This is a small chapter, something that I thought it was very essential to this fic, even if I was more concern about what will happen in the next ones ;)
I want to say thank you all for the reviews. Is good to see that people are still following my fic, the biggest and more difficult one I have ever done in english. With a very precious help of course.
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I kill the engine and look over at Catherine. I can feel the tension radiating off her as she stares down at her hands. Our journey fell into silence a little under halfway to the lab and I let it, I knew she needed the time to gather herself. I know she's been desperate to get back to work but having gone through what she has gone through there are still nerves. I reach over and slip my hand into hers. She looks up at me and the strength and warmth in her beautiful blue eyes threatens to pull me under. I become super aware of the beat of my heart as I stare back at her willing my gaze to convey the depth of my support and love. I can use that word without stuttering now for I know it to be the truth. I love her, more than I've ever loved anyone.
Getting out of the car, I make my way to her door and open it with a small encouraging smile. She alights gracefully and slips her hand back into mine as we walk towards the building. I know neither of us is ready to out 'us' to the world but the need for the shared strength that the contact gives us transcends any concerns about being seen.
I reluctantly let her hand go as we step into the building but watch proudly as she pushes her shoulders back resolutely and strides forward.
"Hey Catherine, it's good to have you back." Judy is smiling warmly from behind the reception desk. There's no hint of pity in her eyes or tone and for that I want pick her up and spin her round. "We've all really missed you around here."
"Thank you Judy. I've missed everyone too."
As we walk further into the maze of corridors towards Grissom's office I lightly touch her elbow and she turns to face me. "You sure you don't want me to go with you to talk to Grissom?" I whisper.
"I'm sure," she squeezes my hand reassuringly. I know she needs to do this herself but I can't help the feeling of protectiveness that overwhelms me when I'm near her. I squeeze back and for a few moments all that exists in the universe is the two of us.
A movement in the periphery of my vision breaks the moment. "Ok, I'll be in the break room." She nods at me and I know now's the moment I have to walk away. Why won't my legs work? In the end it's Catherine who moves first and as I hear her firm knock on Grissom's door I make my way to the break room as planned.
Sighing I stare at the coffee pot. The coffee looks a little stewed but I really can't be bothered making a fresh pot. I pour some into a mug and take a seat on the sofa. If I'm honest I'm a little worried about her being back at work and I know it's my over-protective nature kicking in but in this job you just never know what you're going to get when you respond to a scene and it worries me to think of the potential situations she could be put in. I need to get over these fears but in the meantime I just hope that Grissom doesn't put her straight out in the field. I know that she'll be a little pissed at that but I'll worry less if she's lab-bound.
Tapping out my own little rhythm on the table-top I'm interrupted by a loud voice echoing around the hallway. "Well, well, well… if it's not the most beautiful CSI I ever saw." I leap up from my chair and get to the doorway in time to see him enveloping Catherine in his arms. "Welcome back, Cat. God we missed you." His voice is laden with love and care for his friend. "How are you doing?"
"God it's good to be back, I'm doing good Warrick, I really am."
"And that's the best news we've heard in a long time." Nicky's Texan drawl has Catherine turning behind her only to be caught up in another tender hug. "Welcome back Catherine." Catherine's genuine, full smile makes my heart melt.
"Finally, the good times can roll again." I hear Greg's voice coming from the evidence room. As he appears and holds his arms out to hug her he clearly can't help himself. "Good Lord but you are one sexy mama!" I'm ready to stride over there and drag him off by his ear for his inappropriate comment but Catherine simply lets herself be drawn into her third embrace.
"You better not be thinking anything dirty Greg," she says at ease with the youngest of the boys. Catherine always has the ability to banter and be comfortable with his comments. She's much better at that than I am. She catches me watching the little reunion and sends me a smile that I know is only for me, it's enough to make me breathless and succeeds in calming me down. She winks at me, yeah she'd read my stance and knew I was going into 'knight-in-shining-armor' mode. I need to get a grip!
It isn't long before Archie, Hodges and Mandy have joined the impromptu gathering all equally delighted to have Catherine back in the ranks and see her doing so well. I realize that this place is like having a second family. Well in my case, I suppose, a first family.
The volume of happy, chattering voices in the corridor is reaching a crescendo when Grissom appears and somehow everyone knows that signals the end of the party. Yeah ok Ecklie would have something to say about the little reunion but who cares what that asshole thinks? I sure don't!
The small welcoming party dissipates and everyone files into the break room for assignments. As Grissom hands out the slips and asks Catherine to help Warrick go over his evidence in the lab I find myself letting out the breath I didn't even know I'd held in. Thank God I can now focus on work without worrying about her.
-- -- --
It's been two days since Catherine came back to work, two days that she's been working in the lab much to my relief.
As we enter the break room, we're both in tucks of laughter over one of Catherine's stories from her dancing days. This guy, who had become a regular, coming in almost every night, had taken rather a fancy to one of her co-workers. It was clear he was trying to woo the girl with extravagant gifts and excessive tips until one fateful night he discovered she was actually a 'he'. He'd been super-embarrassed apparently. I actually feel a little sorry for the guy - all crushed up only realize the object of his affection doesn't quite fit the bill.
"But Sara," Catherine was still laughing, "you'd have been able to tell. He should have known."
"I know, and I agree, but he wasn't a CSI," I offer half-heartedly in the guy's defense. "Maybe he had some sort of head problem?"
"A vision problem, more like it!" We both laugh again. I take a seat while Catherine grabs a cup of coffee for both of us. She knows just how I take it without even asking – something that makes me smile yet again.
