For now I need your hidden love

I'm cold as a new razor blade

You left when I told you I was curious

I never said that I was brave

-Leonard Cohen

Darcy clutched at her head, struggled to sit up. The world around her tilted slightly, her surroundings strained to come into clear view. Loki was sprawled on the floor beside her, now beginning to wake up as well. She groaned. ''I feel like I have the hangover from hell, where are we?''

He blinked, looked around. ''We're back in your apartment,'' he noted with surprise. ''What day is it?''

She quickly checked her phone, which was thankfully still in her pocket. ''Thursday. We've been asleep for almost a whole day. How did we get...'' The memory came back to her like a bullet. ''Retnick. Can he do that?''

''Apparently so.''

''But why?'' Darcy asked, pulling herself to her feet. Her legs felt achy and rubbery. ''Why did he...send us away like that?''

''I'm not entirely sure. There seems to be a very large part of this story that we're missing.'' He got up as well, grateful for the abrupt change of scenery. Despite the discomfort that had come from being teleported against his will, Loki was feeling much more clear-headed now that they were away from that place.

''What the hell do we do now?'' wondered Darcy, who was feeling both equally elated and bewildered by their change of scenery as well. ''I mean, besides take a shower. God, I feel gross.'' She made a face.

''Go do that,'' Loki replied. ''And then we'll talk. I need to think.'' Mercifully, now he could think constructively, there was no muddy confusion obscuring everything.

''Alright,'' she said slowly. Darcy first walked into the kitchen and made some coffee, because she needed to think too, and caffeine was an absolute necessity for that. She showered quickly, not even really feeling the water along her body, she was too busy with all of the pieces of information rattling around in her head like a jigsaw puzzle in a box. Why would he let them go? Maybe what Loki had told her was true and Retnick simply didn't need them around for anything. What was that the leader had said-'you're of no use to me now.' But still, why send them back? Perhaps he knew that she and Loki weren't that easy to kill, hopefully. Darcy shook her head. Nothing added up. Sighing as she looked at the water circling down into the drain around her feet, she turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. As she was doing so, in the mirror she caught a glimpse of her hand, of the gold ring that was still on her finger. ''That thing really must be lucky,'' she thought to herself with a small smile, thinking of Heid in her cabin, out in the snow. She would know what to do. But the seer was thousands of miles away, and could offer them no help. Once again, it seemed that they were on their own.

At least they were together, though, that helped Darcy to breathe a little easier. And they were away from that dreadful place with its trees and secrets. Now that they were back on the outside, she and Loki would have more resources available to them—they could do more thorough research on the land, on Lugh Retnick—everything. Particularly now that they knew that much of the relevant information on him would be found far in the past.

She got dressed quickly and went out and joined Loki at the table. He was staring ponderously at the sketchbook he had managed to bring back with him, it had been tucked under his coat as they were trying to leave. Darcy plugged her phone into the USB port and printed out all of the photographs she had taken of the house and the surrounding land, then set them out on the table. ''We have to call SHIELD,'' she said with a sigh.

''And tell them what, exactly?'' He looked up at her.

''Tell them what happened!''

''What good is that going to do?'' Loki asked. Darcy realized that he was correct. If they were still in the dark as to what was going on with the group, then SHIELD would certainly be no help, or worse, they might be walking into a trap. ''Do you think Retnick sent us back because he wants us to tell them?'' she wondered. ''He'll expect that, right, he knows who we work for. What if that's part of his plan? He is running out of people—only Jason is left there now, aside from all the weird housekeeping staff that seemed to pop out of the woodwork.''

''It is curious,'' said Loki, mulling this over. He was thinking about that awkward young man, felt another inexplicable rush of dark anger as he recalled the way Jason always seemed to be staring at Darcy, the look that had made his skin crawl. ''And very possibly, that is his plan. Retnick did say to me once that he wanted 'bigger fish.' However, something tells me there's more to it than that.'' Loki flipped through the pages of the sketch book then frowned deeply at something.

