Author's Notes: For this part of the story I decided to divide the plot line into two chapters. This way I can get the chapter out faster to you guys! Things should really start picking up in the story now, and I'll do my best to keep the balance between dramatic tension and comedy. Thank you all for reading, and I hope you enjoy this chapter of Sweet Mother :)
Chapter 10
Rescue Mission of Recklessness!
Part I
It was 6:00 AM at the Membrane household. Professor Membrane was up early making breakfast for him and Gaz. Gaz had informed Membrane that Dib spent the night at his little foreign friend's house, and Membrane was glad that his son had decided to patch things up with the little green fellow.
Normally Membrane would hole himself up in his lab in the basement to work on that new antivirus or else be in the lab downtown working on it, but this morning he decided he wanted to try to bond with his daughter. His mother had hit a nerve when she told him to be there for his kids while they were still young, and even though he never wanted to see the old bat again he still couldn't help but feel ashamed that he had neglected his own children the way she had neglected him.
"Hey Dad," Gaz greeted him blandly as she sat down for breakfast, her game still in her hands, "What did you make?"
"Good morning daughter!" Membrane greeted her with too much enthusiasm for so early in the morning, "I made vitamin-infused cheese omelettes and mocha chinos. Caffeine is good for a child's energy levels and overall mood, after all."
Gaz laughed once at the comment, but didn't bother to correct him. One thing she had figured out from listening to other kids talk about their parents is that whatever common knowledge said was good for children, Membrane would usually say the opposite. She didn't know if her father was a genius at parenting or the worst, but either way it kept life interesting.
Gaz was looking forward to the omelette since her father was such a good cook. She hadn't realized until she learned about her dad's upbringing, but he had probably learned to cook from his Aunt Kloee since she was considered a cooking maestro. She wondered if Dib would show up in time for leftovers, but then chuckled to herself when she realized there would be no leftovers.
Only a couple bites into their meal and there was a fierce banging on the front door, and Gaz growled at the fact that they had been so abruptly interrupted.
"The door's unlocked, Dib!" Gaz shouted furiously; believing it was her stupid brother being stupid.
The door was flung open, and Jeem burst through the living room in her hover chair. Membrane bolted up from his seat and stormed into the room; ready for a confrontation.
"Mother, what are you doing-?" Membrane started, but was cut off by...
"Would you look at this lamp?" Jeem scoffed as she examined the Membrane-shaped lamp that sat on a shelf, "You must be quite the narcissist to keep a lamp with your face on it in your own home."
"It's just merchandise from my TV show!" Membrane shouted defensively.
"Yes, but it is in your house," Jeem retorted.
"Get out, Mother..." Membrane growled as he pointed to the still open front door.
"Oh, right. Now I remember why I'm here," Jeem lightly shook her head to clear the mental fog, but then suddenly shouted "Dib's been taken prisoner!"
"What?" Membrane asked in disbelief.
"What are you talking about, Grandmother?" Gaz asked when she walked into the room, her game turned off but still in her hand.
"I heard the whole thing," Jeem explained; shaken up just thinking about it again, "Dib has been captured by an Irken invader and is currently being transported their flagship in deep space. They're probably going to kill him since murder and genocide is kind of a hobby of theirs now."
"A hobby of whose?" Membrane asked; more confused than worried at this point.
"The Irkens," Jeem repeated before she let out a sharp sigh, "They're an advanced alien race from the planet Irk, and apparently they suck now. Many civilizations have been destroyed by these monsters, and now they have your son. I can probably track Dib's bio-signature due to its unique nature, but I don't have a working ship to follow them in."
"Wait Mother, aliens?" Membrane asked skeptically, "Little space men that blow up planets? But you were the one that said no alien race intelligent enough to get to earth could possibly exist."
"Ugh, I was lying!" Jeem replied as if it should have been obvious to him, "The world isn't ready for that kind of information, and as long as humanity is too stupid to solve sub-light space travel then I assumed no one would ever find us. Clearly I was wrong and now earth is a target, but that's not important right now. Our family has been threatened and one of its members captured. We need a mode of travel if we're going to save Dib's life and bloody the nonexistent noses of those brobdingnagian showboating neolates!"
"Dib has a spaceship," Gaz mentioned offhandedly, "It's in the garage."
Membrane was stammering still trying to wrap his head around what was going on. On the one hand if his mother was telling the truth then his only son had been abducted by aliens and was probably being experimented on like in those cheesy science fiction movies. On the other hand if she had contracted whatever made Dib crazy then his son was still missing without an explanation. With no way yet to refute his mother's claim he followed Gaz and Jeem to the garage.
When he got there he saw Gaz throw a tarp to the side and reveal a small yet still menacing looking vehicle of some sort. It was maroon colored with a magenta glass top (or at least it looked like glass) with legs protruding on either side like some sort of mangled crab. Did Dib build this? It had metal surrounding it that didn't look like it had come from anywhere on earth. Most people would've missed that, but Membrane knew the periodic table by heart and knew that what he was seeing was unlike anything he had ever seen before.
