The Strong Will Survive
Disclaimer: Sadly, don't own. This chapter is rampant with background info from the F29D books that I have freely expanded and used poetic license on. The plot is all mine.
Author's Note: This chapter has been banging around my brain since the F29D first season finale, 'Scratch', aired in '06.
Characters aren't OOC, I prefer to think of it as exposing parts of their personalities they've tried to keep on the down low or have finally developed based on their island experiences, EPOTPTTTKOTDLOHFDBOTIE, for short.
Some walls go up, while other barriers are torn down. Slowly, brick by brick or shattered all at once.
Just my little version of one possibility.
POETIC LICENSE used profusely, it is FICTION after all.
Remember to SUSPEND DISBELIEF to fully enjoy.
This chapter is just a lovely bit of fluffiness.
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He put his arm around her and pulled her close. "We're gonna have to help each other stay awake," he said. "I figured sitting up would be best."
"Makes sense." Melissa snuggled up with her head on Jackson's shoulder. He grabbed her free hand and entwined her fingers with his resting it on his chest. "So, what are we gonna talk about all night?" she asked.
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Chapter Ten
"Whatever you want to, Mel."
"Really?" she asked. He nodded. She reached up and touched the cross around his neck. "Can we start with this? Will you tell me about it?"
Jackson took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. How much do I tell her? Can she really handle the truth? Yes, he realized. She can. More than anybody. It's time you let someone in. "You sure you want to hear this? It has to do with my past." He felt her nod against his chest. She joined her hand to his again and gently caressed it with her thumb.
"Only if you really want to tell me. I don't want to force you," she said softly.
Jackson took a deep breath and started. "I have to give you a lot of background before I get to this," he said moving both their hands up and grasping his cross. He told her about his troubled childhood. His father. His mother and her drug problems. His foster care experiences and his jerk of a CDSS caseworker, Mr. Rosenthal. That brought him to his time at Chavez and the problem of being almost the only white kid in a school full of bangers. He talked about hanging with the Samoan gang mostly for protection. Getting into trouble.
Melissa remained silent for the most part. She made little noises to assure him she was listening and she gave his hand reassuring squeezes when he paused. She felt really flattered that he had decided to open up to her. She could tell it was helping him, getting it all off his chest. She was sorry for the pain he'd had to endure most of his young life but she was starting to understand how it had shaped him and why he was the way he was.
"Then I met Big Jay and my life changed forever," Jackson continued. Melissa could hear the smile in his voice. "He's this huge Samoan guy with tribal tattoos on his face and all over, kind of scary looking if you don't know him. He was a banger back in the day but he'd found God in prison and when he got out, he became a preacher. He wanted to help all the young guys in the 'hood, try to keep them out of gangs so they didn't end up in jail or worse. So, he opened this Youth Outreach Ministry. It's this big garage and he let us kids come in and he taught us about cars, how to fix them, soup 'em up, paint them, everything. That's where I made my knife, too. But Big Jay didn't just let us work on cars and make stuff. He also made us sit and listen to him preach." Jackson paused, reached over and took a long drink of water. He couldn't remember ever talking so much. Melissa's warm body curled up against his, her fingers gently massaging his own was so comforting that he found it easy to tell her his deepest secrets. He offered water to Melissa. "You okay? Comfortable? You sure you want me to go on?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Please, continue." The warmth of Jackson's body was easing the pain of her bruises. She was so wrapped up in his story, her head had stopped throbbing. She was wide awake.
"So anyway, listening to Big Jay preach wasn't like sitting in a big, fancy church or one of those guys on TV. It wasn't fake or boring. It was, you know, real. He taught us the lessons of the Bible but he applied them to stories about his life: growing up in the 'hood, his gang days, prison time. It didn't seem like we were really learning anything. It took me awhile, but I realized that I did believe in God and I needed Him in my life. So, after a year, Big Jay baptized me and some other guys right there in the garage. He gave us each a Bible. That was the best present I ever got. But at my school, in my 'hood it wasn't you know, cool to be a Bible thumper. You could get beat up for that. I tried to share this amazing thing with my mom when I'd get to see her but she was so into drugs and alcohol at that point that she just laughed at me. That really hurt." Melissa squeezed his hand. She gently wiped away the solitary tear that was falling down his cheek. "So I kept my beliefs and feelings to myself. I guess that's why I still feel that everything in my head is secret, not to be shared with anyone. It's the only place I have any true privacy and control." He exhaled loudly. "Wow, I haven't bored you to tears yet?" Melissa slowly sat up, looked him in the eye and shook her head. "I haven't scared you?" She gave him a small smile and shook her head again.