''What is it?'' Darcy asked curiously, leaning over. She saw that the page was covered in writing, mostly numbers, it looked like, but also a few seemingly random words. ''Did you write that?'' she asked him. Loki frowned. ''No. I didn't. These pages were blank before.''

''Do you know what any of that means?'' she asked.

He stared at the paper for a few more moments, then said, ''The first two sets of numbers appear to be coordinates.''

''To what?''

''Something we're supposed to find, apparently. Put those into your phone, see what comes up.''

She did so, then raised her eyebrows. ''Well, it's in England, whatever it is. In a place called Berkeley Square, in the West End of London.'' Then, ''Retnick was from England. So were Ethan Montauk and Joe Haven. And Helen.'' Darcy sighed. ''I'm fairly certain that's not a coincidence.''

''Fancy another trip, my dear?'' Loki asked her, a sardonic yet gentle edge to his voice.

Syracuse, New York

Natasha and Andrews were ushered down a long hallway by a nurse whose rubber shoes made an almost musical squeaking sound against the floor. The Black Widow was reminded of Norway, when she, Darcy and Loki had visited Erik Selvig in the hospital there. These types of clinics were more or less all the same inside, soothing colors and uncomfortable chairs and glassy-eyed patients shuffling along in slippers and robes. They were led to a common room at the end of the hall where many patients were quietly gathered, some watching television, some reading, some just staring. One of the staring was a small woman sitting on a chair by the window.

After stumbling out of the woods that day nearly thirty years before, the girl, Olivia Ebert, had finally begun to age yet only halfway. Now, it was almost impossible to tell how old she was simply by her appearance. She had a very strange and contrasting look about her—she was stooped like an old woman, her long hair was a stark grey-white. Yet her face remained unlined, eerily youthful, while her eyes were dark and entirely ageless. She said very little, they were told, but she liked to draw and paint. She had trouble sleeping, and often needed to be given medication or she wouldn't sleep at all. She looked up at them as they approached, quietly summing them up with her deep, dark eyes. ''Olivia,'' the nurse said gently, ''this is Agent Romanov and her associate Mr. Andrews. They would like to talk to you. Is that alright?''

The woman gave a slow nod and the nurse hung back towards the doorway, waiting quietly there.

''Hello, Olivia,'' the Black Widow began. ''My name is Natasha. We wanted to talk to you about something that happened a long time ago. If you can't remember, that's ok. But anything that you can tell us would be helpful.''

She seemed to understand, she leaned forward a little as if waiting. Natasha opened her mouth to say something but Andrews moved forward and knelt down in front of the woman's chair.

''Olivia, what happened in the woods?'' the usually nervous young man asked in a soft, steady voice that the Widow hadn't heard from him before.

The woman thrashed her head from side to side like a tree branch in the wind. Then she began to speak. Her voice was small yet rusty, like a creaking gate. ''Nothing,'' she said. ''Nothing. I wandered through the darkness. I must have fallen asleep. There was sun in the sky at first. The day was warm. Then...when I opened my eyes...everything had grown dark and strange. No way to tell the direction or time no...way to remember anything. It lasted for so long. And then sometimes the darkness would part and I could see a light up ahead. I'd wander more closely and then I'd see it.''

''What?'' Natasha said. ''What did you see?''

The woman's eyes darted from side to side as she tried to remember. ''It looked like...a house...but taller. Bigger...like...a palace. It glowed. There were voices inside and they would call to me. The hands would reach out but I...'' Tears came to her eyes. ''I wouldn't go closer. I was afraid! And so I kept wandering in the dark.'' Olivia began to sob now.

''Alright,'' the nurse said, walking over. ''I'm afraid that will have to be all for today, Agents.''

''So, what are we going to do about SHIELD?'' Darcy asked Loki, who was still staring at his notebook, at the various sketches that he had done during their assignment. She cringed a little as she recognised Cloud's face from a sketch, her wide, sad eyes and rotten teeth. It still made her ache inside, the fact that she couldn't save the poor young girl from whatever fate had befallen her.

