CHAPTER NINE: LETTING GO

Warren

Monday

As Amy walked into my place that evening I couldn't help but feel tingles of anticipation race down my back. Maybe this was it. That afternoon I'd visited Dad at home; during that time I got into a conversation with his limo driver (of twenty years), Reggie. He had a thick Jamaican accent which had never waned during the twenty odd years he'd lived in America. I'd basically grown up with the man around and his accent had never changed.

It had dawned on me there and then though when Amy asked about people knowing I was a mutant - Reggie was someone else who knew the agonising truth of whom and what I was. He'd basically come by the revelation purely by accident when I was about sixteen. Back when we had a pool in the garden we also had a small shower room which Reggie would sometimes use after his driving shifts, only one day he walked in on me in there. I always tried my very best to keep out of sight from people, and thankfully the house was in the middle of nowhere so we had no neighbours. Dad had been at work and mom, when she was alive back then, was visiting a group of friends, so it left just me where I went for a swim.

Since then Reggie had always treated me exactly the same as before; nothing ever seemed to bother him and knowing I was a mutant only made him smile. In his own way Reggie had been a friend, although Dad had always been very open about the distance he liked kept between employees and the family.

Our conversation had been brief and I'd explained how I'd met a girl and she was coming around to my place that evening.

Reggie just chuckled, taking a huge drag from his cigarette which was idly between his lips.

"Sounds promising to me," he said, his dark eyes brightening with his smile. "You got to prepare then for your big night." Reggie knew full well I'd never had a girlfriend before and even more had never slept with anyone. So this was my 'big night'.

I didn't want to assume that this big night meant sex. I respected Amy far too much to expect that of her, even though I knew I wanted it. Did she want it? I had no idea.

I prepared us both a drink and put some music on quietly. I couldn't help but be excited and all the time I kept thinking on the box of condoms I'd brought earlier that day at Reggie's persistence. Maybe this was all a bit much; I just didn't have enough experience under my belt to be able to make any kind of proper judgement.

"How have you been since I last saw you?" Amy asked me, sipping her tea. I'd purposefully brought a small box of teabags for her for when she came around. Being from England meant her top hot beverage of choice was tea.

"I survived," I replied, although I knew my tone sounded somehow bitter. Then I grew so nervous again and I could feel the sweat beginning to accumulate on my palms. True, I'd survived, but with her I could live. There was a difference between surviving and living. Surviving was just walking through each day and making sure you got to the end of it in one piece. Living was enjoying the small pleasures and truly making the most out of what had been given to you.

"What do you mean by that?" Amy asked, frowning at me.

"Nothing," I said again quickly, and I looked away. Why did I always drop myself in things like this? I was always harping on about how lonely I was and I just couldn't get out that mindset of being so alienated; without Amy I was going back to the way I was before. But when I was with her I felt like a brand new guy. With her I could be the real man I was deep inside who was locked away. The brighter side of me always came out when she was close to me, but those shadows still resided somewhere, coming out now and again when I was reminded of how lonely I was without her.

All I seemed to do was go off on a mood when she was around. I tried so hard to show her how deeply happy I was for being with her, but those harsh memories were never far away.

Then I felt something against my wing and when I looked Amy had placed her hand on it and was gently sifting through my feathers, smiling as she did so. Tingles of anticipation, excitement and desire seemed to burn through me as her gentle hands pressed so beautifully into my skin. And in that precise moment everything inside me snapped; all my control came tumbling down. I wanted her so much and she had no idea how she made me feel. I moved up to her quickly, my breathing coming in short, painful gasps. I reached out and cupped her cheek in my hand and before I knew it her lips were against mine. It felt so amazingly good; she brushed her hands through my hair and I couldn't help but let out a groan, all the desire bursting from me. We kissed for what seemed like forever, but it was an eternity I'd have gladly spent.

We moved as we kissed and before I knew it, Amy was on her back along the couch, pulling me down to her. Her soft hands roamed my entire body, first beginning at my shoulders and then slipping down my wings and back up under them, caressing my back. My groin was on fire now and I knew it'd be torture to stop, but what did we have to stop for? No one would be bursting in on us anytime soon.

