I'VE WANTED TO UPDATE SINCE FOREVER BUT MY INTERNET HAS BEEN DOWN SO BLEH.
Mkay, first things first: Since some people were upset the author became a character, I'm not doing it. To be honest, I think it's for the best.
Instead, I'm answering reviews in Author's Notes! *cue confetti* That, and some Q&A. If you wish. After all, I am amazing. XD Nah, I suck.
But yeah.
I'm going to TRY to post chapters today, tomorrow, and Sunday, and maybe Monday since I don't have school (Professional Development Day). FYI, I can only use internet on days I don't have school the next day. SO DON'T BLAME ME IF I CAN'T UPDATE. One week a long time ago I took my laptop into my room and started updating in secret. YEAH. Remember the good days when I updated every night (practically?)
BUT NO MORE RAMBLING. I HAVE MY EARBUDS IN (my headphones broke), INSPIRATION: ON.
LET'S DO DIS!
...
Okay, I'm stalling. But Three Days Grace is playing. I SHALL FOCUS!
...
"Duncan, you shouldn't be doing this. What if Chris comes over..."
"Again, no idea you cared, Princess." Duncan continued to rummage through Chris's car.
"I don't care, I just don't want you DEAD."
"Whatever." Duncan pulled out a duffel bag. Unzipping it, he peered at its contents, then grinned evilly.
"Oh man, this is going to be good..."
...
"I am, like, SO HIGH RIGHT NOW."
"I know, right?" Duncan laughed. "Chris like, CRAMMED that duffel bag with weed."
Courtney began giggling hysterically.
"Y'know, Princess, you're much more fun doped up."
Courtney continued laughing, then stopped. "Imagine if cats had their own internet and it was full of funny pictures of us."
Duncan pupils widened. "Woah, isn't that kind of extreme?"
"But they're... they're cats! And they're like, meow... reoooooowwwww..." Courtney made a cat noise.
Duncan blinked. "Shouldn't we, like, be at a party or something?"
"OH MY GOD, YEAH!"
...
A knock sounded at the door. Owen, being the nearest one, opened it.
On the doorstep stood two men in black suits on either side of Brittany Spears.
" GREAT ALEXANDER THE GREAT IT'S SPEARS!" Owen fangirl squealed and hopped from foot to foot.
The three people on the doorstep glared until he stopped.
"Oh... sorry... But why are you here?"
"We heard someone make a false annoucement about my appearance," Brittany stated matter-of-factly. "I take things like this very seriously."
"WHAT?" Noah came from behind Owen. "How the hell did you even KNOW that? And besides, don't your fans make false announcements all the freaking time?"
"I have loads of free time. But we need to apprehend the culprit." A silence settled.
"OH MY GOSH IT WAS ME!" Cameron flung himself at Brittany's feet. "PLEASE, PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I'M SO SORRY! MOTHER WILL BE SO ASHAMED!"
"Well, that was easy." The two men handcuffed Cameron and, quite easily, hauled him away.
"WAIT! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! HE'S FRICKING INNOCENT!"
"Not in my opinion." Noah continued to pursue the group with Owen in tow.
"BUT-"
Before he could finish, they had disappeared into a car and driven off.
"WHAT-WHAT- NOO! OKAY, NO! OWEN, GET IN MY CAR! WE'RE GOING AFTER THEM!"
"WOOOOOOO, ADVENTURE!"
...
"EVEN IF I SAY, IT'LL BE ALRIGHT, STILL I HEAR YOU SAY YOU WANT TO END YOUR LIFE
MAYBE WE'LL TURN IT ALL AROUND CAUSE IT'S NOT TOO LATE, NEVER TOO LATE-"
"Why are you singing that?" Gwen asked Izzy, who had just returned from the pawn shop.
"Because the author is listening to it and loves it to death."
Gwen shook her head. "She's a bitch, huh?"
"I know, right?" Izzy turned. "Ugh, now it's 'My Immortal." GET OVER IT, AMY LEE! DAMN!"
