Burnt and Broken
10. Ghosts We Used to Know
Dean woke up on the first Monday of winter term and the first thing he did was check his phone, like he's done every morning ever since Cas disappeared. No missed calls and no new texts. He rolled out of bed and got ready for the day.
"New term starts today?" Bobby asked when he went downstairs for some breakfast.
He grunted and pulled grabbed a bagel from the cupboard. He reached up and ruffled Sam's hair as he went to the garage, then got into his car and drove off.
"You actually got a grunt out of him," Sam said in amazement once he heard the garage door close.
Bobby nodded. "And he messed up your hair. Must be feelin' good 'bout something today."
"I think he's hoping Cas will be back," Sam replied sadly. "New term and everything."
"Well, let's hope so."
They were right: Dean washoping to see Cas at school. Dean knew that Cas' family wanted him to major in computer science, so that meant that he had to keep taking classes. He just hoped that Cas didn't transfer to another college.
What Sam and Bobby didn't know was just how much Cas' disappearance was affecting him. They didn't know that Dean called Cas' cell every single night and still hoped he'd answer. They didn't know that Dean tore himself apart every night before he went to sleep, spilling his heart out to Cas' voicemail.
"...God, Cas, you know how hard this is for me. The least you could do is answer..."
"...Ellen said you emailed her your resignation, why'd you do that? I wish you'd email me..."
"...I still don't know where you are, but please come back..."
"...Listen, being friends with me isn't a sin, I don't care what Naomi says..."
"...Maybe if you told me what country you're in I could call when you're awake and you could answer..."
"...I passed all of my exams, I have no idea how..."
"...It's been over a month, Cas, come on..."
"...I guess we're having a Green Christmas this year, not much snow in Southern California, huh?..."
"...We're all really worried about you..."
"...Got you a Christmas present, nothing really special, but I think you'll like it..."
"...I don't know what to say to make you call me back..."
"...I'm starting to think something's really wrong..."
"...Merry Christmas, Cas..."
"...Everything feels wrong without you, you know..."
"...Hester told me that Naomi says the very touch of me corrupts. Maybe she's right. Sammy thinks I ruin everything too..."
"...You're a fucking douchebag you know that? You ruined my life..."
"...I feel like I should hate you but I just can't..."
"...Winter term starts soon..."
"...You know you can't just come into somebody's life and then leave..."
"...Happy New Year..."
"...I can't do this anymore, I can't keep calling and hoping you'll answer. This is the last time..."
"...Guess I lied. You must be getting these if not listening to them, cause your voicemail never fills up..."
"...Classes start tomorrow. Hope to see you there..."
Dean walked into his first class: Math 252. He'd signed up for the MWF class hoping that Cas would sign up for it too since it was almost in the same time slot as their 251 class had been.
No such luck.
Cas was nowhere to be seen and he used to always showed up to class fifteen minutes early; class was about to start, so it was apparent he wasn't in the class. Neither was Anna, but Dean spotted Charlie in the front row so he sat next to the familiar face even though he'd been shutting her out since Cas left. She, however, didn't seem to hold a grudge, which he was thankful for. She chatted eagerly to him until the teacher walked in about the collectible set of hardcover Harry Potter books she'd gotten for Christmas.
After class Dean sullenly went to the student center to get some coffee; it was the next best thing to alcohol since he couldn't legally drink till his birthday at the end of the month and everyone on campus knew he was still only 20. The coffee people saw him coming and had his order up by the time he reached the stand. He paid and turned, taking a sip, relishing in the burning sensation down his throat, when he saw something that made him drop his coffee.
Several people cried out as the hot coffee splattered on them, but he didn't care. He blinked several times and rubbed his eyes, but he wasn't imagining things.
It was Cas.
Dean strode quickly over to him, eyes burning and throat constricted. His heart hammered in his chest.
"C-Cas?" he said when he got close enough that his friend could hear him.
And hear him Cas did. He stopped where he was and turned to look at Dean with a cold stare. Dean didn't even flinch, he was just so glad to see Cas' blue eyes again.
"Hello, Dean," Cas greeted quietly.
The breath flew out of Dean's lungs at the sound of Cas' voice - his real voice, not a recording. He let out a desperate chuckle and made a move to grab Cas' shoulder, desperate for some contact, but Cas deftly dodged him and Dean's hand fell back to his side.
"Cas, what's wrong?" he asked. "Where've you been? Naomi said you were - "
"Overseas," Cas finished. "Yes, I was working."
"Why didn't you text me? O-Or call me?"
"I was not permitted to."
Dean frowned. "Not...not permitted to?" he repeated. "Why, because you were recovering from me?"
"That's right."
He shook his head. "That doesn't make sense. It's bullshit."
"My step-mother felt I was getting too close to people outside of my family," Cas said, then glanced unsurely at Dean. "You."
"Me?"
"I was sent overseas to get my priorities straightened out."
"And you couldn't call me?" he asked.
"I could not."
Dean shook his head. "I called you, Cas. Every night!"
"I know."
"You know, and you didn't - " He broke off, grinding his teeth together in frustration. "The hell's wrong with you?"
"Nothing is wrong with me, Dean," Cas replied tersely. "I've been feeling more myself lately than I have since you came to town."
"No, this isn't...this isn't you, Cas," he said, stepping forward.
Cas stepped back. "Castiel."
Dean felt like he had to scrub his ears out, he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"What, I can't call you Cas now?" he asked, swallowing hard.
"Nicknames are an affectionate sign of friendship, Dean, and we are not friends."
He felt like he'd been punched in the gut, but this time not because of Cas' eyes but because of his words. He...He had to be dreaming. This couldn't be real. The Cas he knew - the Cas he trusted - wouldn't do this.
