April 2

Weight: Not sure

Height: Probably the same

Calories: 2000 (according to Madame Pomfrey)

Lungs: Improving

Flowers: 2 (1 from dad, 1 from Marauders)

Visitors: 6

1pm- I really can't understand why I'm still stuck in this Hospital Wing. I honestly feel fine. Scarred for life, but fine.

Stupid Minnie felt compelled to owl my parents and inform them of my brush with death.

Mother, lovely creature that she is, sent flowers with a 'Get Well Soon' card. Honestly, who sends a 'Get Well Soon' card to a child of theirs that almost died? She is perfectly capable of apparating to Hogsmeade to visit me. What on earth could be more important than her daughter?

Oh yes, that's right- Julio.

Father, on the other hand, was there in an instant. Poor thing. He was so worried about me. I had to keep telling him I was fine and that it was just a silly prank and that it was never dangerous (I lied. If you had seen his face, you would have too).

Eventually, Madam Pomfrey told him he had to let me rest (what's with that woman and resting?), so he finally left. Don't get me wrong, I love him for visiting me, but it was too much for me to see all the worry and anguish in his eyes. It made me realise that I'm really all he has left.

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3pm- Hmph. The Marauders (sans Sirius, I might add) just came to visit me. I was very stroppy and refused to speak to them for quite a while. They did seem genuinely sorry , though (they brought me a HUGE box of Honeydukes' finest…)

Apparently, they didn't know I couldn't swim. After their use of this excuse for what seemed like the hundredth time, I finally cracked-

'I don't fucking care!' I screamed. 'It doesn't matter that you didn't know- you shouldn't have done it in the first place! Do you know how many dangerous creatures live in the Great Lake? How would I have any chance of defending myself in my pyjamas, without a wand, even if I could swim?'

They looked down at their hands, ashamed.

'And,' I continued to rant, 'If I hadn't screamed or, worse, had fallen in the Lake in my sleep- I would be dead by now. Done. Gone. All for some idiotic, stupid…'

'Anna,' James interrupted suddenly. I was shocked to see tears in his eyes. Actually, they were all tearful at this point. 'We know, and it sickens us to think that you could have died, and no one would have even known. I swear, thank Merlin you screamed…'

'Do you know how much it hurt?' I choked, becoming tearful myself. 'You can't breathe, but your lungs burn so much that you eventually give in and gasp but, instead of air, water rushes in. You can't cough or splutter it out, because you just end up breathing in more water, and yet you can't help choking and trying to gasp for air but instead, all you get is more…'

I stopped and took a deep breath.

'I joke about pretty much everything. I may be a walking comedy act, but let me tell you there was nothing comedic about what I went through.'

There was silence, and then Remus took a sharp intake of breath.

'We don't deserve your forgiveness, but just know that we regret it with all our hearts. If I could turn back time, I would. Believe me, I would. It sickens me to know I put another person through… that.'

I said nothing, and the three boys stood up and went to the door. Just as they reached it, I burst out-

'I might forgive you lot one day, but tell Sirius Black that if he ever so much as dares to look at me, something very horrible will happen to him.'

James and Remus looked to each other.

'He's really sorry, he really is,' Remus said (he put on quite a show of trying to look truthful).

I snorted.

'Yeah, I bet he is,' I said rolling my eyes. 'Please leave. I need my rest.'

And with that, they left.

What they didn't know is that, had they stayed any longer, I would have burst into unrestrained sobs of self-pity because a boy as gorgeous as Sirius Black had to turn out to be nothing but a self-centred wanker who was quite possibly capable of murder.

I'm now looking at Helen in a whole new light. Kudos to her for getting out early. He doesn't deserve her.

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6pm- Oh thank goodness. I get to leave this boring, bleach-white room tomorrow. Oooh Lily and Mary just arrived!

April 4

Weight: 9st 7lb

Height: I really don't know why I persist with this…

Calories: 2000 (Blame Marauders for extra large box of Honeydukes chocolates). *Note- this figure doesn't include alcohol.

Lungs: Normal (I think)

Alcohol: Lost count quite early on in the evening.

7pm- I really couldn't hate that Black anymore if I tried. Today, I bumped into him as I was on my way to breakfast (he was just leaving. Honestly, I don't know how he can eat, given what he did. You know, I bet that prank was his idea…).

The bastard didn't even stop. He just muttered 'sorry' and kept walking. I was so enraged, I couldn't help myself.