The god seemed to be thinking about it for a moment. Then he said, ''We're going to lie.''

She wrinkled up her nose. ''Do we have to?''

''For right now, yes, we do,'' he told her decisively. ''They're not going to be any help at the moment, we already talked about that. Best to keep them in the dark until we can figure out what's in London that we need to find, until we learn more about what we're actually trying to fight.''

After an hour or so they called headquarters and found out that Natasha was away at the moment but would contact them as soon as possible, which was just as well. She wasn't going to be very happy with what they had to tell her. A couple of minutes after she'd hung up with the person on the other end, Bruce Banner called, which Darcy found more than a little surprising.

''I heard that you were in the city again. I'm not briefed on the details of your assignment, obviously...I'm calling as a friend. In a way,'' he said, ''it's good that you're back.'' The scientist gave a little sigh, then went on. ''I'm not sure exactly how much I should be telling you, but...I think you should check on Dr. Foster.''

''What do you mean?'' Darcy asked quickly, feeling her blood grow a little colder. ''Is she ok?''

There was a small pause. Then Banner said stiffly, ''Some of us have become...concerned by her behavior. Jane hasn't been acting like herself. She's missed quite a few meetings, her poor assistant can't find her half the time...and when she's here she's very...distracted. Fury has suggested a mandatory leave of absence but I thought that since you both are friends maybe you could talk to her and see what's really going on.''

''Um...ok, I'll try. Thanks for letting me know, Bruce.'' She hung up the phone. Loki gave her a curious look. ''What's going on?''

''That was Dr. Banner. He said that he's a little worried about Jane, apparently she's been acting weird. He wanted to know if I could talk to her. It's not going to take very long, I hope,'' she added, seeing the expression on his face.

Darcy hadn't spoken to Jane since their rather ugly conversation upon returning to New York, and though they'd once been very close friends, their relationship had most definitely changed, and so she was incredibly anxious as she walked up the concrete steps leading to Dr. Foster's apartment. The astrophysicist wasn't at her lab that day, apparently she hadn't been there in quite a few days. After ringing the buzzer several times the door finally opened. Jane didn't say anything when she saw Darcy standing there, but she let her inside. It seemed as though she'd been spending most of her time on the couch in the living room, surrounded by papers and maps and other weird charts that Darcy didn't recognize. The place looked like an utter wreck. Jane had always been a bit scatterbrained, but this level of disarray was unusual even for her. She'd grown a little thinner, more pinched and gaunt, her hair hung in limp strands around her face.

''Hi,'' said Darcy, because it seemed like the best way to begin.

''Hey Darce,'' the scientist muttered in reply. ''Back from wherever you were—your top secret assignment?'' Her tone wasn't necessarily mocking, just blearily apathetic, which was very unlike Jane.

Darcy forced a laugh out of her throat, it felt rough and fake even to her and she cringed just a little and decided not to pretend that anything was funny. ''Uh, yeah, it turned out to be a whole lotta nothing. Just a giant hoax.'' This was, for the moment, the story that they were sticking with, the one that they were going to try to sell SHIELD to buy them some time.

Jane dipped her head in a nod, and that was all.

''So...um...are you working from home now?'' ventured Darcy, gesturing around at the papers littering the apartment, at the mess everywhere.

''At the moment,'' she replied. Then, ''I've been taking some personal time. I have some business that I have to take care of.'' Jane got up off of the couch and went into the kitchen. Darcy noticed that a book was lying open on the coffee table. She moved closer and saw that it was, of all things, a book on Norse mythology, opened to a page on the story of Idunn's apples. She frowned down at it, wondering at its purpose there.

''So what is it, if you don't mind me asking? What have you been doing?''

''I've been getting fertility treatments,'' Jane answered quietly, and more honestly than Darcy had expected, as she returned to the living room.

''Fertility treatments...you're...trying to have a baby?'' she asked in disbelief. Jane had never struck her as the maternal type, nor had she ever really expressed a desire to have children, not to Darcy anyway.

