A/N Disclaimer – is not mine. Is SMeyer's. But you knew that…
SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT. My life is crashing around my ears right now… smiles sheepishly. Forgive me? And I know it's not much of an excuse but! I actually wrote this whole chapter out, deleted it and started again as it just wasn't good enough for you guys! Chuckled nervously. So I do hope you enjoy this version 'cos if not that was a tremendous amount of wasted effort. Heh.
Thanks you so much Kassandra27! For reasons known only unto her… I love you!
IsabellaCullen122, AmySerenityRaye, Sturph, weaseldale, theoneandonlyher, Heartlessmoon, VampireWithTheGoldenEyes, Lilotea and max33452… Thanks you so much for reading and appreciating this! (sorry is anyone reviewed after I wrote this but before I posted. I love you too!
Chapter Nine
Jay POV
Blinking back my tears I let my eyes trace the dust motes that swirled through the air. All my thoughts were concentrated on how carefree and hypnotizing they were; I almost forgot the mess I had put myself in. Wondering idly whether this was my body's way to prevent a full scale panic attack, I tried to catch some dust in between my fingers; yet fast as I was they just danced away. Twenty eyes drilled holes through me and I desperately waited for someone to shatter the delicate silence that had settled over the room. My eyes flew to Jake as he shifted his weight onto his back foot and opened his mouth.
"I don't have a clue what is going on here but I need to tell Sam." His short, sharp comment was directed at Edward and they locked eyes for a couple of strained minutes. Finally, they broke apart and the wolves strode out the house. I didn't get what had just happened at all but I guessed they had been communicating somehow. However, when my brain caught up to my ears I froze before leaping up in shock.
"Who is Sam? What is he going to tell him?" I all but yelled at the Cullens. Carlisle eyed me warily before replying.
"He is the leader or alpha in the other pack of werewolves that also reside at La Push, just down the road." I sighed in relief at this news. So long as he wasn't human.
"That's fair I guess" I murmured. I could be a huge threat to them. He had a right to know. "Just so long as no humans find out…"
"Why?" Edward's cutting retort stung me. They had been so nice before… I was going to be rejected again, I could just tell. I snaked my arms (A/N: LOL. Instead of 'arms' here I accidentally wrote 'ears'. Luckily I caught it when proof reading. SNORT) around my torso to stop my dead heart dropping out my chest. Was I that unbearable? Yes, yes I was. Tears pooled in my eyes as I tried to figure how to answer that.
"Well… I er, was involved in an, um, incident, and er, I am assumed dead I think". This didn't upset me at all – who was there to live for? However, when I glanced up to gauge the Cullens' reactions I was met with sympathetic eyes. Esme murmured something and I saw Carlisle stroke her hand comfortingly before letting out a huge, unnecessary sigh.
"I am sorry Kate. I realize you must be confused. Please, don't be scared. However, no one had ever guessed our situation before except for Bella. We don't really know how to react, confronted with such…" He gave a weak smile as if to emphasize that they didn't mind me spilling their deepest secret. But why didn't they? They should. I have no connection to this family. What am I to them? Nothing. I am not anything to anyone.
I grimaced back at Carlisle and hugged myself tighter. I could almost imagine a huge cracking noise filling the room as my heart broke and was almost confused as no one else seemed to hear it.
"Kate dear-"
"My name's not Kate!" I blurted, interrupting Esme. I immediately felt guilty and I looked up at her confused face.
"What is your name dear?" She asked tentatively. I took a deep breath, panicking. I had lied to them from the word go. How were they going to trust me now?
"It's Jayme Kate Bradson. Jayme is J-A-Y-M-E but you please feel free to call me Jay." Oh, God. I am rambling. "I had to use my middle name because I was afraid you would recognize me. I haven't changed that much and my picture was in the news!" My breathing crept toward hyperventilation and Esme rushed forward as I began to sob hysterically.
