Chapter 10

Faces. There were so many faces. People milled around outside the church, their faces smiling sadly as friends came together in grief and in comfort. He looked around for the one face who had always brought comfort to him. He searched, but couldn't locate Sara amongst the crowd. He noticed Catherine in the distance, a sad smile playing across her face as she spoke to Doc Robbins and his wife. He smiled softly and nodded at her before continuing to scan the crowd.

As he moved through the people, he was followed closely by Nick. Nick hadn't spoken to Greg since he picked the Texan up. Instead, Nick had remained mute, responding only with a nod or shake of his head. "Nick, do you want to sit down in the church?" Nick shook his head again. Greg sighed and kept walking.

He paused in his movements and spotted the lab techs. Mandy, Wendy, Bobby, Henry, Hodges and Archie were standing in a circle, talking. He approached and greeted them, being drawn into their conversation, but only half listening as he continued to glance around the area. He looked over to see Nick staring straight ahead. He turned back to the lab techs and offered them a smile before his eyes began to wander over the crowd once again.

His gaze stopped on Brass. The detective was in uniform and talking to Sofia Curtis. He smiled, happy she had come back for the funeral. His eyes wandered further and stopped on an old lady speaking to the minister. She looked like she could be Warrick's grandmother, if Warrick's grandmother were still alive. Greg took a moment to study her. A friend of the grandmother? A great aunt perhaps? She was definitely from Warrick's old neighborhood. She spoke comfortably with the minister as if she knew him, her sorrow filled eyes looking as though they had lost everything. Greg shook his head sadly. His eyes moved further along and finally, he spotted her. Sara was walking through the crowd in their direction, although it did not look like she saw them.

Greg looked to the group in front of him. "Excuse me." He turned to Nick and whispered, "Sara's here." Nick's head snapped up and Greg pointed to where she was walking. He moved towards her and drew her into a fierce hug. "Sara, I've been looking for you."

"I was looking for you guys too." Sara smiled at them. Greg stepped back so that Nick and Sara could embrace.

"Nick, are you okay?"

Greg turned to Sara. "He hasn't said anything all morning." Sara nodded.

"Let's go into the church." He watched as Sara took Nick's hand and led him into the church. Greg followed behind with other people filing in behind him.

He couldn't stop holding her hand. He grasped it tighter and tighter, practically throwing her into the pew before taking a seat next to her, never letting go of her hand. He didn't notice Greg slide in next to her, or Brass and Sofia slide in next to Greg moments later. He was only aware that the church was full when the minister approached the pulpit and Sara gave his hand a squeeze. He looked up to the minister and clutched Sara's hand even harder.

The minister began to speak. Lost in his own world, Nick could see the minister's lips moving, but couldn't hear what the man was saying. He stared straight ahead as the funeral played out silently in front of him.

He began to dream. Memories of playing Warrick on the Play Station, or laughing over drinks began to seep into his brain. He remembered competing over everything, betting on anything that had the possibility of making a wager. He remembered playing Black Jack with Warrick when one of them had a tough case, and he remembered Warrick's efforts to help him move past his abduction.

The thoughts of Warrick cheering him up after the abduction led him to remember the Halloween following, when Warrick decided they should dress up as the Key Stone Cops, telling him it would be a great way to get some licks in on Greg. A few days later, he, Warrick and Greg were dressed as the Key Stone Cops, reeking havoc on the lab. Catherine had laughed, Grissom pretended to be annoyed, but they could see the mirth in his eyes, and Sara had unintentionally joined in, not quite against her own will.

Nick smiled at the memory. It was the happiest they'd been. The team was back together, Greg was growing as a CSI, Warrick was in the honeymoon stage of his new marriage, Catherine was oddly relieved to be back on grave and no longer a supervisor, Grissom had relaxed and smiled more…a lot more, the weight that had been on Sara's shoulders seemed to have lifted, and he, well he was happy to be alive and surrounded by such an amazing group of people that he both loved and respected. But, that was before Brass was shot, before Greg was beaten, before Sara was kidnapped and left in the desert, before everything around them began to weigh them down. It was before Warrick was killed.

Images of Warrick's body in his arms crept into his mind and suddenly the room shrank. It was small, very small, and he couldn't breathe. Sara's hand, which he clung to so desperately before, now seemed to be a weight holding him down. He had to get out. He ripped his hand from her grip and ran down the aisle, out of the church.

"Nick?"

He turned. Sara had followed him out.

"Nick, what happened?"

"The room, it got so small."

"Small? What do you mean?"