'You're sorry for bumping into me, but you're fine with the fact that you nearly drowned me?'

He paused on the stairs, his back still towards me, but then kept walking.

Wanker. Wanker. Wanker. Wanker. Wanker. Wanker. Wanker. Wanker. Wanker.

Basically, Wanker x infinity.

Anyway. So I spent the rest of the day going to class, feeling humiliated each time someone looked at me, and being furious at Sirius.

But that was nothing compared to what came as we were walking back to the Common Room at the end of the day. There, in front of the portrait, was Sirius Black snogging some fifth year of no consquence.

I was furious.

'He finds the time to pick up little juvies,' I seethed to Mary and Lily, 'and yet he can't find a few minutes in his day to apologise to me?'

Lily shook her head disapprovingly and shoved them unceremoniously to the side as we made our way into the Common Room.

'Remus says he was really shaken,' Mary frowned. 'But he doesn't seem shaken.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Of course he said that,' I said, flopping onto my bed. 'They've got their stupid 'Marauder's Code' of loyalty. They'd say anything to defend each other.'

'True,' Mary sighed. 'Oh well, I suppose we always knew he was a bit of a wanker.'

'A huge turd,' Lily interjected.

Mary and I glanced at her and tried not to laugh.

'He is,' I nodded. 'It just infuriates me that I ever thought he was something different.'

'It's a pity,' Lily murmured. 'All the good ones are either arseholes or gay.'

'So what's James?' I laughed.

'Average,' Lily grinned.

'And Remus?'

'Oh please, honey,' Lily laughed. 'We all know he's still in denial. He's… he's…'

Lily giggled to herself, and we all waited for her to continue-

'Remus is a lesbian, trapped in the body of a straight man,' she said solemnly.

'Oh Merlin! That's it!' Mary exclaimed, jumping up in her excitement. 'Lily, you finally cracked it!'

We laughed, but then I flushed as I remembered the day we made Remus kiss Sirius- and how heated things had become between Sirius and I.

'Do we have any alcohol?' I groaned, feeling a headache coming on. 'I really need a drink.'

We looked around, only to discover that our supplies had run out (horror of all horrors!).

So now we're about to venture off to Hogsmeade in search of comfort girls' night in supplies.

Toodles!

April 5

Weight: 9st 8lb (bad, bad, bad!)

Height: 5 ft 5 (It's come to a point whether I must decide whether I'm going to grow, or remain short. This shilly shallying with the business is absurd!)

Calories: 0 (too hungover to eat)

Slughorn meetings: 1 (not the best counsellor today. Was too hungover to care about Horace's problems)

Hours spent hating Sirius Black: All day (bad. Bordering on obsessive)

10am- Ugh. Too hungover. Going to skiv class. Is only History of Magic anyway. Lily gives her permission, bless her.

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11am- Double ugh. Just realised have my Slughorn counselling session today. Had to cancel last two weeks, so really ought to go see how he's doing.

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11.01am- But don't want to get out of bed!

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11.02am- But this is the only way I'll pass Potions…

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11.03am- Right. Am getting up. Now.

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11.04am- Five more minutes, and then I'll be up and ready.

.

11.30am- Fuck! Fuckity fuck fuck fuck! What the fuck kind of time is this? Oh Merlin…

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5pm- Thankfully, I wrote the time down wrong in my planner. I was meant to meet Slughorn at noon, so ended up being slightly early (what's the world come to!)

Horace was in a right state. His girlfriend dumped him over the weekend. If anyone's wondering why there's a world shortage of iced pineapple, it's because Horace is hoarding them in his office. I'm not even joking- there was a mountain of packets right next to his plush armchair.

'I'm finished, Anna,' he sobbed. 'No one wants me. I'm just a big, fat… slob!'

I sighed. It's one thing to listen to all this on a normal day, but to listen to it with a raging hangover is quite another story.

'Look, Horace,' I said, rubbing my temples and sipping my virgin Bloody Mary, 'She is not the only woman you'll ever love.'

He howled.

'Yes! Yes she is!'

I sighed impatiently.

'No, she isn't,' I snapped.

He fell silent, and I quirked an eye open to see that he was looking down at his hands. He looked so sad and heartbroken that I couldn't help feeling sorry for him.

'I'm just tired of getting my heart broken,' he mumbled.

At that point, I felt a little twinge in my chest, because I knew exactly what he was going through.

'Yeah, I sighed. I know what you mean.'