"I didn't want you to recognize me 'cos I am meant to be dead and I was afraid that you would think I was a freak or a runaway or something which I am but not the bad kind and I swear that I don't want to hurt you guys I just want a family! And… and… a home…" I moaned pitifully as Esme swept me up into her embrace. Half of it probably made no sense but I continued to ramble as she rocked me back and forth soothingly. Alice crept forward too and laid a comforting hand on my arm. Bella turned into Edward's chest and him and Carlisle shared a loaded glance. But none of that mattered. Shaking uncontrollably, I leant my head on her shoulder and finished with the ultimate blow.
"And I didn't want my father to find me".
BREAK
Edward POV
Clutching my beautiful Bella to my chest turned and caught Carlisle's eye. I shook my head grimly and he sighed in frustration. I still couldn't read her thoughts, no matter how hard I tried. She was a complete mystery; the only proof to our sense that she existed was her physical form and her tantalizing scent. That disconcerted me a bit; it reminded me simultaneously of the passion that burned in my heart when I kissed Bella and the fiery fury of anger when it raged out of control. Yet the smell was still beautiful. I frowned.
I noticed Rosalie slip away quietly to check on Nessie yet from her thoughts I surmised that she was not as dismissive of this stranger as she had been of Bella at first. This angered me a little: Bella was my mate after all. However, I couldn't blame her, not really. Jay was like a vampire magnet – she fascinated us all.
I waited patiently as the minutes passed slowly and was relived when Jay began to calm in Esme's arms. My mother's thoughts were grief stricken and I let them flood my brain as buried my face in Bella's hair.
…do this to her? It's obviously something in her past… and she said she hasn't changed much; something had obviously happened. She is no longer human but oh! To go through that by yourself! Poor thing… I hope she can be happy here. Is there something I can do? She seems so afraid. Should we tell her what we are? Oh look she is calming now… I hope…
I grimaced and silently agreed with Esme. Years of medical school has taught me that this behavior, fear and depression, is caused by abuse. Studying Jay again closely, I saw that she clutched Esme like a lifeline; maybe she has recently lost her mother?
"OH MY GOD!" I whipped my head around, slightly startled with Alice's less than polite out burst. Jay was almost completely quiet now, along with the rest of us as we stared at Alice expectantly. Impatiently, I delved into her mind, needing some answers.
… EDWARD! Charlie is on his way over! I COMPLETELY forgot! Oh my God! Bella will be fine I think but she needs contacts and ARGH! NESSIE! She…
Shocked, I flew out my seat.
"Charlie is on his way! We need contacts, Nessie and blood!" I didn't care if Jay was in the room. Bella needed to be fed: I would be damned well and truly if I let her kill Charlie.
In seconds the house was a blur of action as everyone panicked. We had had enough drama for today! I flew up the stairs and met Rosalie on the landing. She gave me a swift nod showing she understood the situation and continued downstairs with my beautiful daughter in her arms. I carried on to the medical room and threw open the freezer that stocked the different kinds of blood. I had no need to hold my breath – cold blood was almost as bad as chocolate! – Carefully, I selected four sachets of animal blood; two for Bella and two for Nessie. In a heartbeat I was back in the kitchen and setting them in the microwave.
"Six minutes people!" yelled Alice. I could tell she was annoyed at herself for not seeing this yet I had no time to console her. I found Bella alone in the middle of the room and wrapped my arms protectively around her still form. Her gorgeous eyes were wide with shock as she took Nessie from Rose and sank into the couch. My lips brushed her ear.
"It's going to be fine Bella, love" I murmured comfortingly. She drew in a shaky breath and I continued in soft, soothing tones.
"Remember the hunters? And yesterday? You did absolutely amazing. You can do this again, I know you can. You are brave and strong and-" I took the cup of warm blood Emmett offered me and brought it up to her lips. "-and I will be here right beside you. Promise." She drank greedily and I ignored the burn in my throat as well as the animalistic thought that this creature was drinking my meal. A pang of self hatred flared in me yet I shoved it away. Bella said I wasn't a monster and how could I not believe her? To contradict this stunning goddess was surely a sin and if I was a monster would that make her one too? No. My Bella could never be a monster. Me however; my past and my sins… I could be a monster. Definitely.
