"Daddy's here! Ready to go?" Tamaki asked me after arriving to pick me up after graduation.
"Yeah, but let me thank Hikaru first."
I thanked him for dancing with me to waste away the time, and jumped in the car.
Tamaki sat next to me and took my hand. "Your beautiful." he said, looking straight into my eyes with his sapphire ones.
I smiled at him, not really caring that I was beautiful, but happy to share this moment with him. "I love you sempai." Did I mean it? At the time, I very much did. He was the world to me, and I was the world to him, I knew that much. I was happy.
But as we pulled out onto the road, I looked back at Hikaru. He was still standing in that same spot, with the same look on his face. I realized something.
Hikaru was a very nice boy that was hurting right now...why? I had no earthly idea as to why. But he was hurting.
In my heart there was a space I had specially reserved for Tamaki. Hikaru had somehow invaded that space, and seemed to be setting up keep.
I still loved Tamaki a lot, but now Hikaru had taken my heart a little bit too. How this happened so suddenly? It must not have been sudden, because you don't just fall into 'like' all that quickly. I don't think I realized it then, though. It took a rude awakening.
From that point Tamaki and I's relationship turned into turmoil. We didn't fight or anything, but it wasn't the same. We didn't have 'special time' where we would talk about our day and cook together, then eat while laughing about how our 'souffle' turned out. Most of the time, it didn't just deflate, it blew up. Tamaki always took it and 'made it talk', saying things like "I'm going to break all your pencils!". I would laugh until my sides hurt and we would eat its shattered remains.
That ended. Not suddenly. The cooking when first, and we found ourselves calling in to eat more often. After that we didn't talk about our day, we just ate. In about two months, we was only coming over to eat once or twice every couple of weeks, not every other day like normal.
It felt like we both knew something was going to happen that was going to blow our relationship totally apart, and we were preparing for it by breaking down our bond.
One night he came over for dinner, around a year after graduation, and brought a real souffle, made specially by his chefs. As he came over to hug me, he said, "It's time for you to go to college." And handed me a folder. It contained registration information, and a check.
"W-what's this?" I asked while eying that piece of tiny, yet ever so meaningful, paper.
'That, my beautiful rose petal, is enough money to pay for your first semester at Tokyo Tech, if you want it."
Tamaki had decided to major in Architecture and building engineering, with the hopes of building a wonderful hotel that poorer people could afford (he's also taking a business class that was being held for a semester). Sound crazy? Crazy enough to work, that's what he says. I call it a little out there, but if he plays his cards right, he might have a chance.
But I didn't want to major in engineering, or anything tech-y. I wanted to be a lawyer. "Erm...do they have any law classes?" I asked rather hopefully, because it would be hard to pass up this deal.
Tamaki's spirit deflated. "No...but they do have science. Imagine, finding out new things everyday!" he flipped his hair and lifted his arms. "Imagine! Being at the top of the scientific community! Curing Cancer! Being-" I interrupted him.
"Imagine actually being satisfied. I want to be a lawyer, you know that." His eyes showed defeat, but he is not on to back down.
"Don't you want to be with me all the time?"
I looked in his eyes. Those eyes had been with me for almost two happy, long years. But they weren't my future.
"Yes sempai, but there is more to life than love. I have a future and a dream I want to make a reality...maybe I could just go somewhere else? I could still see you, right?"
"I suppose so...but I know which college you have in mind."
True, being together wouldn't be as easy as I let on. I really, desperately wanted to go to Harvard in America. As much as I hated to say it, some of Americas culture really interested me. Hot dogs and cook outs with your family? Fireworks on the fourth of July? Sitting around a fire and cutting down a tree for Christmas? It was all so real, I could almost smell the warm pine...I wanted that sort of life centered around not learning, but being happy. I'd had my years of consent studying, and I wanted something more. I didn't enjoy learning contently. It was a drag. If one knows everything, what more is left? That is why I think somethings should go undiscovered.
Maybe like what could have happened if this relationship went on?
It didn't end then, but it might as well have. Tamaki could have dealt with the separation, but I couldn't have. I like seeing him everyday, and that was impossible.
Sadly, we broke up, just not with so many words.
I was on my way to becoming a Harvard Woman. My hair was half way down my back, my eyes sparkled, and I felt awkwardly refreshed. Like Tamaki had been hiding a little something away from me. Not something I thought was that important at the time, but was now.
My freedom. I felt beautiful and free for the first time since...
That night I danced with Hikaru. Is that what I meant by saying 'this feels right'? Must have been.
But if all seems to be going well, you may have over looked something, or something is going to happen to ruin you plans.