"In my mind. I saw Warrick's body, then the coffin."

"Warrick's coffin?"

He shook his head violently, looking at the ground. He looked up and met Sara's eyes. "My coffin."

"Oh god, Nick." She was rubbing circles on his back. He clung to her again.

"I couldn't breathe."

"It's okay. It's okay." He felt her pull back and grab his hand, pulling him to sit on the steps before placing her arm around him and drawing him closer.

"I should have been there."

"What?"

He looked straight at her. "I should have been there. I should have left the diner with him. I asked him to go out with me, but he wanted a shower and some sleep. I should have left with him. He left and I stayed."

"Okay, um…"

"If only I had left with him."

"No Nick, don't do this to yourself. It wouldn't have changed things. You would have went to your truck, Warrick to his car and he still would have been shot." He felt her hold on him tighten.

"No. If the killer saw us both come out, he might not have shot Warrick."

"You don't know that."

"I know I should know what happened. I was there. If I left with him, maybe I would have noticed something, someone. I just want to know what happened." He began to cry and moved into Sara's embrace. "I want to know who killed him."

"We all want that, Nick."

He pulled back, out of her arms and wiped at his eyes, forcing himself to stop the tears. "But I should know. I was there, Sara, in that diner when Warrick was shot." He dropped his head and stared down at his lap. "I stayed to pick up a girl."

"Um, okay. Was she pretty?"

"What?" His head popped up and he looked over at her curiously.

"The girl in the diner. Was she pretty?"

"Sara."

"What do you want me to say Nick? That you should feel bad for wanting to pick up a girl? I know you, Nick. You're very loyal and very trustworthy. You didn't know what was going to happen and if you did, I know you would have left with him."

"Warrick was shot while I was hitting on her."

"You didn't know that would happen. It was chance, Nick and it wouldn't have changed anything. Whoever shot Warrick was going to do it anyways and would have done it if you were in your truck or in the diner."

"I know that." He sighed. "But it doesn't change how I feel. I was there, when Warrick was shot and I don't know what happened."

"You'll figure it out. Grissom will figure it out." He felt her arm come back around his shoulder and pull him in.

"He was my best friend, Sara, my best friend."

"I know." Her voice was soft. He leaned into her and let go of all the tears he had been holding in. He cried against her.

He stayed in her embrace for a few minutes before pulling back and looking at her. "Sara, have you ever lost anyone close to you before?"

"I, um, I guess that depends on how you define close." He shot her a look. "My father died when I was young."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"That's okay. It was a long time ago."

"I've never lost anyone close, I mean before Warrick. My parents, my family, are all alive and well. Hell, even all of my grandparents are still alive. They all say they're too stubborn to let go of their lives."

"Stokes family trait?"

Nick lifted his head and couldn't help but laugh. "Something like that."

"It's nice to see you laugh. Are you ready to go back in?"

"One more minute."

He held her hand to prevent her from leaving and smiled softly when she sat back down next to him.

"You smiled in the church."

"What?"

"A few minutes before you bolted out of there, you smiled. What were you thinking about?"

He smiled at her. "The Halloween we dressed as the Key Stone Cops."

She chuckled. "Right. You and Warrick kept nailing Greg with those blow up batons."

"You joined in."

"Well, it went with the costume. I can't believe you went out and rented me one too; slapped the hat on me right in front of Hodges."

He grinned. "Well, you needed a costume."

"How did you know I wouldn't have one?"

Nick smirked at her. "Right, Sara, the only one less likely would have been Grissom."

"Hey, I wore the costume."

"Yeah, and it looked ridiculous on you, all baggy and hanging off your funny, skinny frame."

"It's not my fault they don't make Key Stone Cop costumes for tall, thin women. Besides, I don't think I looked any more ridiculous than Warrick with his curly hair sticking out from under the hat that was too small for his head."

Nick laughed and threw his head back. "You're right, it was a toss up."

"It was fun, even if I looked ridiculous."

"You looked adorable. Everyone thought so."

"They sure enjoyed the show."

"Now everyone. Ecklie wasn't impressed and Grissom looked like he was trying to decided whether or not he could enjoy it."

"He enjoyed it. He was a little jealous that you and Warrick were picking me up by my waist and spinning me around in the air, but her was mostly happy to see everyone together and smiling again."

"He was jealous?"

"A little. Either you or Warrick had me in your arms all night."

"You were laughing, and we wouldn't have had to pick you up and get you out of the way if you had ganged up on Greg with us."

"Greg needed the help."

"Yeah, it's too bad you weren't enough."

