the start of the war. Our squadron took advantage of it in the best way we knew how. Sleep. On one particularly drowsy afternoon, a knock came to my door just as I was getting ready to head to lunch. When I answered it, Chopper gave me a sleepy hello with a yawn mixed in with it. Without even asking, he brushed past me into my room and flopped onto my bed.
"Kid, I've got to talk with you. There are some things I just want to discuss. You know, while we have the time. Before we are called off to save the world. Again. You have a moment?" I wasn't sure I could say no after an introduction like that. I went to my desk and sat in my favorite piece of furniture, the swivel chair.
"What you want to talk about, Chopper?" I asked. Chopper sighed and sprawled out on my bed before squirming back into an upright position.
"Did you know I was married?" My mind took a moment to register what he said before I came up with a response.
"Say that again?" I asked.
"That's right. I've got a wife back home. A daughter too. Little devil is the only thing I think about during times like this. You know, when there's nothing to do and you want something to do but, well, there's just nothing to do. You know?" I stared at him blankly but he must've not caught my confusion. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I'm glad you're leading us. And actually leading us at that, unlike that Rudolph. Man, what a stupid call-sign!"
"What was wrong with the squadron leader for Reindeer?" I knew the guy had come off as a little show-boat-ish when we were down at McNealy with them but I figured that was just because we were with him.
"I was talking with Blitzen and Vixen after the mission. They both got families too. They were pretty cool dudes. Hope I get to hang out with them some more. Maybe after this war. Anyways, they said that all the guy cares about is kissing up to his superiors and elevating his squadron and himself whenever he can. I'm just glad you don't have that kind of problem." He stopped talking for a bit and looked at me for a bit before a smile came creeping onto his face. "I noticed that 'Dancer' took quite the liking towards you," he started with a malicious grin creeping onto his face.
"Oh, yeah, well, nothing happened between us so you don't have to worry about that. She sure tried, but we took care of her." Chopper's grin got a little wider.
"Who's this 'we,' you're referring to?" he said, a devilish grin breaking any neutrality his face had before.
"Second Lieutenant Nagase and I," I said cautiously, not getting where Chopper was trying to take this. "We hung out most of the rest of the time that day after I had been bruised." This was starting to get a little... weird.
"I'll bet Nagase didn't like First Lieutenant Azarola all too much. Wonder why that is?" he said with the grin still on his face.
"She said it was because women like Azarola made women like her look bad." I said with definitiveness.
"Huh," Chopper said like he didn't believe what I had said. I knew trying to explain anything further or even speak about the subject would just cause any ideas fermenting in his head to compost faster. So I decided to change the subject.
"Tell me about your family," I said. The stupid grin on Choppers face subsided as he resumed his normal line of thinking.
"My wife's name is Raenay. But I call her Ray all the time. She hates it. Says she thinks it sounds like I'm talking to some truck driver. Kid's Vicki. Raenay and I were high school sweet hearts. I tell ya, neither one of my parents thought it would work out, but a child sure does make you put things into perspective. We got married when Raenay had a bump the size of my head on her belly. But we don't regret a thing. I think I had told you I got transferred here. I used to be on a base right next to them. Went home every night to a wife who doted on me and a child who thought I was a super hero, flying everywhere. I think I was sadder than they were when they put me out here." He was quiet for a moment as he thought about his situation. "I call them every chance I get. These past few days have been real nice for that." He looked out the window into the bright blue sky that had not a cloud in it.
"Do you still talk to your parents?" I asked.
"Almost as much as my wife, though, they are the ones calling me. They might not have approved of the way me and Raenay were married, but they support us just the same. In fact, Ray and Vicki are living with them right now." He looked back out the window and returned to his thinking. It was something I hardly ever saw the man do publicly.
"You know," he started after a while. "I probably should say thanks."
"Chopper, you don't have to thank me for anything," I started, but before I could continue he jumped in again.
"Kid, shut-up and take a complement for once." He gave me a flat look that told me to be quiet. "You have gotten me back from several battles now. Some of them I was pretty close to being a goner in if you hadn't shown up to save me. I want you to know that, whatever happens, you're family to me." His face was uncharacteristically serious. He stood up from my bed, patted my shoulder and said, "Thanks, kid. You're the reason my family sleeps at night." Without another word, he walked out of my room leaving me to think about the lives I was touching. I had begun this war thinking that the only person I could affect was me, but lately, people all around me were telling me about how Wardog is something bigger now. How I'm something bigger. I got up and went to a later lunch than normal.