"That's it?" Jeem asked, far less impressed than Membrane, "It's so small. How are we all supposed to fit in there?"
"I'm not going," Gaz snorted rudely.
"Oh, yes you are," Jeem replied in a firm no-nonsense tone, "Your father and I are going into an intergalactic war zone and might never come back. There's no way you're staying home alone for that long. Get in the ship."
Gaz grunted in protest but ultimately did as she was told. Jeem and Membrane had a significantly harder time piling into the small battleship since they were both not only adults but exceptionally tall. By the time everyone was in the ship Jeem was in the pilot's chair with her knees practically in her mouth, Membrane was sitting next to her huddled into a ball trying not to accidentally touch any of the interactive screens, and Gaz had claimed the roomiest spot in the back of the cockpit, so she was the only one who was comfortable.
"Okay, let's see here...This looks like the ignition screen..." Jeem muttered under her breath as she tried to familiarize herself with the controls.
Jeem activated the ignition but not the warm-up procedures, so the ship took off at breakneck speed through the garage roof and out into the atmosphere! Everyone was screaming, and before long they were flying through space to rescue Dib. If only any of them were qualified to do so.
The first thing Dib registered when he woke up was pain. His head hurt, and his wrists and ankles hurt too. He tried to open his eyes, but he was just so tired. He tried to wipe the sleep out of his eyes, but realized that his arms were shackled to a cold hard metal table. So were his legs.
Upon realizing this, Dib's eyes shot open and the first thing he saw was the grinning face of Zim's robot henchman Gir.
"Hi, Suzie!" Gir squealed in delight, "Master, the big head boy's awake!"
"My head's not big! Ow..." Dib screamed at the insult, but then felt the throbbing in his head from the scream, "Whatever you're planning this time Zim, you won't get away with it. Not as long as there's breath in my body will I let you take over the earth!"
"That can be remedied," Zim replied in a surprisingly casual tone, but then came the taunting, "Poor little Dib, all alone in the cold vacuum of space. Face it, you've lost earth-monkey. As we speak the voot cruiser is heading for the Massive, and soon I will present you to my Tallests as the first of many human slaves. Who knows? Maybe if you amuse them enough they might keep you alive for a few years. Until then though you are helpless and I can do whatever I want with you."
"W-What are you planning, you evil space monster?" Dib asked, the weight of his situation finally hitting him, "What are you going to do!?"
"Silence!" Zim snapped, but then just as quickly reverted back to his casual tone, "I had several ideas in mind for how to handle this most glorious of moments. I considered dissecting you as you had planned to do to me..."
Dib gulped at the idea.
"...I had also considered dunking you repeatedly in a concoction of Gir's he calls 'chicken head surprise'," Zim continued.
"I like chicken dookie!" Gir exclaimed enthusiastically.
Dib cringed at the less deadly but still horrible idea.
"But then I realized that this would be a chance to test my most diabolical psychological weapon of all," Zim purred as he steepled his fingers in malicious glee, and Dib quivered in fear, "For the next 5 hours, you will be subjected to my virtual interface helmet, more specifically a program that has been especially devised as the worst thing a human being can possibly experience! Mwahahahaha!"
"Nooooo!" Dib screamed as he fought against the restraints, but all to no avail.
"YES!" Zim howled maniacally, "Oh, it took me a while to figure out the most horrifying thing a human could endure, but I finally figured out the answer when researching human myths and folklore. Prepare for simulated eternal torment!"
Zim then quickly slammed the helmet on Dib's head and activated it with relish. Dib saw the world fizzle out and replaced with a new one. He dreaded whatever twisted nightmare Zim could come up with. He had been through such a device before when Zim wanted to find out whether Dib threw a muffin at him or not, so Dib knew the simulation would feel as tangible as reality itself.
The area was replaced by a perfectly normal looking hallway. The only difference was that there were no doors and the hallway seemed to go on forever on both sides. It was warmer here than on the ship, and Dib was at least grateful he wouldn't freeze. Still, what kind of horror could lurk in this endless empty hallway?
"Enjoying yourself, Dib?" Zim's taunting voice came from everywhere and yet nowhere all at the same time, "As you can see I have researched your simple human culture and devised a perfect simulation of your people's idea of terror itself. Welcome to HALL!"
"This is it?" Dib asked skeptically, "What's so scary about a stupid hallway?"
"Foolish Dib," Zim tutted as if he were speaking to a toddler, "Hall is the place of eternal torment, a place where the souls of your species' condemned must reside forever in heat and anguish! Mwahahaha!"
"That's Hell, you idiot," Dib muttered as he crossed his arms and sat down on the floor.
"Eh?" Zim asked in confusion.
"The mythical place of eternal torment is called Hell, not Hall," Dib corrected Zim with a dry tone, "Hell is supposed to be a place of fire and brimstone and pitchforks and stuff. This is just an empty hallway. You screwed up again."