Jane nodded. ''And I was...having some...some trouble so...I decided to get the treatments.''

''I'm confused,'' Darcy said. That was the understatement of the century. Her head reeled.''I assume that you're trying to have a baby with Thor. Does he know about...about you getting these treatments?''

The scientist shook her head and chewed her lip. ''Wait...wait...does he even know that you're trying to get pregnant?'' Darcy demanded.

Jane didn't say anything, now, just stared blankly at the coffee cup in her hand.

''But...why are you doing this, then?''

Dr. Foster's face twisted up as she tried not to cry. ''Why you?'' she demanded suddenly. ''Why you and not me? I should be what you are now! I need more time. I can figure it out...'' her expression grew abruptly strange and manic. '' Your blood,'' she said, staring at Darcy as if she'd just been given a idea. ''I'm a scientist. Banner has samples of your blood. I can figure out how it happened and...''

Enough was enough. Darcy's hand shot out and she slapped Jane hard across the face. She grabbed the thin woman by the shoulders and shook her. ''I died!'' she yelled. ''That's how it fucking happened, alright! I died, Jane! And then whatever killed me brought me back again, and I came back different. I don't know how, and I don't know why, and frankly, I've decided that I'd rather not know. There are some things that we're just not supposed to be able to control.'' She shook her friend again and then let her go. They were both crying now. Jane collapsed weakly into Darcy's arms, red-faced and sobbing. ''I'm sorry,'' she cried, ''I'm so sorry, Darcy. It's just not fair.''

Darcy stroked her hair, letting her cry. ''No, it isn't fair.'' They cried together for awhile. After that they poured some wine and cleaned up the apartment, then settled back down on the couch to talk, the way that they used to, the way that they hadn't talked in so long.

''He's just...been gone so much lately,'' Jane said, meaning Thor. ''I feel like we're losing time.''

Darcy's stomach began to hurt a little at this, but she forced the feeling away as she took another sip of wine. ''I get it,'' she said. ''You thought that if you got pregnant, then he'd be forced to stay with you for longer, 'cause he's a good guy and cares about honor and duty and stuff.''

''And me,'' Jane added quietly. ''Yeah, something like that.''

Darcy caught her eyes flicker over to the book on Norse mythology that was now lying closed on the shelf and again wondered what that meant. She was starting to get more of a clear picture of her friend's motivations now and they saddened her more than anything else.

''But Jane,'' Darcy said very carefully, ''you know that's not fair to him. He has a very important job to do.''

Jane swirled the wine in her glass thoughtfully and gave a little brief nod of acknowledgement but didn't say anything.

''Do you think that you and Loki will ever...have kids?'' she asked. The question seemed to pain the astrophycisist, she gave a wince even as she asked it.

''I honestly hadn't given it much thought,'' replied Darcy, but as she said the words she was struck with the image of a dark-haired, green-eyed baby in her arms and felt a twinge of something strange and indescribable go through her.

''Because you have all the time in the world to think about it. No ticking biological clock for Darcy.'' A bitter edge began to creep back into Jane's voice and Darcy bristled a little but decided to nip this in the bud before they began shouting at each other. Despite all the repairing that she hoped they'd just done to their friendship, clearly nothing was ever going to be the same between them again. But she could try.

''That has nothing to do with it. Jane...I think that there are certain things that you still don't know about me and Loki.'' She poured them both some more wine. ''You were a little distracted, first with the end of the world, and then with being comatose and all. You missed some of the more important details.''

''Such as?'' asked Jane.

''Our minds are connected, mine and his.''

The scientist frowned. ''What do you mean, connected?''

''I mean exactly that. After you...first got sick, after the storm had just started, I was devastated. I felt like I was just sitting there, waiting. Waiting for my turn to lose my mind. And that...Jane, that's the thing that scares me the most in this world.''

''Because of your mom,'' she replied quietly, understanding.