The next day was another quiet one. I had just finished working out in the bases gym and decided to cool off in the water. Despite the season being autumn, the water temperature was still in the 70's. I changed into some swimming trunks and grabbed a towel. I walked outside into the sun and enjoyed the warm breeze as it just faintly touched my bare skin. I walked towards the shore and laid out my towel. Before I jumped in, I decided I would take a moment to bask in the sun's rays. The birds were calling in the background and the ocean water crashing on the coastal sand put me to sleep faster than any sedative I knew about.
.oOo.
The crackling fire occasionally threw up glowing embers that danced like a multitude of burning fairies. The chirping of crickets in the background filled in the silence the fire had between its bursts. The sky was filled with so many stars that it didn't even look dark on this cloudless night. I began thinking about my significance in a universe that was this big. Would anything I do amount to something?
"What are you thinking about, Caden?" Mrs. Elsworth asked, her friendly voice breaking the long stretch of silence. She was a family friend of my parents who were camping with us this week up near the outskirts of Hollister, a small town that was north of our own, Shubrick.
"Nothing," I replied. It was often the answer I gave when what I was thinking about couldn't be summarized into another single word.
"Oh, come on Caden," Whitney said playfully. She was one of a handful of friends I had made at school when I came to Osea. She and her sister Kim had decided to come up with their parents. Well, at least Whitney had. Kim disliked the outdoors.
"Yeah, Caden," Kim said grumpily. Correction. She hated the outdoors. Being as isolated as we were was a nightmare to her. "Tell us about your keen insights." Her dad gave her a stink eye but her taunt had done the trick at getting me to talk.
"I was thinking about how we are so small compared to everything else in this universe and how anything I do won't have an impact on it." The silence from Kim that followed was satisfying. Eventually, my dad spoke up.
"Caden, have you learned about the Jilachi desert over in Yuktobania yet?" he asked.
"Yeah," I replied. "It's the largest desert on earth. What about it?"
"Suppose you visited the desert. Let's say you're standing right on the edge of it. If you took a pair of tweezers and picked up a single grain of sand and moved it just a little bit, just a nudge, what do you think you would have accomplished?" I thought for a moment. I knew this was going somewhere but my dad could go on these tangents sometimes...
"I would have changed the position of a piece of sand," I finally said.
"And where was this piece of sand again?" he asked with a confused face like he genuinely had no idea.
"In the Jilachi desert," I replied. I knew he was about to reveal his point.
"So, you changed the Jilachi desert, one of the largest deserts of earth, just by moving a grain of sand. Just one piece." How did he think of this stuff? "Caden, each one of us changes the course of history every day. We are all important and we all make an impact. That is why it's important for us to make the right choices when they come to us." I looked back up into the sky. I still felt small, but I didn't feel quite as inadequate. I looked back over at my dad to see my mom using his shoulder as a head rest, whispering things that were making him smile with contentment. We sat at the fire for a bit longer, watching the remaining fire wood break down into ash. Kim was the first to go off to bed, with none of us urging her to stay. Mrs. Elsworth followed soon after and then my mom and dad. Before they left, my father told me I would be in charge of putting out the remaining coals with the water bucket near the fire pit. When it was just Mr. Elsworth, Whitney and I at the fire, Mr. Elsworth spoke up.
"Hey, Caden? Have you ever heard of the Demon of Razgriz?" I thought for a moment. The name was unfamiliar to me.
"Can't say I have," I replied.
"What?!" Whitney exclaimed surprised. "Everyone's heard of Razgriz!"
"Well," Mr. Elsworth began, speaking to his daughter, "maybe everyone in our corner of the earth. But there are other cultures out there..."
"Oh. Right. Sorry Caden," she said. She bowed her head in an attempt to hide the color coming to her face in the glow of the fire. She was one of the few people at school who could seem to forget where I came from, which was probably the reason we were friends.
"It's fine, Whiney," I told her.
