Chapter 9: Crimson Dusk

03/30/2029- Dusk

When I reached her, her armor was broken. She was lying on the ground. There was a small tone of red around her chest and her abdomen. I summoned Kala-Nemi and used Ziodyne, which fortunately made the Reaper flinch, stunning it. I was able to get her to a safe place close by.

"I…*cough* I'll be fine… right?"

"The bullet passed through… It seems that one of her kidneys was hit… She coughed blood, so I guess that shot on the chest hit the lungs… On top of that, she's losing too much blood…Shit! Yo-you'll be fine, don't worry!"

I tried to use Diarahan, but it was too late. The wounds were far too serious for a healing skill. Her eyes were slowly losing focus…

"I guess… that's it… Did… did I … passed?"

"St-stop talking! You might lose more blood and you ne-"

"Heh heh…*cough*…I… I made a question…"

"Wha-O-of course you passed! You finally became a SIEES soldier! Now you'll be able to help us!"

"Th-then…I-"

"I thought I said to shut up! You need to-"

"Yo…you talk… too much…"

"Wh-what…?"

"Be…quiet… It's dusk…soon… it will be…n-night… then the stars… will shine… I… can hardly… wait…"

"C'mon, you gotta stay firm! The rescue team will soon be here! They'll pa-"

"L-look… a star… I can see… the starry…sky…"

"He-hey! C'mon, you gotta keep your eyes opened! You can't see if they're close!! C'mon, open it!! Wa-wake up!! Dammit, c'mon!! Please!! …Wake… up… Don't… please…"

Her eyes slowly closed. And I just stood there. My hands were tainted in blood for trying to stop her bleeding. The sun was slowly dying as well.

"This wasn't… suppose to happen… You needed… to come back alive… It's part of the mission… stop joking… please…"

The Reaper eventually made itself known again through shots aimed to the sky. It seemed… to be celebrating…

"You bastard… I swear I'll kill you!!"

When I called my Persona, Nemesis showed up. He used a Thunder Call and I ran towards the Reaper, thrusting my spear on its chest, followed by a diagonal, upward, left-to-right slash. Afterwards, I hit him with the blunt end of the weapon, followed by two diagonal, upward slashes, finishing with a jump and an overhead strike.

The Reaper went a little backwards with the attack, and countered with Twin Shot, along with a Bufudyne. I was barely able to dodge the shots. Bufudyne hit me, though. The ice broke and I charged towards my enemy. He tried to shoot me, but I used the spear as a vaulting pole, evading the attack and doing a somersault that ended with an overhead strike. I followed with a Vile Assault from behind using Nemesis. The Reaper was fast enough to defend the attack and countered with Agidyne.

I was throw backwards and when I was getting up, the Reaper hit me with an upwards motion of one of his guns, which send me to the air, and followed with a twin Fatal End using the two guns. He backed out and used Myriad Arrow against me. He started to shoot towards the sky once again. I was almost losing consciousness when Nemesis used Diarahan and I quickly got back up.

"I thought I told you that I WILL KILL YOU!!"

Nemesis used another Thunder Call while I dashed towards the Shadow. He recovered from the attack quicker than last time. I was right in front of him when he tried to shoot me again. I did a side-step to the left while doing a 360° spin and hitting him with a diagonally downward slash, followed by a powerful thrust that send him backwards.

I hastily followed with Nemesis hitting with God's Hand. The Reaper recovered faster than I had anticipated and managed to hit me with Garudyne, which made me lose my balance and fall. He followed with Megidoloan and I was thrown backwards, hitting a tree. Before I had fallen to the ground, the Shadow started to shoot aimless towards me, hitting my right shoulder, abdomen, a little above my left knee and almost hit my head. It only missed because I had my left arm in front of it. If I wasn't wearing my armor, I would surely die on the spot. The shots managed to break through the armor, but didn't passed through me. I felt the bullets slowly evaporating, like they never existed.

"Shit… I still… can't die… He's… he's alive… C'mon, Ken! You screwed up! You have to fix it! You have to kill it! Argh… I should've known better… We had a hard time defeating it with a group of four… and Senpai was with us, too… Guess… I'll apology to you… in person…"

I was passing out when I heard what seemed to be a loud blast. I saw a four-winged angel before finally losing consciousness.

04/04/2029- Evening

I woke up in a bed on the Infirmary. There was a Bloody Button on the small cabinet at my side. I searched for her in the Infirmary, but I couldn't find her. The doctors and nurses kept bugging me to get back to my bed or else I wouldn't get better. I honestly couldn't care less if I wasn't going to get better. I needed to know if they were able to do something I wasn't. After all, part of me didn't wanted to believe that she really died. That part still hoped that she would be alive.

But that would be like asking for a miracle. And miracles only happen once. My survival… was a miracle. That's what the doctor said. I was on the rooftop, staring to a starless sky.

"You idiot… You said… you said that you would bring back… the starry sky from your memories… I'm... sorry… sorry…"

"She can't forgive anyone anymore…" Despite her seemingly calm pose, Nanako-san was pretty shaken up. Her eyes were somewhat red and her voice was a little cracked.