Darcy nodded. ''Exactly. And then when I saw it happen to you, I just...I panicked so much. It felt like everything was being ripped away from me all at once. But then...there he was. And he told me that he would keep me safe no matter what. And he kept his promise. Loki used some kind of magic to link his mind to mine so that the storm wouldn't be able to affect me. Then, of course, I was still human too. How do you think I felt? I'd been shown so much, given this incredible, amazing thing...I'd never felt so close to anyone before, been able to see...and understand anyone on that deep a level. It's stronger than empathy...almost stronger than love, Jane, if that's possible. And through it all, I just kept thinking that if anyone tried to pull me away from him, I'd die. The thought that tormented me the most was knowing that I was human, that even if by some miracle we made it through the end, I would grow old and then be dead and he would go on...it ripped me apart inside. But I kept going on. For you, for Erik, for everyone. And then by some weird miracle, I was changed, given this insane gift. But it wasn't without a price, nothing is.'' She took a long, long swallow of wine. ''So Jane, I do understand something about how you're feeling. More than you know.''

Jane was absolutely silent for a moment. Then she asked, ''Is Loki...is he good to you?''

''He's the best,'' answered Darcy. ''I know that sounds weird because you only saw the destructive, angry side of him. But I've come to understand that we all have that inside of us. No matter how long we live, what world we're born into, we're all born with the capacity for immeasurable goodness and immeasurable evil and everything in between. Loki made some terrible decisions, but he is not terrible. No more than I am. He's a part of me now, and I'm part of him.''

A tear ran down Jane's face at this. ''I don't think Thor loves me that much. That's the part of this that really gets me, Darce. It's so ironic. He's the hero, the good one. He's so caring and selfless but...in a way, that leaves me with very little. He cares so much about everyone that...'' She trailed off, wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. ''And here you are, and the person that I had always known as a selfish monster loves you a thousand times more than a selfless hero loves me.''

Darcy reached over and patted Jane on the knee. ''That's not true! Thor does love you, he loves you so much. When you were sick...you should have seen him. He would have done anything to protect you.''

Jane smiled limply. ''That's where you're wrong. For Thor, I will always be second to the greater good of the Nine worlds. Because the realms will live on long after I'm gone, and so will he. And once I die, yes, maybe he'll be sad for awhile, but then eventually he'll forget about me completely. Loki doesn't care about the greater good of anyone except you. If it came down to it, he would rip the universe apart without a second thought to save you. I never thought I'd say this, Darcy, but you got the better deal.''

Loki looked up as Darcy returned to the apartment, her wine-stained lips turned down in an almost-frown. He raised his eyebrows in mild amusement. ''So...shall I ask how it went?''

''Uugghh,'' she dropped her purse on the floor and shuffled over to the kitchen, where she pulled the cork out of yet another bottle of wine and snatched two glasses from the cabinet.

''That well, really?'' he asked sarcastically.

She gave him a crooked look. ''Damn super-metabolism,'' she grumbled. ''Can't even get a decent buzz on anymore.''

''Not with the swill you lot drink here, that's for sure. Although Stark does have a fairly decent collection...maybe you should have heart to hearts with him more often.''

''Ha ha. Ha. No, seriously,'' Darcy said, pouring the wine and handing him a glass, ''Jane's...well, she's not like I've ever seen her before, let's just say that. She's been missing work because apparently she's been getting fertility treatments, so that she can have a kid with Thor.''

Loki almost spit out his wine. He looked like he wasn't sure whether to laugh or not. His lips twitched indecisively. ''Why?'' he managed to say.

Darcy shrugged. ''Because...I dunno, I guess she thinks that if she gets knocked up then he'll stay around more often. I've never known Jane to be that...sneaky and manipulative, though. But I guess I've never seen her in love before, either. Love does weird, weird things to people.''

''Did she explain her reasoning to you?''

''Not in so many words. But she's definitely weirdly jealous of me and you. She went off at one point and I...'' Darcy stared down into her wine glass, a little ashamed, ''I slapped her.''

Now Loki did laugh, and it was one of those wonderfully genuine laughs of his that she loved, though she wished it had been prompted by something else.