"So when are you going to tell me about this?" she asked, reaching out to touch his cross.
Jackson shifted his position a little, drank some more water then pulled Melissa back against him. She settled in comfortably. He was amazed at how well they fit together. This feels so right. She smells so good. He told her about being in the wrong place at the wrong time and being removed across town to Elaine Berkhalter's foster home and Hartwell. Sharing a room with little Davion and Tre. Never having any privacy. Not being allowed to see Big Jay. "I finally got Elaine to trust me enough that she'd let me go to the library every afternoon and most weekends."
"Let me guess, you weren't at the library, you were at Big Jay's," Melissa said.
"Yeah. He didn't know I was lying to come see him or he would've knocked me upside the head. He started teaching me how to work with metal. This," he tugged on his cross, "was the first thing we made together. He has one just like it. He's the only real father figure I've ever known. Then there was that trouble just before we left for Palau." Jackson explained the full story of the night before they left. "At least I know Big Jay's alright. He was gonna make sure the charges against me were dropped."
Melissa stared up into Jackson's blue, blue eyes. She closed her hand over his cross. "So, this is like a symbol that represents who and what and why you're...you," she said quietly. "It's like your touchstone. It's the pain from your past, the struggles from your present, your beliefs and the hope for your future all rolled into one. It's what keeps you...true. It's you," she said simply. Then she gave him one of her incredible smiles. "You're an amazing person, Jackson. You truly are."
He couldn't believe it. Melissa's eyes were shining with admiration, not pity or mistrust nor disgust. She had seen to the very core of his soul and she's not afraid. She accepts me completely. She thinks I'm an amazing person! Jackson felt a single tear trace down his cheek. He'd never felt this way with anyone before. No one had ever 'got' him so completely. She understood exactly what his necklace meant to him. He pulled her close and kissed her longer and deeper than he had ever kissed anyone. There was no urgency or heat to his kiss, it was much deeper than that. It was comfort and relief and joy. And so much more...
Melissa kissed him back and felt his body communicating all his emotions to her. No heat. No groping passion. Just solace and gentleness and relief and something more... She was overcome with a feeling of utter joy. A few minutes later they pulled apart and just sat there holding each other tenderly.
The fire had died down considerably so Jackson reluctantly untangled himself and slowly stood up. He stretched then added more wood to the fire until it was blazing again. He held out his hand and Melissa accepted his help standing. She carefully started to stretch and promptly stopped. Ow! I'm gonna be so sore tomorrow, I mean today. "What time is it, anyway?"
Jackson glanced at his watch. "3:30. I need to uh, go."
"Me too. I'll see you back here in a few?"
"Try to keep me away." With that Jackson walked in the opposite direction from her.
They rendezvoused in less than ten minutes. Jackson gave Melissa more aspirin. It's been more than eight hours since her last dose, she has to be hurting, he thought. Melissa gratefully accepted the pills then they settled back down in front of the fire.
"Okay, Mel. You know everything about me. It's your turn," Jackson said encircling her in his arms again and resting his chin on her head. There's that amazing scent again…
"My life is pretty boring compared to yours," she said with a smile. "I mean, I was never in a gang unless you count the candystripers at the hospital. We did all wear the same outfit," she said, thoughtfully. "I guess you could call that our 'colors'."
Jackson laughed. "Give."
