Chapter Nine

So here I was, sitting outside the Talon on one of the benches, while the party raged on inside. I needed the fresh air and the new scenery. I was tired of faking my smiles and pretending like I was okay. It was hard to keep things inside. I just needed a break.

Inside the Talon, my cousin was celebrating the beginning of her new life together with her new husband while my best friend did the couple thing with a girl that I've been friends with for as long as I can remember.

Friend.

Was Lana truly my friend? I certainly wasn't being much of a friend to her. Yes we hung out a lot when we were younger and we got into trouble on more than one occasion, but thinking back on it now, that was pretty much the gist of our relationship. We spoke, said our hello's, talked about the people in our lives, but never did I ever open up to her. Not in the way that I always have to Chloe and certainly not in the way that Clark has always motivated me to open up to him.

She knows nothing of me.

I guess I had myself to blame for that, and for how things are right now in the Lana/Clark front. If Lana had known how I really felt about Clark she wouldn't have pursued him. Or at least, I don't think she would have… a sudden pinch of regret settled in my stomach at the realization that I knew nothing about Lana either. How could you know someone for so long and not know who they are?

It's like I've been living a lie about her. About everything, really. I could never allow myself to get close. I just couldn't do it. I closed myself off from her because I never thought that our friendship would last very long considering that I moved around so much. It just made it easier to say goodbye at the end of the day.

But with Clark… for the first time I allowed myself to open up to not just him as a man, but as a person. He made it so easy to trust him and to talk to him. He became the first person, other than Chloe, who I knew I couldn't stand to walk away from.

I was in love with him.

I was in love with Clark Kent.

The realization of that fact made my heart ache because now it was real, and I couldn't run away from it. I had to deal with it. And I had to let him go.

"Lois?" It was Chloe. "What are you doing out here?"

I wrapped my arms around myself when I felt a gust of wind come up from the east. "Hey. Nothing, just catching a little fresh air," I replied.

Chloe sat beside me, still in her wedding dress, and put her arm around me. "I know something's been bothering you. Talk to me."

"Not now, Chloe. It's your wedding, and I don't want to bother you with my problems."

"Yes, it is my wedding and I'll do what I want, and right now I want to know what's the matter…"

I smiled at her; she could exactly what I needed sometimes. And right now, I needed to vent before I exploded. "Well… something kind of unexpected happened last night…" I began.

She frowned, "What happened?"

"Well, you see…" then I started to ramble. "Clark and I were just hanging out, watching a movie. Shark movie marathon; Jaws, Deep Blue Sea, you know, nothing special. Then popcorn got involved, followed by tickling and one thing led to another and…" I trailed off, hoping I didn't have to go further. I didn't.

Her eyes went wide in realization before she almost yelled, "You slept with Clark?"

"Shh! Chloe, you cannot tell a soul. Not even Jimmy."

"Lois, but—oh my God!" she ended the expression with a chuckle.

I frowned, "Chloe, this isn't funny."

Her eyes looked at me tenderly then and she smiled. "Lois, not to say that you win any prizes for your timing but, it was about time."

"Chloe, it was a mistake! I am not that kind of woman. And Clark isn't that kind of man!" I said.

"And what kind is that, exactly, the kind that is in love?"

"Chloe, he doesn't love me. Not in that way," the sadness in my voice was evident, even to me.

"And how in the hell do you know that?"

"Because he's with Lana! If he felt that way about me he never would've gotten with her in the first place." I argued. The pain I was feeling inside boiling up to the surface.

"Lois, for someone who claims to know Clark Kent so well, you don't know him at all," Chloe said bluntly.

"What are you talking about?"

"You've never exactly been the type to express your true feelings and he wasn't about to put himself out there if you weren't riding on the same boat as he."

"Then what changed? What made him, you know…"

"That's for him to tell you."