Gwen sighed. Then she said, "Hey, do you like Van Halen?"
"Actually, yeah..."
...
Minutes later, but not many...
...
"OH MY GOD, I KNOW RIGHT?" Gwen exclaimed. "JB IS SO OVERRATED."
"THANK YOU. THANK. YOU." Izzy sighed.
"Y'know, maybe you aren't so crazy after all."
"Meh, it takes a lot of energy. Sometimes I need a break."
"It's the other way around for me. Sometimes I wanna say, "Fuck it," and live in the jungle with tigers and chill with koalas wearing sunglasses."
"Been there, done that.:
"Really?" Gwen laughed. Then she stopped abruptly.
"Izzy, can you teach me... to be insane...?"
...
"There HAS to be a way in." Noah continued to search the walls of the prison Cameron had been taken to by Brittany's bodyguards.
"I don't know, Noah... It seems pretty, y'know, prison-y."
Noah groaned in anguish. "THIS IS RIDICULOUS! AND THE FACT THE AUTHOR IS LISTENING TO 'NEVER TOO LATE' AGAIN DOESN'T HELP!" Noah kicked the wall. To his and Owen's shock, a brick slid out.
"QUICK! HELP ME TAKE OUT THE WALL!"
...
"I really deserve this." Gwen took a bite of banana from her upside-down perch in a tree.
"You do, girl. Hey Joesph, pass me another mango." A sunglass-clad koala handed Izzy a fruit.
"Perfect."
...
"Okay!" Mal exclaimed happily. "First thing on my "When I Take Over" list is... "Get A Pony." Oh fuck, this is Svetlana's... here's mine. Okay. 'Destroy A Car.'"
...
"NO! MY MOM'S JEEP!" Mike screamed mentally as Mal cackled maliciously over the flaming vehicle.
"Sorry, mate." Manitoba placed a hand on Mike's shoulder. "Well, we made a deal. We each get an hour at a time. Then, after we all get a taste of life, we each take a one-day turn out."
"WHA- I NEVER SAID YOU COULD DO THAT!"
"Well, Mal did..."
"OH YEAH, LET'S JUST LISTEN TO THE PYCHOPATHIC FRAGMENT OF MY MIND! MIKE SURE DOESN'T HAVE A LIFE, WHY NOT FUCK AROUND TO OUR HEART'S CONTENT?"
"I think we need to let him calm down."
"- LET'S JUST FORGET HIS LIFE'S DREAMS AND GOALS, YEAH! LET'S BURN CARS AND PURCHASE HORSES! WHY THE FUCK NOT?"
"Yeah, this might take a while."
...
"Will she ever stop playing 'Never Too Late'?"
"The world may never know," The Tootsie Pop owl said intelligently from his perch.
Gwen looked at him. "Ever find out how many licks it takes to get to the center yet?"
"Approximately 745,845,779."
"Awesome."
...
"THE BATTLE BEGINS!" Sam brandished at wand- really a soda bottle- at Cody.
"Look, can we just compromise-"
"NO COMPROMISES! FIGHT!" Sam waved the bottle. "SLEEP SPELL!"
Cody yawned. Then faceplanted.
He gave a loud snore.
"NOTHING CAN STOP MEEEEEE!"
"Oh really?" Sam turned and saw Harold.
"Of course. Are you suggesting a challenge?"
"HELL YEAH I AM! You are no match for my superior magic skills! But it is not wizardry I seek! I say we settle this like men!"
"BRING IT!"
...
"YES!" Noah pushed out the final brick, creating enough space for him and Owen.
They scrambled inside.
"So where are we?" Noah looked around, squinting in the darkness. As his eyes adjusted, he saw two large men. One was pounding his fist into his other hand menacing. They had entered a prison cell.
"Oh fuck..."
...
Here it is, one chapter. Now if you'll excuse me, I must continue filling me head with Adam Gontier's sexy voice. And his intelligent song lyrics. And the rest of the band's badassness.
Good riddance, my pets.