TRIGGER WARNINGS: MORE SUICIDE REFERENCES/ALLUSIONS

Chapter Ten:

A ray of unexpected sunlight suddenly broke through the early morning fog and Odin Allfather marveled at its brilliance as he drove along the empty highway, his wife beside him and his beloved boys in the back seat. Frigga gasped almost inaudibly beside him as she too was struck with awe by the incredible sight.

"It's beautiful, isn't it." Odin murmured, keeping his voice low so he wouldn't wake the sleeping duo in the back.

Frigga hummed in agreement and Odin stole a glance at his beautiful wife, her golden hair shimmering in the early rays. "This was a good idea," Frigga continued, her eyes never leaving the sight in front of her and Odin training his back onto the road ahead. "The boys will love this holiday, I know it."

Odin smiled to himself, somewhat proud of the father he'd become. Even though they'd found out Frigga couldn't have anymore children after she'd had Thor, it hadn't stopped the two of them adopting a beautiful baby boy―Loki―and both of Odin's children had grown to be strong-minded and caring boys, in their own ways at least.

"Mother…?"

Odin flicked his gaze around for a moment and spied Loki rubbing his eyes and leaning forwards on his seat. He gave Loki a caring smile before fixing his eyes ahead again, allowing Frigga to deal with their youngest son.

"Good morning sunshine," Frigga whispered happily, still keeping her voice soft as Thor still slumbered heavily. "How was your nap?"

Loki mumbled something indistinct before seating himself on the middle seat in the back so he could talk to both his parents.

"Are we nearly at the airport?" Loki asked a moment later as the sun started to climb higher.

"Nearly." Odin replied, one hand on the wheel as he changed gears in order to exit the highway, going underneath a colourful bridge which quickly captured Loki's attention.

The young boy gasped, looking out the back window as his eyes popped open from the incredible colours attached to the metalwork of the footbridge that crossed over the top of the highway. The entire length was covered in ribbons and flowers in every hue of every colour.

"Mother, Father―did you see that?!" Loki cried in a stage whisper, barely containing his surprised excitement.

"Yes, Loki." Odin answered grimly as he placed both hands back on the wheel.

"What was it?" Loki pressed in a forceful mutter, looking between the two adults. "Why were there so many ribbons attached to that bridge? Was there some kind of festival?"

"No, no there wasn't…" Odin continued, a sigh escaping as Loki's attention fell fully onto him. "I… I really wish you hadn't seen that."

Loki frowned, puzzled by his father's words. What did he mean? The bridge looked so happy and colourful, why would his father wish for him not to see it?

"Why?" He quickly questioned, resting his elbows on the shoulders of their seats.

Because it means I'm going to have to explain something you're too young to understand, Odin thought to himself. The older man cleared his throat as Frigga subtly patted his knee.

"Sometimes Loki, people aren't happy," Odin began, his eyes never wavering from the road as he spoke. "And sometimes their unhappiness can last for months or even years."

Loki listened intently, briefly wondering what Odin's explanation had to do with the copious amounts of ribbon tied to the bridge.

"These people aren't just upset that they've broken a toy or that they've misplaced a book," Odin tried to simplify for his young son, "it's much more serious than that―their sadness grows into something called depression, Loki."

"I know that word," Loki interjected quietly, "I read it in a book once but I didn't know what it meant…"

"Right…" Odin faltered for a moment, concerned about what type of books his ten-year-old was reading before regrouping his thoughts. "Anyway, sometimes depression can get so severe that people believe there's nothing left for them, that they've got no way out of their situation. This sometimes leads to something called suicide…"

Loki, sensing the seriousness of the conversation, practically held his breath as he waited for his father to continue. There was a tenseness in the air that made him uneasy and he haltingly wondered if he should've asked about the bridge at all, his father seemed almost afraid that he had.

"Suicide is where people try to kill themselves so they no longer have to suffer from such unhappiness." Odin gripped the wheel of the car tightly as he bit his way through the delicate conversation. He honestly couldn't believe he was talking about this to his youngest son. Death, depression and suicide were things Odin had hoped he wouldn't have to explain at all and he'd hoped that both his children would just magically find out one day. His childish hopes were just that though: childish. However, it worried him that he was talking about such a serious topic with Loki before he'd even had the birds and the bee's talk.

"It is always a terrible tragedy when someone succeeds in their suicide and no one wants anyone to go through with it, no matter what they may say or do," Odin continued. "The ribbons and flowers are there because there are people who jumped from that bridge, Loki, and they died. They've been left by the family members and friends who mourn over their loss. The truth is, that so many people have jumped from that place that the bridge is now constantly covered in memorials and so it's been nicknamed the rainbow bridge."

Loki nodded as he swallowed a hard lump that had formed in his throat. The young boy looked out the back window for the last time and spotted the brightly coloured but now horrifying bridge in the distance.

"The rainbow bridge, huh…" he muttered more to himself than for anyone else's sake.