I liked being over her, feeling as if I were taking charge, but really it was she who was taking charge. The way she kissed me and her hands felt me, she was guiding me along. My primal instincts were slowly starting to kick in as if I'd done this before. This was one of the most natural of behaviours and everyone had to start somewhere. Her hands by now were under my wings and were dipping down lower toward my ass, and it felt so incredibly good. I then began kissing her neck and top of her chest, wanting to get at every part of her I could. There was something rising in me I'd never quite felt before. True, I'd felt desire and the need for satisfaction but with Amy it felt different and so much more intense. My need for her was pushing me on, making me do things I'd never done before and with each movement it felt so natural.

"Take it off," she whispered to me. Oh God; those words in that voice, in that accent sent me over the edge. I just kissed her again and slowly with my fingers pulled her T-shirt upwards from the base. She wriggled out of the clothing and threw it on the floor. Then I was left to view her generous breasts which were still concealed behind a black bra.

She pulled herself up suddenly and reached behind her, unclasping her bra which fell down into her lap. That feeling in my groin intensified so much more as she wrapped her arms around me, her chest touching mine and we kissed again. My hands steadily trailed down her soft back as her arms locked around my neck again. As much as I was enjoying every precious moment with her, it was driving me insane. I was throbbing and I just wanted to be inside her.

For the first time in I don't know how many years, I was letting myself go and acting on pure desire and instinct. I wasn't thinking rationally about my actions anymore. The cynical side of me which had developed when I discovered I was a mutant always made me think rationally, watching carefully and analysing every detail to make sure no one knew. And there was no way I could have partaken in something like this; no doubt whoever the girl was would have screamed holy hell and left me. Okay, I admit, I'd had girls interested in me, asking for my number at Dad's parties, but I knew there and then I couldn't act on it no matter how much I wanted to. I also think that interest had gotten me a reputation of being up myself and flirtatious. During college that cover of not talking to anyone and appearing arrogant had been just that, a cover. Just because my family had money didn't mean I somehow thought myself better than everyone else and I thought of them as lesser mortals.

Then the next thing that happened confirmed to me that this was REALLY happening. Amy unbuckled my belt and began to unbutton my jeans. Her knuckles brushed against the bare skin of my stomach and jeez, I just wanted so much out of these pants.

Suddenly she stopped and looked up at me, her eyes so full of compassion. "You okay?" she whispered to me.

"I'm fine," I replied, even though I knew I wasn't. I was nervous as hell. But that nervousness soon faded as she pulled me into another kiss and took me away. For a while I didn't know what my hands were doing. They were dipping and diving everywhere on her, and then suddenly I became aware of them when I felt her breasts. Her nipples were hard yet soft against the palms of my hands. She groaned as I felt her and then as if she lost control, she pressed my hands more firmly against her and kissed me again.

"You want me to give you your first love bite?" Amy giggled suddenly.

"You're way too much into the vampire thing, Aim," I laughed, not quite sure what a 'love bite' actually was.

"Do you even know what one is?"

"No," I replied honestly.

"It's a hickey. We call them love bites," she told me.

"I thought you'd gone over the top on your vampire book a little," I said again, moving closer and kissing her again. This time we continued on from where we left off and Amy began pulling my jeans down so I wriggled free of them and kicked them to the floor.

Amy

Monday

Even though this was Warren's first time having sex with anyone and I knew a lot of people had said virgins are shit in bed, he still turned me on. His body, his voice, everything just made my pulse race so much faster. Finally we'd discarded all our clothes and were naked, and I had to admit I was very surprised to see the size of his package. He was quite long and it was an encouraging thought to know I was the first one who would be putting it to use and letting him enjoy himself.

When he looked down at me I knew I loved him. I couldn't deny it anymore and I was about to let go of that terror which lay inside me and my insecurity of myself. As we'd become closer these last few days, maybe this moment was inevitable. Our attraction had been strong from the beginning; I certainly knew I was highly attracted to him.

I grabbed my bag quickly which was on the coffee table and took out one of the condoms which Debbie had given me. "I brought them just in case," I told him and then a gentle smile flourished on his lips.

"I'm so glad you're here with me," he said and kissed me again.

Once he'd put the condom on, we were set.

Then I felt him push into me and as he did, he moaned. I brushed my one hand through his hair and kept the other locked around him, holding him against my body. I put my head back, enjoying the feeling of him finally inside. I'd been fantasising about this moment for a couple of days now, secretly wishing to make love to him. Then to get him used to it, I began to move, pushing my hips up and down. I felt every single movement and closed my eyes, wanting to build to a climax. I wanted to come and look in his eyes as I did. I wanted to feel the feathers on his wings and always associate that pleasure with him.