"I don't expect forgiveness… I just… hope that… I shouldn't have leaded her there. That place showed some anomalies in the past. If only I had cancelled her test…"

"Blaming yourself won't change anything. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't you who killed her. If anything, you tried to protect her. You almost died trying to save someone. You could be called a-"

"Don't you dare to use that word. I couldn't protect anyone. The only thing I ever did… Is live to see someone dying in my place… And twice, for that matter…"

"And you think that this self-beating will help? No one is going to be happy that way. She wouldn't be happy."

"You said yourself… She can't be happy anymore… She can't make that determinate look she always did when she stared to the sky… She can't get angry because she lost to me again… She… can't help us… to bring… the starry sky… anymore…Tears… Stop it! You're not allowed to cry! You brought this to yourself! You led her to her death! You're not… allowed… dammit…DAMMIT!!"

For the first time in nineteen years, I wept. I've seem all sort of atrocities during this long war, but the first time I wasn't allowed to shed tears was the first time I cried.

"Ken-sensei…"

"I'm… fine. But you shouldn't…"

"But-"

"Are you deaf? I said I'm FINE!! But you should be dead…"

"…Okay… If… you need anything… just say it."

"Just… leave me alone. Before I kill you too…"

After that, I quit the Instructor job and my participation in the war was reduced to desk jobs. Everyone kept saying that I should return to the battlefield, that I should stop blaming myself… But that was the second time my line of actions lead to someone's death. If I haven't called him that night, maybe he could still be alive today… If I haven't led her to the river, she could still be alive… I can't bring myself to trust myself in the battlefield again…

09/18/2031- Evening

"I said it before, and I'm going to say it again… It wasn't you who killed her. It was the Reaper. No one knew he was still alive and no one could've predicted that he would show up."

"You're wrong. As the one that was leading her, I was responsible for her safety. A leader must keep his head cool and be rational all the time, always thinking about the worst scenario and how to evade it. I decided to carry on her test, even though I shouldn't. I led her to an area with unstable readings. When I let my overconfidence on her take control of me, I've sent her to her unavoidable death." At that, Nanako started to show sights of irritation.

"Kirijo-san told me to say that "Shinjiro would be mad at you for thinking like that." You have to stop blaming yourself."

"Aragaki-senpai… Heh… It's almost ironically… Why? Why do I always live? I was forced to see Mom died when she protected me… Aragaki-senpai died because he also protected me… She died because I have sent her to her dead… Two people died because I was powerless and when I had the power to change things, I led one person to her death… And I don't even have the courage to end all this…heh heh… You're pathetic, Ken…"

"Huh? Why are you smirking?"

"And I'm not gonna let a coward that has power and is afraid to help like you beat me!! Heh… He's right… I am a coward…"

"Setsuna-chan will go to the battlefield regardless of your decision to train him or not… He will face a strong opponent that uses a naginata…"

"If he do that, he's going to face his own demise… What a fool."

"So, you don't care… One day, you'll have to face them… Your senpai and your student… And not to mention the "guy who's been fighting for 21 years." Don't forget. I hope your excuses are really good… I have to go now." With that, Nanako leaved the roof.

"I tried… But you're the only who can lift that weight, Ken-sensei…"

Ken stood motionless, staring the clouded sky, the soft rain falling on him, helping in hiding a few tears that had fallen from his eyes. He closed his eyes and let out a small sigh before staring back to the sky.

"What would you do? …Heh, of course you don't have any comments… You never do… Besides, you wouldn't let her die in the first place… You were a great leader… It was I who gave your team the first casualty…"

"What's with the long face?… You got your whole life ahead of you, so don't waste it… I guess…I screwed up…"

"Because I want to see the starry sky again… Sorry, but I don't think I can do it…"

"That's why I fight… To bring an end to this war…"

"Do you remember, Ken-sensei? The sky… it was beautiful…"

09/19/2031- Early Morning

Setsuna had everything ready to leave. He was on his way to the exit. But to his surprise, when he reached it, Ken was the only one waiting for him.

"Where do you think you're going? My hands are tainted with this sin…"

"Huh… Back to Iwatodai base?"

"So soon? What, you're giving up already? Because of that…"

"Well, you said that it was better if I went back, so…"

"So, you decided to give up? I feel like it might be useless to try again…"

"I never said I would give up! I'll going to face Izanagi with or without your help!"

"And you'll die if you do that. C'mon, you know where the dojo is, don't you? But please…Just this one time…"

"Then, that means…"

"That we've lost way too much time. Give me strength…"

"Thanks, Ken-sensei…"

"Just don't expect me to go easy. To believe… once again…"

"I could say the same to you!"

They both headed to the dojo. The guilty on Ken's mind was still there… But for once, he could forget about it and focus at the task at hand… For the first time in two years, he felt Kala-Nemi once again.

"Because…I also remember… how the sky was…"

A/N: There you go. I might as well change Ken's name to something else… He definitely went OOC here. I know he never blamed himself for any of the two deaths, but you never know how guilty can make one think. Since he always seemed to be someone that wanted to be responsible, I think that if he screwed up when he finally have the said responsibility he would undergo a somewhat drastically change… Yeah, I shouldn't try to justify certain things. And I guess I should stick up with the battle scenes… Anyway, the usual. Till next time.