It was such a beautiful name and covered with such beautiful things but the truth was ugly and twisted. It wasn't a happy place as Loki had first assumed it would be, it was dark and cursed by the ghosts that lingered there. It lured people in, promising to bring sweet relief to those who drank from it's poisoned waters yet, in the end, it brought nothing but sorrow and despair.

"Let's not think on it anymore today, alright?" Frigga quickly interrupted, causing Loki's gaze to fall back to her. The young boy nodded and he was suddenly distracted by Thor's grunting snore coming from behind him.

Standing atop the rainbow bridge, Loki looked down at the buzz of highway traffic zooming below him. One thing certainly hadn't changed: the bridge was just as pretty as when he'd first set his eyes on it all those years ago. He felt a sudden pang of despair in his chest from the memory of that fateful car ride. His mother had been alive then and his father had still been… a father to him. Not the twisted, angry man he'd ended up becoming; the man who regretted accepting Loki's existence into his life. Loki shook his head, trying to rid himself of such familial thoughts―they didn't matter anymore because he didn't have a family to belong to any longer. He was alone now. What good did it do to dwell on the past when it was impossible to change? What good was air when one didn't want to breathe?

Staring out over the six busy lanes, the young man lifted his eyes and pensively watched through the murky, city haze as the sun slowly started to disappear behind the horizon. The beautiful sight only made him feel worse. He couldn't do anything. Even the sun served more purpose than he. The orb of light at least rose every day and set every night, he couldn't even do that. When Thor had still still loved and accepted him, before he'd learned the bitter truth about Frigga's passing and how it was Loki's fault that he'd hired someone to steal his father's things and ended up with his mother murdered, Thor had been the one to rouse him from his deadened place each day. Thor had been his sun. Loki had only been a weed that couldn't be killed when the sun shone down on him daily. But now that Thor's compassion and kind-heartedness were gone from him, now that his sun had hidden behind the moon, Loki couldn't find any reason to grow. He should simply wither away and die like he was supposed to, like the gardener who tended the garden wanted him to. He was Loki, son of no one and kin of nothing.

His hands gripped the railing solidly, knuckles turning white as he closed his eyes and prayed for the last time. He prayed to whatever god had their ears turned in his direction for Thor's and Jane's future happiness. He loved them, still. Even Odin. Even the old man who despised him for all he was worth―or not worth. He so desperately wanted to cry as he whispered, desperate to believe. He wanted to bare his soul, but that was impossible because there was no reason to. The only reason one opened up was if there was another there with which to take sanctuary, but there was no one. Not man nor god would take pity on his worthlessness. For as long as he could remember, all he'd wanted was his family's love; Odin's love. But if there had ever been a seed that had held Odin's love for him, it had died a long time ago. The old man had built walls to protect the garden of Eden, to protect the things that were precious to him, and Loki had been locked out from the start. He'd tried to make copies of the key to Odin's heart, but he'd eventually discovered it was useless unless one had the original.

"I don't know if there's anyone up there," he muttered, turning his gaze in the direction of the late evening sky. Loki gave a humourless, dry chuckle before continuing. "I don't know if anyone even cares, but I know I can't leave this planet until I give Thor and Jane the blessing they deserve, even if they're not here to hear it. I don't care what happens to me, I don't have the right anymore, but please, make sure Thor and Jane live long lives together. Please make sure they're happy… and father… please let him find peace too. I never meant to hurt him like this… I never wanted mother dead… I never meant for it to happen. Even if he never thinks of me for as long as he lives, let him at least find peace within himself. Let them be happy." Loki stopped his whispered prayer and looked back down at the railing. What more was there to be said? There was nothing.

Clamping his jaw shut, Loki resolved to right things, finally. The young man pushed himself up with all the strength he had and seated himself on the dangerous side of the railing before using his legs to slowly stand and holding onto the pole of a bridge lamp. Without a barrier between him and the sky, Loki felt freer than he'd ever felt before and he suddenly knew he was making the right choice.

"LOKI NO!"

The young man's head snapped round at the voice, almost making him lose his balance. Had he really heard that?

"Father…?" he muttered to himself, eyes widening with genuine surprise as he watched his father pause a few feet away, palms displayed as though he were showing he was unarmed. Odin was pale, very pale and his eyes were wide with fear. Why would Odin fear him? Loki had never seen such a scared expression on his father's face before. Odin never showed any emotion except disappointment and anger towards Loki, and he never showed weakness.

"Loki, stop―please!" Odin begged in barely more than a whisper as he held his hands out, trying to coax his son from atop the barrier. His heart was racing at a million miles an hour as he watched a hundred different emotions pass across Loki's face. Eventually, it seemed that Loki settled for simple confusion, though it was mixed with a tremendous amount of pain and hurt which the boy couldn't hide. Odin cringed inwardly at the agony on his son's face because he knew that he'd been the one who'd put it there, he was solely responsible for Loki's suffering.