For the rest of the session, all I could think about was that Wanker, Sirius Black. It's not that I was in love with him or anything. It was the fact that I genuinely considered him to be one of my good friends. Before that Prank, I would have trusted him with my life.

I've always thought that only boys can break girls' hearts, and vice versa (or boys/girls if you're gay). It never occurred to me that a friend could break your heart.

But they can. And when they do, it's so much worse than any boyfriend ever could.

Because, with boyfriends, you're always wary that things mightn't work out. You don't like it, but it's there.

With friends, though, you don't expect them to let you down. You don't expect things to 'not work out', because you're not committing to do anything but be friends.

And that should be easy, right?

Apparently not, for Sirius Black. Maybe it's because I'm a girl. Maybe he only ever looked at me as someone he could have a bit of frisking with whenever he felt like it. Or, worse, maybe he never considered me as anything. Maybe all this was in my mind- us being friends and all. Maybe, all those times we spent together were just moments of chance because we were the only ones left. That's not exactly a strong indicator of attraction. Friendship included.

The most annoying thing about all of this is that all I ever expected was a simple apology- for him to feel a little bad about the fact that I nearly drowned for his amusement. Hmph.

April 11

Weight: 9st 6lb (being mad at Sirius Black is not without its benefits)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 1500

Mother: 1 (unfortunately)

Step-mothers: Possibly 1 in the near future (hope she is nicer than my original!)

Date requests: 1 (Hurrah!)

6pm- Omph. Sodding long day, no thanks to mother. Merlin, I really detest that woman.

The day began pleasantly enough. Mary, Lily and I went to Hogsmeade for breakfast and then did a spot of shopping. I love shopping, but I hate that my thighs are too big to fit into anything lovely. Anyway. I picked up a dress. It's blue. I think it'll be good in winter, with a pair of tights and boots.

While shopping, I received an owl from mother asking for me to meet her for tea. It had 'URGENT' scrawled on top of the letter in giant red letters.

So my meeting with her to deal with whatever crisis she's going through is 'urgent', and yet her visiting her daughter in hospital, isn't?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Spitting out expletives, I was marched over to Madam Teapot's by Mary and Lily. I seethed the moment I saw Mother. She was sitting there, wearing black and the most ridiculous hat and veil.

Like she's some sort of diva.

'Oh darling!' she cried, the moment she saw me. 'Darling, darling, darling!'

I thought her tears an hug were because she was relieved to see I was okay following my ordeal. I relaxed into her embrace, fooled into thinking my mother had finally realised she has a daughter who has craved her love and attention since bith. I was a bit annoyed at how long it had taken mother to care about me, but decided that I would take it- better late than never.

Just as tears of joy were beginning to prick my eyes, my little delusion of having a loving mother was cruelly snatched away from me- by my own mother, no less.

'Now darling,' she snapped, pushing me away and sitting down in her chair. 'Why didn't you tell me?'

'The school notified you that I was in the Hospital Wing,' I said stiffly.

'What?' she breathed. 'Oh that? No, silly, I'm talking about your father!'

I ignored how quickly she had dismissed my brush with death.

'What about dad?' I asked, worried.

'Well!' she exclaimed. 'I was at your Aunt Una's last evening, and she informed me that he went to dinner with our friend Shirley. Shirley!'

I raised an eyebrow.

'Oh, come on Anna,' she snapped impatiently. 'Shirely Bootsworth, ex-wife of Harvey Jones. They have that son who's a lawyer.'

I still had no idea who she was, but pretended I did just so I didn't have to sit through anymore useless explanations.

'Right, and what about Shirley?'

'What about her?' my mother cried. 'She's going out with your father. That… tart!'

I blinked. It was quite rich of my mother, celebrated tart of the wizarding world, to call this Shirley woman a 'tart'.

But now I'm intrigued- who is this Shirley woman? I'm excited for dad. This might be my big chance to finally have a loving mother.

Going to write dad a letter right now, demanding answers.

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8pm- Hmph. Dad still hasn't replied. Probably too busy shagging Shirley. Oh Merlin, I did not just write that…. Ewww!

.

9pm- Yay! Date with Daniel tomorrow! Just received a letter from him asking me to meet him in his office. He said 'it's about time we caught up, Jonesy.'

Merlin, I love it when he calls me that!

April 14

Weight: 9st 7lb (bad)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 300 (trying to be thin for Daniel)

Shags: 2 glorious shags! Am a sex goddess once again!