See, I had already began saving change when I was around 10. I now had almost enough to rent a dorm. Wonderful, right? That's pretty good for good old fashion saving. But then, something happened.
I was sitting in my living room, waiting for Dad to come home before making our meal. I turned on the TV to my favorite show, a funny anime about a clueless girl surrounded by loving men.
My show was interrupted.
"We interrupt this program to bring you news from Tokyo. There was a shooting at 778 Kyoto Ave. at 5:30. At least ten workers and visitor were killed, another 20 wounded. 15 left unharmed."
778 Kyoto Ave. was where my Dad worked. I tried not to panic, telling myself Dad was a lucky man, and was probably alright. Soon after that news, I received a call telling me to go to the Ootori hospital. I still didn't panic, because that meant Dad either A.) was still alive, or B.) he was alive but well, and was just being checked just in case.
We can only hope for B.
At the hospital, I saw Kyouya for a second, doing 'practice doctoring' on a small boy with a scraped knee. He seemed blissfully unaware of what had the makings of a tragedy.
I finally found Dad's room. I was a little afraid to go in, knowing how bloody it possible could have been, still hoping for the best. I didn't want reality to crush my thin blanket of disbelief. A nurse came out, probably going on break.
"It's okay to go in. You can't see it; it's not on his face. He's under the covers right now, so he looks normal to the naked eye. Just don't lift the covers, K?" My eyes fell to the floor. Now I had to go in.
I opened the door. Dad was smiling, not looking in pain at all. "Haruhi. I'm glad you finally got here." he giggled in that old girly way that we all knew sounded strange, but loved anyway.
"Are you alright?" He laughed again.
"Oh, I'll be quite fine I guess. I've been a good man and I'm sure I have a special place in heaven waiting for me." He winked, but it hardly made me feel better. HOW could that make me feel better? It sounded like...
"Are you going to die? Just tell me." He smiled a little and shrugged his shoulders.
"Oh, I don't know. Probably." I looked at him almost appalled.
"You just say it like that?"
"You've never liked me sugar-coating things, so why would I now? Haruhi, he shot my stomach several times. It's a wonder I've lived this long!" He just sighed and laughed. "It's a blessing! Kotoko must be helping right now, but you know she wants to see me now, don't you?"
But now would be the best time for sugar-coating...
"Mother isn't that cruel." I wouldn't accept that excuse.
"The passed have no reason to have sympathy over us, Haru-baby. Sometimes, they want their lovers back..." he trailed off, remember the times he shared with mother. "You are strong and beautiful and have 21 years of memories to live by. You don't need me."
"But I want you!" I yelled, finally losing it. I keeled (sp?) down beside him and cried.
After three hours, the nurses had to almost forcefully remove me from the room my Father was dieing in.
Before I left, he gave me a dress. A short, pink, silky dress. He said Mother had loved it. He had bought it for her, but he was unable to give it to her for obvious reasons.
The day of the funeral was sunny and happy. Everything I wasn't. How dare the sun shine on such a horrible day? I wanted to yell at it for being so rude. But he would have loved that day. Probably forcing me to the park for a picnic by the stream, or to one of those carnivals I never really liked. Everyone came. All of Dad's family (most of which I had no idea existed) and I invited the old club. They all came, even the reluctant.
Hunny cried. Mori tried to consoled him but soon gave up and just let him wail. Kaoru sulked, and Hikaru just stared at the ground, wishing he wasn't there and seeing me. Tamaki did the same, only he did talk to me some. Kyouya tried to stay out of sight, because, unbeknown to us then, funerals always made him tear up, even if he didn't know the person that well.
At one point, Tamaki came over to me.
"I'm sorry this happened. " he stated, testing the boundaries to see how much I could take before exploding.
"So am I." I turned my head,not really in the mood for conversation. But Tamaki was and tried again.
"You look beautiful." Unwanted memories flooded my head.
"Thank you." What happened next came totally by surprise. He tilted his head up and kissed my lips, just like he used to.
"I still love you Haruhi. With all of my heart I want you back."
"No thank you sempai." He walked on after smiling and hugging my goodbye. He said he had business matters to take care of. He had admitted defeat.
Hikaru had been watching, and walked up to me for the first time about three years. He simply said:
"That must be the ugliest dress I have ever seen," and walked to get his brother. He quickly left on his way. Mori and Hunny did the same, only bidding me a much nicer goodbye.
Kyouya was the last to leave. He wanted everyone to be gone when he made his some-what unstable exit.
"I'm very sorry...he's a great man. Kotoko is lucky to have him back." he looked away for a second, hugged me softly, and then exited without another word.
If one person's words stung for the longest, they were Hikaru's. Why had he said that? The dress wasn't ugly, so what was it?