Shoving these masochistic thoughts aside I let Bella feed Nessie and settle herself on the couch. Alice blurred by, leaving Bella with muddy brown eyes and a hint of blusher on her cheeks. Glancing around, I saw that Emmett was in front of the TV, Carlisle was hovering with Esme and Jay and Jasper and Rose were no where to be seen. Alice settled herself near Bella (Charlie had always approved of Alice) and announced that we had a minute and a half before the doorbell rang.
I gave Bella a final peck on the cheek and listened for Charlie's thoughts as he drove towards a house full of vampires, one half vampire half human child and a strange runaway girl, whom to the human world was dead. I let a wry grin twist my lips. Oh was he in for something…
BREAK
JAY POV
I tried to control my twisting and turning thoughts as I focused on what Esme had said. I was still so out of it – my vision fogged with tears and panic. People blurred past me and I was vaguely aware of Esme telling me someone was here. Esme. The things she had murmured to only me… she understood. Understood. It meant I wasn't crazy, wasn't blowing it out of proportion. She had said they wanted me to stay with them. No one had ever said that to me before. They wanted me. They wanted me. They wanted me…
I repeated those three words over and over under my breath for what felt like eons. They slowly moulded into another foreign yet fluent sound with no breaks between the words. It was like another language. One filled with hope, love and peace. Stretching on in one big sentence like a life line in front of me. It kept me grounded. After a few minutes the house quieted. Everyone seemed to be performing some mundane task –TV watching and such. My brow wrinkled in confusion at the sudden change in scene until I reminded my self that someone was visiting. I couldn't remember who.
With a dizzy rush I became aware of the frigid coldness that radiated from my hand. I looked down surprised to find it grasped in Esme's icy palm. This filled my heart with sweet warmth but my hand was still freezing. Preferring the warm, I absentmindedly heated up my palm whilst gazing at the door. I could hear the human's heartbeat now. I saw Esme shoot a quizzical glance at me and then at our hands. I continued to stare peacefully forward. I just didn't care anymore. Let Esme be warm. I guessed she hadn't been in a while. I sighed at the idea that maybe I could bring a small amount of comfort to these frigid immortals. I could give them body heat. They might like that. A happy smile transformed my face.
For about a minute I was in blissful, blissful heaven. There were no questions. There was no pain. There was no panic. No apprehension. I was warm. A tranquil atmosphere settled over the Cullen household and I embraced it openly. It felt like family. I wanted it so, so bad.
And this best thing was that in those few seconds I could label it as mine. I could pretend that Emmet had always been there for me to prank with. That Rose and Alice had been there to do my makeup, and gush over my first crush. That Edward and Jasper had been there to help me with my homework. That Bella had always been there: the big sister straight out of my dreams. That Carlisle had been there to simply not beat me: To simply be a father. That I actually had a mother and that she was called Esme.
It was surreal. My heart swelled with untainted joy as my new, improved, uber-intelligent brain flooded itself with fake memories at nano-speed. What my first day at high school should have been like. The taste of homemade cookies. The pealing laughter of friends. Going to the mall. A dark haired, fair skinned boy: my first boyfriend.
And believe me when I say, I have never been more crushed than when the front door swung open to reveal the face of Charlie Swan, police chief of Forks.
A/N – Okay I know this was god-aweful and really really boring and uninteresting but I haven't had time to update for so long and I feel so bad! And so I wrote this and was going to continue before posting but I haven't updated in so long!
So this is a filler and I promise promise promise I will post an amazing, exciting, interesting and hugely long chapter next! Grovel son knees for forgiveness.
SORRY.
Plus! Okay in my head I had this whole story planned out up until this point. Lol. Now I am stuck until Nessie starts walking and talking. Technically in breaking dawn this is in a few weeks from now. Would you like me to write about those in detail or not? I have a few ideas for minor climaxes but hey – its up to you. I then know exactly what is going to happen from the point that Nessie starts to walk and talk until the end of breaking dawn. Finally, would you like this fic to go beyond breaking dawn or stop when the book stops? I would really really appreciate your input. THANKS!
-K-