A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter here!
Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!
I hope you all enjoy!
The ending credits played for How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and James remained cuddled against me.
We'd already watched the old classic Christmas movies and the Grinch was the last one.
Dinner had been sweet potatoes and steak, and James had baked sugar cookies for dessert, which were now only crumbs on the plates on the table in front of us.
It was nearing ten p.m. and my eyes couldn't stop focusing on the clock above the fireplace. So many times, I'd had to fight the urge to smash the damn thing, but Nick had said it'd ruin my chance at ever going back to my old life if I did.
Pressing my lips into James' hair, I held him tighter, enjoying the moment as long as possible.
He turned his face and placed it against my neck before gently kissing my throat.
"I have an idea." He murmured, his breath tickling the side of my neck. He lifted his head and gave me a shy smile. "You'll probably think it's dumb, but I love to read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas on Christmas Eve. It's a tradition I started a few years ago."
Heaviness settled on my chest as memories of our past Christmas' flashed through my head.
The last Christmas Eve, I'd put on a Santa hat and had held the book in front of me, reading it aloud in a dramatic narrator voice, even acting out the expressions and actions throughout the story. James had laughed so hard, he'd snorted and spilled some of his drink on the rug.
"I don't think that's dumb." I said before kissing the top of his head and getting off the couch. He turned and watched as I walked to the kitchen, grabbed two glasses and the bottle of wine from the refrigerator, and returned. "Thought we could use some."
"You read my mind." He responded, taking one of the glasses.
I poured the wine before sitting back down. "I don't have the book, so I'm just gonna pull it up on my phone and read."
James grinned and leaned back on the couch, taking a drink.
After taking a sip, I set my glass on the coffee table and scrolled through my phone. Finding the story, I cleared my throat and winked at him.
His smile widened, and he snuggled more into the couch, waiting for me to start.
And then I re-enacted the last time I'd read it, deepening my voice and becoming overly dramatic with my movements.
By the time I'd finished, James had set his wine down because he was laughing too hard. His face was a darker shade from all the giggling and his hazel eyes glistened.
That's how I loved him most-when he was happy.
He stopped smiling when he looked at me, and his eyes searched my face. Worry creased his brow. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I said, stepping closer. "You're just beautiful."
I bent and kissed him then, wrapping my arms around his midsection and pulling him up. His mouth moved against mine in an unhurried way, as if he were savoring the taste of me like I was him. We grabbed at each other as our tongues danced, and we wound up in my bedroom.
I laid him on the bed, and he grazed his teeth over his bottom lip as he stared at me.
Neither of us said anything. Our expressions said enough.
I lay on top of him and kissed him deeper, trying to convey my feelings for him in the way my lips moved with his.
James arched his back and tilted his head back on the mattress, exposing his throat. Taking the hint, I kissed the side of his neck until I found his weak spot. His breathing quickened as his arms came around my back, holding me tighter.
"Mm, right there." He groaned.
Soon, on top of the clothes stuff wasn't enough. His dick pressed into my abdomen, and mine was so hard it hurt. He nipped at my throat in a sexually playful way, and I looked down at him, smiling.
"Is someone a little eager?"
"I need you, Kendall." He said in a seductive, breathy tone.
Claiming his mouth again, I slipped my fingers beneath the waistband of his pants and slid them down. When his cock bounced free, I palmed him, feeling my own arousal grow upon hearing every one of his whimpers.
It wasn't just the physical need driving me, though. It was him. All of him.
Everything about him mesmerized me. His warmth, his taste, and the soft moans escaping his lips. But more importantly, it was his heart that truly captivated me. His kindness was displayed in everything he did.
Tonight, I wasn't going to fuck James.
I was going to make love to him.
After taking off his clothes, I took my time prepping him, sucking him as I played with his ass with lube coated fingers.
His hands tangled in my hair, and he thrust upward into my mouth, whimpering as he inched closer to ecstasy.
And damn, I wanted him to come, but not yet.
Easing up the pressure of my mouth, I worked my pants off and started stroking myself. James was already so close, and I knew it wouldn't take many thrusts to send him over the edge, an edge I wanted to topple over with him.
When I withdrew my fingers from him, he whined. "God, Kendall. Don't stop." But then he gave me a lopsided grin. "You're killing me here."
I grabbed a condom from the top drawer and tore the wrapper open with my teeth before rolling it on. Before I could reach for the lube, James handed it to me. I chuckled at his eager expression and the way he wiggled his hips.
After drizzling some on his ass, I did the same to my dick before placing myself at his entrance. Slowly pushing into him, I clenched my jaw. His tightness and heat caused me to shudder.
With a groan, he threw his head back and raised his hips. The action made me sink more into him, and we both moaned. Once his body no longer fought me, I was able to move a little faster. But I knew how he preferred it. Slow and tender.
We'd never had sex that way in this new reality, and I wondered if anyone had ever treated him with that much care before. Maybe he didn't know how incredible it could feel yet.