The boys are already sat around in the room and are watching our interaction with interest. "Ok. Someone has to tell me what's going on here," Nick asks looking to Catherine who is walking towards me with two steaming mugs of coffee. "Since when do you two chat like long lost buddies?"
"Why, is that a bad thing?" Catherine replies with a question of her own.
"Actually it took long enough," Warrick adds, "the tension that radiates through the lab when you two are fighting is almost unbearable."
"True," Greg joins in, "but it's always nice to see my princess, happy."
"And just who is your princess Greg?" Grissom enters the room with one eyebrow raised. Greg begins to blush and opens his mouth to say God knows what.
"Believe me you don't want to hear about Greg's girlfriend," Catherine immediately responds. "So what do we have today Gil?" I try not smile too much at her ability to do that. She's just so brilliant at improvising.
Grissom hands out the new assignments. "Warrick, DB Lake Mead. Nick you've got a missing person, Brass has the details. Catherine 420, Summerlin. Sara, you and I are continuing on the Landsborough case."
I'm immediately knocked from my good mood and find myself worrying. Catherine takes the slip from Grissom and moves to put her mug in the sink her face giving away nothing. Back in the field already? Assigned alone and a homicide no less?
"I think you're making a mistake!" I crash Grissom's office door shut behind us as I advance on him.
"With what?"
"In letting Catherine back into the field. She was raped and almost killed less than three weeks ago Gris."
"I know that, but she's been cleared by the shrink and I need an experienced pair of hands on that scene. Plus she has to get back out there sometime."
"Let me go out there instead. Catherine can work with you. I'll update her about our case."
"Sara, if she doesn't want to go, if she doesn't feel ready, she is able to speak up for herself."
"She would never say in front of everyone, I thought you knew her better than that?"
"Sara, what's gotten into you? Since when do you care so much about Catherine?"
"Look, just because we haven't always been the best of friends that doesn't mean I want her to get hurt. She's the second best CSI in the lab and we shouldn't be risking her by putting her out into the field yet." And I can't risk the woman I love, I add mentally.
"You're the second best!" Grissom states missing my point entirely.
"Right, ok I'll pretend I believe you," I sigh, "but that doesn't negate what I've said."
"I'm not trying to negate what you've said Sara…"
"But you'll pretend I didn't say anything," I'm getting tired of this. "I honestly thought you'd become more human Grissom, but I guess I was wrong." And don't think I've forgotten or forgiven you for the way you handled the revelation of Catherine's sexuality!
I storm out of his office. How can he be so insensitive, so indifferent? She is a human being for God's sake! And his best friend, can you believe it? I'm angry and worryingly not only at Grissom. I'm angry with me for thinking I could ever be emotionally involved with a person like him.
I careen into the locker room, march straight up to my locker and punch it, hard. Not the brightest of ideas because now my hand hurts but I needed to release some anger somehow. I sense someone in the doorway and don't even need to turn around to know who it is.
"I heard a bang in here. Is everything ok?"
"Um… everything's fine." I step back cradling my hand. That actually hurt more than I'd expected.
"Why did you do this?" Catherine says, forcefully grabbing my hand to take a closer look.
"I fell out with my locker." I try. Unfortunately Catherine doesn't go for my bizarre humor right now. "I kinda had an argument with Grissom."
"A serious one if this is anything to go by," Catherine points to my hand. "Come here!" On autopilot I follow her command as she turns on the tap and pushes my knuckles under the water. I jerk away because of the cold and the stinging sensation of my bruised skin. "Don't be such a baby," she whispers with a knowing smirk.
"You know, if it wasn't for that sexy smirk I would be arguing with you right about now."
"I think you've done enough arguing for one day. Care to tell me what made you want to damage your beautiful hand?"
"No, not really." Catherine just eyes me warningly and I sigh. "I went to try and put some sense in his head but I failed." I have to move away from her because I know she's not going to like what I say next. I take a seat on the bench and examine my bruised knuckles. She's folded her arms and is stood opposite me waiting for me to spit it out. "I told him he shouldn't be sending you out into the field yet." Wincing at how that sounds I look up at her.
"Excuse me?" she asks, her face showing confusion and her tone laced with anger. I expected that much.
"What happened to you was no small thing and no matter how good a CSI you are – and Catherine, you are the best – it is too soon to go to a crime scene, alone, pretending like nothing has happened."
"Do you think I don't know the seriousness of the situation?" she shouts back at me. I watch her try to calm herself before she continues. "It won't change anything whether I go now, in three days or in three weeks. I'll still be on edge and concerned but there's nothing you can do about that."
"I can go with you. I can protect you if anything happens."
"You were the one who said we needed to be able to work without our feelings getting in the way, Sara."
"I know but this is different Cat. If the boys had the courage to face Grissom and tell him a few home truths they'd have done exactly the same."
"Maybe, but they didn't. Sara, I have to do this and you have to let me without bawling Grissom out and beating up your locker."
"I just…" suddenly I'm ashamed of my overwhelming need to protect her. "You're really important to me Catherine."
"Hey," I can't look her in the eye but she pulls me off the bench and towards her. "I said, hey!" My shame-filled eyes finally meet hers. "I have to be able to do my job Sara. Think about how you'd feel if this was the other way around. I know I'd want to protect you too but we're both adults here and we both have a job to do." She pulls me into a fierce hug. "I will call you when I get to the scene and before I leave so you know I'm ok… ok?"
I nod at her, relieved she is prepared to let me care. "I don't have much of a choice, do I?" I whisper with a smile.
"Thank you for caring this much," she says kissing my hand tenderly before leaving. I stand in the empty room trying to get my head round my behavior and how Catherine took it all in her stride. I guess I have to work on my worries and soon.
tbc