"Grrrr!" Zim growled angrily and balled his fists as he looked at the screen with the simulated form of the bored child, "Fine! You want scary, I'll give you scary! Prepare your organs for jiggly fear-induced expulsion, puny worm baby!"
Zim then quickly typed in some code, and Dib found himself transported to the woods at night with a small campfire burning in front of him. He was a little worried at first fearing that Zim might have programmed some dangerous wild animals, but after hearing nothing for a few minutes Dib just shrugged his shoulders and sat down by the campfire.
"Hey, stop resting!" Zim shouted at Dib, "You're supposed to be suffering, you giant-headed dookie...head!"
"But nothing's happening," Dib replied as if that should be obvious.
"But there's a fire, just like in Hull!" Zim argued.
"It's Hell, and you just can't admit that you have no idea what I'm talking about!" Dib pointed an accusing finger at the simulated sky, not really knowing where Zim's cameras were located; if anywhere.
The rest of their trip went pretty much the same way, with Zim trying to alter his program to make Dib suffer and Dib giving negative feedback on every idea Zim tried. It was times like this Dib was grateful Zim was incompetent, but he still feared meeting Zim's leaders and fellow invaders. He didn't know if every Irken was stupid or if Zim just happened to be their worst invader. His options seemed to be he would either be able to outsmart the Irkens, or else he would be doomed to a short life of humiliation and pain. With those thoughts in mind, Dib didn't mind arguing with Zim about how crummy his virtual worlds were.
The Membrane's ship was halfway to the Massive, and tensions were high. Membrane and his mother had been arguing practically since they first stabilized their course and Gaz did everything in her power to tune them out. Then the unthinkable happened...Gaz's Game Slave III ran out of charge!
"Nooo!" Gaz screamed when she was no longer able to play her game, and she huddled in a corner in a fetal position to wait out the rest of the trip; shivering from withdrawal after only 15 seconds.
"Mother, why do you have the blinker on?" Membrane asked critically, "We're in deep space. Even if there was another vehicle anywhere nearby they could simply drive around you! Also, the speedometer says you're only going a quarter of this ship's full speed. We need to go faster to save my boy!"
"The engines would overheat if I did that," Jeem replied irritably, "And the blinker is on so anyone who drives by can see us. No sense coming all this way just to be flattened against some yokel's windshield like a bug. Now sit back down and stop bothering me! You clearly don't know what you're doing."
"I don't know what I'm doing?" Membrane exclaimed caustically, "You turned the wrong way an hour ago and nearly ended up in an asteroid belt!"
"You engaged the autopilot instead of the coffee maker!" Jeem countered, "We nearly ran into a moon's orbit!"
"You slid your hands across the controls to wipe off some dust and made us spin uncontrollably for 5 minutes!" Membrane retorted.
"Shut up!" Gaz hollered from the back, "Just let me die in peace!"
"We're all going to die in peace if Membrane doesn't stop messing me up!" Jeem shouted; still in argumentative mode.
"I wish I had never gone to Aunt Kloee's funeral!" Membrane shouted in anger and anguish, "Then you never would've been around to ruin all of our lives!"
"Dib is his own person and didn't need my help to get into trouble!" Jeem snapped bitterly as she gripped the controls tighter.
"Don't talk to me anymore!" Membrane huffed and crossed his arms over his chest; glaring out into space through his goggles.
For the next few minutes all was silence. Gaz found a piece of string and tried to play cat's cradle with it to alleviate her boredom. Membrane sat glaring out the window and Jeem would glance at her son every few seconds before pretending that she actually needed to fly the ship. She knew she had screwed up with her son, but she didn't realize it was this bad until recently. She wanted to help take Membrane's mind off his sorrow, but she wasn't good at comforting people.
Then, finally, inspiration struck.
Jeem started humming a song she knew would be familiar to her son. It was the theme song from his favorite childhood TV show, The Cruppets. Membrane continued to ignore her, but she knew he could hear her. She wasn't about to let him spend the entire trip wallowing in self pity and regret.
"We're The Cruppets," Jeem began to sing, and Membrane's head barely tilted in her direction, so she started again, "We're The Cruppets, the most poorly constructed puppets!
"We're going to have adventurous fun," Membrane joined in with an operatic falsetto, "And we hope you will stay until we are done!"
Then together they both began to sing "We're The Cruppets! We're The Cruppets! Da da, da da, da da, dada, dada da! Da da, da da, da da, dada, dada da!"
"No! Stop!" Gaz screeched, "Anything but that! No more singing!"
"We're The Cruppets!" The two adults continued in earnest, "We're The Cruppets!"
"NOOOOO!" Gaz wailed in agony.
For the next hour of the journey it was the same thing. Membrane and his mother sang The Cruppets theme song while Gaz screamed in exaggerated misery. She was just grateful that in space no one could hear your parents embarrass you.