"Ouch." He smiled when she pretended to look hurt.

"So, you okay now?"

"Better. I'm really going to miss him."

Sara nodded. "Let's go back in. I want to hear the eulogy."

"Yeah, me too." He took a deep breath and stood up, pulling Sara up with him. "Sara, she was pretty."

Grissom stood up in front and looked over the guests. Sean and five other young men from the rec center serving as pall bearers, sat in the front row in the seats that had been reserved for them. Behind them sat Al's wife, Al, Sofia, Brass and Greg. Catherine, her mother, and Lindsay sat behind them, along with Vartann, Vega and Vega's wife. All of the lab techs from nightshift made up the next row, followed by other employees up the lab, some CSIs and lab techs from swing. David and his wife sat quietly in the back. On the other side of the aisle, a very pregnant Tina Brown sat, holding a man's hand and crying softly. She was surrounded by what he assumed was her family. Behind them, Ecklie, the Under Sheriff, and the Sheriff sat with their wives. The rest of the church was filled with people he didn't know. He assumed a lot of them were from the neighborhood.

His eyes traveled from the empty seats next to Greg, to the door. He needed to see Sara before he could begin. When he entered the church after talking with the minister, he noticed that Nick and Greg were flanking her, Nick's hand wrapped tight around hers as she offered Nick her support. He didn't want to disrupt their seating arrangement, so he sat in the front pew, next to the pall bearers. It was a good place to be seated for when his time came to talk.

He had turned around when he heard Nick leap up and run out of the church, only to see Sara follow behind him. He hoped they would be returning soon so he could meet Sara's eyes and gain the reassurance he needed. He looked to the door and sighed in relief when it opened and Sara and Nick quietly made their way to their seats. He locked eyes with Sara and began.

"I was very humbled when asked to come up here and eulogize the life of Warrick Brown. Warrick was born on October 10, 1971. His mother died at a very young age, leaving his grandmother to raise him. And she raised him well, instilling many values into his mind and into his heart. He spoke reverently of his grandmother and the lessons she taught him. So often he spoke of her, we felt we all knew her and could learn from her. When his grandmother passed, a few short years ago, Warrick lost one of the most important people in his life, but he never forgot her influence.

"He knew that life was short. He wanted to live life to the fullest. He wanted to love and be loved. Three years ago, he eloped with his then girlfriend, Tina Jackson. Sadly, the marriage did not end well and the couple divorced two years later. It was a failure that would hurt Warrick. He wished he could have been a better husband to his wife and spent more time with her while he was with her.

"Warrick was a good man. He was sincere, compassionate and passionate. He cared deeply for the people he worked with and the people who raised him. Warrick never forgot where he came from. I have heard many stories about the people from this neighborhood he helped, even after he left many years ago. He continued to influence the people there and became a mentor to many young men here today. Warrick, himself, spoke openly about growing up in this neighborhood and the people who helped raise him. This community, the people in it, were important to him and he loved you all.

"Warrick was a man of many talents. He was a gifted musician and composer and a very promising baseball player. Instead of pursuing those talents, he chose to educate himself, going to college before settling into a career in forensics. In his eleven years at the crime lab, I came to know him as a passionate criminalist. He was a leader. He never tired of his quest for the truth and became was a respected member of the lab and our team. Recently, I was told that it was Warrick who showed what it meant to be part of a team. It is a lesson he taught us all.

"As we gather to celebrate the life of Warrick Brown, I cannot help but think of a stanza from an ee cummings poem.

"may my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if it's sunday may i be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young

"This is how Warrick lived his life. He lived in the pursuit of truth and knowledge, not afraid of being wrong. He lived each day for itself. He was young, in body and in spirit. He was not infallible. He made many mistakes, often serious, over the years, but he never hid from them. He was the first to admit them and always took the steps necessary to correct them. He was not afraid of asking for guidance when he needed it. He was very aware of who he was. He was aware of his shortcomings. I'm not sure he was ever aware of the exceptional man that he was.

"Warrick was taken from us to early. He was young. He left behind no family but many people who loved him, from the neighborhood to the people he worked with. We will all miss him.

"Thank You."

He met Sara's eyes again as he stepped down from the podium. He slipped back into his seat in the front row and listen as the service concluded. When the people filed out, he walked to the exit and met Sara. "Hey, good job on the eulogy."

"Thanks."

"I'm sorry I didn't save you a seat next to me. Nick…"

"I understand." He smiled softly.

"Gil, I can't go with you to the graveyard. I'm going to go with Nick and Greg. Nick needs someone to hold his hand. He really needs a friend."