The old man spared a quick glance past his son to the group that Loki had, thankfully, not yet noticed on the other side of the bridge. Thor and the detective were both slowly creeping up on Loki from the other side so if he really did decide to jump, one of them would be able to tackle him to the ground.

"What are you doing here?" Loki queried hesitantly. Odin didn't miss the fact that Loki had deliberately left the term 'father' out of his sentence.

"I want to talk." Odin replied, shuffling minutely closer to his son. It wasn't a lie, they had much to talk about and Odin had so much to make up for. He would grovel and beg if he had to, he just knew he couldn't lose his son like this. His wife was gone and he couldn't bring her back but he could stop blaming his son. One family member was enough, he just couldn't lose another.

Loki let out mirthless laugh as he turned his head back to the highway. "What more is there to talk about?" He let his eyes flutter closed for a brief moment, making Odin's heart skip more than one beat. "I know what you feel. Your words mean nothing, fa―Odin because they are untrue. You cannot love me, I understand that now. I am nothing in your eyes and you… What more could you possibly want to say?"

"I do love you Loki." Odin replied, trying hard to keep the distress from his voice. He could feel his heart breaking as Loki stood there, practically repeating his own words back to him. Had he really done this? Was he such a monster that he'd driven his own child to this? Loki had always been such a gentle, sweet child but he'd constantly expected his boys to be tough warriors. He'd told Loki that crying was a sign of weakness. Why had he done that? Why had he poisoned his child with such spiteful words and daily mantras of how he expected more. He'd always expected more.

"No," Loki shook his head, "you don't. You can't love me."

Odin suddenly felt the tears explode from the backs of his eyes. Hot, wet cascades started streaming unchecked down both his cheeks and he opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to think of the right words to say.

"You're wrong, Loki." He finally managed, causing Loki's head to turn back to him once more. "Those spiteful things I said to you, they were untrue. You are my son, Loki. I could never hate you. Please, let me make things right. Please…" Odin was completely desperate and his tears were salty and full of terror. He needed Loki to get off that ledge.

Loki's eyes bulged with utter astonishment as he suddenly noticed the wetness of Odin's face. Was his father crying? Odin crying? The great, unmoveable, corporate man who ruled over legions of smaller firms. The 'king of an empire' who, even after the tragedy of his beloved wife, continued on as sturdy and stoic as he had before. Loki had never seen his father cry before…

Silence rang between the two of them for a moment, the cars of the highway only serving as white noise, however it was Odin who eventually shattered the fragile bubble as he reached toward his son, his fear spiking through his brain as Loki started to turn away. He had to keep Loki's focus on him.

"Please Loki," he whispered, the tears still trickling over his mouth as they fell from his cheeks and slid into his white beard. "Come down."

Don't do this, Odin prayed silently, his arms still open and hands ready to help his son down. Don't turn away from me again, please!

Loki's eyes scanned the highway below and he looked at the hustle and bustle of the cars driving past. Was this what he really wanted? Before he'd been so sure, but now, things seemed… different somehow. What had so suddenly changed?

Loki slowly crouched and gripped the street light pole to his left tightly, but before he could even attempt to help himself down, several pairs of arms had gathered him into theirs and two particularly strong sets cradled him tightly as he was lowered onto the surface of the bridge and almost strangled from the strength of the two simultaneous huggers. At a loss, Loki didn't struggle as Thor and Odin both wrapped their arms around him, but the young Odinson was unexpectedly surprised and astoundingly shocked to hear the two strongest men he knew both breakdown into heart-wrenching sobs of relief. Odin and Thor crying over him like he was actually important to them genuinely bewildered Loki, but there was something about the honesty in the sound which caused a long withstanding defense to crumble inside him. He wasn't sure if he'd been holding back his emotions too long, or simply because the overwhelming intensity of the moment was, but Loki suddenly found his vision blurry and seconds later, burning tears fell hard and fast from his numb face.

"Father, Thor…" he blubbered through his shuddering sobs, his shoulders shaking violently as he bawled his eyes out and clung to their shirts. "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry for everything!"

Loki felt both grips suddenly tighten around him and shortly after, he smelled a woman's perfume and a gentler set of arms join the three of them.

The entire family was unaware of the two officer's leaving but Heimdall smiled at his ex-partner and Tyr gave him a solid knock on the shoulder as a sign of a job well done. The two of them walked back down the bridge together, both beaming at having saved a life today.

"You sure you don't want to come back to missing persons?" Heimdall asked jokingly.

"You know, I've just been reminded why I go into work every day." Tyr shook his head and smiled at the ground before looking Heimdall square in the eye. "So, yeah, I'd like to come back to missing persons, if you'll have me."

Heimdall was aware that his breath had been knocked right out of him from the intensity of Tyr's statement. "Yeah," he agreed softly, stealing a glance at his ex-partner as he sobered. "'course."

A/N:
Well friends, only one more chapter to go now. I hope you've enjoyed the story so far and I will see you all for the final chapter within the next few days.

Much Love,
Soulhearts