''You slapped her? Love, I didn't know you had it in you...what's that expression you Midgardians have...'karma's a bitch'?'' He laughed again, then caught her eye and quieted somewhat. ''And ah, what, pray tell, did the great Dr. Jane Foster say to cause you to do such a thing?''

Darcy sighed deeply. ''She started saying some crap about how it should be her, not me, how Dr. Banner has samples of our blood and she can figure out how it happened...'' she shook her head. ''It was just this crazy, rambling tirade. I had to cut her off. She didn't get it.''

Loki stopped smiling. ''Hmmm,'' he said. His eyes narrowed a little.

''But I talked to her and...and I think, or at least I hope that now she understands things a little better. We left it on a pretty good note.''

He said nothing, but his expression told her that he didn't buy that.

''And...and there was something else,'' Darcy said hesitantly. ''She was looking at a book on Norse mythology, it was opened to a page on those magical apples, the ones that make you immortal.''

Loki groaned. ''I already told you, there are no apples. That's just a story that found its way here, probably from somewhere else, and then it got lumped in with all the rest of the tales you tell.''

She huffed in response. ''I know that there aren't any apples, but she doesn't. Jane has clearly thought about becoming...like us herself, she's looking for a way to make it happen.''

He shook his head, took a large drink of wine. ''Science can't create something like that. And neither can magick. We've seen what happens when people try.'' Loki looked at her pointedly.

''So then what makes it happen?'' Darcy wondered in a tired voice. ''Who decides?''

''That is a question that we don't have an answer to, and you know it. We are never going to understand exactly how you...became the way that you are, and if I can accept that, then so can you.''

''I...I mean, I do accept it on some level. But that doesn't make it any easier. Or any fairer.''

''Nothing is fair, love. Nothing in all the worlds. This isn't a fair universe.''

''At best it's indifferent...'' she repeated the words that he'd told her so often. ''At worst it actively seeks out blood,'' he finished for her, then clinked his wine glass against hers.

''Can he help?'' asked Darcy hopefully. ''Thor, I mean. Can't you talk to him and explain what's going on...''

Loki laughed again, but this time the laugh was grimmer. ''Oh, I'm sure that would be a wonderful conversation, me telling him how to handle his personal affairs. Darling, I'm not even sure where my oaf of a brother is right now, and honestly, even if he were here, do you think it would do any good? He's certainly not going to be able to convince her not to do this.''

''Why not?'' she asked.

''Because to Jane, anything Thor says is going to sound like rejection. For example, he might toss out platitudes and suggest that they have all the time in the worlds to be together, when we all know that's rubbish. She's absolutely right about one thing: she is going to die within a normal, human span of time. He is not. And remember what I told you about forgetting?'' Loki's voice dipped down into a softer cadence, sounding very nearly sad.

''Remember what Retnick said about...watching,'' she added.

He nodded. ''She's growing older every day. They're losing time, and on some level...I believe that his visits here are becoming fewer and farther between, because he knows that. Because it will hurt so very much.''

''Why can't she...I mean, there has to be a way to...'' Darcy started, but Loki raised his eyebrows at her knowingly, and she paused, put a hand over her mouth. Who are you to tell me about nature? The cult leader's voice snarled up out of the depths of Darcy's mind, making her remember. ''I'm starting to sound like Retnick. I have to be more realistic.''

''Yes, I'm afraid so. You can't save people from their mortality.''

Darcy thought about Jane, then, and in her mind she flashed forward and watched her beautiful, brilliant friend change, grow old and stooped, watched her powerful, sharp mind falter and grow forgetful. She watched Erik die. She even saw Natasha succumb to old age, unable to fight any more. That she hoped would never happen. Natasha deserved to die young and glorious, in the middle of a battle. That seemed the fairer end for the fierce redhead. Darcy closed her eyes and that brought no relief, she only saw miles of headstones under a grey sky as far as the eye could see, and her walking among them, just staring, staring down and praying to forget.