AN: Sorry for the ending. Next chapter will be better, I promise. Please don't hate me.

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CHAPTER TEN

I get a call from Seattle Grace the next day telling me that I had gotten the job as an intern. I arrange a meeting with Derek and I decide to tell him about the news. But I tell my mother first. She is happy that I have gotten a job so quickly after graduating medical school.

When I get to Derek's place, things seem a little tense. He's snapping at someone on his phone but when he sees me, his voice softens and he smiles. Derek takes me into his arms and before I know it, his mouth is on mine and he's pulling me towards his bedroom.

His eyes are dark with arousal and hunger as I kick off my black boots. He pushes me against the wall and continues kissing me.

"I like those pants on you. They really show off your curves," Derek says. He undoes the belt and then rips off my underwear and pants. When I feel his mouth on my clit, I can't help but cry out and put my fingers in his hair. After I've came, he kisses me and then he starts working on taking off my shirt.

"I got a job," I say. "Intern."

"Congrats," he says while undressing himself. "Where?"

"Seattle Grace. But since we've involved, I had to get a different boss."

After we take a shower together, he tells me to go to the room.

When I enter that room, I'm wearing nothing but my underwear and am on my knees. I remember that I haven't signed the contract yet. I want to, but I haven't had a chance to.

"Do you remember your safewords?" he asks.

"Yellow and red," I say. "Red is to stop."

"Correct."

I feel leather traveling across my back.

"It's a riding crop," he continues. "Remember it?"

"Yes," I say.

He leads me over to the bed and once I'm restrained, he begins to hit me with the crop. It feels good. Derek hits me a total of ten times with it. I feel him wherever he has hit me with the crop. I have my hands and feet restrained with soft rope to the head and footboard, but I can always tell him when I can't take it anymore. Right now, all I feel is pleasure and satisfaction. He takes an elastic mask and slides it over my eyes so that I only have four senses available at the moment. Since my sense of sight is now being deprived, I now to rely mostly on touch and sound, maybe even taste. Since I am restrained to the point where I can't move, I can't help but cry out when the crop and then a flogger hit me. I'm loving the fact that I'm restrained, totally submissive to this man. I love not seeing what he's doing to me; he knows my hard and soft limits.

Then I feel the bed shift under his weight and I feel him everywhere. I'm on the brink of an orgasm and he's teasing me like crazy with his fingers. He enters me and it doesn't take me long to release. I wish that I didn't have the mask on over my eyes because I would have liked to look at Derek when we were having sex.

The next morning, I realize that I'm still in Derek's apartment. I take a shower and then start eating the delicious breakfast that his housekeeper has prepared. She is nowhere to be seen.

I realize that it's been almost three weeks since I was first prescribed the birth control medication. I realize that it is that time again for me to take it. I swallow the pill with some water and I see Derek come out of the bedroom and start eating the breakfast. He brings out the contract and I see that he's crossed some things out. I can't believe he actually made some changes to it. He's crossed out the food section and said that I only need seven hours a sleep a night instead of eight.

After we clean up the dishes, he says, "I want to hurt you. You didn't say red last night because I didn't hurt you. But I don't want to do anything that you can't take."

"You want to spank me right now, don't you?" I reply.

"Yes."

"Show me how much you want to hurt me. I want to know."

"Meredith…"

"Show me."

I follow him to the playroom and then he takes off his belt - I don't even know why he's even dressed - and I hear it against his hand.

"I will hit you eight times, and you will count each hit that I give you," he orders me.

"Yes, Sir," I say.

By the time it reaches four, I can't help but cry. The tears start to fall down my face. When he finishes, the belt is dropped onto the floor. He tries to pull me into his arms.

"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" I snap. I don't want him in this moment. I can't believe I'm saying this to him. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

I step away from him, grabbing my dress pants.

"Is this what you want with me?" I ask. "You want me like this?"

"Meredith, please…"

"Don't you even dare call me that! You are crazy!"

I run out of the room, the tears running down my face. I go to the bedroom and fling myself onto the bed.

Why? I tell myself. Why did I have to fall in love with him?

After about 20 minutes, he knocks on the door and I say, "Come in".

"I don't want to leave," I continue. "But I've fallen in love with you."

He looks shocked. I don't think he was expecting me to say that.

"You can't love me, Meredith. That's just wrong."

"But I have."

"I can't make you happy."

"You have. But I'd like you to leave. I'm going to get dressed."

He does leave the room. I know exactly what I need to do.

I love Derek. There's no denying it. But he can't give me what I want, so I need to leave.

When I get dressed, I come out of the bedroom and tell Derek that I want whatever money back that was used to buy the expensive car. I have written him a goodbye note, telling him that I am done with whatever world he wants me to live in.

"Meredith, it's yours," he says.

"I don't want anything that will remind me of you. Of us. You can't give me what I want. Romance. Love. I'm sorry, I cannot stay," I say.

"I don't want you to go."

"I don't want to either, but I have to. I just want the money that was used for that car."

"I'll send you a check."

We have a small distance between us. I walk towards the elevator and I hear him behind me.

"Stop," I say.

He doesn't stop walking.

"NO!" I say firmly.

The tone of my voice makes him stops right then and there. I step out into the hallway, then into the elevator, and then hit the button to go down to the main floor.

"Goodbye, Meredith," he says.

"Goodbye, Derek," I reply. Then the elevator doors close and I arrive on the main floor. I call a taxi to drive me back to the apartment.

I can't believe I've actually done it. I broke up with the only man I ever loved. The only man that I've ever slept with. I feel the tears run down my face as I start to cry. I hug my pillow close to me and try to erase thoughts of Derek Shepherd.