"Anyways," Mr. Elsworth began, "the legend of the Demon of Razgriz is about a being that comes along whenever there is trouble in the land. When men fight men and turn on each other, she comes and reins death on them all, killing herself in the process." He fell silent for a moment, looking into the fire. Mr. Elsworth had been a ground solider during the Belken war. He didn't talk about it much and my dad had told me it was because he was in one of the advance convoys that were near the nuclear blasts. He lifted his head again, taking a deep breath before continuing. "But after a period of time, the demon awakens, this time, as a great hero, salvaging the land it destroyed before, making way for a new age of prosperity."
Whitney and I were silent for a moment, filling the night air with thoughts and reflections. Mr. Elsworth broke the silence again as he stood up from his chair and clapped his hands, startling me the slightest bit.
"You two going to be good if I go back inside?" he asked with raised eye brows.
"Yes sir," I said. Whitney nodded her agreement. He smiled and nodded as he walked off towards the camper he and his family was staying in. Whitney and I stayed up a little while longer after that, talking about our plans for college and life in general. After we had exhausted our conversation, I picked up the bucket with the water and poured the liquid over the coals, making a giant cloud of steam that hissed and bubbled for a few moments. Whitney and I said our good nights and went off to sleep.
.oOo.
Slowly, my eyes fluttered open to a dimming sky above me. I stood up and looked back at the water I had planned on swimming in. The sun that had awoken me was telling me it was just about time for dinner and my grumbling abdomen was confirming the celestial object.
I huffed a breath of discontentment at a day wasted sleeping again and grabbed my towel to head inside. When I looked up, however, I saw a large group of people coming my way clothed in the same manner I was. I spotted Chopper carrying a small grill with an airman right behind him with a bag of charcoal. People were carrying some lounging chairs, some had food and refreshments, and a few others had other cookout essentials. I ran towards Grimm who was toting a large cooler behind him.
"Good evening sir," he said, switching hands to salute me.
"You're not in uniform, Grimm. You don't salute out of uniform." He was flustered for a moment while he processed what I had just told him. "What am I saying," I continued, pulling his attention back to me. "You don't have to salute me. Period. You can loosen up around me, okay?"
"Um, yes sir," he said with a confused face.
"Yeah," I said slightly under my breath. "We'll work on that." The confused look on Grimm's face intensified for a moment. "What's going on here?" I asked him finally. The lost face was replaced by a smile that was more suiting of the young man.
"We're having a cook-out today. Major Hamilton convinced Colonel Perrault to let us have a little fun since we've been on assignments left and right." Everyone began placing their items down in the sand about 50 feet from the water line.
"Hey, Kid!" Chopper yelled over to me. "You know anything about grillin'?" I decided to humor Chopper and let him have a little fun.
"What's that?" I asked. Everyone within earshot started busting up laughing. Chopper just motioned for me to join him with his burger flipper in hand. Someone had brought a stereo and tuned us in to a good rock n' roll station. As I walked over to Chopper, I noticed a large black dog walking among the people. "Whoa," I said when I noticed it. "When did we get a dog on base?" I asked Chopper who was pouring some of the coals into the grill.
"You didn't know?" he asked in surprise. "That's Kirk. He's my," he looked around before leaning in and whispering, "'service' dog." He pulled back his head with a large grin on his face caused by the fact he could break the rules by following them. "He's here for my 'emotional well-being'," he continued as he reached for the lighter on a plastic folding table someone had set up.
"I see," I said, beginning to share his grin. One of the people in the crowd threw a Frisbee off into the water and Kirk went right in after it without hesitation. Chopper and I took shifts on the grill as the night continued. My shifts started getting longer as Chopper began to open more beers. The sun was just beginning to set when I served myself and Chopper. We both took a seat in some chairs around a fire pit someone had dug out on the beach.
"So Kid, how's life," Chopper asked as he popped open the cap of his sixth beer.
"It's good," I said as I looked out on the golden water that was rippling around some of the enlisted men and women as they played some game with a volleyball. We were silent for a while longer as we stared out at the falling sun.
"Did I ever tell you I was married?" Chopper asked lazily, his speech slightly slurred. I looked back at him and he had a dead serious face trained at me.
"I believe you mentioned it," I said. He closed his eyes and nodded his head, turning it back towards the sun and ocean. Without opening his eyes he posed his next question.
"Did I ever tell you why it was the best decision of my life?" he asked, raising his brown eyebrows slightly.
