A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who is reading, following, and reviewing not only this story but Over You and any others I have written. It amazes me each day how many people actually read my stories. From the bottom of my heart thank you.

Olivia sat back on the couch as Alex began to pace the living room. As badly as she wanted to she knew she shouldn't pull Alex into her arms. What Alex had to say, needed to say, had to come at her own pace and in her own way.

"I really don't know how to tell you what I have to say."

"Let's start with this" Olivia said leaning forward to catch Alex's attention "Tell me what it is your scared of."

"I don't understand what you're asking."

"There is an underlining factor here preventing you from saying what you want to say. Its written all over your face and in your mannerism. Honey every time you go to open your mouth to say something you quickly close it back and a look that can only be described as fear crosses your face. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. So lets start there and work our way up to what we need to."

Alex stared at Olivia in amazement. Even though they had been together for close to a year now it still shocked her that Olivia could read her so well. It had been like that since day one and hadn't changed since. It was almost as if they had a connection to each other that was deeper than anything either had ever experienced.

Olivia sensing Alex's hesitation stood slowly and walked toward Alex. Never taking her eyes off of Alex's she gently took her by the hand and led her back to the couch. Slowly and carefully she guided Alex onto the couch before taking a seat on the coffee table across from her.

"Now take a deep breath and relax."

Alex did as she was instructed.

"Now what has you so scared?"

"That you will leave me once I tell you everything."

"Oh, baby." Olivia whispered as she pulled Alex to her and held her tight "There is only two ways I will leave you. A) you have to tell me to leave and never come back, that you don't want me no more. B) I am killed in the line of duty. To walk out on my own can't and won't happen. You're the reason I get up every morning and the reason for every breath I take."

"But you don't know the full extent of what I've done."

"No I don't but I know I love you enough to work through anything that we come across and that we will come out stronger than ever."

Alex pulled back and stared into Olivia's eyes. The love and devotion she felt for Alex was shining through along with the honesty of that statement. Seeing that in her eyes gave Alex the courage she needed to continue.

"I felt as if I was to blame." Alex whispered as she started to explain everything to Olivia "If I hadn't pushed him so much he would still be a functioning adult. How its my fault that Mrs. Cavanaugh doesn't have her son. Then as time went on I began to wish it was me lying in that bed not Sam. Which in turn would just make me feel worse."

Olivia nodded when she saw Alex pause letting her know she was still listening and wanted to hear the rest.

"Then one day I discovered that the more I drank the more I forgot. It started off innocently enough. I just wanted to have a drink to take the edge off and relax me. Not to different from when we have a glass of wine after dinner or you having a beer when you get home. Then one drink turned into two and then so on. Then the more I drank the worse I felt and it had nothing to do with Sam Cavanaugh. It had to do with lying to you. You had been through this once in your life having to deal with someone who buried her problems in the bottle. You sure as hell didn't need it a second go around."

Olivia opened her mouth to speak but was stopped when Alex placed a finger on her lips.

"I began to hide the bottles under the couch and in the morning after you went to work I would go to the liquor store and purchase more. Sometimes two bottles at a time. When you would carry me to bed from the couch that was because I had passed out drunk there. The next morning when I would wake up and realize how I got into bed I felt even worse. There was a point that I sat in the bedroom packing a bag to leave you. Not because I don't love you but because I began to realize I was doing to you what your mother did. Then as I started to leave I realized I couldn't. I needed you too much."

"Alex." Olivia whispered as tears started to form in her eyes. Just the mere thought that Alex had packed a bag tore her in two.

"I'm not done." Alex croaked out as she wiped the tears that started to fall from Olivia's eyes "I began to think that it would be best if I was dead. I had caused enough pain to you, Linda Cavanaugh, the department, and the District Attorney's office. Olivia I took the gun you placed in my nightstands and placed the barrel in my mouth."

"No Alex." Olivia choked out. She knew Alex was bad but had no clue that it had gotten to this point. How did she miss the signs?

"Yes. I wanted to end everything. It was not fair that I was alive and he was hanging on by a thread. I sat on the bed and begged for forgiveness before I pulled the trigger except I couldn't get my finger to work. Instead images started flashing through my head."

"What images?"

"Your face the day I asked you out, the day you told me you loved me. The first time we made love. The day we moved in together. I realized there was so much more I wanted to do with you. I wanted to see your face at the end of the aisle waiting on me as we married. How you would look holding our first child. I put the gun away and cried. I was about to deprive us of all those joys because of my selfishness."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."

"But you were Olivia. You were there every step of the way I just didn't know how to ask for help until you walked out tonight. When that door slammed behind you and I actually questioned if you were coming back I knew I needed help. My stupidity and refusal to seek help almost cost me the best thing I have ever had, You."

Olivia smiled as Alex spoke. It still amazed her that Alex saw her as the best thing that ever happened to her. The product of her mother's rape and the brunt of her mother's drunken rages was the best thing for the woman from the right side of the tracks.

"So I called Huang and had him come over immediately. Everything I just told you we discussed. I am going to start seeing him at least twice a week in the beginning and we will go from there. So that's everything. You have a girlfriend who has buried herself in the bottle and tried to swallow the barrel of a gun. Now truly ask yourself if you still want to be here."

"There's no place else I'd rather be than right here right now." Olivia whispered before she captured Alex's lips with hers.