Disclaimer: I don't own Luke or the Percy Jackson series. Because I have told you for the past 9 chapters that I dont and nothing has changed, trust me.
15
Weeks ago I watched a part of my family die. I never experienced death like this before; I never understood its effect on people until now.
I heard there were ways to grief. I don't know if I will, or maybe I am and I don't know it. But sometimes I just fell numb, and I just can't believe she's not here anymore. Thalia was my sister, yet somehow I let her die.
And sometimes I walk out of my cabin, thinking about heading to the Zeus cabin to ask if she wants so spar, so I can have some real competition. It's like I've forgotten she's no longer here.
I think somewhere in me has tried to erase her existence from my mind. But it's hard to just erase something so close to you. It's like trying to hit delete on half of your body, it's impossible.
Sometimes I don't know if there is a way I am supposed to feel about losing Thalia. Annabeth seems to still take it hard, it's like she got harder after the death. As if she has become motivated to now solve every problem the world has ever created, because a problem unsolved is like a death unavenged.
We celebrate my 15th birthday this year, trying to feel nothing. Because my last birthday was not spent with the comfort of the camp around me. But nevertheless, my last birthday was spent with the comfort of my family around me, and I think I would make the trade.
The forced "happy birthday's" from campers I don't really know don't make it any better. I don't think any of them mean it, but feel compelled to say it because it's the right thing to do. Plus, for a demigod birthdays are like checkpoints. And not everyone makes it to the checkpoints in time. Thalia didn't.
And I feel like the little boy I was, 10 years ago, celebrating my 5th birthday. Back when all of my friends we're different from me, because they had normal parents. And I had the weird mom who scared them away.
I still feel like part of me is tied to that little boy. Part of me still wants the innocence and bliss the young world has to offer. Before things get complicated, and times get hard.
Because things are complicated now, and something's are hard. And I know I am strong enough to get though it , they same way I survived for 15 years already. I just do know If I am up for more heartbreak. A heart can only ache and break so many times, before there is nothing left but ashes.
There, I have updated. Now I am caught up yet again. I want to promise that it will never happen agian, but promises can be dangerous. Speaking of, if you like this story I have other Luke stories, so check out the Promises series I have writen. Anyways thanks for the support and feeback, thanks!
xoxo Queenbee19