As he attempted to speed it up, I gripped his hips and held him still. A protest was on his lips, but before he could voice it, I thrust into him again, going even deeper.
He gasped and kept his mouth open in a small O.
It was insanely sexy, and I drove my hips forward again, rocking into his tight heat. With each thrust, soft moans left him.
I cupped his cheek with one hand as I continued driving myself into him, staring into his expressive eyes and feeling a part of heart shatter.
His fingers dug into my sides as I gave him shallow thrusts, followed by slower, deeper ones. I knew he was close by how his body began to tense, so I moved my hand from his cheek to his dick, stroking him in the same rhythm as my thrusts.
"Come for me, Jay." I said before quickening my pace just a little.
As he came apart beneath me, tears sprang to my eyes. My love for him nearly crippled me in that moment. And knowing I could lose him in just an hour caused the tears to actually fall.
He shouted his pleasure and trembled around me.
Leaning forward, I rested my forehead against his and continued driving into him, chasing my own high. He grabbed my ass and tugged me harder.
Warmth shot down my spine and into my groin, and I felt myself tense. Gliding in and out of his body, I couldn't hold back anymore, and I groaned as my orgasm slammed into me.
Pleasure like I'd never before experienced left me in waves, and I collapsed on top of James, trying to catch my breath.
He rubbed my back and rose up to place kisses along my jawline. It was intimate and earth-shattering.
"I love you, James." The words had slipped out before I could stop them, but once they were released, I was glad. When he stilled, I looked down into his confused face and gently took hold of his chin. "I do. I fucking love you, Jay."
In my head, I imagined how it would go. James would smile and confess his love for me, too, and then we'd be transported back to our old life. Everything would work out, and it'd be a Christmas miracle. I'd spend the rest of my existence loving him and showing him every single day that he was the most important part of my life.
However...that's not what happened.
"I have to go."
He slid out from under me and got off the bed. As he gathered his clothes, I stood and approached him.
"Why are you leaving?" I asked.
"Because this is too much, Kendall." He said, turning back to me. "There's no way you can love me. It's only been a few weeks."
He put on his boxers and pants before snatching his shirt from the floor and slipping it on over his head.
"You don't know that." I said as I tensed with worry. When he pinned me with a stare, I closed the distance between us and took his face in my hands. "You are everything I've always wanted, James. You're kind, funny, and so incredibly sexy. Time doesn't matter."
He stepped back, shaking his head. "You're mocking me. I told you that I fall in love too fast, and now you're pulling this after the best sex of my life."
"It was the best of mine, too." I reached for him again, but he moved out of the way. "Dammit, where are you going to go? It's snowing outside."
"I'm going back to my shop. I'll be fine." After putting a sweater on over his shirt, he turned to leave the bedroom. "Goodnight."
I chased after him.
"Don't! Please." I searched for the right words to say to make him change his mind. We were in the living room now, beside the fireplace where the damn clock ticked and reminded me of what I was about to lose. "Love is supposed to be scary, Jay. That's why they call it falling in love. But although it's scary, it's exciting."
"This isn't love, Kendall." He said in a flat tone. "It's just sex."
"That's not true." I denied. "It was never just sex between us, and you know it. I know you do."
"It doesn't matter how I feel." His eyes welled with tears. "In the end, you'll just hurt me like every other guy has. I love but never get it back, and I'm tired of getting my heart broken by guys like you."
"Guys like me?"
He scoffed as he crossed his arms. "Guys who are way too attractive for me, crazy successful, and who can get anyone they want. You're all the same. Don't think I didn't see your drawer of goodies in your room, Kendall. All the sex toys, condoms, and lube. You're a player." He wiped at his eyes before averting his gaze. "It's been fun, but I can't do this anymore."
When he turned to start walking out the door, I ran after him and grabbed one of his arms, turning him around to face me.
"James, please. I'm not lying to you. You're all I want in this world." My voice shook as I spoke, and it felt like my heart was only being held together by a single thread. Desperation rang from every inch of me. "I know guys have hurt you in the past and shattered your ability to trust, but I'm not them. I love you."
His gaze held mine, and behind the doubt, I saw a flicker of hope.
But then it faded.
"I really wish I could believe you." He said, and his voice cracked on the last word. "I've never felt as happy as I am with you. You've made me laugh and feel things I never thought I'd feel. But I need more time, Kendall. This is way too fast. I just got out of a relationship, and I still haven't recovered from that wound. The last thing I need is to jump into another relationship so soon."
The clock his eleven thirty. Only twenty-five minutes left.
"Is there anything I can do to get you to stay with me?" I asked, cupping his face. Tears fell down my cheeks as I stared into his hazel eyes. "Please don't leave me."
I can't lose you. You're my heart.
"The best thing you can do right now is let me go." He said softly, stepping out of my hold. "My head is in a weird place. I'm sorry. I'll call you tomorrow, and maybe we can figure this out. But for right now… I just need to be alone and think."