"You don't mean that," he whispered, shaking his head.
Cas opened his mouth but didn't get to say that he did mean it, because at that moment a girl with a curvy figure and long brown hair came skipping up and wrapped her arms around Cas' waist.
"Hey baby," she greeted. "Missed you."
"Meg," Dean growled.
She glanced at him. "Dean," she said dismissively. "Have you been harassing my boyfriend?"
"Boyfriend?" he repeated in disbelief, looking at Cas for confirmation.
"Meg and I are currently participating in an active romantic relationship," he replied stiffly.
She giggled obnoxiously and kissed his cheek. "Isn't he cute when he speaks all technical?"
"Adorable," Dean snarled.
"Come on, baby, we have to get to class," Meg said, pulling Cas along with her and away from Dean.
Dean caught Cas' wrist, effectively stopping him. Cas paused a second and then pulled his wrist away.
"Please refrain from touching me," he said quietly, not looking at Dean.
Ignoring the stabbing sensation in his heart, Dean asked, "Did you listen to them? My...my voicemails."
One long, painful moment. Then -
"Yes."
Dean pursed his lips and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming. Cas didn't still look at him. He opened his mouth as if to say "I'm sorry," but Meg pulled him away before he got the chance. Once they were out of the building, Dean grabbed his bag and violently threw it to the ground with a ferocious yell. The people nearest to him scattered and everyone else just stared as he collapsed to his knees, head hung low and fists in his hair.
He heard heels approaching him and he figured a professor or staff member was going to come over and yell at him. Small hands gripped his arms.
"Come on, Dean, let's get you out of here."
He looked up to see Anna removing his hands from his hair and then gathering his things back up. She took his hands again and pulled him up and out of the student center. They found the nearest bench and sat down together.
"Anna...Cas..." he whispered brokenly, leaning his head on her shoulder.
"I know, I saw," she murmured, wrapping one arm around him and putting her other hand on his cheek. "It's okay, Dean, it's okay."
"It's pretty fuckin' far from okay," he said.
She stroked his cheek. "It'll be okay."
"It won't."
Anna pulled away from him, putting her hands on his cheeks and forcing him to look her in the eye.
"Listen," she said fiercely, "I know - "
But he didn't get to hear what she knew, because at that moment he surged forward and captured her mouth with his. He moved quickly, putting a firm hand on the back of her neck and sliding his other hand sensually up her jean clad thigh. She went rigid with shock for a few moments, then shoved him away from her.
"Don't you fucking dare," she snarled, getting up off the bench. "I am your friend, and I am trying to help you, but I refuse to be your fucking rebound!"
Guilt formed like a rock in the pit of his stomach. "Anna, I - "
"Save it!" she shouted, turning her back on him and storming down the sidewalk.
Dean slammed his fist down on the bench before he got up and went to the parking lot. He got in his car and drove quickly to the bar nearest the campus. He flashed the bartender his fake I.D. and got started on the whiskey.
"Wanna talk?" the bartender asked, noting his furious expression.
"Fuck off," he growled.
The bartender put his hands up and went to go pour another tequila for the woman at the other end of the bar.
The hours bled by. Dean only knew it was nighttime because of the windows. He kept ordering whiskey and kept getting angrier with himself.
"Alright buddy, I'm cutting you off," the bartender said when Dean asked for another whiskey.
Dean gave him the finger and slid not-so-gracefully off his barstool. He stumbled slightly and ran into a woman.
"Dean Winchester," the woman said. "Fancy seeing you here."
He rolled his eyes at the tell-tale British accent and met the woman's gaze.
"Bela," he greeted Meg's best friend.
"I have a proposition for you," she said bluntly.
"Well I am in a state to be propositioned," he answered with a crooked smile. "Shoot."
She smirked. "I'm horny and you're angry and I've been harboring a fantasy of having angry sex with you in the backseat of your car. Interested?"
"Hell yeah," he rumbled, then grabbed her waist and kissed her hard.
They stumbled out of the bar together and got into the Impala to drive somewhere a little more private. Dean could hardly drive straight between his drunkenness and Bela rubbing his erection through his pants, but he quickly found a back road on the edge of town and parked.
An hour later Bela was plucking her lacy bra off of the rearview mirror and putting it back on. She pulled her shirt and shorts on and dropped her panties on his chest.
"A souvenir," she said with a wink, then got out of the car.
"Where - " he started. They were on the edge of town, where did she think she was going?
But he stopped when he saw headlights coming down the dirt road.
"When did you - "
She leaned in and kissed him quickly.
"Don't worry about it," she said with a lick of her lips as she closed the door and got into the car that was waiting for her.
Dean shook his head and pulled his boxers on before laying back down on the backseat. He put his hands over his face. The sex only distracted him for an hour and everything came crashing back and he felt even worse now than he did before.
His phone went off suddenly and he had to pull his jeans from the passenger seat to get to it. He saw that he actually had three texts.
Bobby
}}} where the hell are ya?
}}} get home asap
}}} i mean it kid
Dean cringed. The first message had been sent three hours ago and the second one an hour and a half ago. He quickly sent a reply.
{{{ what's wrong? is sammy ok?
He pulled his jeans on and found his shirt near the gas pedals. He got out of the backseat and went around to get into the driver's seat when his phone went off with Bobby's response.
}}} sams fine just come home
Dean shook his head.
{{{ bobby tell me what's wrong
He got into the car and stared at his phone, waiting for the response. After five minutes, it finally came.
}}} lisas in town. shes lookin for ya
As if his night couldn't get any worse.
Dun dun dun! Hahaha I kid ;) Or do I?
Anyway I hope you liked it! And if you did, let me know in a review! =D
~Ki