"Alright, but I'm warning you, we'll be asleep in less than five minutes," she said playfully. Melissa told him about her parents, who were both doctors, decided the day her mom learned she was pregnant, that Melissa would be a doctor, too. How they had pressured her every day since she was born to be a doctor. Her toys and storybooks all revolved around science and medicine. How they picked all of her friends since pre-school. "I think they only ever approved of Nathan as my best friend because his dad's the D.A. for L.A. county." Since middle school they had discussed the best options as far as schools and specialties and on and on. How she had to start volunteering at the hospital on her thirteenth birthday and had been ever since. Melissa told him how her parents picked out all her extracurricular activities since sixth grade based on what would look good on her medical school applications. How she had to go through junior paramedic training instead of joining the art club. "God forbid I should ever disappoint them or not get a perfect grade. Laying guilt trips and giving 'the disappointment speech', they're world class at that," she said ruefully.
"That sounds like a lonely and stressful childhood," Jackson said.
"I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining," Melissa said quickly. "I mean, I had a pretty happy childhood I guess. It was safe. I didn't have to worry about gangs or my mom going to jail or anything serious. And they weren't mean. They meant well, they just never let me make any choices for myself. Or decisions on my own"
"I'm not judging or criticizing your parents or anything," Jackson said carefully. "I'm just saying it sounds lonely and kind of stifling. I mean, everyone should get to choose what they want to do with their life. I may have had a rough time of it but my mom did let me choose my own interests. She really encouraged me in my music until the booze and pills took over." He looked thoughtful. "I never imagined someone from your background would've had a childhood like that."
"Are you pitying me?" she asked.
"No, not at all. That's not what I mean. I just figured all people with money have you know, a perfect life. No problems. No worries. Get whatever they want," he said. "I guess we're not so different."
"Yeah, I guess not. Just in a different way. You know, I had to trick them into this trip planning committee. I made it sound like I had a major leadership role in it so they approved." She sighed heavily. "If they knew anything about the real me, they'd know I'm not the leadership type." Melissa stared into the fire.
"I don't agree," Jackson said quietly. "I think you're a good leader, you just need some practice."
"What do you mean? I'm no leader. Never have been. Never will be. I'm just good ol' predictable, boring, people-pleasing Melissa who will do whatever you ask."
"That's not true, Mel. Look how much you've stepped up on this trip. Time and time again. You just lack confidence…"
"I've heard that from all my teachers since I was five," she said rolling her eyes.
"Well, they're right. Think about it. You said your parents made all your decisions for you. You haven't had any practice. Here, now, you have. You just have to hold onto that when we get back and show everyone. You know your own mind and what you want. You're a strong person, Mel. I think the strongest here. Just remember that." He gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.
Melissa smiled. "Thanks, Jackson. No one has ever said anything so nice to me before."
"Well they should have. Now, what is it you want to do with your life?"
Melissa thought for a minute. "You know, I wouldn't mind being a doctor. I do like helping people. But I also would love to be a chef or maybe an artist or photographer."
"You are a good artist. Those pictures you drew for everyone at Chilloween were amazing."
"Thanks. Nathan's always told me I was really good but I never believed him."
"There's that confidence thing again," he said. "Believe it, you're good. No, you're great. Now if I knew about this chef thing, you'd have been doing all the cooking this whole time," he said with a smile.
Melissa gazed at the dancing flames for a few minutes. "I guess what I want to do most, is choose for myself."
"And you should. I'm gonna hold you to that when we get home."
"Yeah, but that's easier said than done. Talking about defying my parents when they're like, seven thousand miles away and doing it to their faces are two totally different things," Melissa said wisely.
"Well, it's like you told me, we're all doing things we'd never do at home. When we get home, I'll be there to hold your hand when you tell them your decision." He gave her hand a squeeze to emphasize his point.
Melissa was touched by his sincerity. No one had ever offered to back her up in front of her parents. She'd never felt closer to anyone in her life. Well, that settles it, she thought. I'm so madly in love with this boy now that I can't stand it. And he still might pick Taylor. If that happens…Don't think about it…Just… Melissa pulled Jackson's mouth to hers and kissed him as deeply as he had kissed her before.
'Joy' was the feeling that washed over both of them.
They pulled apart and just cuddled watching the fire, Melissa with her fingers wrapped around the little cross at the base of Jackson's throat, his hand wrapped around hers.
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