He left, and I couldn't stop him.
I stood in the middle of the room, staring at where he'd once been. A sob left me, and I fell to my knees, burying my face in my hands.
Don't leave me, Jay.
XxX
Comparing my situation to dying was outlandish and a bit ridiculous, but it's what it felt like. In just a short amount of time, I would forget everything that I was and become someone else. Someone who used guys and cared too much about materialistic shit. I had a promotion at work waiting for me after the Christmas break, and I didn't even care.
I'd give it all up for James. The career, the fancy apartment, the luxurious car, and all the expensive watches, suits, and shoes. I didn't want any of it if it meant losing James.
After picking myself up from the floor, I had thrown on a pair of sweats, a long-sleeved shirt, and a jacket before going outside on my balcony.
Snow fell in large flakes, dancing in the sky before it reached the ground below.
The image of James with his arms outstretched, looking up at the night sky as snow fell around him flashed in my head, and I held onto the railing, needing the support.
"It's perfect." He said, closing his eyes. "It's snowing."
Some flakes fell into his hair and the ones that landed on his rosy cheeks melted right away.
He had looked so beautiful that night, dancing in the snow. If only I would've known then what I knew now. I would've treasured it more. Cherished every moment with him.
Tears streamed down my face and I looked at the giant clock on the church straight ahead, one counting down the time until Christmas.
Ten minutes until my deadline.
Every snowflake is unique, you know." James said, holding his hand out to catch one. "Beautiful, yet fragile. They say if you catch one in the palm of your hand, and can make a wish before it melts, that wish will come true."
My heart was breaking, and it was difficult to breathe. All of my memories of him would be gone in only a matter of minutes.
If he called me tomorrow, wanting to work things out between us, I wouldn't feel the same as I did now.
What if I didn't want him anymore? He'd believe he was right about me being like all the others, and I'd just be another name added to the list of guys who'd hurt him.
The sadness in his eyes before he'd left haunted me.
Neither of us was better off in this life. I might have an amazing job, but I didn't have him. I didn't have love. And he had trust issues, something he'd never had in our original life. How could I have known that one stupid wish would alter so much?
A wish.
I focused on the snow, and James' words echoed back to me. He'd made up the myth about snow granting wishes, but what could it hurt?
"I wish I'd never made the first wish." I said as I caught a snowflake on my finger.
It melted right as it landed.
After speaking, I looked around with a hopeful expression, waiting to be pulled out of this reality and go back home.
It didn't happen.
"I wish I was back in my old life." I said a little louder, tilting my head to stare above me. Snow fell on my face, melting just as it touched my skin. When nothing happened, more tears sprang my eyes. "I wish I was home with James."
Leaning on the railing, I lowered my head and cried.
"I want my old life back! My old, shitty car that breaks down sometimes, mine and Jay's house that creaks and might not be that big, but it's ours. But most of all, I just want my James back. To fall asleep beside him every night and wake up to him every morning."
Glancing up, I saw the town come alive around me.
Even though it was late, lights reflected through the windows in the building in front of me. Probably kids staying awake as long as possible to try and get a peek at Santa. Christmas lights twinkled from the park, where even at my distance, I could still see the large decorated tree and the bright, blinking star on top.
Another look at the clock on the church, and I saw it was eleven fifty. Only five minutes before my world changed forever.
Taking my phone from my pocket, I scrolled through my contacts until I found James. A gut feeling told me he wouldn't answer, but I called anyway.
After a handful of rings, it went to his voicemail.
"Hey, Jay." I said after the beep. "We left things really weird between us tonight. I know you need some time to think, and I understand that. And I know this might sound weird, but when you talk to me again, I might not be the Kendall you remember." My throat tightened and a small whine escaped my lips. "I love you so much, baby. Never forget that. Please be patient with me if you ever see me again. Please don't give up on me. Fuck, Jay… I love you more than anything."
Before I broke down, I hung up and put the phone in my jacket pocket.
The snow fell faster, adding to the layers already sticking to the grass and atop the buildings. I exhaled, watching my breath fan out in front of me.
That's when a large snowflake landed on my arm.
I smiled as more tears fell from my eyes. James would love it. I could see how his face would light up when he saw it, and that bashful grin would curve his mouth. He'd probably say something about it being magical.
"I just wish James was happy." I whispered, staring at the snowflake. I might have to be miserable in this life, but I needed him to find happiness. Somehow. "That's all I want. He deserves the world and more. And if I can't give it to him, I want him to find someone who can."
The clock hit five 'til midnight, and I closed my eyes, feeling the tears running down my cheeks turn cold as the winter air hit them.
"I love you, Jay." I whispered. "Always."
Done! So...yeah, not much to say here. :P
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!
Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will be the final one, so you'll get to see the aftermath of everything. That will most likely be up tomorrow.
Until then!
-Epically Obsessed