As we pulsed back and forth enjoying every beautiful moment, three words slipped off Warren's tongue. "I love you," he told me. And, to be honest, I don't think he even realised he'd said it. I couldn't help it and embraced him tighter, not wanting anything to get between us, not even air. I noticed him get faster and as he did, I slowly felt something beginning to grow hotter; it was as if my climax was finally beginning to ascend higher and higher. I looked down and saw how our hips were tightly together and smiled into the air, and then he kissed my neck again whilst pulsing harder in and out of me. The electric began to flow and I groaned loudly, knotting my hand in his hair. All of a sudden he let out a loud groan and closed his eyes and I knew that was it. His breathing was hard and sweat was dripping down his brow and had wet his spiked hair, flattening it a little.

I took Warren into my arms and let him rest his head on my chest for a moment. "I love you, too," I whispered to him. And then quickly he looked up at me and smiled. "I just wish I didn't have to go."

"Shh, don't think about it yet," he said, kissing me softly. I felt him withdraw from me and move to the one side of the couch where he pulled me against him so he was lay behind me. He wound his arms around me and kissed along my shoulder.

We both lay like this for a while, just enjoying the warmth and comfort. Every now and again I'd feel his soft lips caress my shoulder or my neck; his long fingers would push my hair away from my neck. And by God, did it feel so good! Even Alex had never kissed me like this; he'd never have dreamed of just sitting behind me and kiss along my shoulder after sex. He was usually the first one to get dressed or fall asleep. With Alex though most of the time I only slept with him to please him, and in the end that didn't please me. Sometimes when I look back on those four years, I seriously wonder why I bothered with him for so long. Maybe in the end it was a pity thing; we stayed with one another to say we had someone. Although that fizzled out quick enough with him and he pissed off to someone else. The pain that came with the break up hadn't so much been losing him, but the betrayal and not feeling good enough. That pain and frame of mind had remained with me since.

The atmosphere with Warren had always been so different compared to when I met Alex. Things with Alex had been slow; we met in college, got talking, sat in the library together and even revised together. Then he asked me out and things went slow – how most relationships do go. But this with Warren was something I'd never even contemplated happening to me before. We'd known one another just over a week and were now curled up on his sofa after sex.

"You're quiet," he said softly to my ear, placing a gentle kiss against it.

"Just thinking," I replied. I was being honest, although I didn't particularly want to divulge what I was thinking about precisely. I doubt he wanted to know that I'd been comparing the sex with him to my ex.

"Good or bad?" he asked.

"Depends, really." And then gradually I began to talk; it was as if with him I could tell him absolutely everything and spill my guts in a way I'd never done before. "I was just thinking how I never did this with my ex boyfriend. He'd never just lie with me and kiss me. It was just sex and that was it. Things with you are more heartfelt."

"And you want to know why that is?" he asked immediately after I'd finished my sentence.

"Why?"

"What I do does come from the heart. I wouldn't do it if I didn't mean it, Aim. I only do something if I mean to do it."

"Is that why you're going to have that cure?" I asked. I couldn't help asking him that. I know that deep down he didn't want it. He loved flying; it was just the loneliness and being different he couldn't stand. But we all feel like that in different ways – I know I always did. One of my hobbies was writing stories and people laughed at me for that. "I'm not trying to talk you out of it, but have it because you want it."

By now I'd turned over and was lying on my back so I could look up in his eyes and for a few seconds he remained silent and just stared at the wall blankly. I reached up and brushed the back of my hand down his cheek. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you that," I told him apologetically. I felt awful for saying it, but it was lingering so closely on the edge of my tongue.

"You're the only good thing about me," he said, again, absently. His blue gaze had drifted away into the distance.

"Look at me," I instructed and then gradually his gaze came back to mine and locked with it. "There are so many good things about you, Warren, and you don't see it. In your mind you only see the judgemental people who think badly of you, but not all people are like that. It's like what you said about my ex boyfriend. Not all people would act like that in that situation. You need more faith in people and in yourself. What you have is beautiful and you should be proud that you're beautifully unique."

"I like that," he said, smiling. "Beautifully unique. Sounds more like you though."