"I don't think you did," I said, slightly intrigued. A broad grin touched his face revealing a white set of teeth.
"Love is like cosmic glue, Kid," Chopper said as he flopped his head back towards me. "It holds everything together. Did you know that?" Chopper asked with a face that told me I had better answer him else he would just ask the question again. I decided to let him keep on going for now.
"I didn't know that Chopper. Thanks for sharing."
"No problem, Kid. You know, I bet you could use some of that cosmic glue." I looked back over to him and he had his mouth over the beer bottle like it was a pacifier.
"What makes you say that?" I asked him, genuinely interested in what reason his impaired mind had come up with.
"Everyone needs something to fight for, Kid. Otherwise, you lose yourself in the violence. You need a cause. And flying can't be the only one." He put the beer bottle on his lap and took a deep breath. With that, Chopper closed his eyes with his moth still hanging open and fell asleep.
"He looks like he is out of it," a familiar voice said from behind me. A split second later, Genette came up on my right and pulled a chair beside mine. "How are you doing?" he asked as he pulled a towel over his shoulders tighter around him.
"Fine," I said as I looked back towards the sunset. It would only be a few more seconds before the tip of the sun would disappear below the water. "Hey, did you know Chopper was married?"
"Say what?" he asked with an amused and interested tone in his voice.
"Yeah, Chopper told me he was married. Twice, in fact."
"Chopper's been married twice?" he asked in rightful disbelief as he misunderstood what I had meant.
"Oh, no. I meant he's told me he has been married two times." Genette still had a confused look with a slight smile that was illuminated more by the fire at our feet than the sun. "He's told me twice," I said, finally thinking of a way to say it correctly.
"Oh. That makes more sense." He then wrinkled his face like he was still surprised, "Still..." The both of us stared at our drunken friend snoring in happy contentment, hoping that it would stay this way for a good long time before we had to come back to a reality that included war. The night began to get darker as the remaining light from the sun faded and the burning fire became the only source of illumination for the beach. Chopper began to stir a little causing the half empty bottle that had been in his lap to spill on him waking him up in a manner that he didn't seem to find to pleasing.
"What the-?" he yelled as he stood up suddenly. He patted down the wet spot on the front of his shirt with his hand and brought it up to his face to smell. Upon confirming it was beer he looked down to me and Genette and then back towards the base. "I'm going to call it a night," he said as he picked up the beer bottle he had spilled and threw it in a trash bag. He began to stagger back towards the base in a manner that hid that he was drunk from no one.
"I'd better help him make it back to our room," Genette said getting up. "I'll talk to you latter Captain Irving." With that, he ran off towards his wingman and friend and helped steady him as they walked together towards the base. As they disappeared into the night, I turned my head back around and stared into the dancing flames of the fire. Only a few other people were still out, most had packed up the supplies they had brought out and called it a night. Most of them had jobs they did whether or not we flew.
As more and more people headed in I began to get ready to put the fire out. When the last couple of people headed in, I kicked the sand in on the fire and stepped away from the ensuing smoke. That was when I noticed how brightly the sky was lit tonight. The moon was at its half phase just above the horizon and the band of stars that was our galaxy shined in an arc crossing the sky. I thought back on that night I had spent camping. About Razgriz and her coming upon men who killed each other. About how one person can change the world, the course of history. I picked up the chair I had been using and headed back towards base. On my way in, I noticed that the corner in the mess hall me and Kei usually ate at was lit up.
I snuck my head into the large room and saw Kei sitting at the table with her red book in her lap. She had a pen in her hand with its end in her mouth and she was staring out the window where the grill out had been. Had she stayed in here the whole time? I thought about walking up to her and talking a little bit, but remembered what she had said about her book. It was private to her and she was most likely in a mood that didn't involve other people. But I stayed there leaning on the door frame, somehow unable to move.
It must've been a while before she turned around and saw me. We looked at each other for a moment, both of our faces expressionless. She finally removed the pen from her mouth and waved with the hand she hadn't been using, a small smile forming on her lips and in her eyes. I returned the smile and wave before I removed myself from the frame of the door and left to go to my room. My stomach was filled with a weird yet good feeling and my head was filled with the words of a drunk, yet somehow, wise sounding Chopper.
'You know, I bet you could use some of that cosmic glue... Everyone needs something to fight for, Kid.'