Grissom nodded. "And, I think Catherine may need a good friend right now too."

Grissom looked over and watched as Catherine's mother helped a shaking Catherine to her car. "Go, Gil, ride with them. I'll see you later." He turned back to Sara and returned her soft smile before hurrying to help Catherine into the back seat of her car and climbing in next to her.

Catherine grasped the hand of the man next to her. "Thank You."

He smiled. "What are friends for?"

She wiped the tears from her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder.

"How are you doing, Catherine?"

"Not well. He was too young to die." She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to stop the next onslaught of tears.

As the car moved along, and she rested on Grissom's shoulder, Catherine allowed her thoughts to drift to Warrick. They had chemistry and she had loved him. She knew that she had never been in love with him, but had always wondered what it would have been like to be with him, even for a short time. It would have been a passionate affair, no doubt, but it never would have lasted. They were never meant to be together, never would have connected on that deepest, most intimate level, she was sure. Still, she would have always loved him. They would have always remained great friends.

She thought of the woman that Warrick did think he could spend his life with. Catherine wondered if Tina had ever realized what she had. Catherine knew that Tina had taken Warrick for granted while they were married and wondered if Tina regretted that now. A part of Catherine hated Tina, hated her for what she'd done to Warrick, cheating on him and divorcing him, becoming a catalyst in his downward spiral. At the same time, Catherine felt sorry for Tina. She was sorry that Tina couldn't appreciate the love of the man she was married too, sorry that Tina might be realizing what she lost too late.

Catherine had watched Tina sob during the service. She knew it was sincere. She had felt Tina's pain. The end of a marriage does not signal the end of love. She loved Eddie, to his death, and she knew that as much as you want to hate someone, want not to feel the pain when they're gone, you still do. Both Eddie's and Sam's deaths taught her that. As much as she hated Tina for hurting Warrick, she couldn't begrudge the woman her pain.

The car turned into the graveyard and she felt Grissom put his hand over hers. This was it. In a few minutes, the car would stop and she would have to watch as they lowered Warrick's body into the ground. She would never see his incredible green eyes again. She would never feel the electricity bolt through her when she stood close to him and his eyes fixed on her. He was gone. Her amazing, caring, beautiful friend was gone and with him, a part of her was gone too.

She held Nick's hand, gazing at the man in front of her as they followed the coffin to the grave. Her tears fell as the minister spoke and the coffin was lowered into the ground, committing Warrick's body to the earth. She squeezed Nick's hand tighter and took comfort in the grasp he returned.

She looked over to see Grissom holding onto Catherine. People around them began to leave and it was the five of them remaining. The stood silently, staring down into the grave in front of them, tears in all of their eyes.

Greg was the first to leave, telling Nick and Sara he'd be at the car. Sara nodded and looked to the remaining three around her. Her team. The people who took her in, wholeheartedly, reluctantly or otherwise, eight years ago. Now, one of them was in the ground below them. She continued to stare, tears filling her eyes before falling gently to the ground.

After a few minutes, Lindsay came back to the grave and spoke a few soft words into her mother's ear. Sara watched as Catherine nodded and allowed Lindsay to lead her away. Sara looked towards Grissom. He smiled sadly at her before following his ride to their car. Sara turned back to the grave and stood silently with Nick. After a moment, she stepped towards him. "We should go. Greg's waiting." She watched him nod and tugged on his hand, leading him to the waiting Greg.

They drove back to the rec center where there were drinks and snacks out for all of the mourners. People were in small groups, talking amongst themselves. Sara found herself being drawn away from Nick and into conversation by the many people she hadn't seen in months. She paid little attention to their attempts to engage her in conversation as her eyes followed Grissom around the room, watching as he occasionally stole looked away and about the room.

Wendy and Mandy were speaking with her when she noticed Brass, Sofia and Doc Robbins approach the spot where Grissom and Catherine were standing. She watched as Grissom spoke to the group. His sad face and red eyes drew her attention completely to him. He shook his head at something they said and his gaze dropped to the floor below him. Her heart ached. A tear slid down her cheek at the sight of him looking so defeated.

Her heart and feet reacted instantly, carrying her away from the other two women, towards the man she loved. She saw him look up and meet her eyes as she approached. Brushing by his companions, she threw herself into his open arms and wrapped her own arms around him. He immediately pulled her in closer, burying his head in her neck. She stood on her tip-toes, unaware of the gazes fixed upon them. She held him tight and stroked his head when he began to weep into her shoulder. She let her own tears fall and held him tighter, unable and unwilling to ever let go.