2pm- Why must 7pm be so far away? I swear, if it doesn't come soon, I'm going to explode!

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2.30pm- Thinking of investing in some anti-lust potion. I can't concentrate

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3pm- Hmph. Sirius Black just glanced at me in class. I glared back. Resisted the urge to poke tongue at him (v. good!)

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3.30pm- I HATE MY MOTHER.

I just received a letter from her-

.

Dear Anna,

I'm just writing to let you know that I'm very disappointed in you. I came to you yesterday, expecting that you would listen to me. Instead, you were short and rude.

As your mother, I expect more respect from you. I gave birth to you and have spent the best years of my youth on you. The least you could do is listen and pretend to care.

Regards,

Pamela Jones

Your Mother.

.

Is she FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Calling an emergency rant session with Lily and Mary. We were supposed to study, but I'm just too furious to do anything at present.

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1am- I'm supposed to be sleeping, but I can't. I just can't get over what Daniel told me tonight!

I went a bit early, because I was just too angry with mother. He was lovely, listening to my rant. Then, we snogged a little and he opened a bottle of wine.

'Are you close with Black?' he said, toying with my hair.

I looked up suddenly. I hoped that all my blushing whenever Sirius spoke to me wasn't so obvious that he had noticed.

'No,' I said sullenly. 'Why?'

Daniel shrugged.

'I just see that you two are often speaking.'

'Oh,' I said, glad that he wasn't suspicious of us. 'Yeah, we get along- or used to, before he tried to drown me, that is. I mean, we're in the same house so it'd be pretty awkward if we never spoke.'

Daniel simply nodded and said nothing else on the subject.

'Why did you ask me about Sirius?' I said, turning to look at him. 'You two don't seem to get along at all.'

Daniel shifted uncomfortably.

'You can say it,' I said. 'You can trust me. I hate him now, so anything you have to say against him is completely safe with me.'

I looked up at him and then Daniel nodded.

'Very well,' he said slowly. 'As you know, I'm a few years older than you.'

I nodded ruefully.

'When I was a little younger, I used to tutor Sirius and his little brother a lot over Summer. Our parents were family friends.'

'You knew Sirius before this year?' I said, surprised.

Daniel nodded.

'Yes. For four summers I used to supervise them. Eventually, they were old enough not to need supervision, but Sirius and I remained friends and would regularly catch up.'

'What happened?' I frowned.

Daniel exhaled and looked away.

'At one point, I was going out with a girl who you could say was a little closer to your age than mine. Sirius was one of my closest friends, so naturally she met him….'

He paused.

'I really liked this girl very much. I may have even loved her. Then, one night, I went to surprise Sirius with some good news I had receieved, only to find him and her in bed…'

Daniel trailed off and cleared his throat.

'Let's not ruin the evening with talk of that…'

'He cheated with your girlfriend!' I exclaimed, springing up. 'He did that. To you? He was your friend!'

Daniel nodded.

'Yes. Yes, I know! Still, let's not…'

'But that just makes total sense,' I snapped, ignoring Daniel. 'He puts on this front of being all 'loyal' to James and the others but, really, he's just a lying scumbag. I don't know how you can stand here and teach him! If I were you, I'd want to sock him one… or at least fail him!'

Daniel's lips twitched.

'It's okay,' he said, kissing me. 'It was a while ago. All forgotten.'

'Still,' I snapped. 'It was not okay for him to do that to you. He just swans though life treating all his friends like shit… and gets away with it!'

'In the end, Anna,' Daniel said, 'he will be the one with no friends. Let's forget him. Now...'

He then proceeded to shag me in a way that made me forget all about Sirius for the next few hours.

But now that I'm back in my own bed, I can't help thinking about it…

So that's why Daniel and Sirius always hated each other. I don't blame Daniel one bit for hating Sirius.

WhWhich brings me to the turd himself- he's gone around hurting everyone, and yet manages (time and time again) to 'get out of jail free'.

One thing's for certain- I won't be forgiving him for anything as quickly as everyone else seems to forgive him. Bastard.

A rather fast update! I've been in bed for the past three days. Half of that was spent with a fever that made me delirious and useless, but the other half was spent writing this because I was too dizzy to get up and do anything else!

Next chapter-

'Jones, I know I should've apologised a long time ago, but…'- Sirius to Anna

And now, please feel free to leave me a review. It's marvellous fun!

Lots of love,

Anya